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THCRNEDROSES’ MUSES LIST & RULES
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HEATHER HOLLOWAY’S MAIN BLOG -> @flayedprincss
One Nice Bug Per Day
RMH

@theartofmadeline
almost home
Cosimo Galluzzi
AnasAbdin
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Peter Solarz

if i look back, i am lost
Show & Tell

#extradirty

Kaledo Art
tumblr dot com
Stranger Things
Mike Driver
taylor price
Three Goblin Art
h
art blog(derogatory)
YOU ARE THE REASON
seen from Saudi Arabia

seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from El Salvador

seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Germany

seen from United States
seen from Lithuania

seen from United States

seen from Saudi Arabia

seen from Barbados
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from Barbados

seen from Japan
seen from Colombia

seen from United States
@thcrnedroses
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THCRNEDROSES’ MUSES LIST & RULES
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HEATHER HOLLOWAY’S MAIN BLOG -> @flayedprincss
life is mostly froth and bubble, two things stand like stone. kindness in another’s trouble, courage in your own.
» HIGHLY SELECTIVE HEATHER HOLLOWAY FROM STRANGER THINGS
revived by Lynn ©
turnedahero:
“okay.” giving a weak smile, just nodding along but he’s actually still suffering on the inside. “i’m supposed to keep an eye on max. not the other way around. i’m fine.” despite still thinking of what he could get up to in the middle of the night, even during the pain of her cleaning his cuts, it should be a good reason why he shouldn’t do this again. but that’s how powerful a mind is when it’s caught by depression. “oh, really. girls don’t shit huh. i didn’t know one gender didn’t shit, but the other gender does.” he’s a prick and immature in so many ways, but it’s funny he’d never be so immature in this aspect. where he’s stupid to think girls don’t use the bathroom too, a lot of guys he’s known really are that ignorant though. “jeez…shirley sounds like she’s full of shit. full of shit shirley.” rolling his eyes at how ridiculous the rest of this sounds, maybe he sees why heather hangs around him most now. “mythical concept? what does that even mean.” brows knitting in confusion. “what the hell…” king of gross is even repulsed by that as he makes a face, hand dropping from her curls. “i hope you don’t put one of those in your bag.” that sounds so damn dumb, too. “some don’t, i guess. but i wanna know. this is a whole new side to girls i don’t know about and i like ‘nasty’ things. i’d shave your legs for you.” well, why not? it’s an opportunity to touch legs. “can i see the blood holder thing?” he’s looking for the word, referring a pad or tampon as a holder for blood. “whenever it’s time you do your thing.” her period– but he feels weird saying it like that. period. he’s intrigued to see this blood coming out of girls. “how long does it happen?” he wonders, definitely distracted seeing he hasn’t even seen the band-aids adorning his skin yet.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
« She really cares about you, B. Don’t leave her. » Don’t leave me either, that her voice also said, even while her gaze was focused on what her hands were doing. Heather had already told him how much she needed him in her life, but maybe reminding him he also had a sister who loved him would give him another reason to not give up on life. Smirking at the Full of Shit Shirley, Heather knew she shouldn’t have laughed about one of her friends but she did it nonetheless, a bubble of relief lifting from her heart as she heard the blond making a joke. « I bet she won’t write it on her application for Harvard. Funny thing is she’s probably going to get in. » They had the same grades, except that Heather had never been so interested in college. No-one apart from Billy knew of her other dreams involving a travel around the world and the idea of freedom, cause definitely none of her other friend would have understood that. « Like unicorns, you know? Legends in books that aren’t in reality. » One second after Heather had precised that, pure surprise and confusion had her lift her chocolate irises towards him. Looking at the guy’s face, she wondered if it was even possible for a guy to have such a weird curiosity. « Uhm, sure...? How can I say no to such a scientific request? » Chuckling at how surreal it felt, she used her free hand to reach for the bag resting at the end of the mattress and take out the mysterious object she handed to Billy. A small soft cylinder wrapped in plastic. « Mine like... five days every month. For some girls is less, for others is more. We’re all pretty different in that department. » God, maybe Shirley was RIGHT in saying it was extra awkward to talk about such things, but if it kept Billy’s attention away from the sting then she was ready to explain every girly secret. Talking as she finished cleaning the cuts on his wrist, her voice was amused as her expression was extremely focused in putting on some more band-aids. « Max should be close to having her first, I guess. Tell her that she can call me if she needs help, my mom was more embarrassed than me when it happened to me. I bet my dad still think I’m still waiting. »
can't sleep cause I'm too tired to sleep (?) so this idea came to my mind: I'm gonna move Heater to a single-muse blog cause she's special and she deserves it ✨💖🦄 does anyone know any cute pastel and/or pink themes??? pls and thank you
turnedahero:
“i don’t know what else.” that isn’t about bringing blood…all he knows is to bring himself pain because being happy just isn’t meant to work for him. it’s why he tries so hard to make that feeling now, turn to stone. that flourishing and overwhelming feeling he gets staring at her, being in her presence all by itself does that. what the hell is that anyway? it can’t be love– he doesn’t want anything to do with that word. he doesn’t think he’s even capable of an emotion like that. that doesn’t explain why he’s reaching up and gently pulling the scrunchie out of her bun once she sits next to him, with eyes watching in tired soft wonder at all the brown curls that come undone like he wanted to happen. eyes filled with something other than pain and sadness, admiring the way they’re dark, long and just beautiful. “just…” shrugging, watching her plant that kiss to his palm before shyly brushing back her hair behind her ears, “a few things.” a lot of things, everything. but he doesn’t want to go exposing just how much he feels for her. glancing away from her eyes he loves so much, they burn through him when he’s feeling so vulnerable like this. looking down, he pulls the hair accessory on to his wrist and wears it as a bracelet for now.
