a side blog for theater?

it's more likely than you think

[thatsuhboldchoice]

haven't been on here much so here are some life updates for the crowd

quit my job

not just my job but my career

but still got paid for several month which is why i quit it when i did

so the summer has simultaneously been the most incredible and also absolutely fucking terrifying

like i've leaped and am also still mid air but also am not sure if i will ever stick the landing or if this is just my life now

i have been working hard to get some survival jobs going

i accepted one that starts in two weeks

but it might drive me crazy so i am actively interviewing for a few other things in the hopes that i don't have to start that one lol

i went to the uk for three weeks and it was basically confirmation of the life and theatre i want to build and make so that was good

maybe an expensive way to confirm something i already knew deep down

but yolo

while i was there saw some very good theatre as well as seeing people in person who i never thought i'd see

saw kate in my master builder

(which was baffling as a play--i spent the whole time trying to figure out what wasn't clicking? writing? directing? acting? either way it unfortunately Did Not Click. kate was amazing though and it was definitely her show. i can go into further detail but i'll do it in another post)

also did some unintentional artistic director stalking?

i say unintentional bc just like me sitting next to OSF's AD at a final preview, i just walked into the almeida and goold was just sitting there

at some point something is just so niche you have to laugh at yourself and get on with your day

anyway then i came back and started a theatre that i'm artistic director of

which you would think would be everything i'd hoped and dreamt of, except we're at the beginning stages here of building something we want to last and i'm fully sowing seeds in a garden i don't think i'll ever see

so then

i'm also applying to playwriting MA and MFA programs

which constantly terrifies me because of how much i actually fucking want to do these programs and how prepared i feel to do these programs and how much they actually align with my career goals

and i've never felt that way about any grad program i've even researched

but then it's like even the potential thought of a fully funded masters program where people are there to care about my art and improve it and believe in it scares me so much like SO MUCH

it's such a big statement of like

i am here

i am an artist

and being an artist is going to be how i make my living

but i know its the right path because nothing under the sun is ever going to stop me from writing

oh also my play is at a point where i'm happy with it and i'm submitting it!! to theatre!! to try and get produced professionally!!!

[just1alien]

First look at My Master Builder in rehearsals!

--

IG: mmbtheplay

[thatsuhboldchoice]

me, staring at my script that many people effusively like and respond strongly to in a positive way: what if it is actually Bad

[thatsuhboldchoice]

i never thought it'd happen but i managed to find the almeida live richard iii???? i've very much wanted to see it to gauge another rupert goold shakespeare so here we are!

getting to this point was a challenge--like out of the blue the first act showed up on youtube, but the second act wasn't there, so i went searching for it, found it, but the audio in both acts was out of sync so i downloaded them and somehow that fixed the first act but not the second, so i found a free video editor, but had to edit and render it twice bc the issue wasn't that the video was offset, but that it was hair too fast for the audio and now it SEEMS to be fixed but for some reason there are still select scenes that are still out of sync so i think there is very much something deeper going on with varying frame rates in that video, but anyway i managed to get it for the most part watchable

okay time for actual analysis!

i reread the folger edition at work yesterday, which is for the most part pulled from the first folio and so in watching i had to keep looking at the text, because i think they were working by and large with the quarto text

anyway i am now aware that textual differences are many and that finding a cut of riii is going to be thorny

anyway

this production seems very straight to the point

ralph fiennes is obviously a great shakespearean, but there's not much velvet fist going on, more just fist

richard's misogyny is clear in the text, but i think it's a little more complex than what seems to be happening here

to make riii's scenes with the women work--he has to actually woo?

the dark humor is there but the charm not quite

but i know he's got the charm since his antony was solid

scott handy's clarence here is nothing short of spectacular

this is how we deliver text, kiddos

the murderers are a highlight. like this scene is already funny but this is top notch and again i follow everything with handy i see him fighting for his life.

god i really want more out of vanessa redgrave

sorry there are moments where i'm going to insert my own interpretations of this text which i know is not taking this production for what it is but Too Bad

but essentially the way i see the women in this piece, particularly margaret, is not that they're mad at all, but that their pain, rage, and curses are interpreted as mad by the men around them

their "curses" and "prophecies" come true, because they aren't that at all but experience

