No Need
FREE WRITE AT DAWN IMAGINE A TWITTER PAGE KEPT BY GOD THERE IS NO NEEED
God is without the kind of communication
that requires it. God’s voice is automatic and omnipresent it is rich truth below the other waves of sound. my gratitude is true. My aim is true and my high power is leading me where I am meant to go. I have known the difficulty of stringing words together.
How screenshots tell stories
How I search for TRAUMA
seek to define PORTENT
How the Lord is my light and my help, so whom shall I fear? How I get up and say “I’m ready”
I find proof and reminders of gratitude. I find encouragement humble and stoned. I find typos in wedding vows. Is this interesting content? Yes, Tess yes yes it is very interesting.
You are so beautiful.
HE WANTS ME TO SAY IT remember the sun inside of me in Danville
I will have that sun again flowing up my vagina, that orgasm. The cellulite kissing dawn I saw the sun rise once and I lived to tell the tale At the tail end is this exquisite dropping in,
how cool
the internet, how lucky, the living!
How blessed is my maker whom Phaedra prays for, too. The extent of my freedom is the extent to which I am willing to be not understood
Not understood when I am not legible what happens?
This wrenching this wretched second-guessing and third helpings; I have
belabored the metaphors of grief buffets
pretty sure I coined the term
grief buffet
is it a term of art?
a new business franchise?
People are ready for that kind of honesty, honestly, they are, even if they do not know it intellectually yet…. it’s all Grace, but especially the unbecoming
Am I doing this right? Yes. Less less less less more more more more more gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme some of that green sugar stuff it in there mmm mmmm ooohhh ohhhh deeper harder faster slower oh yeah just like that that’s right deeper this orgasm will save humanity this orgasm will right all of the wrongs mmmmm uhhhuh that’s the spot the redemption of all human kind right there, yup yeah yum yes that
In truth, the disgust is close to the surface. I am proud of who I am. Voice quaking like Tracy Chapman’s in the live recording of DONT GIVE UP with weird old Peter Gabriel
voice shaking
I think my friends are people. It scares me. I know my friends are human, it terrifies me.
Who are they? I have no idea! Humans as they are, they are foreign all the way. More alien than Foreigner mixed up in my psyche like the Greeks at the crux of breaking all of this up, are we? Once and for all
a free write to end all grief?
no thank you!
I know about waves and wires and tunnels and pummeling pummeling pummeling until I’m clenched in the womb. It doesn’t rhyme, but it’s my pain, it’s my loss, my potential my light to shine BE KIND REWIND in my opinion not such a good film
when I realized ariana was following franky o the path of less resistance all-capsing the names of poems instead of italicizing
interrupting my flow state to call my sibling my unconscious mind wants their approval so bad wants simultaneously to dishonor their identity shout from the rooftops this isn’t about you sis this ain’t about you cuz it’s about me it’s about meeeee meeeee meeeee meeeeeeeee the way i am deep down convinced some nonbinary people are just flexing egos controversy the give and take of corn flakes replete i am afraid of that content i might delete THAT content
for sure deep sea fishing with sharks i’ve never been how imagination is procrastination a rose by any other name etc
My soul is thirsting for the living God; when shall I see him face to face?
a need greater than water a truth deeper than phishing a spam harder than rock He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
i’m afraid of hurt feelings hurting feelings causing pain no you’re not, Tess, you have torn up too much to open Photo Booth now. don’t you dare do it. God
grant me the serenity
Once I tell God I won’t do something, I usually don’t do it. exit clause escape routes
pretty sure I didn’t coin the phrase escape valve and that it is a term of art, like the
wind carrier in tommy boy
i mean the
mail shoot
in tommy boy
the wind that blows his boat in the last scene
or is it the
pen
ultimate
scene
wherein tommy is on the water (shit i am gonna cry ) talking to his dad “I could use a little help”
son of a
that’s gonna leave a mark
i want to leave
a mark we all do
so badly so needily our fingers
pressed in every ink stamp the well has run so dry and then
though, all of these people i want to be are menstruating while i am not how hungry i am for my own blood the manifestation of shakti who drinks from her own blood stream
opens her whole head up
this free write will not ‘save’ the world
this free write may even induce carpal tunnel
but i won’t be alone for it
SIC SIC SIC SIC SIC SIC SIC
we’re all so sick
so sick and so sick of the latest and worst and sick of being sick and tired
la la la
it’s funny, not haha but haha
okay
sure
the way my mind chases its tail around i find myself sitting where i’ve been
cozying up to a mug from SEA WORLD
i have never been
the name elizabeth printed on it
I believe in the Resurrection. i can’t explain it to you and I don’t want to. I believe in the visitation of the angel Gabriel to Mary and I want so badly to be understood by one poet in particular. these minds these minds these minds to whom I want to prostrate myself
SEE ME SEE ME PLEASE
It is enough, it is finished, I see you, Tessa I see you i see you baby i see you i see you you’re brilliant you are making so much sense you are making so much sense you don’t have to worry about publishing truths or falsehoods because that isn’t what you’re talking about here i relieve you this noose | lifted |
this is not about political correctness an invention you hate and this is not about bigotry either because we both know you are not a bigot in any direction by any stretch
stretch
stretch
stretch mark of the imagination
cellulite dream we could be heros just for one day
the need to justify when i said ego flex i meant
how precious our personhood is. when i am high and think only of how, deep down,
my pronouns are
she her he him his
how language is nothing but everything bang bang saxophone solo how your mind reading this does a different thing altogether how i bought a blanket 100% acrylic made in Ecuador how what other people think of me
nun of my business
none of my business that’s why I can’t let the right hand know what the left is doing. When I catch on is when the tail snakes back around
how i
felt like
Jessica was passing the torch of menses to me
how much shedding how much shedding
the baby voice,
sweet blessed infantilization of my poor old soul !!!!