“why?” brows creasing, both in confusion and at the horrible sting. god– that hurts worse than when he cut it. clenching his jaw, stifling any sounds of discomfort while digging his nails into his palms. “why’s that something guys should never see?” nothing is embarrassing for him, nothing like that anyway so he’s wondering for what reason.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
« Don’t worry, I have a few ideas ready just in case another bad day comes. Just promise you’ll call me instead of going to play popsicle in the snow. » Heather phrased the words with a lighter tone, but as she looked at Billy her eyes begged for him to make that promise. « I could ask Max to take an eye on you for me, but she’s a child. » They were too, to be completely honest, nothing more than teenagers playing adults in a life that required it from them. In a life that wasn’t right nor fair in putting all that weight on such young shoulders. And that was why the only way was for them to carry it together. Smiling and staring at him as her curls fell wild around her face, Heather’s dark hues became a bit brighter in seeing emotions that weren’t pain finally painting his visage, making the ocean-abyss in his irises less stormy. In any other moment, she would have complained for looking like a mess now, with hair still ruffled from cold, snow and humidity, but if that was what made softness come up in his gaze, then she was more than happy to look like a lioness. Even when the curls tickled her forehead. Instinctively tilting her head towards the fingers that were moving the rebel strands away from her face, Heather loving smirk grew even warmer as she let out a soft chuckle. « She says that you guys seeing such objects ruins the illusion that us girls don’t shave, don’t poo nor do nasty things like that. Oh, and our period can only be a mythical concept. She says we’re supposed to look like ethereal creatures. » It really was ridiculous even only repeating Shirley’s words, and Heather couldn’t do it without letting out another small laugh. « Once she put a dirty tampon in her bag just because she didn’t want to throw it in her boyfriend’s trash can. Then she had to throw the bag because it got stained. » Hoping that that gross story was enough to either make him laugh or get distracted, Heather then gently blew on the cuts to alleviate the sting. Putting the cotton pad away after a few taps on his thigh, she used three separate rainbow band-aids to protect the wounds. Then, another clean unicorn pad in hand, she proceeded to do the same with his wrist, taking his hand and turning it so the cuts were facing her with their angry red lines. « So, my question is: do you guys really not wanna know about these things? Cause I already told Shirley she’s crazy, but who knows, maybe she was right all along. »
@turnedahero
turnedahero:
“because when it’s happening, it feels nice. and then when it’s over it’s back.” the pain is back, but he wants to stay vague as possible. the distraction is short lived and then it’s also the part where he feels the need to lash out on himself for being so worthless. and that’s why he wants to cut again or burn himself again, anything to bring himself harm and pain he feels like he deserves. one shoulder slightly lifts, trying to shrug the question off, with yet another i don’t know. but it’s hard to just shrug her off when he stares through her eyes. taking his hand, pulling it out of her grip. palm briefly rests on his unscraped knee, seeing her tears since they’re the only thing he can train his focus on. trying to ignore them– trying and trying. then hand lifts off that knee, fingers of the beast laying his dangerous claw so delicately on the cheek of the princess who has a heart of gold. that unsteadiness always lurking behind cold eyes could tear into her, why wouldn’t he? usually, that’s what happens right now. he turns rabid and cruel once he’s at his limit with showing his emotions, like earlier. but he smolders that flame before it can even ignite again– considering he’s still very conscious of what he did and always will. anchoring his ugly with her good pouring from the emotion in her warm eyes, thumb brushes over her damp lashes. feeling the tears beneath the pad of his thumb, makes it feel so much more real. it’s so much more than just tear drops, it’s obviously all that foreign emotion in her eyes he’s not used to seeing anyone look at him with glistening on his finger tips he wipes away. he focuses so intently on how she looks at him like that. that’s what he’s wondering, that’s what he’s thinking of now. voice still the same tone, but finally he does say something, “just you.”
