To Be Alone Chpt. 4 (Send My Love Pt. 2 - Sacred Promises)
Fandom: My Hero Academia Rating: M / Mature Warnings: Graphic violence, PTSD flashbacks, child endangerment, found family Word Count: ~9.5k Where you can find me: AO3, TikTok
Summary:
Chaos erupts in Hiza City, and our hero finds herself in the center of destruction. Torn between saving civilians and confronting the ghosts of her pasts, Akira learns the true heartache that comes with being a hero:
Not being able to save everyone.
Faster! Move faster! DAMNIT! The new application of my quirk was one that I discovered after a handful of times of Hawks pushing me from the top of his favorite building. It was a place he refused to fly me up to and forced me to take the stairs instead. My legs would burn by the time I reached the top, but it was always worth it. The rush of falling through the air made me feel just as alive as he did when he caught me before I hit the ground or how it felt to receive one crooked grin from Shota. Part of me was excited to show him the new application of my quirk, but another part of me wanted to master it before letting him see it. While the stardust wings that formed on my back helped me move faster, I was still learning how to make them completely my own.
In that situation, neither of us had time to focus on our quirks, though, and he certainly had no time to help teach me. I watched in utter horror as the tornadoes ravaged Hiza city and as explosions levelled buildings. The screams mixed with the sound of crumbling buildings etched itself into the deepest parts of my mind, especially when the dust settled, and the silence spoke volumes. I’m going to remember this forever. As I came to land on my feet a few streets away from where Hawks was hurriedly rescuing people from the buildings as explosions began, my heart pounded in my chest so hard I thought I would suffocate. Please be okay. Please be okay. I tightened my fists as I saw two men atop one of the buildings, staring down at me. My eyes narrowed, and I knew without the shadow of a doubt that they were the ones responsible for such horrific destruction when a bolt of blue lightning surged from one of them and struck one of the buildings a few streets away from me. The screams from that direction grew louder and then quieted almost immediately.
The streets were eerily quiet for how much destruction was taking place. Why weren’t people running? Were they all trapped? As glass fell around me, my question was answered. I gazed up at one of the higher floors of the building beside me, hurrying away from the falling glass once one of the pieces cut my arm. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion before my eyes widened as I saw the smoke billowing out of the busted window. There wasn’t a second of hesitation before my wings lifted me off the ground, making me feel weightless even when the situation made me feel like the entire world was upon my shoulders. I reached the window right as a young woman who looked to be only a few years older than Hawks leapt out of the window and right into my arms. She began screaming and flailing the moment I caught her, surprised at my sudden appearance, “it’s okay! It’s okay! I’ve got you!” I insisted, trying to calm her as she continued to panic.
I brought us back down to the ground, placing her on her feet safely. Her knees buckled beneath her, and she fell to the ground, gripping my hands and pressing her forehead against them. She was shaking, trembling like a leaf, “I couldn’t get out of the door! Something jammed all the doors in the building, and then the electronics started to explode and catch fire! I-I didn’t know what else to do! Please forgive me!” she wept, her tears soaking into my skin.
My eyes scanned the building. That’s impossible. It can’t be like this with every single building, right? How many people are trapped in just this one? There are hundreds of buildings in this city! What am I supposed to do? Sweat beaded up on my forehead, and I knew I needed to act quickly. There were people who were at risk of dying if I wasn’t fast enough. I squeezed her hands with my own and knelt down on one knee in front of her. I pulled my hands from her own and cupped her face before turning her gaze up to meet mine, and her orange eyes widened in surprise. She looked eerily familiar, like I knew her a lifetime ago, but I shook it from my mind, knowing that I had to focus, “listen to me, you’re still alive, and you’re out of that building. There are still people in there that I need to get out, so I can’t bring you back to the hills right now, but that’s going to be the safest place for you. Can you walk?” I asked before hearing another explosion and more screams in the distance. She winced at the sound and continued crying, frozen on her knees in fear. I knew that feeling. I had been her in my childhood so often, and there were times I nearly became that again. How was I consoled as a child? How did I make it through this?
A flash of his face crossed my mind once more. I thought of that little hand stroking through my hair before he pressed his forehead against mine. We became the only two people in the world. Our father didn’t exist, the echo of his anger having dissipated the moment that little boy and I were alone. He was home, and he made me feel safe with one touch. He created a moment of peace within the chaos.
