My Transition

A masculine-identified genderfuck's road to manhood.

[thattranskid]

The boy I like just asked me my pronouns.

No one has ever asked my pronouns before.

[thattranskid]

The best way I can figure out to explain my idenities.

[thattranskid]

Finding identity

After searching the webs for a very long time, I think I have found a gender identity that captures how I feel: agender. I am not a boy or a girl and I am not a mix of both of them. I am neither. I am me.

[thattranskid]

Gender Confusion.

I am, for the first time in my entire life, confused about my gender. It is extremely frustrating. I am pretty positive at this point that I am not male. But I know that no female labels fit me at all. I am neither a girl nor a lady; I am still far from it. I am still pretty masculine-identified though. Being called a man or a boy does not bother me usually. But for some reason that I have yet to understand, “he” is starting to bother me. Not as much as “she”, but still it’s bothersome. I have come to terms with some more feminine aspects of my being though. I like to wear nail polish, actually I prefer it. And occasionally I like make-up and ‘girl’ clothes. I like dresses; even though I haven’t worn one in four years, I think I would like to and I do know that I like the fashion of them from just seeing a lot of gorgeous ones on Tumblr. And when I get farther and farther into these things, I think that maybe I am somehow girl-identified but even in those moments, that doesn’t feel right. I’m definitely not just flamboyant or something of the like. Can I be not completely male but not at all female while still liking most ‘female’ things? I don’t know. Maybe? Because I’m pretty sure that’s what I am. I’ve determined that I’m just going identify as a masculine-identified genderfuck.

I’m so confused by all of this and it really pisses me off. And it (not only it but still) is making me so anxious. I am on the verge of a panic attack as I write this. And I’m not one usually to write but it seems to be helping right now. So I’m sorry for venting and if you read all of this, props to you.

[thattranskid]

A (little over a) Month's Changes

My voice cracks pretty often.

My singing got worse, if you can imagine.

I actually managed to be hornier than my usual.

Hungry all the fucking time.

I'm getting my father's lovely unibrow. Thank god for waxing.

Definitely more facial hair but not like a redic amount.

Have to pee WAY more than my normal and when I feel like I need to potty, I need to potty asap.

I always feel hot. Even in snow. Apparently I've turned into a space heater.

Weird bumps on the top of both of my thighs? fuck if i know.

[thattranskid]

Another Update

It's steadily gotten harder to do my shots.

Three shots ago, I went an extra 12 hours over my intended time to do it because I couldn't get the balls to do it. Then when I did it, I nearly passed out. It was awful and terrifying.

Two shots ago, I did it in less than five minutes because I was trying to impress by trans friend.

Last shot, I went two days past when I wanted to do it because I was terrified and kept nearly passing out. So I went to the shot clinic and they did it for me. But I still had to hold on to Bri and bury my face for dear life.

And I have missed this week's shot because the airport took my T  :(

[thattranskid]

Day 9 and 10

GOD MY FUCKING LEG HURTS

[thattranskid]

Day 8

Took less time to give myself a shot but i still stabbed myself a zillion times and bled way more than last time. Actual shot hurt worse than last time.

[thattranskid]

Day 12

Tired as fuck

[thattranskid]

Day 11

Perfectly fine. YAY!

[thattranskid]

Day 10

Full of energy, hot flashes like a mofo, threw up a couple of times, believe it or not, alcohol does not help.

[thattranskid]

Days 6 and 7

Stomach problems continue

[thattranskid]

Day 5

Started spotting with the worst cramps of my entire life, still nauseous with other stomach problems. Noticeably oilier face.

[thattranskid]

Day 4

Minimal nausea, leg almost completely painless

[thattranskid]

Day 3

More nausea, leg feeling somewhat better

[thattranskid]

Day 2

Nausea and 1 time vomiting. Leg still fucking hurts, even worse than yesterday. Can barely move it. If I straighten it, I will probably cry.

[thattranskid]

Day 1

So the nurse made me inject water into my leg with a needle much bigger than my actual needles. So my leg literally burned the rest of the night and is still sore (3 days later). Later, after being traumatized by that experience, it took me a long ass time to inject myself with T, but I did it! And it didn't hurt at all. The water was much worse. No side effects, day 1