Noah Kahan
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@that-perfect-stranger-blog
Ever since my girlfriend and I have gotten together, my friends have taken quite a liking to calling us 'The Bouquet'... our ship name, they say... Her name is Daisy, and my middle name, Rose. Thus, a 'bouquet'... Or so it seems, at least. They've even made things like this in there spare time, and sent it to us both, jokingly. Its grown on me, sadly... <3
Don't let me tumble away Into the throws of the shadowy bay I clung to the rock And it's crumbling off Toss me a heavy rope It's a slippery slope Come bail me out of this God forsaken precipice Come bail me out of this God forsaken precipice
I can not describe how many times this song has helped me.
Journal entry, Day 13
Friday, November 22nd
Sweetheart, I was so afraid to love again... because I know I'm only someone who only disappoints. For the longest time now, one of my biggest goals in life has been to actually make someone happy, for once, and never disappoint them. Despite my thinking it was impossible, I still hope, and wished, and set that goal. I knew it was something that'd keep me going. Keep me alive. I've always been told how useless, and powerless my very existence had come to be, and I told myself that more than anything.
Love was never an option, not for me. I can't even make anyone happy. Why would I be so full of myself as to openly search for such things as love? No one could love someone like me. Such things I deemed impossible. When you first asked me out, I knew I'd always treat you right, that I'd wanna be with you every night. I was falling, and I had no idea. Everything in the world I'd come to know was tossed, and turned, and flipped upside down. I felt the need to simply frown. How could I be so selfish as to unconsciously think even for a moment, someone could love me? No. Lies. Never... Sweetheart, you turned my never, into forever. What can I say? You love me, and that was all it would've taken for me to fall. Fall hard. Yet there was so much more than that. Your smile, your laugh. the way you talk, and walk. Everything about you screamed 'perfection' and I wanted to give you nothing but my affection, and ever lasting attention. I felt you deserved at least that, even if I could give you nothing more. You're someone who can't hurt, and harm. That's such a precious thing, love. A dying art. Do you know how many people actually think the way you do, and somehow see enough good in everyone to treat them all as though they're precious to you? Now matter how much they hurt ya' too?
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard, and seen. I love you for you, and no one can intervene. Especially not you, sweetheart. Every time you're with me, I never want to part. I'm explaining everything here and now, but such a thing as love can never be explained. I don't need any reason to love you, but I have my own, too. You think I'll leave, and that makes me unable to breathe. You've become irreplaceable. You may think I don't really need you, but you can't seem to get it through that stubborn head of yours that you are all I've ever wanted, and all I'll ever need. Now why would I leave? I'm not around just to make you feel better. If that'd been whats going on, I would've never even bothered to get to know you at all.
I love you! Love you dearly. Yet you questioned such things, and say you're the biggest mistake I'll ever make. That I should go, before I'm ruined, by you. Well fucking hell, I must be dreaming. I was ruined long ago, love, no need to worry. I make my own mistakes, and you're not one of them. Never will be. If you think I'll be "ruined" so be it, let me be ruined. I'd rather be ruined, and still able to call you mine than ruined by the love I'd of lost if I ever cared about whether or not I'm fine... Sweetheart, I'd go to the moon and back for you. I always want to be wherever it is you are. I will never, ever, let you go. I love you, and always will... no matter whether or not you love me, too.
Journal entry, Day 12
Tuesday, November 12th
You've spoken as though you're broken, but all you really are is incomplete. I'm more than willing to be your other half, if that'll mean you're happy, but maybe you'll just laugh. Not quite out of spite.. Much rather disbelief. So I'll go ahead and keep it brief. I love you, sweetheart. I wish for us to never part. You may think I just might up and leave, but that'd be oh, so foolish of me. You may think I just might not be real, but love, come feel.
Feel all my feelings for you. Every last one of them will reign true. Nothing can stop me from loving you, through and through. Even if its the last thing I do. Yet there it is, the first thing on my list. Something I can't ever miss, or I'd risk losing you. Which is far to scary... not to even mention all the feelings I'd have to bury.. Living without you is something I can't bring myself to do. You've become as necessary as the air I breathe, and theres really no in between. It's with you, or with no one. You've become whats best, to me.
You don’t get what all this is about You’re too wrapped up in your self doubt You’ve got that young blood, set it free
My Love.
Sunday, November 20th
Look here, yeah? Everyone has a different definition of "Perfect." You just so happen to be mine. <3 You may think you have "flaws" & I'm sure you really do, but I've come to love your imperfections, because without them you just wouldn't be you. Thats what makes you perfect to me! All your perfect little imperfections. <3 So you should love them, too! <3
Journal entry, Day 10
Sunday, November 3rd
Today, sweetheart, we spoke of everything, and nothing. From exchanging little messages about who loves each other more, to my rambling on about whats just another figment of my over active imagination..
