The Harris Report

Nothing stays secret in a town like this. Rp blog. 

[the-harrisreport]

“It is with a heavy heart that I must announce the passing of a paragon of our community - Warren Tumblety III. 

He passed his blood alcohol test. Don’t worry. He’s fine.”

[ramiq]

the-harrisreport​:

“Most geniuses are not understood in their lifetime, my blonde bimbo friend. I have, if you are interested, had six interested parties offer their services as sugar mamas and sugar daddies. Because I am feeling generous I gave them your phone number.”

“How do you find these people? Actually, I don’t want to know. Not even if they are hot. I don’t need a sugar mama or a sugar daddy, thank you very much.”

[the-harrisreport]

“Yeah they already have your phone number so good luck with that. Never underestimate the breadth and variety of people who read my paper.”

[choi-miyoung]

the-harrisreport​:

Harris, my dears! We’ve all watched the Shining, right? Creepy twins and lots of blood are kind of a whole thing there. One can’t help but wonder if Mimi and Sunny Choi, the deceptively wholesome seeming twins, might have a bit of a horror movie streak? My sources tell me that Warren Tumblety III is trying to buy out the building that their bar is in. Wants to raze the whole thing and put up some bougie ass condos. That bar means a lot to them. Disturbingly so, actually. I’d strongly advise the two of them to find new hobbies that don’t involve spreading bio hazards all over someone’s window. It’s not a good look and, honestly, even if Warren doesn’t buy their building, if it comes out that they were the culprits, no one’s going to want to go to their bar anyway. Who knows what they might put in the drinks. @choi-miyoung @sunny-choi

“You think you can intimidate me?  I thrive on dysfunction.”

[the-harrisreport]

“Fabulous. I can now call your business a dysfunctional hellscape without being accused of slander. Do you want to give me some more ammo, or do you need to have a weirdly codependent horror-movie-esque meeting with Tweedle Dumb first?”

[the-harrisreport]

Your favourite intrepid reporter has been at it again. Well, my minions have. I pay for health insurance so that if they get punched in the nose they can improve the thing with some plastic surgery. And so that I don’t have to do any of… that.

I was told just this morning that one Cooper Tumblety is on the outs with daddy dearest. Apparently Warren Tumblety III has had about enough of his eldest’s shenanigans. Various reports say that there is an illegitimate grandchild involved, or a drug issue. Either way, it sounds like a solid motive to spatter paint some human on someone’s wall, hm? There’s a lot of money at stake here, since everyone agrees that good old Coop is on the edge of being cut off entirely. Don’t worry, sweetie. What you lack in brains, you have in looks. I’m sure you’ll make someone a very… blond sugar baby. @tcmbles​

[ramiq]

“Were you born this stupid, or did you have to work at it? ”

[the-harrisreport]

“Most geniuses are not understood in their lifetime, my blonde bimbo friend. I have, if you are interested, had six interested parties offer their services as sugar mamas and sugar daddies. Because I am feeling generous I gave them your phone number.”

[the-harrisreport]

Welcome back, Harris! You know you're just dying for more rumours. We all know the cops in this town are completely useless so someone has to get to the bottom of things. Speaking of useless cops, one can't help but wonder if Officer Hernandez should even be on this case. A little birdy told me that she and Warren had a bit of a screaming match a few weeks back. My source tells me that Warren had accused Audrey of destroying evidence to cover up for her brother, who we all know is a bad apple even for that side of the tracks. Can't expect investigations to get far with cops like that on the case.

