[tomatoesnradiowire]

Am I just hunting for a corrective experience? Or am I just retreating into comforting patters, avoiding any form of praxis?

[slobbyrat]

Holy trinity:

Intox + Being fattened up against my will + Diet sabotage

[amph1tr1t3]

I've been feeling pulled back toward softer feedism lately.

"I baked this for you," feedism. "I saw they had your favorite," feedism. "Do you want seconds?" feedism. "Let's spend the night in, I'll order," feedism.

"You'll be more comfortable with those unbuttoned."

"The gym will still be there tomorow."

"Your body will always be the perfect size for me."

"I just want to know you're satisfied."

"I know a perfect form of cardio for you."

"Just one more bite, so I know you really enjoyed it."

"Yes, I'll help you up."

Gentle. Loving. Devious.

I just want to make someone dinner. And dessert. And bring them snacks while they work. Day after day. Increase their portions. Step up their meal schedule. Leave little, irresistible treats where they're bound to notice them. Surreptitiously size up their clothing so they don't have to confront their gain. Soothe their worries with kisses and distract them from their plans to lose weight (with everything that comes after kisses.)

[hunnytoastt]

I'm going to hold your hand when I say this- what someone does to their body is their choice, and this includes things that you deem "unhealthy." I understand when people are worried about gainers being "unhealthy" because it comes from a place of concern, but there are plenty of other fetishes that include body modification that aren't as openly frowned upon. People don't have to be healthy to be treated as human beings. Your "concern" is just sugar coated fatphobia.

[amph1tr1t3]

You know that feeling where you're excited (but trying not to be too excited) (but your stupid nervous system keeps firing warning shots) (because it's been wired to believe everything good falls apart) (and no one is safe) (but your stupid prefrontal cortex insists on optimism)?

[gothbabechloe]

[amph1tr1t3]

Just a note I have started doing what I promised myself and blocking anonymous sender IPs as needed, and so in the interest of fairness I'm also going to stop responding to the anonymous senders on the other side. It's been cathartic (and sometimes very entertaining) but it's also been a month.

It no longer aches in my chest when I wake up and remember that I used to think I loved someone (who turned out to never exist.) I'm going to stop prodding at wounds that have started healing.

So if I don't respond to your supportive ask, that's all it is. And if I don't respond to your hateful ask, you're probably now just screeching into the void (because it turns out you can keep sending them and I'll just never receive them on the other end.)

[amph1tr1t3]

Only joined his site to see you. His content sucks.

Hopefully his site is still down (or I'm gone from it) because the degree to which I do not want to have that fight again is unfathomable.

[lxvergirl-exe]

Let's skip first base and go straight to the ghost hunting and fucking in haunted castles.

[amph1tr1t3]

I’ve always attributed being bored to a lack of imagination. Guess that’s why homeboy’s content sucks butt

I don't necessarily have a clever response for this (I have some thoughts on lack of internal locus of control, but then that wanders into experiencing things like interest, motivation, love as feelings as opposed to choices, actions, and skills - so much carrying on) but I am endlessly amused by how much the night crew appears to hate me (and how soothing my morning anons are after the fact.)

[amph1tr1t3]

To the very sweet anon from this morning: I'm not posting it (because I'm tired of the scrutiny that comes with talking about this) but thank you!

I'm actually really ok, at this point. I'll probably always be sad about little parts of this chapter, but I'm pretty settled into my only-way-out-is-through era.

Tumblr only sees the high points in my emotions (the nature of blogging, I guess) so you get me when I'm suddenly sad, unexpectedly angry, or, in the before times (and again someday) when I'm flooded with love and hope and optimism. Most of the time I'm just like the last anon said: disgustingly boring.

Thank you for reaching out, and thank you for articulating it so kindly. 💕

[amph1tr1t3]

he did right. you are so disgustingly boring. happy he hurt you.

Saw you unblocked me, babe, but this is weird behavior.

[i-thiccarus]

There should be a feedist community space that (1) is FFA/women led, and (2) isn't controlled by grokio or tumblr

👀

[amph1tr1t3]

That awkward moment when your Hinge match perfrctly details the last (pleasant) date you had with your ex as a hopeful, "maybe this is the itinerary?"

The universe is suggesting I go do literally anything other than meet this poor man.

[mii127]

ITS AMA MONDAY!

Go on piggies, ask me anything you want - my inbox is wide open.

[thatfatgoth]

Not to be an evil feeder on main, but man, there is something about the phrase “the diet starts tomorrow” when uttered by a struggling fatty when you know damn well you will do everything you can to make sure that diet never happens 😏

[amph1tr1t3]

you blocked me on feabie 😔 I just wanted to send you pics of my big fat bod

I can't believe I still have old asks to answer (yes, I can, I am just now scrolling past the barely-readable threats and accusations I've been avoiding looking at) but let's get this one out of the way!

I block liberally on feabie. I block unsolicited picture-senders, I block people who request my private folder without ever speaking to me. I blocked the account that is probably my ex on the secret account he said he deleted when we got back together. I block people who don't take no for an answer. I block people who visit my profile over and over again and never speak. Feabie is a dumpster fire.

If you think you were unfairly blocked on feabie your best course of action is to send me a message here - not an anonymous ask, I don't know who you are from there. But...I will just block you again if you act like a creep, so request accordingly.