does anyone have any tips on making alters more distinct? Im a median system and I would like for the others to be able to actually fully take front and do their own things instead of just being able to push their emotions and part of their personalities onto me
First thing I would recommend is to check out this post around consciousness labels, as I found this was the most helpful and the most motivating for us personally, and has been really helpful in pushing away doubts.
Once you're done with the above, check out the alter separation guide!
The purpose of this document is to compile a huge number of resources to help us separate, switch, immerse in mindscape, build dissociative
We are aiming for the same thing. It takes a LOT of work and could be a really long time before you start noticing results, but so far it's helped us a fair amount (though we haven't been very consistent with it at all). Just make sure to do regular check-ins to make sure that separation is something you still desire! Some headmates may not want to be separated. And some it may not be healthy to separate.
Heres a separate thing for improved communication if that's something you struggle with!
If you struggle with imposter syndrome or just getting in the right headspace to communicate with your headmates, I would also recommend looking into guided meditation, or mindlessness hypnosis!
One thing I wish was talked more about, is, abuse doesn't just end as soon as you are no longer in that situation. There's a lot of aspects of conditioning that just follows you, no matter where you go. And it can be really hard to spot those conditioned responses. But, also, it's easy to want to fall back into that abuse. And, sometimes it's done willingly.
Honestly, the hardest part of my recovery, has been avoiding choosing or doing things that aren't healthy. Nearly every day I contemplate returning to that abuse. Every day I think of finding ways too engage in that abuse in other ways. I had to stop engaging in true crime (one of my favorite hobbies) because I kept finding myself wishing I experienced those things, or wanting to find was to enact them on myself.
And I want to make it clear, this is not a response caused by romanticization. This is a response to feeling unsafe in good situations. The happier I am, and the safer I am, the harder it is for me to resist those urges. It's usually a form of self harm as well. But, it's also just from being unable to truly see/understand a perfectly happy/healthy world, and feeling more comfortable in dissociation and chaos.
I wish I could go into detail over the sorts of things I have to avoid or the things I "desire". Especially since a lot of it can be very niche and I would like to explain my relationship and reasoning behind certain things and how I cope with it. But, I also don't want to accidentally promote anything unhealthy, or encourage anyone to do those sorts of things. Nor do I want to accidentally make it seem like I am romanticizing any sort of abuse, or invalidate or make those who did or are currently going through such things, uncomfortable.
Contemplating making a Spanish speaking tulpa so we can motivate ourselves to relearn Spanish.
We used to be fluent Spanish speakers as a child. We went to a Spanish Immersion school, and all of our childhood friends spoke it. But since all of the active folks in our system formed AFTER we left school, we have almost entirely forgotten the language.
I feel so guilty for it. Spanish is such a beautiful language, and we used it a lot to help people. My family owns a drywall tool selling/repair company and most of the customers cannot speak English. Growing up we taught our parents Spanish and would often translate for the customers.
Of course, I'm more focused on separating our pre-existing headmates. So, this isn't something we plan on doing any time soon (we would need to relearn a considerable amount of Spanish anyway). But it's definitely something we are considering, and will use it as a driving force behind our education!
Contemplating making a Spanish speaking tulpa so we can motivate ourselves to relearn Spanish.
We used to be fluent Spanish speakers as a child. We went to a Spanish Immersion school, and all of our childhood friends spoke it. But since all of the active folks in our system formed AFTER we left school, we have almost entirely forgotten the language.
I feel so guilty for it. Spanish is such a beautiful language, and we used it a lot to help people. My family owns a drywall tool selling/repair company and most of the customers cannot speak English. Growing up we taught our parents Spanish and would often translate for the customers.
Of course, I'm more focused on separating our pre-existing headmates. So, this isn't something we plan on doing any time soon (we would need to relearn a considerable amount of Spanish anyway). But it's definitely something we are considering, and will use it as a driving force behind our education!
"Women mature faster than men" is just another slogan meant to reinforce abuse towards women/those perceived as women, and to have men avoid taking accountability for their actions.
It's literally just "boys will be boys", yet women tend to perpetuate this one the most as if its some sort of superiority
i feel like women really "mature faster than men", but not for the reasons people think. women mature earlier because they are forced to mature sooner by social rules, it's not natural. it's structural sexism, the patriarchy.
Yup. Studies also show that women, or, well, girls in this case, are more likely to go through early puberty as a result of CSA and early sexualization. They are forced to grow up faster to be "mothers", even puberty itself is looked at as "becoming a woman", even though some girls start going through puberty as young as 8-9. Mine started at 9 as a result of abuse. I got my period at 10, and I remember my entire life changed as soon as I started growing a chest. I was no longer seen as a girl, I was seen as a woman. I was forced to be mature,
Girls are also told to be soft, gentle, submissive, and sweet. Girls are taught restraint and are forced to be proper, to hide their bodies, to not speak out or act recklessly because in doing so, they either make themselves an easy "target" for men, or they are "doomed" to be a "slut".
None of it is natural, that's for sure. I have developed so many different health issues as a result of my forced, early maturity. It stunted my growth, my hormones, my mental and physical development. Caused an over abundance of traumas, and abuses that I was never truly ever to speak out about or had taken seriously. But I all thought it was normal because "women mature faster than boys".
"Women mature faster than men" is just another slogan meant to reinforce abuse towards women/those perceived as women, and to have men avoid taking accountability for their actions.
It's literally just "boys will be boys", yet women tend to perpetuate this one the most as if its some sort of superiority
I'm just now realizing that I've been fully aromantic this entire time. I was so traumabonded to my ex that I mistook fear for love.
But, Those weren't butterflies. They were knives. Each flutter cutting deeper and deeper til I grew numb to the sting. Dazed, I searched him out. I bury my face in the dirt and I look up. Blood stained, everything turns to roses. If this was really home then why do you have to convince yourself? Documenting every act of love, as if it happening wasn't enough. And there's goes everything that wasn't, hidden under the bed. At night it crawls. But, I would be remise to face it. Turning away, I find his sickening sweet gaze once again. Everything looks like roses when you're bloodstained. And roses look like blood when you're clean.