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
« Then maybe we should find something nice that’ll last longer. And that doesn’t imply blood. » Something healthy, that was what Heather meant, as she underlined that WE as she wouldn’t let him face it alone. Although a part of her knew that the point was just that, doing something bad because that was what he knew, what he had been taught. It wasn’t his fault, it wasn’t something he had chosen, so getting mad at him only seemed unfair now. The way he had grown up, that was what she was mad at. His dad, his childhood, the happiness that had been kept from him so that all he knew was pain... Heather sighed, closing her eyes and letting Billy brush away the tears from her lashes before they could roll down on her cheeks. She was grateful for that gesture, preventing her from crying again in front of him and showing how much her heart was breaking just by thinking of all the things in his past that she couldn’t change. But she was there now, at least, and that was the only good think caused by whatever hell he had lived in: fate having them meet, crossing their paths so they could find better things. Focusing on the positive, after all, was the only way she knew not to drown with him in shared pain. Opening her eyes again just to never leave his gaze, she stood up from her kneeling position just to sit on the bed, so close to him that her legs were touching his. « Me? What about me? » Kissing again the palm of the hand that was still in hers, Heather tried to keep him talking as she grabbed the colorful cotton pad she had left on the bed just minutes before. Still damp with disinfectant, she didn’t ask for his permission now as she started cleaning the cuts on his thigh with extreme gentleness. « You know, it’s kinda embarrassing that you found my razor, my friend Shirley says those are things guys should never see. » She also chuckles and tried to make him laugh, to keep his mind away from the sting.
turnedahero:
“no. it just feels good, i told you that you don’t understand.” keeping himself hidden, mumbling and hiding like a little kid that stays so closed off. “because.” because he just doesn’t feel like a human being, no one loves him, his father said it— he’s worthless. heather can tell him she loves him, but it’s sad he can’t accept her love, he can’t accept it from someone else. he’s tried so hard all these years to make his parents love him, now his brain is messed up in that way too. he can’t love anyone else and no one else can love him, all because he can’t believe in love for never receiving it from the people who was supposed to love him before anybody. “i’ve been thinking all night.” about what his dad said to him. then he started thinking about his mother. but he can’t tell her any of this. moving his hands away from his face after a moment of going silent, he lets them fall into her hands. pained blues dropping down on her, he looks so lost. he’s still silent because he doesn’t know what else to say. he can’t tell anyone, that’s the problem. and what will it help? he feels like nothing can help him.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Maybe she couldn’t understand, but she didn’t believe him either. Not completely, at least, because nothing about him was as easy as an “it just feels good”. And maybe she didn’t know everything, but she knew enough to be sure of one thing: that pain only brought more pain. « Okay, so maybe it feels good. But then why did you look so miserable after cutting yourself earlier? » Heather’s voice wasn’t arguing, it was more the kind of calm and composed tone she always used to explain something, to call at whatever bit of rationality might be left in him and show him the lingering contradiction. That because almost made her hope for an explanation to come, but when none followed Heather just focused on his hands now in hers. On the blue eyes finally on her and looking as lost as the ones of someone trying to navigate a labyrinth blindfolded. « I can see you thinking, it’s like you’re not even here. » Squeezing his hands, Heather almost felt like she was touching a figure made of smoke, someone she could see but not reach despite whatever she did. Like the closer she got, the farther he slipped away from her fingers. « What are you thinking about, B.? » So she tried again, chocolate hues shining with tears of confusion, love and empathy as they dived into his, trying to find the hand of the guy that was drowning in that storming sea. To drag him towards the surface.
