Offerings to the God of Speed

I fought the war I fought the war I fought the war but the war won't stop for the love of God I fought the war I fought the war but the war won A TF2 RP blog for Tess MacNamara Fletcher, RED Scout currently stationed at Barnblitz

[atomicpunch]

Considah this my official complaint, then.

*He shifts his weight, uncomfortable.*

Yeah well. She ain’t that bad. I don’t think so, anyway… why, what’d she do to ya now?

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*Tess props her hands on her hips.*

You ain’t nevah gotten to really experience it, and you nevah will.

*But she quickly drops her cocky attitude for one of huffy annoyance.*

Uhg. Only like, everything! Sharin’ a room with her is th’ fuckin’ worst you got no idea!

[atomicpunch]

Yeah, I guess if ya like wood planks.

*He tilts his head at her slightly and frowns then, momentarily confused.*

Who- ya mean Max? She’s not- she ain’t my girlfriend, yanno.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

I ain’t never had nobody complain.

*She sticks her tongue out at him.*

She ain’t? I can’t keep track, man. She’s still a bitch, though.

[atomicpunch]

Well yeah. Could probably bounce just about anythin’ off this thing.

*He pats his ass fondly.*

More than I can say ‘bout yours. Ya even got an ass back there?

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

Ha ha ha fuck you. My ass is great.

*She huffs and wrinkles her nose at him.*

...your girlfriend’s a bitch, by th’ way.

[atomicpunch]

*Shoots a rubber band at his ass.*

*It bounces off that bodacious booty.*

Ow! What the hell?

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*She snickers and grins, apparently quite delighted at his reaction.*

Just like I thought!

[atomicpunch]

*Frowning, he snatches the rubber band off the floor and snaps it back at her.*

The hell do ya mean, ‘just like I thought’?

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*Tess laughs and dodges the rubber band.*

It bounced! Cuz your ass is like. So round n’ shit.

[atomicpunch]

*Shoots a rubber band at his ass.*

*It bounces off that bodacious booty.*

Ow! What the hell?

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*She snickers and grins, apparently quite delighted at his reaction.*

Just like I thought!

[askthescout]

I don’t… think so?

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

>:T

>:|

What're you lookin' at.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

HEY. SMARTIE TITS.

Th’ fuck you want, dicknose?!

[offtovisityourmother-blog]

*throws another can at and misses on purpose*

I’M BORED. ENTERTAIN ME, GODDAMNIT.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*Makes a face at him.*

Fuck you, I ain’t your entertainment! Go find some butthole ta stick your dick in I don’t give a shit.

[offtovisityourmother-blog]

…. *Throws another can at.*

Well, in that case I am going to go steal a fucking car, and I’m going to head out to fucking Vegas and see what I find there. Maybe a goddamn casino, or…yeah, a butthole to stick my dick in sounds like a great idea. Maybe even three buttholes and their mother too!

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

Good!

*Kicks the can back at him.*

I hope ya get arrested! An' ya get crabs! An' VD!

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

HEY. SMARTIE TITS.

Th’ fuck you want, dicknose?!

[offtovisityourmother-blog]

*throws another can at and misses on purpose*

I’M BORED. ENTERTAIN ME, GODDAMNIT.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*Makes a face at him.*

Fuck you, I ain't your entertainment! Go find some butthole ta stick your dick in I don't give a shit.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

HEY. SMARTIE TITS.

Th' fuck you want, dicknose?!

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

*Throws an empty beer can at her general direction*

What th-

[atomicpunch]

art ;3c

[sunny-burn]

Communication (a Tess/Calvin AU drabble)

I did a thing at work today and I blame Quincy and Ariel completely.

Read More

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

this belongs here too

[pl-upward-blog]

Attention Mercenaries: Autobalance

In the interest of fairness, Taylor Krumble, Selina Scott, and Abigail Brighton will be transferred from BLU to RED team, effective immediately. We do hope that this will help create a more even playing field for all of us.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

Good fuckin' riddance.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

unfrickintouchable replied to your post:Oh yeah sure, snow’s fun. I bet it’s real fuckin’…

Thanks for that thought, little miss sunshine.

I dunno if you noticed or nothin’, but you’re not th’ only one gettin’ shafted this week.

Jesus. Th’ only thing worse than cleanin’ up corpses in th’ snow is cleanin’ up corpses in th’ snow with you.

[biteybrat-deactivated20180118]

Poor baby. Well, you’re more than welcome to take my share a’ the corpses too, princess. I’d be happy to leave you to it.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

Noooo fuckin' way dicknose, you are not foistin' all th' work off on me! If I gotta suffah so do you!

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

unfrickintouchable replied to your post:Oh yeah sure, snow’s fun. I bet it’s real fuckin’...

Thanks for that thought, little miss sunshine.

I dunno if you noticed or nothin', but you're not th' only one gettin' shafted this week.

Jesus. Th' only thing worse than cleanin' up corpses in th' snow is cleanin' up corpses in th' snow with you.

[tessie-the-onlyonlyonly]

Oh yeah sure, snow's fun. I bet it's real fuckin' fun when you're cleanin up fuckin' corpses in it.