Go forth and smut it up!

Female, 40, United Kingdom, pansexual, utterly devoted to Peter Capaldi, The Thick of It, Stephen Fry, Have I Got News For You, Top Gear, Computer games, Computer Science and general geekery (Find all my fanfiction here!) Smutty fanfiction writer. I'm a geek by hobby and profession (mostly cranking out vast amounts of SQL) and once got out of a boring meeting by jamming pencils up my nose and saying 'wibble'. I love cups of tea. My username isn't a slur - it is how I refer to myself as a result of my mental illnesses (I'd never call anyone else that) and I'd be happy to furnish people with a full list of my disabilities if you need them. I just prefer to keep this blog about fandom :)

[the-crazy-geek]

May you all have a chilled out (I have my lava lamps going, soo nice) and fantastically awesome (me in my favourite dress, I'm learning self confidence) new decade.

This year I've known pain, hardship and seventeen different flavours of 'OMGWTF did I do to deserve this?!'

BUT I've also developed a pride in who I am and how much I can deal with. Yeah, I may be a 'high' BMI. Yeah I'm disabled. But the people who have issues with either of those facts can go fuck a cactus.

Because I'm done trying to change my life for others. I'm 42. I officially no longer give a shit.

[the-crazy-geek]

Been offline for a long time. Want to report that I'm on better meds, different anti-psychotics and such and recovering.

It's looking up for me. Sewing and writing will return.

[the-crazy-geek]

Cross stitch colouring-in piece done with entirely variegated threads and stuffed with lavender from the garden :)

[outofangband]

(Ulmo, deity of the ocean, waters, and rains from the works of JRR Tolkien, stimboard! Other Picrew Valar stimboards: Manwë Varda)

x x  x x  x x x 

(middle square made by me, with Picrew)

[the-crazy-geek]

This is amazing. I'd never heard of a stimboard before (I'm middle aged!) and my word I WISH I'd had this when I was at university.

[the-crazy-geek]

Steps to ruin

Step 1. Get employed by a firm

Step 2. Fail to get paid by firm for months

Step 3. Realise a lot of what you know about firm is illegal

Step 4. Resign from firm after they fail to pay you again

Step 5. Firm ends up in High Court due to illegal goings on being found out by police

Step 6. For some bizarre fucking reason turn evidence against firm to High Court

Step 7. Get ficking PRESS turning up at your doorstep

Step 8. Give testimony in court

Step 9. Panic

And that's my life at current.

(I can't sleep anymore. Why did I volunteer evidence. Yes it'll help the prosecution. But it's nearly destroyed me)

((No I'm not giving more detail. I can't))

[the-crazy-geek]

Although had a laugh today. Former employer contacted me to say I won't get a reference from them unless I withdraw my evidence.

Given they're in the High Court being charged with running a Ponzi scheme AND facing several counts of contempt of court (failing to show up, lying under oath etc.) I think they're going to be too busy being in prison to try and torpedo my career.

Which they also threatened. 2 young men who can barely copy and paste are going to destroy the career of an IT professional with over 20 years experience?

Ha! No. Have fun in prison boys....

[the-crazy-geek]

Lets have some additional laughs: they sent me emails, claiming to be from 'Annoymous' saying they'd wreck my life if I didn't withdraw my statements.

Problem: this is from guys who are so computer illiterate they couldn't even copy and paste when I was there, so these supposed anon email accounts...

...had their real names in the headings and signatures!

Personally I find that hilarious!

[the-crazy-geek]

I'm going to rewatch all my M*A*S*H episodes.

I remember watching this in the 1980s and having one of my frst crushes on Alan Alda (my other early crushes were Harold Ramis and Brent Spiner) . I'm pretty pleased to admit I'm still drooling over these episodes.

It's escapism at the moment.

[the-crazy-geek]

UK politics by an Englishwoman

Just go ahead and laugh

[the-crazy-geek]

Wore my new T-shirt to birthday coffee morning with Mum and Dad at John Lewis. The young cashier (estimate 23yrs old) asked if it was a Saudi Arabia tourist T-shirt!

Thankfully the older, wiser cashier with her said "No, it's a sci-fi book, film, computer game etc. Bit before your time though", told me it was an excellent t-shirt and made our coffees.

Did make me feel older though. I nearly missed several of my finals lectures in 1999 because I was playing Dune 2000 on the PC every day!

Anyone else play Dune 2, Dune 2000?

[the-crazy-geek]

Turned 42. This is a very out of focus shot of me to hide the grey hair/wrinkles/general malaise at working tech support for 20 odd years.

(The necklace is a raven on a pentagram, even though the husband unit says it looks like a pair of bollocks and a willy...)

[the-crazy-geek]

Rant about fat shaming

I wish there was a way for me to find a local gym, that has a pool, can deal with disabled people and won't have fat-shaming arseholes making me feel like I shouldn't be there or worse, taking photos to upload and go 'lol look at the fatty'.

Because my physio wants me to do some water exercises for my spine but the hydrotherapy unit has a 6 month waiting list.

The one and only time I went to a local pool and gym I lasted about 5 minutes before I could hear things like 'look at that fat b*tch' and 'I'd never let myself get that flabby'

Short of tattooing 'I'm fat and disabled, stop your body shaming shit' on me I've got little defense against this kinda shit. So, I may have to tell my physio I'll have to neglect my exercises a bit.

[thebiggerkitty]

This is the kind of thing that gives me panic attacks at the gym. I'm doing the best I can with my disabilities, the vast majority of people are just doing the best they can....whatever they are doing. Please don't give us shit for trying to be healthy.