It was with thoughts of him that I leaned forward, stroking my hand through the shaking girl’s milk chocolate hair. Her eyes found mine as she searched for answers, but I could offer none. I didn’t know what was happening apart from what I was doing in that very moment. I pressed my forehead against hers and took a long breath, which she mirrored. My eyes fluttered closed as the world faded away, and I thought of him—the boy I should’ve been a hero with. If anything, I should’ve been the one to join our family on that fateful night. Still, the universe was never meant to exist without both of us, of that I was absolutely certain. He was brought back to life in that moment of me trying to be a hero for one young girl. His memory wasn’t lost.
With one hand still planted firmly on the back of her head, I brushed my nose against hers. With one more deep breath that she mirrored, her body began trembling less. I kept my eyes closed and kept myself grounded in that moment with her, which inadvertently caused her to stay grounded, “what’s your name?” I asked, my voice soft and soothing so as to not disturb the peace between us.
“Koemi,” she answered, her voice a reflection of my own—calm and steady, though there was still the slightest tremble in her tone.
Koemi...I remember that name. I remember these eyes. My heart skipped a beat. She’d saved me more than once in my childhood, and now, I was finally in a position to return the favor. My heart fluttered with joy that she had made it out of the basement and successfully found her freedom. Still, I couldn’t sit with my joy for too long as there were other people who were in need of saving. I nodded my head, “that’s a beautiful name. My name-”
“I remember you, Akira,” she murmured, her aura softening as her anxiety began to give way to a sense of pride, “you became a hero. You did it. I always knew you would.”
“I’m just here to help as many people as I possibly can,” I replied, not ready to take on the title of a hero just yet. It was a big responsibility, and I was worried about just how capable I was. Hawks was a hero. I had witnessed the ease with which he saved people on more than a dozen occasions, so I had a long way to go before I could call myself a hero.
Just as my savior had done for me once, I gazed down at her and offered her a smile void of all the fear and uncertainties I was feeling, “you and I are going to catch up with each other once this is all over, okay? We’ll talk about life after that basement, but you saved me more than once, so it’s time for me to save you,” I recalled the dozens of times she’d saved me by offering herself up to take my place. Tears welled up in her eyes once more, “you’re scared, I know. I’m scared, too. It’s the little girls that we once were—the ones that still live inside our hearts—that are scared, but this is when you can show your true bravery. This is when you get to become a warrior and make the little girl inside your heart proud of the woman she grew into because she’s being protected by herself. The only way you can do that is by staying alive to see another day, so I need you to run. Got it?” I asked, my voice filled with conviction. I believed every single word I spoke.
She nodded her head, clenching her jaw as her orange eyes suddenly burned with conviction, “thank you, Akira. I’m not dying tonight,” she insisted, pushing herself back up onto her feet, “maybe once this is over, you can tell me how you got from the basement to where you are now. I always wanted to be a hero like you: graceful yet seemingly fearless.”
“You still can. It’s never too late to begin anything. I’ll be looking for you in the hills once it’s over, Koemi. I expect to see your face first,” I quipped back at her, offering her a smile as I had all those years ago.
Before she turned on her heel to run, her eyes locked with mine once more, “come with me! I can’t leave you!”
“Go!” I insisted, remembering the time she begged me to accompany her. The only way I could ensure her survival back then was by staying behind, and the only way I could ensure the survival of many was by staying behind once more. Still, I remembered my words to her in the basement, the ones that got her to leave me against her better judgement, “I’ll be right behind you!”
“Yeah, I’ve heard those words before,” she remembered aloud, though she looked rather sad at the memory. This time, though, it wouldn’t take us a decade to meet back up again. This time, she would be waiting in the hills, and I would regale her with stories of my life after the basement, and I’d beg for her own stories. She gave a slight bow of her head before taking off down the street in the direction of the hills.
I gazed up at the building once I knew she was fine, and my mind suddenly filled with scenarios. I had two options, and they each had consequences. I could evacuate the building before me and risk more destruction to the city as a whole while I did it, or I could confront the men responsible and risk failing and leaving Hawks on his own to evacuate as much of the city as possible. I’m powerful at night. I’ve learned that much. Shota even knows how devastating my quirk is once the moon and the stars come out. I can do this! I need to do this, there’s no choice here. Expanding the wings on my back, I decided that the lives of the many needed to come first. There were fires in the building Koemi jumped out of, but there could be even more fires set if I didn’t stop the men causing this destruction. I just had to hope that I would have enough time to fight and rescue.
