Since my 35th birthday is coming up (tomorrow!), I thought I’d share 35 pearls of wisdom with you all. I really should have been a lifestyle guru!
Here they are, in no real order…
1. Buy a pair of socks but don’t wear them right away. Save them for when you’re having a bad morning and you need a little pick me up.
2. White fish–the kind you might put on bagels, and is in the same part of the grocery store as the lox–is great on a salad and is surprisingly filling.
3. Open a 401K and a high interest savings account as early as you can. Even if you put just $50 a year in each, it’s better than nothing.
4. When you go out to eat with someone and they go to the bathroom, don’t look at your phone while you’re waiting for them to return. Look around the restaurant. Same for when you’re in line somewhere. Look around. Get off your fucking phone and be here now.
5. Get your eyebrows professionally waxed at least once–that way you can follow the shape they’ve groomed for you. Grow them out beforehand and go see someone recommended to you (Alexis at Wax in LA is wonderful, and in Berkeley, I love Beth at Benefit.) If you can afford it, dyeing and waxing your eyebrows every 6-8 weeks is quick and makes all the difference.
6. Find an underwear you like and stick with it. Throw everything else out and only wear the kind you prefer. Life is hard enough without uncomfortable underwear.
7. When in doubt, buy an Italian red wine.
8. People always say that marriage is hard. Marriage is fun. It’s parenthood that takes all the fucking work.
9. Always add some sea salt and cracked black pepper to your salads.
10. When writing a novel or some longer narrative, get to page 100 of the first draft and then re-read and revise what you have so far. Then move forward.
11. Let’s all agree that Starbucks’ menu language is stupid and just say small, medium, or large when ordering.
12. White onesies are classic and look good on every baby. Buy them in bulk.
13. Tell your partner when they look cute. Thank them for the things they do for you.Â
14. Nursing is often hard and painful in the first few weeks but after you get the hang of it it’s easy and convenient and so sweet. Only you can give this to your baby. It’s special.
15. Once a baby falls asleep, put them down so they can learn to sleep on their own.
16. You don’t need the words “his shoulders” in the sentence “He shrugged his shoulders.” What else can you shrug but your shoulders?
17. My mom always had three pieces of wisdom for us kids: 1. Be nice. 2. If you’re bored, read a book. 3. If you’re hungry, eat a piece of cheese.
18. As soon as I’ve come to terms with one wrinkle on my face, a new one appears. It’s my goal to come to terms with all of them until I’m a really hot and wrinkled pioneer women. I wish every woman had this goal so that we could all age together and with pride, recognizing that it isn’t easy.
19. As my brother Asher said this weekend, The only time you should eat only egg whites is if you’re eating meringue.
20. This lube is the best lube on the market.
21. You won’t finish your book if you don’t make it a priority.
22. For me, I like to set a goal of writing 2 pages in one sitting, or putting in 2 or 3 hours (sans internet).
23. Honor your process. I like to work a little bit a few times a week, chipping away at a project. Others like to stay up all night writing in a mad dash. Whatever works for you. Pay attention to that.
24. You can train yourself to like foods–taste buds can be taught! I used to hate olives but I worked at a cheese store where I had to hand mix them, and the colors were so beautiful that I finally decided to taste one. Every time I mixed the olives in that big metal bowl, I’d try one. At first they were gross, but little by little, I began to like them. Now I love them. This was a profound lesson.
25. Picky eaters don’t get invited to as many dinner parties.
26. Don’t give a blow job just to make someone happy. Do it because you’re really into the idea of giving a blow job. It will be a much better blow job.
27. Why do people always say, “Dance like no one’s watching”? Dance like the whole room is watching–admiring your shakin’ booty and how much fun you’re having.
28. When people don’t remember you it’s not because they’re selfish or mean or because you’re forgettable. It’s because they’re meeting too many people and maybe are sleep deprived.
29. In a professional setting, make an effort to interact with the least powerful person. When I was a bookseller and/or a writer just starting out, I hated feeling like I was invisible.There are certain writers that made me feel that way.
30. Did you open that 401k yet?
31. Write thank you cards.
32. Recognize when you’re being crabby. Take a deep breath and say to your partner/child/coworker/cab driver, Sorry I’m being crabby.
33. If you think your friend looks beautiful as she tells you a story about some thing that happened, you should definitely interrupt her to impart this important information.
34. Life goes by so fast, except those hours before a child’s bed time, which are glacially slow. And yet, as they are happening, you know you will one day look back on that time with such longing.
35. Don’t trust me–I have no idea what I’m talking about!
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