{i mean it, Tess, you are flawed if you’re not free. oops that sunk in wrong i don’t blame you, jenny lewis
cat power I DONT BLAME YOU my ex’s penis is still the sweetest penis that ever played inside my vagina} alone together a hashtag to build a dream on give me a hashtag to build a dream on i miss you God
not for sentimental reasons
but because being ripped from you is too easy to mistake for the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God
in other words, tracing my entrance back to your absence is not the work of my life is not the meat of being but it is easy to make the mistake of seeing the hole as the center when at the center is the Life itself
come on rude boy boy boy is you big enough
come on rude boy boy boy is you big enough
just now already I nearly broke the no Photo Booth promise funny how quickly that happens EH
EH?
canadian bacon is a john candy film i have never seen my adverbs of choice
holy
go
lightly
mmmmmm sweet sweet boredom the fear of ending is about the fear of dying? no, that’s not quite it. about the fear of being alone? yes! that’s it, that’s it. traces back to the fundamental fallacy of Godlessness
of being separate it’s the whole platonic two halves bit
to have and to hold, till death do us part that’s the
traaaa la la laaa laaaaaa
how can i trust myself without hyperlinks?
don’t let me be understood, God. just for today, grant me the serenity. Don’t let this be understood. Yes, I’m your angel. Yes, the reader does not need to know you’re thinking of a yoko ono song, that you’re worried about not attributing due credit to rihanna, that you have not looked at kim kardashian’s instagram since the
“pandemic”
“began” but that she showed up in your dream last night and that your sibling ‘got into’ with her, lightly, casually, cooly, wearing denim — my sibling was leaning in close to kim kardashian
AND SHE WAS
the tail of my mind is snaking back to ordinary complaints like
WHERE THE HECK ARE MY MISSING ALBUMS
1999
and
LITTLE CREATURES
they’re my favorite and they’re gone gone gone
how much of a new revelation
Janet Jackson’s song any time any place is to me
How inconsistency is at the heart of
not giving too many hoots
in certain contexts how meaning is relative how language is everything
nothing
how Jesus spoke in parables and contradictions how I never liked puzzles literal ones but how I walk around like I alone am meant to be solving the deepest puzzle of all
Reconciling myself back to the Source, i mean, to God Godself how a proliferation of healers come out of the woodwork into the email inbox offering discounts during this crisis and
who
am
I to judge?
There is one thing I ask of the Lord,
for this I long,
to live in the house of the Lord,
all the days of my life.
am i his temple? yes, no, maybe so, dawning on me is dish soap sweet like the night inside
like the beginning of doing nothing
remaining alive. remaining human.
DONT JUST DO SOMETHING
SIT THERE
friends, i am still overwhelmed by your humanity. i find it so threatening, i can’t even begin to tell you. i don’t mean your mortality, moreso the fact that you’re just as deep
just as pulsing
just as curious just as in possession of some heart (human or not; shoutout to my girl elena with a porcine pulmonary valve) as i am
what that amounts is not fear of being not unique but rather that the belonging we are called to is such a tall order such a tall order such a tall order drive through window on foot people like memes
the readers in 3408 are like,
what’s a meme?
who can say if they will ‘google’ it?
I doubt the empire will rage that long …. the Empires on adderal the Empire fucking all millennia long on HARDON shoot i am
not even trying
to be funny i can’t think of the name of that erection drug
i swear all that keeps coming up is PROZAC
leave it in the comments below, what’s that ED drug? all my life