More and more, the tears are becoming a really serious threat. He can’t help it, he doesn’t – he doesn’t deserve all this, not this kind of attention, not Robb, who he could never be worthy of in a million years. He feels strangely guilty – he knows he’s not worthy of it, not any of it, but he can’t bring himself to give it up. Let Robb find someone that’s halfway decent, doesn’t fuck up as spectacularly as Theon always manages to.
I’ve put you in danger, he wants to tell him, unable to do anything but watch as Robb rains kisses across his knuckles. I might have put your whole family at risk. God, you’d hate me if only you knew what I’ve done.
Instead, he says nothing, just tightens his hold on Robb, sighing contently as the other man buries his face in Theon’s neck. He gazes over Robb’s shoulder, settling on the shelves on the other side of the room. Nothing’s changed since the last time they were in here, just after Eddie’s death – of course it wouldn’t have, no one comes in here except for Catelyn to ensure the room doesn’t gather too much dust – but the photos stand out to him, just as they always had. The two of them with their arms slung around one another the day they received their A-Levels results, Robb’s grin ridiculously wide whilst Theon regards him fondly at his side. The photo is surrounded by others, all of Robb’s family, and it had always made Theon ridiculously glad that Robb thought him important enough to hang his image by their side.
God, how could he have managed to endanger all this?
His gaze is promptly ripped away, and he pushes Robb away, just enough to look at him properly. There’s nothing but sincerity reflected back at him in those big blue eyes, and Christ, there really is a lump beginning to form in his throat.
Sometimes Theon thinks his love had consumed him utterly, but then he manages to fall harder ten times over.
Robb reclaims control of the situation, swiftly enough, rolling them over so that he’s lying on top.
Just as he’d told Theon, at only fourteen years of age, clutching his hand tightly in the darkness.
Theon wishes he could tell him the truth. That he shouldn’t be glad at all.
Instead, his treacherous hands slide up Robb’s back, following his spine, until they find his neck, one resting there whilst the other settles on his bicep.
“I love you,” is about all he can manage, and he really does have to swallow thickly now before he can continue. “So much. You have no idea, I can’t –“ His thumb grazes his pulse, wishing he could find the fucking words. “I – I’ll be here. Be yours. Now and always. Remember?”