Twister and Electroburst. The former could manipulate wind and air, creating massive tornadoes while the latter dealt with electricity. Lightning could extend from the tips of his fingers, and he could clearly manipulate the electricity around him. If it was daytime, I would’ve been in trouble. The applications of my quirk were best suited for nighttime fighting, and if I tried to use them during the day, it meant I ran out of energy quicker. Shota and I were working on increasing my stored energy capacity, but it was a process and very trial-and-error, and my quirk was still very confusing for all of us. Each time we thought we understood anything about it, something new would occur. The blue electricity, the ability to project my voice so loud it could make Shota’s ears bleed, it was neverending, so I decided to keep most of it hidden.
The pieces of my quirk that I understood—the part that was ruled over by the stars—I’d discovered an application of, which allowed me to control water. Therefore, had this fight been during the day, it could’ve been deadly for me. Hell, it could still end in my death. It was real. The villains we were up against were dangerous and had worked on a similar scale before but in various countries around the world. Now, they were back home, spreading chaos and terror to those who had done nothing to deserve a life cut short and ending in fear. A fire ignited in my heart as I thought of the lives of the innocents that were being put in danger, the people who were trapped by the buildings that had already crumbled to the ground, and the lives that had already been lost.
Tears of rage filled my eyes as I stared up at the men who reminded me of my father. Careless disregard for human lives. They were perfect replicas of him. They may not have had his dark hair and fearful eyes, but they were like him. My heart burned with the vengeance I wished to enact on my father for the times he threw us outside, for the times he hit my brother so hard I thought he’d killed him, for the fear he planted in my siblings and I just for wanting to be heroes. The horrors he put us through were unspeakable, and the reminder that my brother never got to know peace led me to my rage on that night. There were other children in those buildings who probably never knew peace, and I couldn’t let them die before they did. I couldn’t fail them the way I failed my brother.
There were no words exchanged between the three of us before I started fighting them, before the sky opened up and the stars came down from the night sky to empower me and fuel my wrath. Stars whipped out from the palms of my hands to strike them, ripping through their clothes and creating burns on their skin while I narrowly dodged the bolts of electricity with ease but watched in horror as they struck the buildings around me instead. Electroburst’s attacks were sloppier than I’d seen them on news coverage. Something was different, but perhaps it was the slight recognition in those electric blue eyes. Part of me didn’t want him to recognize me, but another part of me believed that if he did, there could be a possibility of saving him.
I tried with all my might to achieve the higher ground, so they were both aiming their attacks upwards; therefore, when they missed, there was no one caught in the crossfire. When the wind from Twister knocked me back, my wings caught me and steadied me. Hawks had taught me to rely on them and keep them as close as a friend, as they would be able to read my movements and help me in the process. He put emphasis on the fact that I could use them as both an extension of myself and a trusted ally. They would always have my back, and the wings—no matter how new they were—proved themselves in the fight with the two villains that went on for what seemed like hours but what was only truly six grueling minutes.
Beams of stellar light reached down from the night sky to strike the two men. As the beam knocked Electroburst back on his heels, I took the opportunity to focus on Twister for a moment. With my right hand, I gripped the stardust radiating from my left palm, and I pulled it until there was a long rope of stardust shimmering in the moonlight. Shota taught me well. I have to remember that it’s best to focus on capturing them when they lose focus. Most importantly: don’t die. Don’t you dare die! His voice echoed in my memory and drove me to fight harder. I threw the stardust rope at Twister and watched as it coiled around his ankles first, causing him to trip as he stumbled back. He fell onto his back, the air quickly escaping his lungs. As the rope continued to coil around him like a snake-behaving like it had a mind of its own-I turned my focus to Electroburst.
I was too late. A piece of metal he’d picked up and propelled toward me lodged itself into my shoulder, and it began to electrocute me. My body spasmed as the world blurred almost immediately. An intense buzzing sound took over the sound of my hurried breaths, the pounding of my heart, the crash of the beams of starlight as they struck the ground, everything. My ears were filled with the buzzing sound as my body seized. I was rendered nearly unable to move, like my muscles were locked in place. In my frozen state, he chuckled and cast his eyes down to his partner.
With a shout of pain, he pulled the rope from Twisters body, burning his hands in the process, and tossed it down. Damnit! I tried to scream at him to stop, to beg him to just stop with the destruction, but my voice was frozen just as my body was. Electroburst gave his partner a wordless gaze and gestured for him to leave. I couldn’t hear the argument Twister offered up, but it wasn’t even entertained. With a few words exchanged between the two men, Twister finally huffed and fled. With his disappearance, the twisters he’d produced went, too.
