I'm not okay, but it's okay.

I'm just another broken girl. I'm a disappointment. Oh well.

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

I just heard someone say, “no matter what you do in life, it’s never good enough,” when talking about celebrities being in ads, and honestly it’s kind of comforting. It’s easy to think you’re not good enough compared to others, but in reality, nobody thinks they’re good enough. Even the people we deem most successful in society are still always striving to be more successful. So don’t feel guilty if you don’t think you’re doing enough, because nobody will ever feel like they’re doing enough. And doing your best is enough.

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

There was this one time I was listening to Dark Times by The Weeknd and Ed Sheeran while in the car with my dad. He made a joke that was something like “your only dark times are between the hours of 7pm and 5am.” 8 years later and I have an eating disorder, a long history of self harm, and have been to rehab twice for an alcohol problem. I think he knows how dark my times are now lmao.

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

Lmao we all thought being in a high school was hard, try living alone at age 21 and being so depressed that you eat a jar of pickles for dinner because you can’t even microwave a meal for yourself.

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[perfectquote]

“Sometimes you just need someone to tell you you’re not as terrible as you think you are.”

— Unknown

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

I won’t believe them

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

Work is so exhausting

I got bit by a dog today at my dog grooming job. The owner told me that the dog does that sometimes and that I shouldn’t worry about it.

Right after that, I had a dog who screamed in my ear for an hour straight. I had to get a coworker to help me move him between the bath and my grooming station, because I physically couldn’t get him to move from place to place. The owner told me that he’s just really high energy and can be hard to handle sometimes.

When my day was over, I was covered in bruises, cuts, and bite wounds. The owner of the company let us know that we wouldn’t be getting our tips for this pay period because he forgot to add them to our paychecks. I can’t pay my rent because he “just forgot” to give us our tips.

I feel like I can’t do this any more.

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

I thought that having people who loved me would make me feel better,

but it just makes me feel worse. Like more of a let down. Like I’m too needy. Like I’ll never be enough.

I was so much happier when I was single. My happiness didn’t rely on another person. I found happiness in my hobbies and my friends. I felt okay most of the time.

But now, when I’m not with him, I just feel empty. Like there’s no point in existing when he’s not here.

I worry about the things I said to him and the things I did in front of him; that he’s going to toss me aside like everyone else.

He said he wouldn’t do that to me, and that he loves me even with all my problems and insecurities. But I can’t help but feel like he’ll get sick of me eventually; he’ll get tired of having to comfort me and always having to be there for me.

He’ll prioritize himself, which is all I could ever want for him, but also the thing that scares me the most.

He doesn’t need me, I need him.

[honeypleasejustkillme]

“u okay?” no i just want to feel loved by someone without thinking they’re lying to me

[dormouseking]

pretty sexy of me to keep going despite each day being more unbearable than the last

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

Even after getting that job I wanted and making enough money to support myself and being in a healthy relationship, I still feel worthless and unsatisfied. Why am I still unsatisfied?

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

I turned 20 today. It’s crazy to think that I started this account almost 6 years ago now. I’m a lot more mature now, but the feelings that prompted me to post on tumblr have only gotten worse.

I hate my birthday, when everyone celebrates me just for existing even though I’m wishing I didn’t. I’m in rehab right now, and I was for my last birthday too. Sobriety has helped me learn that drugs are not the problem; they’re the solution.

All the birthday cards I got from my family talked about how proud they are of me for working to better myself — how they want me to live a sober life. But I’m here because my only other choice is homelessness, and the only thing increasing is my desire to drink myself into oblivion. It’s sad to see that all anyone is proud of me for is something I don’t want.

I’m isolated with a group of people I barely know, while my life is moving on without me back in California. I haven’t seen my friends in months. I haven’t seen my dog in months. I feel like I’m being taunted. My parents are at home probably sipping an expensive red wine and thinking that it doesn’t affect me. My brother sent me a plant that he and I both know I won’t take care of. I wish I could die with it.

My best friends are too busy with their lives to be here for me. All I have is my assigned therapist, who doesn’t even want to help me move on.

I didn’t have high hopes for my birthday this year, but I didn’t think it would be this bad. I really hope it’s my last.

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

Do you ever just... regret every decision you’ve ever made in your life ever? Or are you normal?

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

apologize for following back so late, tumblr didn't tell me you followed xD how are you? sending you some tumblr high fives!!!!!

I mean I’m surviving lol, I’m a lot less cringe than I was when I used to post on this account regularly. I’m dealing with a lot of problems right now that feel like things I never will be able to get past, but I’ve spent the last seven months in treatment and I need to get out of here. Also like message me I can always use friends.

[nbkangel]

im so ugly and disgusting i hate this so much i just wanna die 

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

I already know I’m a bad person. The more people tell me I’m not, the worse I feel. I’m the only one who knows what I’m thinking, and I think some fucked up thoughts. I try not to be toxic for my friends, but I just get resentful towards them. I know I’m a bad person, and I wish people could see that. But if they could I would be a complete loner. I feel like I can’t be myself or I’ll be rejected from society, but putting on this front does nothing but make me feel worse.

[eliminated]

[thatdepressed-fangirl]

It feels like I’m stuck at a dead end. I’m terrified of the future and ashamed of the past. I’m constantly having an existential crisis. It feels like nothing matters. Why take care of myself or anyone else when we’re all gonna die anyways? Why put myself through hell to achieve something that’s just temporary? Nobody can always be happy, we’re all struggling most of the time. Why is it even worth it? I’m doing everything I’m being told to do, and maybe I’m not doing drugs anymore but nothing has changed inside my head. If anything, there’s just more pain because I have no way of numbing it out. I want to give up. I don’t want to spend my life trying to feel better. I don’t care how much life I have ahead of me. I don’t want to do it anymore. I want to be done.