Childhood Trauma (Reema’s Blog)
Welcome back to our weekly blog! For this week, we’re embracing a whole new kind of struggle, one that a lot of us have experienced—that, or are still experiencing— since it takes more than just energy to heal and let it go such as childhood trauma. Which is our topic for this week!
Now, before I get too personal and share my own experience, I'd like to start off this lovely blog by admitting that I am in no way a person that opens up easily, in which I believe some of you also don’t. However, I still feel the need to speak up about certain topics because I, and you, should not be embarrassed or ashamed in doing so. And most importantly, we should embrace these struggles as they made us the people we are today.
Now, with that being said, I'd like to identify the meaning of childhood trauma first.
“Children may go through a range of experiences that classify as psychological trauma, these might include neglect, abandonment, sexual abuse, and physical abuse, parent or sibling is treated violently or there is a parent with a mental illness. These events have profound psychological, physiological, and sociological impacts and can have negative, lasting effects on health and well-being.”
As I've studied psychology for a year, I've always known that childhood is the most sensitive and important phase of a human’s life. It forms the personality of the individual and whatever events that happened, will have a forever lasting impact whether we like to admit that or not. It can be both positive and negative.
This means that adults who went through traumatic events when they were children, are in need of help depending on how bad the effect is. Some people need to seek therapy, some are in need for counselling. But either way, everyone is in need for understanding, love and support.
Personally, but not too personal, I’ve gone through difficulties as a little girl growing up in a very toxic environment where parents are expected to have kids for religious purposes more than anything else. Which can bring such a pressure on those who are not willing nor ready for parenting. I do believe that my mother loved me, deeply, although she probably didn’t know how to do that in a healthier way. Perhaps one of the reasons why is because our relatives pressured her to have a boy, saying that it is her time to finally have a boy since she already gave birth to girls and girls are known to be a heavy weight to their families back where I live.
I used to play with boys my age in the streets until I wasn’t allowed to play with them anymore. Or at all.
I had to wear Abaya (the islamic long black dress) before I even became of age.
I had to act like how respectful ladies are supposed to act. Not look at the other gender or think of being in touch with any of them including my cousins. I had to let go of my childhood and cut people off without understanding why & without it being my choice.
I didn’t really have access to people other than my own family and school.
Fun was limited and life was kind of.. Empty.
School is another whole story though, I got bullied a lot by not just my classmates but my teachers too. They used to bully me for a lot of unvaild reasons such as asking the Religion Teacher “suspicious” questions that came out of nothing but curiosity, having short hair and of course, for defending myself in situations where I was supposed to only listen in, only listen and obey. That itself had affected me a lot, it made it hard for me to express myself in healthy ways that people often end up misunderstand me and my intentions.
My school experience made me believe that I don’t belong there nor anywhere else. That I was just a loud kid who did not know any better. But I did. I really did.
As a child, I never really understood all of that, I thought that this is how It’s supposed to be. This is life. But now that I am in my early twenties I surely do realise how bad the effect of my childhood has on me. I do believe that once you become fully aware of yourself and your environment then you’ll see your traumas, as how they were and how they really are.
You’ll see how desperate they want you to let go of them.
So when it is time, please don’t turn your back on them by pretending that you’re alright.
Because life is a journey, and along the way, you’ll hurt people that wanted nothing for you but the best. And then you’ll be too blind to see it.
So you’ve got to open your eyes, embrace it all. Heal.
Don’t sleep on the flashbacks you get late at night, but instead cry them out, so in the morning you won’t have to feel everything all at once.. wanting to sleep for good.
You will, indeed, lose something in the process, but you will gain something greater in return.