turnedahero:
flinching, his hand left empty and his heart rate jolting at the sudden loudness. what did he expect? he thought he could get away with it for at least three seconds, but she didn’t even give him that. calm with her shaking him out of his skull, his body peeled away from the vanity and heather’s hands rattling him with the movements. “i CAN’T explain it.” he blurts, finally brows knit into aggarvation, “you don’t understand. i don’t understand!” he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with himself, let alone explaining it to someone ELSE. “i don’t know.” voice loudly frustrated before turning into a happy whisper, “–cause…cause it feels good.” turning on the seat, he stands up and walks away from heather to her bed so he can sit. he places the other cloth on his thigh after he pulls it from his neck, placing his hands over his eyes as he hides. she won’t let him do what he wants and it’s so frustrating. she probably will need to tie him to her bed, he’ll just keep trying to sneak off any chance he gets through out the night. he’s already found things in her bedroom to harm himself with, there’s still an entire kitchen of knives he’s thought of already.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Almost growling with how frustrated she was, Heather still let go of his shoulders the moment she saw Billy flinch at how loud she was speaking. She didn’t mean to scare him, but despite how bad Heather felt about it she was at least thankful for that reaction. Treating him roughly for some reason was the only way to get anything out of him that day, and she hated it. Heather had never been a rough person, she didn’t even know how to act like one. Raising her voice, losing her patience... It was annoying and exhausting and her acting like that only meant that she had reached the peak of her desperation. She couldn’t keep fighting him to keep his hands away from harming himself, but she was going to if she didn’t have any other choice. « That’s not what I need you to explain. » Sighing in exasperation at his happy whisper, she didn’t sit next to him on the bed because she just couldn’t stay still. « I know why you’re hurting yourself. You’re doing it because the pain keeps your mind away from... the other kind of pain. » Hands moving with her words and showing how she felt, that was the only thing she had figured out until now. That the pain — like the rage, the fights and the outbursts — was just a distraction from what was way WORSE on the inside. And it was THAT Heather needed to understand, THAT she needed to uncover, cause it probably had everything to do with the thoughts he was getting lost in right before taking the spoon and burning his skin. « This is what I’m asking you: what were you thinking about that... caused this? » Kneeling in front of him, Heather tried to lower her voice both to avoid her parents from rushing into the room and to not have him flinch again when she placed her hands on his palms. But it was nearly impossible to hide the fire that came with how helpless she felt. « I don’t know, B... was it about your dad? Is it about something he said? What hurts more than... these? » Gentle as a feather, she brushed the small cuts with her thumb. « It’s okay if you don’t want to open up with me, it really is, but you have to open up with someone, ANYONE, because otherwise... this is gonna keep happening. »
turnedahero:
he pays too close to attention to those brown eyes, stares deep into the window of her relentlessly warm soul and doesn’t like what he finds– her noticing the shyness she’s coaxed out of him. it’s fucking embarrassing and has his features dropping at once, genuinely looking angry for a brief moment before face softens into amusement. “shock me. the only thing that shocks me is someone like you, wanting to kiss me so bad you just couldn’t stand it any longer. before i knew you, i thought you were only frisky for guys on the academic team. those dweebs and shit.” snorting, he’s gotta say something to cover up his shock. he plays it so cool on the outside with stoic emotions, but his heart pounding beneath ribcage is a different story. “nah, you’re just letting me rub off on you. jeez– what would daddy say? huh?” fingers squeezing the skin on her thighs, still got his hands under her skirt, both of his palms molded around the sides of her legs. it’s a nice place to keep his cold hands warm. “my daughter’s got the hots for a delinquent and she’s turning into him. …well, i kinda like it. but i only like to corrupt dumb blondes.” what he’s saying– she’s too good for him. and what he’s saying, in his own way, he’s trying to look out for her and protect her from being hurt by him. “do what, again? feel me naked?” taking this annoying little hand of hers, he peels it off, like she’s crossed some no trespassing property only to slide it under his dark red sweatshirt. placing her palm over his right side of his chest, over the strong pec, not his heart. definitely not on his heart. grabbing the cherry sucker, he’s popping that back into his mouth and using his free hand he slips out from underneath of her skirt, his right one to grab the steering wheel. purposely letting the car roll and hitting the gas, beginning to drive the thing out of this street it’s been idling on for the last five minutes and on to the road while heather’s sitting here like this. keeping his hand under his shirt over her hand for show. having to dart over her shoulder, just to see where he’s going.