[the-crazy-geek]

I'm also going to add 'people who give unsolicited diet advice' to the list of things that make me very uncomfortable.

I've got medical conditions and am on meds that make it basically impossible to lose weight. I've also got catastrophically low iron levels for reasons the doctors can't figure out (I eat enough iron in my diet, it justdoesn't go into my blood easily). The last thing I need is someone with no knowledge telling me to 'try paleo!' or 'go on a fruit cleanse!' or 'just cut out carbs!'.

Or my dad, who I do love with all my heart, telling me to stop taking my meds because they're strong and dangerous and I'd be healthier without them (he disagrees with things like antidepressants).

Bottom line I guess is people need to understand your point: that we all struggle on this planet and poking fun at others or lecturing them isn't acceptable.

[the-crazy-geek]

Rant about fat shaming

I wish there was a way for me to find a local gym, that has a pool, can deal with disabled people and won't have fat-shaming arseholes making me feel like I shouldn't be there or worse, taking photos to upload and go 'lol look at the fatty'.

Because my physio wants me to do some water exercises for my spine but the hydrotherapy unit has a 6 month waiting list.

The one and only time I went to a local pool and gym I lasted about 5 minutes before I could hear things like 'look at that fat b*tch' and 'I'd never let myself get that flabby'

Short of tattooing 'I'm fat and disabled, stop your body shaming shit' on me I've got little defense against this kinda shit. So, I may have to tell my physio I'll have to neglect my exercises a bit.

[the-crazy-geek]

Apparently these are not 'proper work attire' nor 'interview attire'. All I say is these combined with a professional suit and 20+ years experience in IT should let prospective employers know EXACTLY what they're getting.

(I would frequently show up to work in fabulous gothic dresses in my last 3 places of work. Reasons?

1. I'm fucking brilliant at what I do

2. It's IT. Most of the blokes wear weirder shit

3. I'm over 40, disabled, fat and do NOT give a shit anymore.

4. Gothic dresses are more comfy than suits anyway.

5. Zombie shoes beat blue socks and brown sandals. And that really is a staple of Mark I computer geeks...

[nipuni]

Viv brought the good stuff from Val Royeaux for Cass

[the-crazy-geek]

Vivienne is, by far, my favourite teammate in Dragon Age: Inquisition. She's not interested in being a romance option for the Inquisitor and takes absolutely NO shit from anyone.

She's a lady who knows she's awesome. I've used the 'tints' table in Skyhold a LOT just so I can get Viv looking fabulous, darling.

[the-crazy-geek]

Cross stitch colouring-in piece done with various variegated threads. I'm currently working it into a cushion for a friend of mine who loves colourful pieces of work :)

(Niece has asked for next colouring-in piece after this and requested it be 'gothic'. I'm going to do it on plastic canvas with various greys and then a centrepiece in blood red)

[the-crazy-geek]

Apparently they are not MY art tools....they are kitty chew toys.

10 minutes later he tried to eat the bin. Not the contents. The actual bin.

[the-crazy-geek]

Steps to ruin

Step 1. Get employed by a firm

Step 2. Fail to get paid by firm for months

Step 3. Realise a lot of what you know about firm is illegal

Step 4. Resign from firm after they fail to pay you again

Step 5. Firm ends up in High Court due to illegal goings on being found out by police

Step 6. For some bizarre fucking reason turn evidence against firm to High Court

Step 7. Get ficking PRESS turning up at your doorstep

Step 8. Give testimony in court

Step 9. Panic

And that's my life at current.

(I can't sleep anymore. Why did I volunteer evidence. Yes it'll help the prosecution. But it's nearly destroyed me)

((No I'm not giving more detail. I can't))

[the-crazy-geek]

Although had a laugh today. Former employer contacted me to say I won't get a reference from them unless I withdraw my evidence.

Given they're in the High Court being charged with running a Ponzi scheme AND facing several counts of contempt of court (failing to show up, lying under oath etc.) I think they're going to be too busy being in prison to try and torpedo my career.

Which they also threatened. 2 young men who can barely copy and paste are going to destroy the career of an IT professional with over 20 years experience?

Ha! No. Have fun in prison boys....

[the-crazy-geek]

Hot in the UK

According to my various weather devices and apps; it's over 32c here but feels more like 39c due to the humidity.

For all my fellow UK people, and especially those like me with medical conditions and medications that make it hard to regulate body temperature, please stay cool.

Worth noting that yes, this isn't anywhere near what classes as a heat wave in parts of the USA but:

Our houses are built to keep heat IN

None have air conditioning

We're an island so the humidity is high as fuck

Lots of us, me included, don't even have air con in our cars

If it's anything like my town at the moment you'll find the sweat just doesn't evaporate so it's not working. What I'm doing is finding the coolest room in the house, shutting the curtains, drenching them in cold water, and opening the windows everywhere in the house.

Also drinking a LOT.

Stay safe and if you start to feel sick, dizzy, develop a splitting headache or start throwing up call the NHS on 111.

If you STOP sweating and your skin goes hot call 999. I've had heat stroke twice in my life and it's life threatening. Last time my husband told the paramedics what meds I was on and they switched the sirens on to get me to A&E as fast as possible. (Two of my meds raise my body temperature and another means I don't produce much sweat or any fluids for that matter).

I'm supposed to be out fixing an overheating issue on a computer but there's no chance I'm setting foot outside today.