[thatcalmchick]

Joy, Sadness, and Anger

A flower seed is planted A flower seed is watered A flower seed receives sunlight But for some reason There is no flower A planter starts to wonder what they are doing wrong The planter sits by the flower seed everyday Praying for a flower to pop out of the ground Hoping to see a beautiful stem For weeks there is hope And eventually one day As the planter is crying over the flower A stem sprouts from the ground A weak, feeble stem But the planter Rejoices The flower now knows sadness But as the planter rejoices The planter sheds tears of joy A droplet catches the tip of the stem And the stem grows even longer A long, thick stem The flower now knows joy Joy, and sadness As the days go on the planter cannot get the flower to grow anymore It is just a stem The planter grows frustrated with the flower's resistance to growth So the planter yells Then the tip forms a flower Yet to blossom But The planter still gains pleasure from knowing it grew The flower now knows anger Joy, Sadness, Anger Three fundamental emotions The fourth Love But this flower does not know love Many don't This flower is afraid of the uncertainty and rejects love In turn Resisting growth itself The flower will not love The Sun, The Water, The Planter, all are denied love from the flower. The flower doesn't grow. Who knows if it will ever expand. The planter grows old and weary The planet is dying The flower is still afraid of love Then again Who isn't?

[thatcalmchick]

A rushing sense of peace Like air filling up your lungs Knowing everything will be okay Like going to breakfast after watching the sun rise for hours Like feeling cool air conditioning hit you on a hot summer's day Like falling asleep to your favorite song All of the senses alert, yet calm Everything at peace Nothing frantic Nothing nervous Nothing tired Just Peaceful As it should be

[thatcalmchick]

The Feeling of Heat

Your fingertips burn me Your touch on my soft skin creates sweltering hot blisters The pain is the only thing I crave You are the pain The feeling of heat when your hands get too close The sound of sizzling skin when there is no resisting the need to touch The smell of smoke and burning flesh as you run your hands up and down my back The sight of blisters all over my body at the end The taste of your lips that distracts me from everything Your lips, the only thing that doesn't burn The bliss when your soft lips collide with mine in harmony Making me forget everything Making me forget that it feels like Hell when you touch me Making me forget that it sounds like bacon on a stove when you feel me Making me forget that it smells like a campfire in my bedroom when you grab me Making me forget that it looks like I'm a burn victim when you envelop me Making me forget that your lips aren't enough Making me forget that this isn't true love This heat It lacks the calm It is just the heat, the passion The Lust Lust that blinds me from reality Lust that makes it okay to burn Lust that heals the wounds and keeps me going Lust that doesn't make me question why my fingertips don't burn you? Why do you get out so clean? Why do you get out of this not having to bandage yourself? Why can you go home crisp and clean for the next day Why is it my job to heal And your job to steal I'm robbed of time I'm robbed of emotion I'm robbed of laughter I'm robbed of love I'm robbed of all that grants me my humanity So That begs the question When will I snap out of this? When will I get to go home crisp and clean? Or at the end do we both have to burn for Lust to leave? So That begs the question Do I have to watch you burn too? Will we be torched at the same time? Will your final kiss be the one that burns as you kiss me one last time As we both burn As we both turn to dust and ash As we both let the Lust take us quietly into the cool night Finally freeing us from the ever burning heat Finally freeing us from each other Finally freeing us

[thatcalmchick]

A memory

The past A day where show and tell makes you top dog A day where you're pushed down on the playground for being weird A memory A quick remembrance of you staring at a guy in the hallway A quick remembrance of you beating yourself up because you just stared at a guy in the hallway A lesson learned Having the time of your life taking shot after shot Having the time of your life as you lean over the toilet Everyday you remember the past Sometimes the memory turns out better, because that's what you want Sometimes the memory turns out worst, because that's what you miss You remember the first leaves to change in fall and you feel the beauty in your spine You remember the first time you played hide and seek with friends in Target and you start to laugh You remember the first time you meet the love of your life and you feel your whole body smile But there is two sides to a coin because You walk down the hallway listening to yourself think, wondering if you will ever shut up You think of a memory and immediately your heart aches You think of a memory and immediately you look around to make sure you're safe You think of a memory and immediately you feel your whole body tense up Because No No NO you can't have this happen again, Not again Not Again The past haunts as much as it teaches You don't learn that sitting in a classroom

