dawkins, thalia. @thalivs - Tumblr Blog

NOAH.

❛ My mind is open! Very open! But not open to hearing my 𝐒𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 talk about the various holes of my SEX LIFE! FINE. FINE. Baby steps, you can … 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 about setting me up with someone, keeping your eyes peeled. But I’m a little offended you think I need someone, Thalia. Ernest Hemingway DID say that ‘there is no friend as loyal as a book.’ —- That includes girlfriends and boyfriends, you know. This could be setting me up for months and months of love before months and months of turmoil when the loyalty shatters. It’d be a better investment if you just bought the ice cream pints now for when you have to comfort me! This is like the time DEVON said she was going to be my prom date and then made out with Karl Murphy in front of me while Jack and Diane played at junior prom all over again. Except this time, she won’t get mono, and I won’t forget my suit jacket and have to pay for the rental! ❜

‘ this is sad. very, very, very sad. two things. one; i AM setting you up, so good luck changing my mind, and two; i’ll go get you ice cream pints right now, and some light reading. you know, the kind with pictures in it? moving pictures? i mean a porno. you really need to lay off some steam, dude. also SCREW devon. never liked that bitch. should’ve let me kick her ass when i had the chance. ’

#hes not #thats why he gotta do what his sis is recommending #also its not like she can fite anyone she'd prob die first #int ; noah.

NOAH.

❛ FORTIES? I’m … — I might be a grown man, but I’m not a father of FOUR? The average man is two-point-three years older than a woman in a heterosexual relationship! With two men, it can get a little higher, but my point is that you’re setting me up to be … ancient! In the grand scheme of things, forties isn’t that old, but …. — in comparison to me, that’s more than TEN years! Twenties or thirties would be my ‘ age range ’ if I was interested in you finding me someone — it’s humiliating to have your sister as a wingman, you know. ❜

‘ don’t be such a crybaby, n! i am the BEST WINGMAN to have, and i’ll prove it to you. this whole explanation, however, makes me wonder if you’re looking a LONG TERM kind of thing. sure, ten years might be just a bit much for some people, but if you just wanna let the little guy there have some fun, then you gotta open your MIND. holes are holes. and sometimes, holes that haven’t been touched in a while, can be more satisfying than others. or---- just think of it as baby steps! before you really put yourself out there. ’

#binch immabouttatake anap!#int ; noah.

NOAH.

❛ It’s not a desperate call! Desperate calls are generally more pathetic than not wanting a date. Like, if I were like: please, Thalia, I’m going to die if I do not get a significant other soon! I’ll kill myself like in Romeo & Juliet, except without a Juliet! —- My life isn’t Shakespearean! I’m just a normal guy who does not need to have any sort of romance sweeping me away. I can be a strong and independent woman without being a woman! In fact, if us Dawkins weren’t raised to be strong and independent, I would set YOU up on a date! ❜

‘ god----- dude, you so need a date---- ASAP. or to just get laid. so, what’s your age range? early twenties---- early forties? ass or tits? brunette, right? ’

#noah epalse #accept ur sis' help #int ; noah.

NOAH.

❝ ———– I don’t need a date. ❞

‘ ----- i’m taking that as a desperate call for a blind date. i’ll set you up. ’

#hes so weak #int ; noah.

BECKETT.

“ don’t insult my good looks ! maybe i’m not your type – which is weird, because i’m EVERYONE’S type – but you don’t have to hurt my f e e l i n g s. ”

‘ one would think that because you seem to believe you’re all that, your feelings wouldn’t get butt hurt over a good ol’ fashioned rejection, but------ here we are. you sure it’s not a cover-up for your deeply rooted self-worth issues? ’

#he gotta realKS #int ; bucket.

ASHER.

HEAT begins to spread under his collar. ❛ uhh… ❜ ass kisser? him? ❛ i mean — i’m not saying that i’m some kind of crazy bible thumper y’know like that movie 6 souls? and i’m not exactly SUPERSTITIOUS, but then you hear all these stories and like, when you’re sitting alone hearing weird noises and you think to yourself what if? ❜ what’s happened to him?? how is it he’s consistently managed to find himself saying exactly the WRONG thing each time? ❛ — you know it’s the dude who looks like he’s crawled out of a frat party who dies first in all those horror movies. i ain’t lying to myself about that. ❜

thalia considers it ---- having fun at this clueless, sort of helpless man’s expense. it wouldn’t be a crime, so it’d hardly let GUILT pile up atop her chest and feel like she HAS to apologize for something as insignificant as a prank----- but then she decides otherwise. not so sure why, but she can live to regret it later. ‘ look, there’s been some freaky incidents most blame ghosts for, but nothing i’ve experienced myself, ’ whether that was a good or bad thing? she was never too sure. ‘ ---- but i'm sheffield born and raised, and i know BETTER than to pretend like this shit ain’t real, or just a coincidence. i’d just suggest keeping your eyes peeled and being respectful. catch one of ‘em on a bad day, and you’ll become a living lesson. best case scenario, your life becomes a low budget movie. ’