(which really makes sense if we get the civil war before this)

the doll symbolism makes sense, but the slight battiness to these incredibly powerful women is a little irksome

i feel strongly that the women are the key to this piece and i think that already puts me at odds with this production

continuing on

goold is just very good at clarity and this piece is no exception

rivers, hastings, buckingham, etc. do not give us much in the text to individualize them, but in performance feel totally distinct

again i am just not getting much of an arc out of fiennes' richard?

a little underwhelming

i don't know how to deal with the precocious children in the text other than to put precocious children onstage and...sigh

the scene with the women must be one of the longest and sits at the climax of the piece and is the showdown between the most developed member of the reigning monarchy and richard as the usurper, hence my entire thesis, but i digress..

these three do spectacularly

susan engel in particular is *chef's kiss*

again such clarity and intention and proficiency with the verse let me cry

aislín mcguckin is harrowing and fiery and i really love her elizabeth

but i do want to unpack that scene with richard

i am again missing an arc there

they just kinda bash heads until the r*pe (which i'll get to in a moment) and then she leaves

which i *think* i get---the intent of that action is to subdue her and then she agrees

but here's the thing--there is such parallel between this scene and the anne wooing scene--and he seems to end with the upper hand

and maybe this is just my own personal reading of the text

but again i think *he* thinks he's successfully reenacted that scene

but here's the thing...elizabeth lives? she agrees but then escapes

and it would really help if shakespeare gave us literally anything more with this character other than a brief reference to her daughter marrying richmond at the end

but the key point to me is the emotional conclusion of elizabeth's arc is that she gets away

this scene is so charged that r*pe is logical extension of it

(especially taking into account the fact that in henry vi, richard's VERY first soliloquy is in immediate reaction to watching his brother "woo" elizabeth and that the beginning of the "since i cannot prove a lover i am determined to prove a villain" sentiment. like this is arguably the end of an arc for them)

but i think the entire tension in that scene is that she avoids it or worse

again though that is all my VERY specific interpretation of a very challenging aspect of this play

and this richard has been utilizing sexual violence extensively so i see it

i just don't think it's necessarily the most interesting take

moving on

the staging of the ghost scene with richmond is lovely, just lovely

richard loves richard!

there's the fiennes i know

some depth finally

god i wish i worked in theatres where i could make it rain

really really really strong final image with the mother kneeling at the grave with the works lights from modern dig site

that cuts beautifully across the ages

[thatsuhboldchoice]

i've got too many shakespeare plays in my head, but at the cast party the idea of serializing the histories into radio plays was brought up, but all that really did was awaken my desire to do henry vi part 3 and richard iii in rep.

anyway so i think the time has come to watch riii productions and the only henry vi part iii that i can find.

[not-so-rosyyy]

no idea if it's my hormones, what I've seen in the news lately, the weight of living the past few years, or just because it's Judi Dench...but this impromptu performance really made me cry for a good ten minutes, no kidding.

[thatsuhboldchoice]

need to word vomit just to work through some thoughts

i guess in my mind, i see a few paths forward now with the play. and not saying they're mutually exclusive, but just they would all take energy of different sorts, so my mind is separating them out.

self produce. whether this is a staged reading or a full production, i definitely think i have built excitement and momentum within my theatre circle to help me put this sucker on. that said, to produce something and to produce it well takes a lot of energy. and this play is a beast. also i feel like i would need clear goals. am a producing (particularly a staged reading) in hopes of attracting the notice of a larger theatre/producer? am i doing it just to see my work? to hone my craft and go through the process of seeing what works onstage and what doesn't? i guess my fear on this front is just IF this truly is of a quality and caliber where it could compete for professional productions, am i cutting out bigger opportunities for myself if i try to do this in house?

network and shop it around to local theatres. a staged reading could potentially lead to this. i have some ins with the shx group, but the overall vibe was that....maybe this isn't the best match for that group? the thing is i don't see it 100% in line with the mission of any local theatres. like there are some i could see it fitting in with, but none that seem like a total slam dunk. i'm also wary because recently i saw a locally written play that has been a long time in the making and had a lot of champions go up at a local theatre and it....didn't have the impact the playwright was going for because of poor direction and pacing choices. i know there's always that potential when sending work out into the world, but it makes me cautious. i also rather selfishly (or arrogantly?) feel that i am capable of producing or directing work better than some of what i've seen here, so i'm tempted to do it myself.

do my research and shop it around nationally, including finally getting my ass on new play exchange. this feels very scary and real. also i know i'm not supposed to say no to myself, and obvs the play to me has value, but it's not flashy or wildly topical, it's a bit of a slow burn, and it is theatre about theatre which people have Opinions on. like i'm not saying my work isn't good or isn't meaningful or doesn't have something timely to say, i'm just being brutally honest that i don't think it's going to stand out from the crowd enough to get picked out of a massive pile of submissions.