[thatcalmchick]

A Mind To Wonder

My mind changes like the leaves The leaves are a cycle Of growth and decay In the spring they blossom Making new, bright leaves appear To bring a light to the bleak winter Then the flourish of leaves cover the sky with green In the summer In the autumn Leaves start to decay, But in Beauty The loss of the leaves is loved and cherished as Beauty With each orange, red, and yellow leaf There is Beauty Sadly, that Beauty is fleeting, Dying in the winter and wilting away The only thing left is the strong smell of burnt leaves imprinted into our heads And even though the leaves are dead, They left an empty shell where new beings can grow And even though the Beauty of the leaf died, The Beauty of the empty tree branch is loved just as much, by different or even the same people. And then the cycle continues Birth Growth Decay Death Emptiness Dark thoughts New imaginations Fresh creations All a wonder to the mind All a mind to wonder But as each season changes, I don't have to wonder because I know I not only change I grow

[thatcalmchick]

I Feel You

I want you I crave you I need you I want to hear your breath against my neck as you hug me deeply I crave your voice in my ear whispering me sweet lullabies I need your body against mine, creating the warmth I can't produce without you near I feel I lust I love I feel the presence of where your hand used to rest I lust for the scent of your body mixed with mine not sure who's limb was who's but it was okay because it didn't matter I love to feel your warmth even when I know there's no way you could be in the room I wonder I dream I miss I wonder what could have happened, what did I do wrong I dream of the days of perfect peace we had I miss your mind with mine creating a cacophony of thoughts that only we could hear I want to see you everyday I want to hear you everyday I want to inhale you everyday I want to taste you everyday I want to feel you everyday I need to feel you to feel something but I can't because you can't because now that your cold body can't feel anything neither can mine

[thatcalmchick]

I've Experienced It

Happiness I’ve experienced it Being so happy that my cheeks hurt from smiling I’ve experienced that Sadness I’ve experienced it Wanting to die because I can’t stop crying I’ve experienced that Disgust I’ve experienced it Vile feelings taking over when an old man that could be my father looks me up and down on the street I’ve experienced that Excitement I’ve experienced it Feeling so excited I could throw up from nerves I’ve experienced that Anger I’ve experienced it Betrayal and irritation causing uncontrollable rage to the point of physical shaking I’ve experienced that Love I’ve experienced it Love that makes you want to write poetry and sing 24/7 I’ve experienced that But the feeling of love that makes you feel like you’d die if you were left without that person I’ve experienced that Being Wanting Vile Feeling Betrayal Love But But I’ve experienced that I’ve experienced that My whole life it a series of buts But why should I ever not feel that pain in my cheeks But why can’t I stop crying But why should anyone feel disgusted by their own body because of a creepy old man But why shouldn’t I throw up from those nerves that eventually lead to adrenaline But why do I feel so outraged by people who don’t even care about me But why shouldn’t I sing 24/7 But why should I feel like I’m going to die Experiences are tied to actions of life Giving and Receiving Breaking and Crashing Accelerating and Hating Building and Waiting Betraying and Faking Touching and Feeling Experiences are the most delicate things in life They can happen and go away in a second An experience is the mini version of one life Fleeting

[thatcalmchick]

Mental Maze

A mental state of confusion A physical state of wonder A mental state of questioning A physical state of knowing Mentally asking where am I? Physically answering on my bedroom floor Mentally lost to what I want Physically knowing lust is open Mentally asking do I want more than this? Physically answering can I handle more? Physically I know where I am and what I am Mentally everything is jumbled Things I would have wanted a year ago are lost to the world of the forgotten and things I want now are sitting from row to my slideshow of a life I keep changing my mind in hopes of finding what I really want It never works I say all I want is to have sex Then I want to date someone All I want to do is workout and stay healthy Then I eat more black hole food All I want is to feel okay in life Then I fuck myself over Mentally I'm in a maze of wonder and hate Those are the dead ends Eventually I find my way out to love and success But I always have to start a new maze Because that's the point of life If we were always on the outside of the maze we would never be able to discover the things in the maze that help on the outside So I jump back into my mental maze and ask more questions How will I do this time?