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Busted, that was what he looked like. Caught in showing feelings he quickly hid with an angry expression as transient as a snowflake melting on the warm car window. And the embarrassment became cockiness and sarcasm, two defense mechanisms she had seen way too many times on Billy’s face and that made her smile. Smirking like a cat that just couldn’t buy his words when she had just heard how fast his heart was RACING, Heather just tilted her head to the side as she listened to her best friend going on and on to avoid admitting that he had been, indeed, SHOCKED. « Oh, sure, cause guys on the academic team are definitely the ones I spend all my time with. » She didn’t even hide a chuckle, as her teasing him was probably enough to show how little his teasing were going under her skin. « Don’t flatter yourself, B. You’re not the bad influence you think you are. » He really wasn’t, not as much as he, her father or most people in Hawkins liked to believe. He was more like a kitty that liked to hiss without causing that much harm, especially when she was around to keep him under control. « And you’re definitely not a delinquent. Maybe I’m the one corrupting you. » With nice words and warm feelings, Heather wasn’t blind enough to no see how much her presence affected him. He wasn’t a bad boy turning good, but she liked to think that the good side that was already there was just shining a bit brighter. « You make me comfortable enough to act on instinct, I don’t care what daddy has to say about you. » Shrugging and rolling her eyes when her hand was guided under his shirt, Heather rested it there and let go a sound of surprise when Billy actually started driving like that, with her on top of him. « Jeez, it’s this your way of trapping me on you? » Cause of course she couldn’t risk moving while he was driving, and she didn’t even want to. For a moment, she considered putting her head on his chest so that Billy could see the road, but apparently Heather was feeling particularly reckless that day. Tip of her nose softly teasing his jawline, she let out a warm laugh against his neck before tracing a small line along it with the tip of her tongue, a small bite at the end of the trail tasting the skin. « You sure you wanna drive like this? »
turnedahero:
“nothing,” shaking his head, “just thinking– of a girl.” pretending she was the girl in that moment, by glancing towards her before turning his gaze back on the food. having to pick the tea up even though he’d rather be done, he’s having to get a drink to clear the taste from his mouth. “oh.” well that’s an agreement he takes back, he’s so addled he just forgets to be grouchy and say no to an idea like that. probably the best proof you’re not yourself, when you’re even letting your facade go. it’s fucking exhausting being that explosive asshole he’s so good at being, he’s at his tiredest when he’s took off his disguise. letting his strong body that feels so fatigue slump forward, folding his good arm over the vanity and pressing his forehead to his forearm. his muscles so tight, tensed underneath her fingers but he learns to let the movements of her massage chase away the tension. staying in the same position even after the nice feeling has gone away because she’s left, he only jolts back up when the damp towels press to his skin. they’re cold and uncomfortable until it then quickly begins to make the feverish skin feel better. “okay, i’ll just stay like this.” letting the one on his neck stick there on it’s own as he returns his previous resting position instead of getting up and going to the bed, he’s taking the one he’s holding to his forehead and placing it over his cut arm. it soothes that annoying ache, but that’s ironic considering the irrational thoughts in his head wants to proceed to bring more of that pain he’s trying to subside now– that’s having his eyes flicker back on the hot soup. watching the steam pull from the surface of it, the smallest bit that’s still wavering. it’s not hot enough to burn him, but still could hurt. slowly pulling the spoon out, letting the excess liquid drizzle into the bowl before he presses the silver to the top of his arm, next to the cold cloth and lets the hotness of the metal attack his skin. making the muscles in his stomach flinch, inhaling a sharp breath. it does hurt more than he even anticipated.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Letting him take the wet towel, Heather wasn’t too surprised to see him placing it on the cuts rather than on his forehead. That showed how much they had to be hurting, clearly more than how burning hot his skin had become. His flushed cheeks still looked paler than the angry red area around the wounds, and even though blood wasn’t dripping anymore Heather’s concern was far from subsiding. Her mind kept spinning and spinning, thinking about how clean her razor had been, how high was the risk of them getting infected or scarring, turning that impulsive gesture into a symbol of pain his body would forever carry. Heather didn’t want him to remember about that day, and although there probably was no way for Billy to actually forget about it she at least hoped to prevent him from having a constant reminder right on his skin. « You should go back to bed. » She advised, almost afraid he could fall asleep right there at her vanity. His physical exhaustion was probably what got Heather distracted for a few moments, misinterpreting why he took the spoon from the soup. Thinking he was just going to eat some more of it, Billy’s plans turned out to be much darker. Heather’s eyes went wide in shock when he pressed the hot metal on his arm, much like when she had seen him burning himself with a cigarette some time ago. Reacting immediately, she snatched the spoon from his hand and in doing so she almost threw it across the room. As it clanked on the floor, she quickly grabbed the towel from his neck and pressed it on the fiery red skin. « What the fuck Billy?! AGAIN?! » Head and heart pounding, the SHOCK finally managed to wash away her patience and bring even MORE protective rage into her chocolate irises. « That’s fucking enough! You can’t keep doing this! » Standing up with a furious expression, Heather put both hands on his shoulders and shook him, still careful to avoid the bruises but determined to force him to LOOK AT HER. « I’m DONE being patient and letting you hold everything in and HURT YOURSELF like this! You better tell me what’s going on in your head because I’m THIS CLOSE to tie you up to the bed. » Breath rapid after raising her voice, she stayed there just staring at him for a few infinite seconds before an exhausted, painful whine escaped her lips. « PLEASE... Just talk to me. Why do you need this? »
