Long Long Ago in a Galaxy Not Quite Far Away

ThatDarnStarWarsComic is a side blog I'm running poking fun at the original Star Wars comic published following the original movies release. I don't intend to mock the franchise as a whole, just note the problems with this series, both within itself and sometimes in place of the larger Star Wars universe. It was published by the Marvel Comics Group, though I have read the first omnibus of the comic, published by Dark Horse Comics. Star Wars and all associated characters and settings are owned by Disney at this point. 

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As I was reading and mostly skimming the mostly terrible cover art, I couldn't help but notice that several issues had "STILL ONLY 35c" as if it was something to brag about.  So I looked back through the issues. The first few? 30 cents. Then a few 35 centers, than the "STILL ONLY"s, and then, without a peep, they become 40 cent comics.  Good job guys. 

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Obi Wan Kenobi. Young and Bearded. Move aside Ewan McGregor

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Star Wars don't need your science. Magnetic fields make space accessible to all terrestrial beings.

Shhhhhhh

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Here we have Jolli the Pirate. Introduced as the butt-kicking, male-bashing, right hand of the pirate Crimson Jack, she is later reduced to a female, the only major female in the comic besides Leia, whose primary motivations are the death of her mother cause her father ditched and lusting after Han Solo. Han Solo is "so attractive" that she reverses her position on men after a single encounter. Not to mention her outfit.

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Space Pirate Peter Pan confirmed.

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Here's a couple of "great" images of Han Solo's face. Bonus Leia in the second image cause that mouth is...special.

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See the statuesque imagery as Senator Organa wrestles with the knowledge that having emotions makes one a terrible leader in a rebellion built around caring that the Empire is stopped from there evils.

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See Figure 1. for an image of the optimal running pose for Imperial Senators.

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Here we have the worst two images of Leia I've ever seen. The first makes her look more like a statue than a woman and the second? She's made of angles and diamonds. Which would be fine if it wasn't the only panel I found that did that. You could cut a grapefruit with those eyebrows.

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Power Mace and Shield are bad enough. Dagger Thorns? Dagger Thorns. POISON LACED DAGGER THORNS. I don't need to write a joke about those. 

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That moment when the elite guards aren't stupid and actually have the advantage on their home turf. 

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Here we have a few images from throughout the comic with a less comical nature. The first shows Han interacting with a priest following a mob's attempts to destroy the body of a cyborg the priest wanted to give a funeral to as "cyborgs lack souls." The second shows a reoccurring character, Valance the Hunter, with his intense hatred of robots that extends to himself as he was made a cyborg following an accident. The last shows two stormtroopers after destroying a robot calling robot-organic friendships obscene. Robot-Human relations aren't covered extensively in most of the mainline Star Wars media. Robots are made by people, and are divided into mindless drones, battle droids, and more personalized, more human affairs like R2-D2 and C-3PO. Since the first movie's main robots were friends of the other characters by the end of the film, the purpose of this sub-conflict becomes a bit murky. Until you notice the lack of non-Caucasian characters in the original film and in this comic. Was this the writer's attempt to talk about racism in a post-Civil Rights America? Maybe. Who can say?

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And here we have Frank Castle's space faring Ancestor/Descendant as he appears in the star wars comic. (They never claim it, but the similarity is there.)

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Here, thanks to flashbacks, we have a spread of adorable young Luke's face. Just look at that youthful innocence and squinty squinty eyes. 

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In this thrilling event Chewbacca gets a little angry and attacks our heroes...who lay down in front of him and then use a fire extinguisher. 

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From one anthropomorphic rabbit to another, Jaxxon here is a wise-cracking green gunslinger who apparently watches Bugs Bunny cartoons.

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Here we have a strange inconsistency. The green caped character, Hedji the Spiner, runs in to save Don Wan Kihotay. All is well in those first two images. Then you have the third image, where there is a lazer blast that doesn't appear to hit anything, except possibly, very possibly the shadow below the BLAM! Hedji is not mentioned again for the remainder of that issue only to appear dead in Han's thoughts the issue after. I think the creative team forgot about him and had to cover their tracks.