[thatcalmchick]

Out Do

I have to out do I have to out drink I have to out eat I have to out sleep I have to out speak I have to out write I have to out draw I have to out think I have to out breathe I have to out do I have to out do to feel good I have to out do so people like me I have to out do so people don’t forget about me I have to out do so I feel liked I have to out do to still be here I have to out do to exist I have to out do because if I don’t someone else might

[thatcalmchick]

Why do I need this

I'm pretty Why do I need to take a sip to realize this? I am worth it Why do I need to take a drink to realize this? I am smart Why do I need to take a shot to realize this? I am worthy of love Why do I need to take another shot to realize this? Why do I need to forget myself so I'll remember you?

[thatcalmchick]

"Hello"

“I never want to see you again.” “Just calm down, count to ten” “Leave me alone I hate you” “Let me be with you I love you”

“I don’t want to play” “Let me stay” “I hate you” “I want you”

“You hurt me, in more ways than one” “That was an accident, leave the past it’s done” “I can’t leave what haunts me all the time behind” “If you forget it you can always be mine”

“Let me go” “Don’t worry I’m a pro” “You’re drunk” “I’m not drunk”

“I need this love” “I can’t do this stuff” “Just sit back, relax, let me take you” “I don’t know what to do”

“Don’t make me do it” “It’ll only be once, baby just sit” “I don’t want to do this” “Let’s just kiss”

“You taste so good” “I should leave, I really should” “You can’t leave” “Please”

“I’m just not ready” “Its okay, we’ll take it slow and steady” “Thank you” “It’s the least I can do”

“I love you” “I need you” “Stay with me forever” “I will be with you for every endeavor”

“Happy anniversary!” “Kiss me” “I love you” “I love you”

“Why haven’t you kissed me?” “I don’t know- guess I don’t see-” “Do you even have a clue?” “I really like you”

“Can we go out again?” “I would rate this date a 10 out of 10” “I’ve had an amazing time” “This ones mine”

“Let me walk you to your place” “Well in that case-” “I want to pay” “You don’t have to pay”

“Would you want to go out with me tomorrow?” “I don’t know” “At least I’m fun” “Ha, I just won”

“Let’s go to the carnival today” “I really shouldn’t stay” “Hang out with me” “I should leave”

“Come over later” “What do you want to date or-?” “I like you” “You’re fun, you’re cool too”

“Nice to meet you” “Nice to meet you” “Hello” “Hello”

[thatcalmchick]

You're like a tic, you started sucking my blood and when I tried to get rid of you, you went under my skin, and no matter how much I scratch I can't get rid of you.

late night thoughts

[thatcalmchick]

Games

I sit and I watch I sit and I watch I sit and I watch I said "Do it" You listened So I sit and I watch You grab her instead of me You take her instead of me You move it upstairs with her instead of me I sit and I wait I sit and I wait I sit and I wait I wait for you to come out of the restroom, both of you a little fucked up I stare as you sit down I stare And I stare And I stare Nothing You see me staring and then it's back on It's like a game The next day you say "I'm not normally like that" I laugh and I walk away I laugh and I walk away I laugh and I walk away You try to catch my attention You smirk You saunter You get close Nothing It's a game where you must feel something It's a game where you must want something It's a game where neither can win You want to win And I've always refused to lose

[thatcalmchick]

