I'm endlessly creating myself.

Quotes, Ideas and all the other things that comes to mind.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

I'm different then most people around me. I look at the world with another pair of glasses then is mainstream. I feel things others don't feel. My thoughts are chaos and won't ever calm down. I say things people don't understand.

Yes, I am different in ways I can't explain. I am different because I will go up steam instead going with the flow. I am different, but that doesn't mean I am wrong.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

My life goes on, work, children, shopping, etc. Every evening I just cook, I take my children to their warm bed. I can just walk down the street without any problems. I live my life as I always do. It's so normal, being able to say or write what I think. To not have to worry about my safety. I can do what I want.

The biggest shock is over, I'm starting to get used to the news. I'm starting to think it's kind of normal now that there's war going on in another country. And I hate that I get used to it so easily. While the aggression only intensifies, more and more people die, flee for their lives, fight for their freedom. And I'm starting to get used to the images, the photos, the tiktoks etc. And I hate that.

They fight not only for their own freedom, but also for mine. I can't get used to the idea, I can't get used to the images. I will continue to show my support whether it be through this blog, likes on twitter, donations or keeping the conversation alive about the war.

Please don't let the attention dwindle over this war, and what war is yet to come in the future! Not every war brings good, it only brings death and destruction.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

[kianspo]

Random things. What happens when you protest in Russia? You are immediately arrested. It’s not a game of chance, it’s a guarantee. All protests are forbidden. We are not allowed to call the war – the war, you’ll be fined at best, arrested at worst if you do. In fact, as of today, if you’re caught at an anti-war protest, you’re considered a member of a radical extremist group and are facing 6 years in jail. People “detained” for protesting are invariably beaten. Concussions, contusions, broken bones. Men more so than women, though women can’t rely on it. You can be asked to strip since they “need” to check your underwear. You’ll be verbally abused and threatened the entire time. And yes, of course, it doesn’t stop there, since they now know you and your family and where you all work and live. In this country, there is nothing truly independent, there never was. If the words “1937” mean nothing to you, you are very, very fortunate. For us, it’s this again, only a thousand times worse because now it’s empowered by technology.

The other day they arrested a bunch of kids. Literally kids, four of them, aged seven to eleven. They, along with their mothers were carrying flowers to the Ukrainian embassy and a small simple poster “No to War”. They were all detained and immediately separated, kept locked up for the night. We don’t know how the kids were treated. Mothers had their possessions confiscated, not allowed to call anyone, stripped, yelled at, threatened. The harshest threat was to be stripped of parental rights on the spot, never see their kids again. The kids were released closer to morning when a lawyer from a group that helps people in these situations arrived. I have no idea how these lawyers are still allowed to function. Small mercies. (Support them here: https://donate.ovdinfo.org/)

But it’s not just the pain of punishment or jail sentence. It’s the utter uselessness of it all. He won’t care if half the population comes out to say “No to War”. He won’t care if it’s all of us.

A few days ago, every school in the country received instructions to hold special classes to explain to kids why “the liberating military operation” was necessary and what happens now. The teachers have been given manuals on what to say and how to answer the kids’ questions. Some of the answers include: “Don’t worry if you hear that some countries don’t want to be friends with us anymore. There are other countries who do, and besides, Russia is a very big country, so we have everything you can possibly need right here.” By “other countries”, my guess is, they mean North Korea. After the class, the kids are supposed to take a test. It’s electronic, entered through a QR code, and the answers are automatically logged in. Questions include: “Explain why the liberating military operation was necessary” and “Expand on what the Russian government is doing to help people of Lugansk and Donetsk.” The results of the test are tallied, and if some kid doesn’t give the right ones, their parents are called in for “a talk”.

We will either end up with a bunch of really smart kids or another generation of completely deluded people. The last time something like this had happened was in 1991, when the Soviet Union was falling, and my classmates and I were asked to make a choice of do we want to pledge allegiance to the communist party or not. I was ten. My class, as I remember, was split roughly in two. The kids who voted “yes” looked at the rest of us with teary eyes and whispered “our parents told us to do it, they are too afraid.” And we got it. We all got it. Nobody hated anybody for the choice, because we all knew that fear and we all knew what it was like, to be hostage of the regime. We who voted “no” knew what we were risking. At ten years old, we were more politically savvy than a lot of full-grown adults across the ocean. It’s not a good thing.

For roughly twenty-something years, we lived in the illusion that we were out of that prison. Sure, our democracy was not perfect, but whose is? It was maybe incredibly naïve of us, but can you blame us that we wanted to believe it? That we still desperately want to, which is why there are a lot of really confused people in the country right now who still can’t grasp that their leadership has betrayed them?They will, in fact, believe anything but this. They will sooner believe him and ignore the facts, because a) they’re not getting the facts, and b) the truth is terrifying.

Nothing has changed. We’re still in the USSR. Yesterday, in Nalchik, students of the local university were ordered to go out and express their support for the president. They had no warning. At some point the university staff members entered their classrooms, handed out banners and t-shirts, and ordered them to go outside “to stand in solidarity” with the president. Refusal was not an option on pain of expulsion. Among other statements, they were made to hold up banners saying #wearenotashamed which should tell you everything you need to know about how the Russian people really feel.