turnedahero:
“yeah, sure. there’s not much to do with it anyway.” her room, even so girly, is so much more of a real room. she’s got memories attached to it, childhood surrounds her all the time, he doesn’t have any attachment to his like that because it feels just like a hole his dad has thrown him in like the stray dog on a chain he treats him like. he wonders what it’s like to actually be in touch with good memories like that, live in a happy spot where you’ve grown up. somewhere around nine years old his brain started frying from all the anger his head started being filled with and now there’s nothing to remember good. that’s why he’s so attached to that stupid beach, it is the only good. it wouldn’t mattered if the place had been here, wouldn’t mattered if he grew up here– if he and his mom had spent everyday at a little hole in the wall diner then he’d forever be attached to that diner. just as long as his mom had been there, laughing with him and having fun, he’d love it if it was in alaska. somehow it was just that beach that the universe made that their place. for some kids, it might’ve been a park, or friday nights in the living room or another spot. but for him and his mother it was the ocean. a lot of the reasoning for being obsessed with the beach is because of his attachment of his only good memories being there, the only thing he had left of his mother that made it feel like she was still there. her necklace hanging off his neck doesn’t really suffice, there’s even a specific spot on that beach. two spots… santa monica pier and zuma beach in malibu. it’s like she died or something, sometimes he pretends that’s what happened to her instead. sometimes it’s easier to live life day by day pretending his mother didn’t abandon him, but being delusional and just pretending she loved him until the very end of her premature death he makes up in his head. it’s twisted in a way, since she’s not dead. but he never has acted like he wasn’t disturbed. he can’t bare the thought of his mom out here right now living life without him just fine when he’s still mourning her like she’s not breathing. “what?” hearing something about mascara, finally he snaps out of his thoughts from her NUDGE. he forgets he’s been chewing and staring at her through the mirror the entire time, while so deep lost in his thoughts she keeps asking him about. “oh… yeah.” he doesn’t know what she said, he’s agreeing just to be agreeing. “what are we doing?” well now he has to ask since he’s looking at the pencil in confusion, placing it next to the bowl. “well now i know you can make other good food than just good cookies.” scooping more soup, he keeps eating until it’s half way gone and the warmth of it is making him hotter. that’s when he takes a break, placing arm on the table and holding his head for a moment. suddenly regretting it, how can it finally make his empty stomach fill good being full but making him also feel so sick simultaneously.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Staring at her through the mirror, Billy was right next to her and yet he wasn’t. Blue hues vague and lost, Heather could almost see the waves dancing inside his irises. His thoughts were dragging him farther and farther away from that room, from her talking a few inches next to him. Heather wasn’t sure whether it was the fever or everything else that was keeping her best friend locked inside his head, but she still placed her palm between his shoulders. « What’s going on, B.? » Rubbing the skin in a way that wasn’t rough on the bruises but that she hope could be at least grounding, Heather could feel the emotions radiating from him just as much as she could feel the heat spreading through his body. « I was suggesting you should try on eyeliner. » She repeated peacefully as her hand slightly massaged his shoulders, then the muscles and nerves behind his neck with two gentle fingers. He once again looked in pain, as if nauseous after eating the food or maybe just from exhaustion alone. « But let’s do it another day, you look like you should lay down. » If she had been strong enough, she would have dragged Billy back to bed without letting him phrase any other complain. Of course, Heather wasn’t even remotely, especially not after all those waves of panic had drained all her energy that day. She was keeping her eyes open only because the need to look after him was stronger than the need to sleep. Closing her eyes wasn’t allowed while Billy’s were still open, as even in his current tiredness she didn’t trust him being awake with no supervision in his current mental state. « Gimme one second. » Heather only said as she stood up, almost running to the bathroom and looking at her back twice before spending a moment to damp two small towel in cold water. Back to her best friend, she laid one on his neck and used the other one to cool down his forehead. « These should make you feel better. »
turnedahero:
“guess you should come decorate it, then.” if he let her loose on his room she’d turn it into a carebear and glitter explosion. it’s plain and she did say she liked to make things like that pretty. “am not.” deep voice quietly denies, mumbling around throwing the pill into his mouth and downing it with the warm drink. he says as his back covered in those brutal purple and blue patches faces her. these colors on his skin, the pain that comes with so much as leaning down to get a bite of the soup…it’s normal. it feels normal after getting the treatment his entire life. no wonder he wants to end his existence so often. sitting down at her vanity, he tries the croutons to prolong him from having to get his cuts tended to. crunching the bites, eyes shift away from those red cuts that are so in his face he can’t miss the red angry lines– like his skin is even making him feel bad for cutting and harming it. finding his reflection in the mirror instead. he’s quiet for a moment, not so quick on being funny, but eventually his tired brain naturally digs up something. “might do my makeup while i’m here.” to keep from talking about what he’s thinking about. cheeks flushed red, already looks like he’s wearing blush. he really wants to refuse food, but he’s not had food all day, so he gets that first bite and gives in with another and then another. finally trying the soup that really gets him addicted to keep coming back for more. doesn’t know whether it’s starvation and so low on energy, but it tastes like the best soup he’s ever had in his life.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
