That Reno Manwhore Life

I hear a lot of weird stories. I am inspired by the weirdness.

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

I make lattes.  

The ladies like them a latt-eh?

How do you like these gams?

Fancy coffee and shit.  

Yeah.

I'm all about that life.  

#yolo.

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

Last night, 

I woke up cold

and offered you a blanket.

Even though you weren’t there

and I was actually dreaming.

But I still felt warmer after that.  

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

well, fuck.

didn't mean for that to come to this.

and now it's probably bigger in my head than it is in reality.

but each text, 

each email,

each reminder that you're a thing 

well, that makes this trickier than I thought it would be.

and when you're the first thing I can coherently understand in the morning, 

maybe that means something.

not sure what, 

but it's something.

well, fuck.  

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

"You gotta put the fun between your legs!", he says.

Little does he know,

the fun has been there all along.  

(My spiderman underwear is fucking awesome.)

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

Facial Hair

I grew a beard.

Not creepy, flesh-colored either.

I think it can work.  

I'll end up shaving it before No-Shave November

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

Birthday Wishes

I wonder if she knows that I'm not the brother going to med school.

#awkwardbirthdayfacebookpostsonmytimeline

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

Shorts

My legs.  

They yearn to be free.

The wind against my leg hair

whipping back and forth.

My testicles

hanging out because they can.

Life is beautiful.  

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

Silly

"I did something silly with my phone."

Understatement of the century.

Gonna have to bury it under the house.

Pretend that I didn't send that text.

And that Snapchat didn't go through.

Fingers crossed that it was for only one or two seconds, 

not the full ten.

good lord.  

hope it didn't go to my story.

I did something pretty damn silly with my phone.

Better start digging that hole now. 

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

Regarding 3s

Three, including me.

Now, that's a good one.  

Perhaps my finest moment.

Until I realized that it was a little more involved, 

that I probably shouldn't have.

So, naturally, I decided to take it a step further.

And Fourth of July will never be the same again.  

-TRMWL

[thatrenomanwhorelife]

On Wednesdays...

We drink.

We drink to celebrate birthdays.  

We drink to celebrate the World Series win.  

We drink to Wing Night.

We drink.

We then text people.

And they don't know what I mean

when I declare my love to them.  

I just have a lot of feelings.  

-TRMWL