Hah, I simply don't get how someone like you, can put up with someone like me. How someone like you, could even want someone like me. Could even stand to think about a future, with someone like me. You said "Just don't leave me alone." and "Stay with me." As though I ever thought otherwise. How can I leave someone who's come to love me, for me? An impossible feat, In my own mind. For not even I, myself, has managed that, yet. You have nightmares, and illusions... a rather negative thought process, to boot. An overall pessimist, when it comes to you.
So what happens when said pessimist meets perfectionist...? Well, I'll tell you - This perfectionist find absolutely everything about lil' miss pessimist to be perfect. That'll never change.
So sweetheart, please. It hurts to think you worry about my leaving someone I can't even truly say I deserve - yet I somehow have. I can call you mine, and I'd like to forever, If I'm given the chance. Thats up to you though, love. I won't poke or prod at you, or your feelings, as much as I'd like you to realize how serious I am, when it comes to 'us.' No lies, or jokes, nothing of the sort. You'll never be my last resort. You deserve nothing but the best, and even more. I can't say I am that, or ever could be that, but If you'll settle for me, eventually you'll see I'll never leave <3
Journal entry, Day 09
Saturday, November 2nd
Today was a day my future came into play. Not just the one I have planned with you, sweetheart, but what I've planned on setting out to do. A dream of mine, one I can't simply define. It's up in the air, and everywhere. All I've ever wanted was to make a story, and have others see it in all of its glory... To draw, and to sketch... To write, and design. To bring it to life, and make others forget about all their strife.
My futures not set in stone, but I can say I don't want to go it alone. With you by my side, I'll have nothing to hide. I plan to take time off, before pursuing such a dream. One year after high school, I'll take my time, and your welcome to intervene. To travel, and see, how beautiful the world can be... To further my art, and be with you, sweetheart.
'Cause seeing everything I've always wanted to, with you, would be best damn thing that'd ever happened to me.
To all you beautiful, wonderful, amazing, perfect strangers out there who've followed me <3 Love ya' sweethearts.
Journal Entry, Day 08
Friday, November 1st
Whatever time it may be, I can't seem to reassure myself that you're happy... You say we're in love, and I say we always will be.. and we haven't been together long - but I know what I feel isn't wrong. There's never been anyone quite like you, ya' see? You've broken down these walls of mine, and made your home my heart, as we slowly build each other up again. Nothing can ever hurt us, since we're safe in each others arms. We'll make it the place we belong - that neither of us can really say we've ever had. We identify as broken, yes - but we can still be whole - by being together... To make not two, but one...
Lately, we've been called a 'bouquet' ya' know? Even since they've found out my middle name is 'Rose', and you, of course, are Daisy <3 I didn't even make the connection myself, really - but they've gone and made something out of it all, and whatever they come up with usually sticks. Seems its something I'll have to get used to, yeah? Hah, just like how I'm still adjusting to just how much I've come to love you.
I'm a nervous wreck today yet again, but this time, it doesn't have to do with you, sweetheart... How about that one, huh? Hahha.. You see.. I'm going to a portfolio showing to talk with reps from all the top art colleges, and I simply haven't prepared myself to face what they might have to say, or how breathtaking I know others art is more than likely to be, compared to my own. This has been my dream, for who the hell knows ho long, now. I plan to make it work, no matter what, but I just can't seem to have any confidence in the subject. I guess I'll have to deal, yeah?
Well, G'night to you, sweetheart, and G'night to all you perfect strangers out there too!
So Halloween was interesting this year. Had a great time with a few friends. Missed my sweetheart, but hey, we've got next year ~ <3 Oh, and for everyone out there who believes otherwise - you're never too old to go grab so candy, ya' got me? Hope all you perfect strangers out there are havin' a great day, yeah?
Hello stranger how are you? :)
Hey there! I’m doing quite well, thank ya’ kindly… Hope your doing well, too! Nice to meet ya’, sweetheart ~ <3
Journal entry, Day 07
Wednesday, October 30th
Lately I've been overridden with these intense emotions that've been absent for the better part of my life on this desolate world. I had given up - with no real reason why anymore. It was the constant fear of failure, but the lack of any real motivation to change all that. Depression, anxiety, expectations, others opinions, and my own. A perfectionist I was - a perfectionist I always will be. Thats what killed me...
Then you showed up.
- But love, you don't have to worry about any of that nonsense. You're perfect just the way you are. Ya' simply have to be yourself, to win me over. Take off the mask, when you're with me... I'll put mine aside, too. Just to get a better look at you.
When we're alone, I never wanna' let ya' go. I'd do anythin' to spend what'd be forever with you, to never stop loving you. To kiss you whenever I wanna', forever 'cause I wanna' - and wrap my arms around you - with no intention of ever letting go.
I can barely stand to see ya' leave, It can be torture - and I know it's only for now... one day we'll never have to, but that doesn't change how I feel about you. As soon as you turn to walk away, I have to try ignoring every tiny little voice in my head that'd scream 'Go after her. Wrap your arms around her. Kiss her forever - Never let her go.'
I can't seem to help it. Can you?