« Well, maybe I will. I’ll bring hot glue and strasses. » Heather joked, but not really. Maybe she wasn’t actually going to bring strasses to his room, but making it prettier with colors seemed like a good idea when the rest of his house sounded like such a dark place. It was hard to look away from the graffiti of blues and purples on his back as her fingers itched to touch Billy’s wrist and convince him to turn. Despite his no, he was definitely hiding from her. Whether it was because he felt exposed, embarrassed or both, Heather wished he could just let her see whatever was floating in his thoughts. But at least he was eating, a small improvement even when she knew he was using that soup to stall and keep her away from cleaning his cuts. The damp unicorn cotton pad still in hand, Heather let it go with a sigh and stood to drag the chair from her desk to the vanity. Sitting next to him, she reached for her cup of tea and took a sip as she stared at Billy’s face reflected in the mirror. « You should. I keep thinking your eyes would pop with some mascara and eyeliner. » Funnily nudging at him with her elbow, Heather opened the makeup bag and handed him the black pencil. A daring smirk on her lips, she at least tried to distract him. « Wanna try? Not on your black eye, though. You don’t want to rub it with makeup remover... Ehy, breath while you eat, B. » Chuckling softy at how the guy was devouring the soup she had made for him, it still made her heart warm up and smile in tenderness. « It’s the first time I cook something for you that isn’t cookies. »
turnedahero:
he’s laughing way more at the look he gets once his face draws back to stare at heather, snorting before he’s erupting with laughter all over again. that expression, how bewildered she looks, is just too damn amusing to him. “i didn’t say you could keep it.” but he knows he’ll let her have it anyway which makes him roll his eyes at himself as he snatches his candy back. gaze moving back on the road, he’s about to let pressure off the brake and finally head that way when she makes him stop the car again when the weight of her body presses down on his shoulder. making him look in her direction, confusion crosses his expressions as he’s staring up at her and then she’s here plopping down into his lap. his turn to be surprised when her fingers shove through golden curls and her lips press to his with his lids falling closed. his hands place on either side of her legs, fingers digging into the top of her tights, curling into the insides of them. pulling them down just an inch so his fingers can splay across her skin and run across her skin, vanishing underneath her skirt just to feel what it’s like after staring at those legs in her swimsuit all summer long. the sucker he’s blindly dropping off on the wrapper still wadded on the console lid, now he can taste the cherry flavor of it from her lips and meets her tongue with his. letting his brush against hers in a hot open mouth kind of way before pressing his lips to her bottom one, kissing her hard. not rough, but in a passionate way like it’s going to be the only time he lets her– lets them do this. blue eyes slowly open and it scares him how close he is to those doe eyes he likes so much, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t like them so much. he can hear his heartbeat pounding in his ears. “you don’t have to prove anything to me. i told you– i like it.” smirking for emphasis, likes that she’s very innocent compared to most girls. at least to the ones he’s known.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Billy’s hands were cold and yet they BURNED her skin the moment they found it under the hem of her tights. If confusion had appeared in hues, the way he was kissing her back wasn’t confused at all. Tobacco on his lips mixing with sugar and cherry on hers, it was so easy to get lost in the way their tongues danced, in the way the air got warmer inside the small car space. Billy tasted and felt like she remembered, like a bonfire on the lake’s beach or fireworks on the 4th of July. He felt like the first sun of summer, sliding under her skin and taking away the winter chills. The first time they had kissed stress was tainting his lips and every other casual kiss following that night had been a simple brushing of lips, a way of showing affection that was easier to phrase and impossible to ignore. Today it was a loving game on Christmas day giving Heather the courage to do what she craved every time she looked at him. A smile on her red lips matching the blushing of her cheeks, the moment Heather dived back into his ocean hues she noticed how close they were to each other. « I know, but I wanted to shock you. » From that proximity Heather could count the freckles on his cheeks and the lighter speckles in his eyes. And the way he was looking at her with nervousness dancing in his irises. The hand still playing with his curls went to cup his cheek, small thumb brushing his soft perfectly shaved skin, while the other one she pressed on his chest, right above his running heartbeat. « And I really wanted to do this. » Those last few words were an unapologetic whisper, as if she was afraid someone else could hear that secret confession, even when it was only the two of them in the vehicle.