Inherently Evil

I see I hear I smell I taste I feel I am Inherently Evil I think I wonder I question I dream I lust I am Inherently Evil I see you I hear you I smell you I taste you I feel you I am Inherently Evil I think of you I wonder about you I question “why you?” I dream about you I lust for you I am Inherently Evil I was born this way I was born Inherently Evil I am Inherently Evil For looking at your smile For smelling your natural perfume For hearing your voice For tasting your lips For feeling your body I am Inherently Evil For thinking of what I could do with you For wondering what you feel like in between my fingers For questioning “why not you?” For dreaming about you For lusting for your body against mine I am Inherently Evil I was taught to not see I was taught to not smell I was taught to not hear I was taught to not taste I was taught to not feel I was taught to not be Inherently Evil I was taught to not be captivated by looking at you I was taught to not be encompassed by your smell I was taught to not want to hear your voice in my head all day I was taught to not crave your taste whenever you’re not around I was taught to not feel anything for you I was taught not to be Inherently Evil I was never taught what it is to be Inherently Evil Is it really Evil to want to see your face everyday? Is it really Evil to want to smell you near me everyday? Is it really Evil to want to hear your soothing voice everyday? Is it really Evil to want to taste your lips everyday? Is it really Evil to want to feel your hand in mine everyday? Does this really make me Inherently Evil? Or did people do that?

[thatcalmchick]

Life has ears, Life has eyes

Life has ears It hears It listens as you laugh It listens as you cry It listens as you hear your first love song It listens to you sing along with that love song in harmony It hears voices of others It listens for you It searches in the void for the voice it craves, the voice that it has heard for years, the voice that could only belong to you It listens to you all the time Life has eyes It watches It sees you smile It sees you shed your first tear It sees you fall in love with their smile for the first time It sees you dance in ecstasy It sees a sea of people and searches for you It searches for that familiar hair and soft skin Life has ears It listens as they lie to you It listens as they hurt you It listens Helpless Life has eyes It watches as they hold perfect composure when they are incapable of perfect honesty It watches as they cause pain It watches Hopeless Life tries to help Life is honest Life watches as you struggle and grow Life wants to help But others Lives interfere, intentions void of kindness Life has ears Life has eyes Life sees and hears everything It's no longer just the walls

[thatcalmchick]

Reminder to take care of yourself and drink lots of water. Do what you gotta do to find your healthy place.

[thatcalmchick]

Shine

One night I went to a party for my friends birthday. We had been drifting in and out of her house to either talk, dance, listen to music, eat, whatever we felt like really. At one point I was standing outside with my friend and we were talking. I looked up at the stars and realized how many there were. I really how beautiful they were. I realized that out of all of the things I had seen I felt that in that moment the stars were the most beautiful. And then as I was staring at the stars I saw the Little Dipper. I completely freaked out because I had never seen a constellation before. I had seen pictures and I knew they were there I had just never seen them. And so I just stared at it. It was amazing. It just seemed so perfect. It was meant to be there. I could feel it. I just stared at them in wonder. I couldn't believe it. Even when everyone else went inside I just kept staring. At some point I was close to tears. I had reached clarity. No matter if I was sad or happy beforehand I was content and happy then. I had reached complete clarity. I realized that everything was going to work out. That even if I had a bad day or someone said something rude to me or I failed a test, I knew that I was going to be okay. Because I could see the stars. The stars gave me hope. I hadn't ever really cried from happiness before that night. I didn't mind that I cried. I knew it was the right response. In the universe the stars are a constant. Individually they change within themselves. But to the universe they are a constant. They glow bright. When one dies, another is born. The stars are like humans. In the moment in time, humans are a constant. We glow bright, even if we don't see it. Even if the only ones who can see it are some random stranger or your loved ones or even just the universe. When one dies, another is born. We keep coming and going. In our lives when we lose a friend a new one emerges from the universe. The stars can make the universe beautiful. They make it brighter at night when everything is dark. And even when we can't see them during the day because the sun is so bright, they are still there. They are just waiting for their turn to shine. They shine together. Be a star. And I don't mean try and outshine others or seek fame over all or anything like that. I mean, make the universe more beautiful. Shine along with everyone else. See the people around you and appreciate their beauty, appreciate their shine. Because that is what we can do for this universe. That's what we can do for each other. Because even if there is no existential "meaning" to this life, then at least we can make one that means something to us.