[the-harrisreport]

Harris, my dears! We've all watched the Shining, right? Creepy twins and lots of blood are kind of a whole thing there. One can't help but wonder if Mimi and Sunny Choi, the deceptively wholesome seeming twins, might have a bit of a horror movie streak? My sources tell me that Warren Tumblety III is trying to buy out the building that their bar is in. Wants to raze the whole thing and put up some bougie ass condos. That bar means a lot to them. Disturbingly so, actually. I'd strongly advise the two of them to find new hobbies that don't involve spreading bio hazards all over someone's window. It's not a good look and, honestly, even if Warren doesn't buy their building, if it comes out that they were the culprits, no one's going to want to go to their bar anyway. Who knows what they might put in the drinks. @choi-miyoung @sunny-choi

[the-harrisreport]

It's me again. Harris, did you miss me? I think we all know someone who failed out spectacularly and just got a bit bitter about it. One of my little minions pointed out that, around the time that one Magdalena Smith came back into town, Warren Tumblety III started reporting stalking incidents. No one took him seriously at the time, but we've all watched enough crime shows to know that someone has to be unhinged to write messages in human blood on someone's walls.  One can't help but wonder if the loss of her career and abrupt move to Harris was enough to send Magdelena into a psychotic spiral. @omg-pornmags​

[the-harrisreport]

Your favourite intrepid reporter has been at it again. Well, my minions have. I pay for health insurance so that if they get punched in the nose they can improve the thing with some plastic surgery. And so that I don't have to do any of... that.

I was told just this morning that one Cooper Tumblety is on the outs with daddy dearest. Apparently Warren Tumblety III has had about enough of his eldest's shenanigans. Various reports say that there is an illegitimate grandchild involved, or a drug issue. Either way, it sounds like a solid motive to spatter paint some human on someone's wall, hm? There's a lot of money at stake here, since everyone agrees that good old Coop is on the edge of being cut off entirely. Don't worry, sweetie. What you lack in brains, you have in looks. I'm sure you'll make someone a very... blond sugar baby. @tcmbles​

[the-harrisreport]

rcxxy​:

“Yes, viewership. The only thing that matters. Such a shame, since I think a certain someone would argue that I do something very well. Not that you would know anything about that. Say hi to Jill for me.”

“Always good to know  you’d make a better prostitute than investigative reporter.”

[the-harrisreport]

“In a brief update from my friends at the labs, who very much don’t want their dirty laundry spread around right before a custody battle, I can report that whatever freakish creature decided to splatter paint a wall with blood has indeed managed to do it with human blood. Something to do with protein markers. Blah blah blah. My question to the people of Harris is - are any of your loved ones missing and possibly the source of a solid pint of blood?”

[the-harrisreport]

Ask Game 1A

Who is your hero?

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

What is your biggest fear?

What is your favorite family vacation?

What would you change about yourself if you could?

What really makes you angry?

What motivates you to work hard?

What is your favorite thing about your career?

What is your biggest complaint about your job?

What is your proudest accomplishment?

What is your child's proudest accomplishment?

What is your favorite book to read?

What makes you laugh the most?

What was the last movie you went to? What did you think?

What did you want to be when you were small?

What does your child want to be when he/she grows up?

If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be?

What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play?

Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car?

What would you sing at Karaoke night?

What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most?

Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work?

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Who is your favorite author?

 26. Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?    27. Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?    28. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?    29. Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why?    30. Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?    31. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island?    32. If money was no object, what would you do all day?    33. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?    34. How would your friends describe you?    35. What are your hobbies?    36. What is the best gift you have been given?    37. What is the worst gift you have received?    38. Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?    39. List two pet peeves.    40. Where do you see yourself in five years?    41. How many pairs of shoes do you own?    42. If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have?    43. What would you do if you won the lottery?    44. What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.)    45. What's your favorite zoo animal?    46. If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?    47. If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?    48. How many pillows do you sleep with?    49. What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)?    50. What's the tallest building you've been to the top in?

  51. Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?    52. How often do you buy clothes?    53. Have you ever had a secret admirer?    54. What's your favorite holiday?    55. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?    56. What was the last thing you recorded on TV?    57. What was the last book you read?    58. What's your favorite type of foreign food?    59. Are you a clean or messy person?    60. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?    61. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?    62. What kitchen appliance do you use every day?    63. What's your favorite fast food chain?    64. What's your favorite family recipe?    65. Do you love or hate rollercoasters?    66. What's your favorite family tradition?    67. What is your favorite childhood memory?    68. What's your favorite movie?    69. How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out?    70. Is your glass half full or half empty?    71. What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?    72. What three items would you take with you on a deserted island?    73. What was your favorite subject in school?    74. What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?    75. Do you collect anything?

76. Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?    77. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?    78. Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?    79. Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)    80. Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?    81. What do you do to keep fit?    82. Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?    83. If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?    84. Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?    85. What three things do you think of the most each day?    86. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?    87. What song would you say best sums you up?    88. What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?    89. Who was your first crush?

90. What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?    91. On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?    92. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?    93. What was your first job?    94. If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join?    95. How many languages do you speak?    96. What is your favorite family holiday tradition?    97. Who is the most intelligent person you know?    98. If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be?    99. What is one thing you will never do again?  100. Who knows you the best?

[the-harrisreport]

I have been ordered to immediately inform the police of any tips that I receive regarding the bloody shenanigans. So, hello Most Useless Police Force of the Year (votes pending), this is my notice.

I received a fascinating and vaguely flattering letter in my mailbox over my lunch hour. The one thing I can tell you? Our person has excellent taste in news reporting.

Also I think the guy likes Jack the Ripper.

[ephennere]

the-harrisreport​:

“I can almost guarantee I will beat them to it, my girl. That’s the whole point. I wouldn’t expect you to understand with your… sad excuse for a true crime podcast. You cannot fault a man for enjoying a job well done unless, well, you’ve never done a job well in your life.”

“How about you try saying that to my face and we’ll see how good a job I do beating your pasty white ass?”

[the-harrisreport]

"You've never done a job well in your life? That one? You know, based on your view counts?"

[digyourgraves]

rcxxy​:

“The Harris Report will probably beat them to it, to be honest. That man has too much time on his hands and honestly seems to be enjoying this a little soo much. Seems a little sus to me.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Not a fan, myself.”

[the-harrisreport]

"Well, darling, I'm not a fan of useless cops, so I'd say we're at an impasse."

[the-harrisreport]

True Crime Confessional

Think of this as a way to expand on your character’s relationships to the crimes going on - how they feel about it, their fears, their vulnerabilities. The rules are simple: 

You can answer any or all of these as you wish in whatever form you wish. Think of it like an ask game where you get to pick the questions you answer.

Though roleplayers can see the information on the dash, other characters cannot. 

All information miiiight make its way to the Harris Report. And he cannot be held liable for anything that happens. Again, he has excellent libel lawyers.

CONFESSIONAL QUESTIONS

Who do you think has the best motive to do it?  Why are you worried about it?  Do you have any tips for police that you're withholding?  How did you feel about the victim?  Do you have an alibi? Do you suspect any loved ones of being involved?

***A series of crimes will happen so you can repeat as desired

[ephennere]

digyourgraves​:

“Yeah, hopefully they make an official statement soon that helps smooth this over a bit. That newspaper of ours is not so good at being gentle with this kind of thing apparently…”

“The Harris Report will probably beat them to it, to be honest. That man has too much time on his hands and honestly seems to be enjoying this a little soo much. Seems a little sus to me.”

[the-harrisreport]

“I can almost guarantee I will beat them to it, my girl. That’s the whole point. I wouldn’t expect you to understand with your... sad excuse for a true crime podcast. You cannot fault a man for enjoying a job well done unless, well, you’ve never done a job well in your life.”

[digyourgraves]

rcxxy​:

“I think we’re teetering on the edge of a panic, which is not good. Hopefully we get some good news and this blows over, but I don’t have a good feeling about this at all.”

“Yeah, hopefully they make an official statement soon that helps smooth this over a bit. That newspaper of ours is not so good at being gentle with this kind of thing apparently…”

[the-harrisreport]

“Gentle is for the weak, my dear officer. I am a man of most delicate sensibilities when I can be bothered with such bullshit. Sadly, in this godforsaken town one must beat the peasants repeatedly over the head with a large stick to get any  information across.”