turnedahero:
“i know, but.” but he’s trying to act like he isn’t still human and even him eventually grows weak. the towels thud into the floor– and it feels as if it takes everything in him just to drag himself to her bed. he has to turn and sit down like an 80 year old man with a crippled back. “i know– look at your room.” it’s a ‘pretty’ explosion. it makes him slightly laugh through his nose before eyes fall back down on her glittery purple box. girls really will turn anything into a cutesy thing, it makes their worlds so different when his is cigarettes and motor oil and hers is glitter and soft things. “um….” sting like a jellyfish? do they have to disinfect them? he’s tensing up like the doctor is about to inject him with a needle or something. “thigh.” holding the pill in his hand, waiting to get a drink of whatever she brought him, he realizes he can escape the sting with that thought and doesn’t know why he’s sitting here any longer. standing up, he excuses himself because he ‘needs’ a drink of what’s in that cup to take the pill but he’s actually running away.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
« You’re just jealous your room isn’t this cute. » Not that she had seen it, cause she had never been to his place yet, but she could imagine a triumph of rock bands posters, vinyls and books about cars and engines. And probably a very manly white wall with a playboy calendar. Of course he had no teddy bears, Heather wondered how he slept alone with no stuffed animal to keep him company. Maybe she had to buy him one... Noticing the way Billy tensed, Heather was almost about to offer him Panda to hold and the cup of hot tea that was probably still warm, but he stood up first like he was suddenly extremely interested in the food he didn’t even want before. Frowning, Heather crossed both legs on the bed as she observed the guy standing and still not looking at her. A tiny red line was still running down his thigh. « You keep avoiding to look at me. » That came out more like a simple observation than anything else, really. She didn’t want to force him to, but keeping a distance hadn’t really helped earlier. « Wanna try and tell me what you’re thinking about? »
don’t mind me and my inner Heather over here just quietly BAWLING OUR EYES OUT reading about @turnedahero officially getting ADOPTED by Janet (@mrflayed)
turnedahero:
fingers kneading deeper and clinging tighter into the small of her back, it’s extra comfort to hear she’s not going anywhere. she never has, and she’s right, she’s definitely here now. still putting up with him. slowly leaning up once his back starts to ache in this position, his eyes open and burn from the light stinging them after they were finally starting to rest. then, flicker to the vanity with the razor popping back into his mind. but– he realizes he’s not able to freely do anymore harm…just a few more cuts…with heather here as his eyes flicker on her. looking at her shoulders instead of her eyes, he didn’t even catch what she just said. realizing he was so stuck in his thoughts. “i’m fine,” using one finger to gently flick the tendril hanging from her face from her bun, “i just feel hot and cold.” rubbing his eyes, careful not to rub the heel of his fist into the sore bruise close to underneath his right eye. both is a terrible combination, he doesn’t know if he wants to cover up or throw cold water on his face. dropping his hand, his other is still being held on by heather’s as he pushes himself up from the floor.
@thcrnedroses ❧ heather holloway
Smiling at Billy moving a rebellious curl away from her face, Heather’s fingers reached for the lonely pill remained on the sink before leading him to the bed. « Yeah, that’s because you’ve lost blood and you have frozen in the cold. Your body has been through a lot. » Kissing the back of his hand that was glued to hers, she didn’t even mention the horrible fight he had with his dad, the aching bruises adding to the cuts and fever that was burning him. No wonder he felt so bad, Heather was honestly amazed he was still standing as the bloodied towels fell on the ground. She was sure he was going to sleep for a whole day as soon as his lids would close, so she made him sit on the mattress and quickly reached for the glittery purple box she kept underneath. « I like to make things pretty. » She explained with a chuckle, as she opened it and spread what was inside of the blankets, revealing a very glamorous first-aid kit. From neon-yellow bandages to rainbow band-aids and a bottle of disinfectant on which she had hot-glued blue plastic gems and a sticker that said “Magic Potion”, Heather had put everything together after one of the many Friday nights spent fixing Billy’s knuckles after a random fight. She had even found some cotton pads decorated with unicorns, gems from the kids section of the drugstore. Letting go of Billy’s hand for one second so she could damp one pad with disinfectant, she handed him the pill he surely needed. Calm struggling to remain inside her chocolate hues, Heather’s smile was still the softest as she waited for permission. « Arm or thigh first? They’re gonna sting like a jellyfish. »