Itâs been 1 month since you pulled the cruelest bullshit cop out in the history of cop outs. (A textâŚReally?? End an almost decade long relationship over a TEXT?! Pathetic.). Anyway, You can blame me/us for why you canât seem to find happiness but letâs be real, our relationship is NOT the problem and you know it. Everyone knows it except for you and the insecure people you tend to fall for who are so terrified of me for absolutely no good reason. People who never even give you or me any chance at all to try and get to know them before they cast their judgments. Frankly, their prejudice is rooted in their own insecurities and has nothing to do with our being in each otherâs lives. Nobody Iâve ever dated has had issues with you, so the call is coming from inside the house. Let that sink in.
I know you were blinded by limerence, but whatâs sad is that you couldâve kept both of us in your life had you not been a coward and just stood up for yourself. I shouldâve known you were going to choose her (meaning instead of choosing both of us, which was an option btw!) when you couldnât look me in the eye and tell me things were gonna be okay.
The right person would NEVER make you choose between them and someone who is important to you. I know you know that deep down even if you won't admit it to yourself.
You run away from things that are good for you. And now, it is a blessing I get to do the opposite, finally leave someone who consistently takes me and my genuine kindness and respect and compassion for granted. I am done being your (and everyone elseâs) doormat. You just lost one of the most incredible people in your life. You could have handled it any other way, but you chose chaos. You chose cruelty. You chose no regards for anyone else. You can keep lying to yourself that you were just âfinally putting yourself firstâ, but the truth is that you still couldâve put yourself first without dragging me and our friendship through the mud.
If you were to have come to me and had a conversation and told me that you want to take a step away from our friendship, it wouldâve hurt, but I have ALWAYS respected you and your relationships and you know that I am the most understanding person around, so ultimately I wouldâve respected your wishes.
But for you to treat me like absolute shit, and then weaponize something as sacred as ACL? You KNOW how important that festival is not just to each of us individually, but especially to us as a unit. That hurt so much more than I could even describe.
And not to make a side point that also might just be me projecting⌠but I think part of you also was scared to be at ACL alone with me, given our history with that festival, who knows what wouldâve happened. So you chose what seemed like an easy out. I hate to admit it, but I canât help but think where weâd be right now had we gone to ACL like we had planned for months. â Possibility A (the one that most likely would have been true): we have a really fun time as friends. Thatâs it. / Possibility B: we get swept up in a moment like we always seem to there, and cross a line that we know would jeopardize your relationship with Megan; but also, maybe we wouldâve realized that us two are actually the ones supposed to be together. â Now obviously the second possibility is just speculation, and in reality (Although I admit my past self, despite how incredibly tiny, may have had a deep hidden part of her that thought there MAY be a universe where we could be endgame); I was never fully able to imagine it being true.
And lucky for me now I know for certain that that was just the hopeless romantic in me. Always longing for true love, with reciprocated feelings and equal emotional intelligence and respect, but that doesnât matter now.ďżźYour final text to me was the end. There is literally no part of me left that could ever imagine us being THE ones for each other. I can forgive indiscretions and wrongdoings, especially ones that were made in the name of âloveâ, but Jesus fucking Christ, you didnât just nail the coffin, you fucking cemented it shut.
In hindsight, I see the ways you dehumanized me over the last couple months of our friendship, whether intentional or not, and I know you do this so that when you cut ties, it doesnât weigh on you as much. I know because itâs a tactic Iâve used in relationships before, and because it has been done to me before numerous times as well. ďżź
The old me would act naĂŻve and make excuses for you like that âmaybe she just doesnât recognize that there are other waysâ. but I know that you know there are because we literally had several conversations throughout our friendship aboutďżź things of that exact nature. So whatâs even worse is that despite all the knowledge and tools you had at your disposal, you still went with the MOST destructive path.
You so easily tossed something of importance to the side without thinking of the ramifications. Itâs a shame you didnât even try and have a back up plan in case Megan didnât work out. The simplest and most effective way this couldâve been done is that you could have at least said sorry, but you NEVER did. Just that 1 word would have given you a way back into my life had you decided to come back anytime in the future. But you never once apologized. Not for Goth Babe, not for the apt decorating, not for ACL, not for the MANY times you crossed boundaries (official boundaries or not, you did and said things that you should never have said to me as friends), NOTHING, You never once acknowledged your fault in any of this. You use words that make it seem like youâre not putting this on me but thatâs all you do, you always shift blame and never take responsibility for your actions. And even in the few times you do, you never truly learn from them because you continue to do them again in the future. Youâre like a bull in a China shop. ďżź
For years, I have made excuses for your behavior and your actions and your general lack of respect for people. I put my rose colored glasses on time after time so that I only saw the beautiful funny person I fell in love with ages ago. In reality, that personâs been dead for a while, I just didnât wanna see it.
Fuck you for using me and abusing my love for you. Breadcrumbing a friendship that we both expressed numerous times that we believed would always be there. Then you give up and run away, but not before crushing me in the process. You pulled an avoidant dismissal just like Allison, You used tactics you knew would cause the most amount of pain and give you the least amount of guilt.
Grow the fuck up! You are a coward. You are selfish. Simply put, you are a disappointment. And for the love of fuck, you need to go to therapy, for everyoneâs sake.
PS. Just got on Tinder and see that you âlikeâ me⌠what the ever living fuck is wrong with you?? Jesus Christ. Go fuck yourself.