I’m not going to talk about the independent media, because the last survivors of this extremely rare breed are being shut down as we speak. Meduza is still holding up by some miracle, but their turn can be any hour. They have been declared “a foreign agent” some years back, which means that they can no longer be properly financed and have to preface every single post and article with a huge all-caps statement that this information was created by a foreign agent, presumably to turn “loyal citizens” away. They have been subsiding on crowd-funding this whole time, can’t imagine how, since all transactions are now traceable and giving them money is not without consequences. (Support them here: https://support.meduza.io/)

The world has turned away from us, and I get it, but they don’t understand what they’re doing. Or maybe they do but don’t care. I don’t mean this on an emotional level, but purely practical. The more they punish the Russian people, the more, unfortunately but sadly naturally, the Russian people will unite in their support of He Who Must Not Be Named. He will feel even more legitimate in his actions and he won’t stop. Not that I can imagine anything that could make him stop now but… It’s not helping. It might make a lot of people out there feel better about themselves, but it’s not helping.

Worst of all, we can’t help Ukraine. So much as saying that we’re fighting a war or that we are losing that war can earn you up to 15 years in prison for “spreading misinformation.” It’s impossible to send over money, and as for supplies we can only gather those for the refugees that are fleeing to Russia. Our economy is on the brink of collapse, and the people that are running from the war and come here will have to share it with us. We’re doing what we can for them. It’s not enough.

And personally… My mornings these days start like this. I wake up. I don’t want to get up. I do eventually. Splash water on my face etc. Take my heart medication. Wait for it to take effect. Then I open Telegram and see if Meduza is still broadcasting. Read the overnight update. Learn that the horror continues in a multitude of fresh new horrifying ways. Remind myself that I have no right to sympathy or feeling sorry for myself or any of that. I was not the one who spent the night in a bomb shelter. I was not the one whose house was destroyed. I wish I was but I’m not. I’m just a useless spectator who’s too chickenshit to even go get beaten up and who rationalizes her cowardice any way she knows how. I want you to know this about me before you decide to continue knowing me. I am unaccountably grateful having known all of you.

I don’t know what else to say except maybe this. Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

You know the game "Don't say yes or no"? And do you remember when you play it, how hard it is to not use those words? If you say them anyway, you've lost and it's the next person's turn.

Now imagine that instead of "yes or no" you are not allowed to use the words "War or Invasion". And because you have a strong opinion about it, it's very difficult not to do so. If you use them anyway, you haven't "just" lost. No, then you have to go to prison for 15 years. You lose everything you have, you can't see your family anymore, not your friends. You can no longer make sure that the little money that was left to earn for supporting your family is no longer possible. The little bit of freedom you had has also been taken away from you. And all because of two words, two sounds made by air and vocal cords.

This is what is happening in Russia to those who are against the Kremlin, who do see through the propaganda. Those who do condemn what Putin is doing. Who stand up to censorship and false information. I admire and respect those who, literally, risk their lives to make their voices heard. Who stand up to the injustice their government inflicts on their own people. The injustice their government brings to the world.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

When we were kids, we were taught to apologize when we've done something wrong. We were taught from childhood that our actions have consequences. All that consists of action and reaction, cause and effect. That no one can or should avoid that. That you have to be brave and admit your mistakes. So that you can correct your mistakes.

But also that the other person does not have to forgive you. That forgiveness takes time. And that a sincere regret is not only expressed in words but especially in a change of behavior. That you have learned from what hurt the other one and that you will do differently from now on. That you can build trust again, but only by changing your behavior. And accept and face the concequences of the things you have done wrong.

That's why I wonder, since when does this not apply to adults? Why doesn't this apply to leaders? Why doesn't this apply to world leaders? Why does this not apply to countries? Why have we forgotten what true values ​​are? When are we going to behave with respect and sympathy for each other?

Some deeds are unforgivable. I get that. And that's okay, you don't have to forgive.

But you must admit your mistakes and be sincere in your apologies including the change of behaviour.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

When does NO really become NO?

Why is it so hard to understand that NO really means NO. In any situation.

No, don't come any closer.

No, don't take that.

No, I don't accept it.

No, I do not give permission.

No, we don't want you here.

No, we don't want another government.

No, we don't want oppression.

No, we don't want propaganda.

NO, WE DON'T WANT A WAR!

NO MEANS NO!

[the-facepalm-oracle]

Why is it a problem to speak with fierceness and passion. Why is it a problem to speak from your core. Why should you speak rationally and not emotionally. I live by emotion, passion and compassion. So I speak with emotion, passion and compassion. Yes that will make me sound fierce.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

War only brings loss, broken hearts, tears, pain and suffering.

I don't know everything about the war that started. I don't know what it's like to live in a war. I don't know what it's like to fear for my life. I don't know what it's like to lose loved ones through war. I don't know what it feels like to lose my freedom. I don't know what it's like when my country is threatened and attacked. I don't know what it feels like to have my children taken from their safety. I don't know these feelings, I don't know what it's like to be in that situation.

What I do know is that it's terrible that innocent people, people who wanted to live their lives in freedom. People who just wanted to run their business. People who wanted to give their children a carefree future. Children who are not aware of any harm. Young or old, but innocent, suffer now. Terrible suffering, trembling with fear. Have no idea what future awaits them, whether there is a future at all.

My heart and love goes out to these innocent people. It may not be much, it may not help the situation. But maybe the support helps a little, the love and empathy. You are seen and heard. While it won't help save lives, it might help with feeling supported.

[the-facepalm-oracle]

Empathy is the answer you're looking for.