#int ; asher.

@miffyprick !

‘ is there a polite way to say ‘ shut the fuck up ’? sorry, i mean---- shut the HECK up? not talking ‘bout you, though. ’

#int ; arella #hewwo uwu

NOAH.

❝ Well, maybe you wouldn’t NEED a wink and a nudge – – if more people were like me, by the way, everything would be more complicated. Because everyone would see the good work ethic in their sisters and want to hire them, and the whole world would be run by nepotism even MORE than it already is! But, right. I’ll be hands off from now on! A cheerleader on the sidelines instead of the … quarterback! Or any other player. Or the coach! Though marching band is up for grabs … I hear that Barb’s is pretty desperate for workers, though. Not that they’d HAVE to be desperate to want you! You’re top notch! But … you know, it might be easier. An in! You know how to cut hair? If you don’t there’s probably, like, a book on the library on it. They’ve got book on everything, Sheffield is pretty well stocked. I went in for a book on the types of cannons used in various wars, and I walked out with one on cheesemaking, a romance novel, and a set of three robotics manuals! No canon book in sight. It’s a wild ride if you just let yourself lose and grab what sticks out — maybe the library would hire you if I brought up the books I donated. Connections get you to the top, you know. ❞

‘ noah, stop worrying. i got this. i’ve got a PLAN----- granted, it’s still a working process and still pretty much in my head ; QUARTER-ASSED plan, but---- i’ll make it happen. new year, new me, remember? focus on yourself, would ya? when’s the last time you had some fun? went on a date, maybe? ’

#less talk abt smth LESE #int ; noah.

BECKETT.

“ what, the sexy & annoying route doesn’t work for you ? ”

‘ NOPE. you got the latter down to a tee, no doubt. so, maybe help a girl out and move outta so i can find the sexy myself. ’

#NOTED.#int ; bucket.

COOK.

@thalivs !!

“ there’s something about his face that just bugs me. ”

‘ he does look the type to throw burritos out of his car. total waste. got any history with him? just a hunch? ’

#big mood #int ; cook.

LAUREN.

“ well shit, lady, all i have to say is when are your memoirs coming out? i’d read the FUCK outta that. ”

‘ oh, c’mon. i may be closer to my thirties, but “ lady ”? it’s like you want me to put your name in my memoirs’ dedication section. nothing but foul things await. ’

#int ; lauren.

NOAH.

❝ N-no! Of course not! I haven’t asked every place yet! I made a list, you see, of all the places I could call and ask, and I doubled them up just in case there was an opening the next time I called. And we’re only on day six, which means we have day SEVEN, and then all the doubles! I’ll find something, Thalia, I swear on my own grave! And the Bible, and the Torah, and the Quran. Did you know that people only really swear on the Bible for tradition? Not everyone that does it has to believe in it, but it’s just what’s done. Which is why I tried to be more inclusive. —- Like jobs should! I could always try in the next town over, if you want! I could even drive you, I’ve been saving up for my own car and I’m ALMOST there, or I could ask one of the higher ups if I could use the squad car before I’m on duty! ❞

SIX DAYS. it shouldn’t surprise her---- sheffield has witnessed her mishaps more than any other, and thalia supposes they are out of second chances ; feels that way at least---- like a kick in the gut. it’s bruising and bleeding and she knows how to lock it away from prying eyes. she nods, and a faint smile tugs at her lips ; arms fold over black shirt and head tilts. ‘ everyone should be a bit more like you, noah, ’ it’s a factual commentary that forces her to ditch any dithering note that may come out of her mouth. ‘ it’s all good, thank you for trying. i should take it from here, you know? can’t hide behind your skirt forever, and maybe i could persuade them with a little, you know, a wink & a nudge. ’

#LET HIM LIVE BTINCH #int ; noah.