a side blog for being horny and mentally unwell

21 || she/they/it || dni minors & russіans

[that-one-marionette]

This is my horny/mental struggles side blog. The two factors intersect more often than not

More info under the cut

Aromantic, grey-ace, pan, genderfluid

Diagnosed mixed personality disorder (borderline, narcissistic, avoidant traits) and social anxiety disorder

Traumagenic pluralflux system (non-disordered)

I rarely, if ever, would add trigger warnings unless specifically asked to

Kink stuff:

Switch, leaning submissive. All my knowledge is theoretical, though

Yes: dehumanisation/objectification, possessiveness, corruption, brainwashing, bondage/gags, power play, somno, hypno, intox, consent play in general

No: dd/lg, breeding/pregnancy, misogyny/patriarchy kink

Maybe: ageplay, free use, gangbang, stalking/kidnapping, humiliation

Please don't send me nudes or ask me for nudes

Tags:

# doll talks — original posts and reblogs where I have something of substance to add

# doll reblogs — reblogs without comments

# doll responds — askbox

# doll is upset — vent posts. Previous tag for these: # doll crashes out

# her🩷 — anything relating to my former closest friend and fp (he/she/it). Probably won't be updating anymore

[devoteddeer]

That sickly feeling when you realize you don’t know how to love. You only know how to be devoted like a dog which has been abused all its life yet licks the hand which beats it.

[that-one-marionette]

Tumblr scam bots pretending to be staff want me so badly😋😋😋😋😋

[that-one-marionette]

I don't think I love her anymore. Or at least not to the degree I used to. If she wanted to be friends again, I don't know if I'd want us to be as close

[that-one-marionette]

It's really ironic that she decided to put a stop to this friendship for my well-being precisely when I'm actually doing fine

[that-one-marionette]

CRISIS AVERTED SHE LIKES ME STILL

[that-one-marionette]

Undiagnosing. I'm totally fine😊👍🏻

[that-one-marionette]

CRISIS AVERTED SHE LIKES ME STILL

[that-one-marionette]

I miss her :(

[that-one-marionette]

This blog literally has two followers, both of whom are my mutuals (hi, mutuals👋🏻😊), but you know who knows about its existence? She🩷 does. She could check it any time and see all my posts about her. I am not sure if I want to know if she reads them. I post them here specifically because she doesn't follow this blog and doesn't really interact with it in any way that I know of. But there is a non-zero chance that she's going to check this blog any day. Sighhhhhhh. Hello, my angel

[that-one-marionette]

I think some part of me wants her to read all of this. I'm not writing it for her, but it's just... that feeling of wanting the other person to know exactly how you feel without having to tell them. Because this here is not something that I'd want to tell her. It's too close to guilt-tripping for me. Or to making a scene. Or to begging to be taken back. Or to all of the above at the same time. And I don't want to do that. So, I guess I'm leaving this here in case she does decide to read all of it. Hello again, my angel. Tread carefully, I'm on my bullshit once more

[that-one-marionette]

This blog literally has two followers, both of whom are my mutuals (hi, mutuals👋🏻😊), but you know who knows about its existence? She🩷 does. She could check it any time and see all my posts about her. I am not sure if I want to know if she reads them. I post them here specifically because she doesn't follow this blog and doesn't really interact with it in any way that I know of. But there is a non-zero chance that she's going to check this blog any day. Sighhhhhhh. Hello, my angel

[that-one-marionette]

"I want to start opening up to people" this, "I don't want to spend my life alone anymore" that, "I cried because I thought I would be alone forever" this. But she doesn't consider me a close friend anymore despite the fact that I was the first person she opened up to back when she was still afraid of doing so, and she herself said that I give her more than she could ever ask for, and I assured her that I will never ask more of her than she's willing to give. What the fuck else do you need. What do other people have that I don't

[that-one-marionette]

"I change as a person and naturally drift apart from people" then how would you know I haven't changed as well if you're apart from me??? How would you know we're still incompatible???

[that-one-marionette]

"I want to start opening up to people" this, "I don't want to spend my life alone anymore" that, "I cried because I thought I would be alone forever" this. But she doesn't consider me a close friend anymore despite the fact that I was the first person she opened up to back when she was still afraid of doing so, and she herself said that I give her more than she could ever ask for, and I assured her that I will never ask more of her than she's willing to give. What the fuck else do you need. What do other people have that I don't

[that-one-marionette]

Why would she distance itself from me if she wants to be loved so badly. I could give him all the love it wants and more

[that-one-marionette]

He's still my angel :(

I hope it still wants to be my angel :(

[that-one-marionette]

I don't know if I'd rather have this numbness or the heartbreak

[that-one-marionette]

The one person I've ever felt genuine love for doesn't consider me a close friend anymore.

[that-one-marionette]

You know how people say that if you actually love someone, you'd want them to be happy even if it's without you. That no matter how much you want to be with them, you'd let them go if they said it would make them happier. I never understood it until now. I thought it was about letting them leave because clinging to them when you're not wanted would hurt them and make them hate you and sour your relationship even further and ruin any chance of rebuilding what you used to have. I could never imagine that it's possible to love someone so much that you'd put them before yourself. I thought that, if you're willing to let them go, if you don't want to have them all for yourself forever, then you don't love them enough. Your feelings are superficial, you're just convincing yourself that you care because you've been taught that love is what makes you human

But I finally felt that love, and yes. I want to spend the rest of my life by her side, but I would leave without question if she wanted me to. I wouldn't drag it out, not out of fear of hatred or ruined chances, but because I want her happiness above all. No matter how much it would break my heart

[that-one-marionette]

The one person I've ever felt genuine love for doesn't consider me a close friend anymore.