Like Normal Super Mario Ideas but Terrible

AUs, Headcanons, Fanon: as long as it's Mario and it's terrible and/or cursed, it's fair game. Inspired by terrible-akuma-ideas and terrible-miraculous-ladybug-aus. I have very low personal investment in the success or failure of this.

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Rules

Don't submit NSFW/Fetish stuff. I'm not really expecting to receive any, but I know on the internet you have to expect it even when you reasonably don't.

Don't just use the askbox/submissions as a way to bash something you dislike, whether that's a game, character, or even just a mechanic. My hope for this blog is that it will make people laugh, and posting a submission like "Terrible Super Mario Idea: Baby Rosalina" would just feel both overplayed and unfun.

If I slip up and reblog or post something completely unrelated to Mario, I want you to tell me instead of just liking or reblogging it.

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mario grows slightly taller with each new game and it is never explained. when asked about it, miyamoto simply laughs

Seems normal to me.

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new super mario bro's gambling addiction

This is actually the primary story arc in the Mario series, beginning all the way with the slot machines in Super Mario Bros 3, and continuing in Super Mario 64 DS's Picture Poker minigame. Once it becomes enough of a problem that kids want to imitate Mario and Luigi's gambling addictions, the entire franchise will be unceremoniously retired.

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NintenDUMB moment: they made a racetrack called Peach Gardens and the gardens aren't growing a single peach! I fixed it. You're welcome.

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Mega Tower Paper Power Macho Pokey, the final boss in Paper Mario: The Origami Sticker King Star

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Rare photograph of General Guy and his evil twin brother.

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The Axem Rangers host the next Chili Con Carnival

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Every time you finish a level, a member of the Smithy Gang jumpscares you.

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There has never been such a person as Princess Peach. It's actually been Kamek the whole time.

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Super Mario RPG, but all members of the Smithy Gang are cosplaying as dog tier Jade Harley.

Not gonna lie, I don't think I know enough about Homestuck or Super Mario RPG to do this joke justice, and also when I was trying the first time my computer just shut down.

So congrats on the probably-actually-cursed ask, here's Smithy in a wig with dog ears. I think I got the gist.

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Toads reproduce like actual mushrooms. They release spores next to a tree and a mushroom grows as the toads infantile state

Mario witnesses the miracle of childbirth.

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Geno has taken over Homestuck.

There's a little puppet and it's his birthday or something.

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"Every ? Block in the series is a transformed Toad" is a common misconception about the Mario franchise. In actuality, every ? Block is really a disguised Costume Mario, from Super Mario Maker.

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New Mario & Luigi time travel game where you have to keep up with older Mario and Luigi's Mushroom Pills.

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In order to defeat Castle Bowser for good, Mario had himself transformed into a spaceship. They are now trapped in an eternal battle, neither able to ever stop fighting without losing. The threat that Castle Bowser posed has been neutralized.

But at what cost...?

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Princess Peach's Castle has fallen to the Sworm Swarm.

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Bowser's form after using the Drill Mushroom