so all that said...where i am landing personally right now...is i think try to stage a reading?

i'm just really trying to suss if i'm landing on self produced because i have control issues and i'm not ready to let it go unchaperoned into the world or if it's because it's what i truly feel is right for the situation or if it's the only way i can for sure see it produced in some capacity and i like taking sure bets

[thatsuhboldchoice]

i feel like it's a step in the right direction that i can appropriately identify my emotional turbulence today as post show depression and related moods

but it doesn't stop the fact that i am oscillating rapidly between 3 states of being: 1) wanting to hide from all obligations, unable to contemplate consequences more than 24 hours out, 2) knowing that the best thing to do is to actually return to work and other responsibilities for both a sense of purpose and a distraction, and 3) feeling the creative yearning clawing at the inside of my skull screeching next project? next theatre fix?? when???

[witchytrina]

I love an unhinged woman

[thatsuhboldchoice]

received disappointing news, had trouble sleeping last night, but i guess wanted to capture some of thoughts percolating so that i might reinforce and hold onto them?

i didn't get a callback for a show not because i wouldn't have gotten called back

but because i had too many conflicts for the rehearsal dates from the show i'm in now

and this was at a large established theatre, with a director who i really would've like to work with, in a show with TON of great roles for women

and i had thought it would be a good chance to get my foot in the door somewhere other than shakespeare in the park and ngl both my friend i auditioned with and i were feeling like we had a real chance

anyway trying to a) let myself feel that disappointment but also b) not get into the self absorbed pity party of when oh when will the theatre scene here see my talents

basically the affirmations here are:

i am already making work with people i like to work with (they couldn't cast me because I am already in a show!)

I know what i am capable of and that i have something to bring to roles, shows, projects, what have you no matter the outcome of auditions

i do have a community of theatre folx here and even though i am eager to widen that circle, i feel deeply supported by them and adore supporting them in the work they're doing

i am sowing seeds here and need to remember the timeline on reaping can be long, especially if i'm truly trying to put down roots in a way that is meaningful to me

in that vein

i am also allowed to be intentional in my work

(if the auditions coming up don't excite me, i'm under no obligation to audition!)

i am allowed to wait for the theatre I want to make with the people i want to make it with

and finally as a continuation

i am also allowed to just start making the theatre i want to make

and with that i think i'm off to write

which will also be a slow process to ever get something onstage

but the act itself feels like a balm of agency and self direction where auditioning and even acting to some degree gives you very little

[thatsuhboldchoice]

this barbie is still wearing eye liner from last night's performance of rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead

[thatsuhboldchoice]

writing first acts: amazing, thrilling, groundbreaking, invigorating, life affirming

writing final acts: it took some work but eventually we got there

writing middle acts: hi. it's me. i'm the problem.

[mephistopheles]

really loving shakespeares history plays

[thatsuhboldchoice]

so far we have only done tablework for hamlet and i have to admit i am struggling

it's not that i don't have opinions about these texts or that i'm incapable of doing textual analysis but it's more that i haven't actually met my castmates in person or read any of these lines out loud yet

treating the tablework as collecting questions we want to explore in rehearsal works for me but i struggle so much when i am point blank asked a character question bc i haven't done a single moment of this script on its feet

i can't find these characters or these relationships until we get in a room and see what we have and i hate talking extensively about backstory when i just need to get out there and see what works

thankfully one of the directors today didn't force us to keep going when we ran out of material. he was like sometimes you just have to take what your character does at face value and your characters have like two interactions and that's it and i was like thank you.

[whatareyoureallyafraidof]

:-)

[thatsuhboldchoice]

fuck so i think the two plays may actually be one play

when they said kill your darlings i thought it would be like here and there i'll have to sacrifice a character, scene or plotline for the good of the whole piece

instead i am taking two three act plays and aiming for one five act play and let me tell you when i say i am not just killing my darlings i am committing mass murder

the first play literally has ten characters out which four are emerging relatively intact and the six characters in play two are absorbing the rest of the characters from the first like twins in the womb

i truly believe out of two pretty good plays i can make one killer one otherwise i wouldn't be doing this

because boy oh boy is it a mindfuck to be like so i thought i had two complete plays turns out i was wrong

[tomhiddleston-loki]