Electroburst’s electric blue eyes locked onto mine. Had he not been filled with madness, I could’ve appreciated the elegant beauty of him like I had so long ago. He was different now, much more mature, and he’d grown into his features. Long dark blue locks cascaded over his shoulders and blew wildly in the strong wind. His honey skin looked soft to the touch save for a scar on his cheek directly below his left eye. His strong jawline and cheekbones were still boyish in nature. He was still young, though he was a handful of years older than me. Part of me was desperate to understand what happened. What had caused such a wonderful beauty to fall so far from grace? The man was only 20. What happened after the basement? What happened to the boy who refused to hurt me until I begged for him to do it for fear that he would be hurt as punishment? I could barely even see a hint of that boy anymore.
Before I could ask or ponder it myself, he used the piece of metal in my shoulder to drag me down to him, continuing to electrocute me the whole way and leaving my body stiff and nearly frozen. Once I was close enough, those long and slender fingers wrapped around my throat. The buzzing finally stopped as the electricity coursing through me died away. It left my body feeling weak and tired. I was exhausted, but I could barely claim to have done anything at all. I could do nothing but try in vain to free myself from his grip, clawing at his hand to pull it away from my neck. Still, his condescending chuckle was enough to let me know that my attempts to escape his strong grip would be futile.
As he dangled me off the side of the building, the sound of the world around me began to bleed back into existence. I listened with disgust as he continued to chuckle to himself, “you should’ve waited for backup, little hero. Instead, you’ll leave behind nothing apart from disappointment. Look at my legacy in the making, and tell me you’re not jealous that yours is one of failure,” he insisted, sounding somehow proud of the devastation that had been created. This wasn’t the same boy who had gone hungry to make sure I was fed. I refused to believe that this was what he had turned into. He was better than this. He wanted to be a hero.
My stomach churned as a fire ignited in my heart, “I would never be jealous of this legacy—one of fear and terrorism. How could anyone be proud of a life like this?”
My words struck a chord with him, and in his fury, he gripped the wings on my back at the base of them. With one quick downward motion, he ripped them from my back. While they were made of stardust, they became tangible wings that were connected to me the way Hawks’ were connected to him. They were fused to me, but the only difference was that once I was finished, the stardust would break them down, and I’d return to my natural state. A scream escaped my lips as it felt like he was tearing off two of my limbs instead of the wings. No matter how hard I fought back the tears, they were inevitable. He tossed them off the side of the building and to the ground below us. I watched mournfully as they fell with such grace, though they were no longer a part of me. Even once they were gone, the pain that radiated from my shoulder blades and back was excruciating, and I couldn’t help the natural reaction my body had to the pain, which was letting out desperate cries.
He pulled me closer to him, my back slamming against his body, and I felt his hot breath against the skin of my neck, “that’s right, pet. Scream for me—as beautiful as I would expect a fallen angel to be,” he chuckled, burying his face into my neck. I struggled once more to free myself as he inhaled deeply, breathing in the smell of me and causing me to recoil, “mmm, I love the smell of your fear. What a pity you have to die so young. Had you lived long enough, you could’ve become my little plaything. So sweet…so soft.”
I grunted as he grabbed the metal shard in my shoulder and pulled it out in a fast, twisting motion to cause the most amount of pain possible. Still, the pain paled in comparison to the pain that still radiated from my back, which was warm with my own blood. I didn’t even want to imagine the sight of it at that point. It must’ve looked like a horror scene, “I’m not dying today,” I insisted, though the words were more an affirmation for myself. There was no way I could allow myself to die that night. No way. I still had so much left to do, so much that I couldn’t leave unfinished. I couldn’t die without living first, and I’d only just begun.
He grinned, “well, pet, if-by some miracle-you don’t die tonight, I’d be honored to see you grow into a woman capable of handling a man like me,” he mused, his voice thick with a tone that was foreign to me. I felt his fingers becoming warmer against my neck as his hot breath moved from my shoulder to my ear. He let out a warm puff of air against my ear lobe that made me quake in fear. Certainly he wasn’t that evil—evil enough to hurt anyone in that way. He always tried to keep the men from taking the girls in the basement, so he couldn’t possibly…there had to be something left in him that was still alive. There had to be a piece of the boy he used to be, and that boy wouldn’t have dreamed of hurting me, especially in ways that were so vile. I still remember the way he cried and begged to not be the one to hurt me, begged that…beast to just leave me alone. My body trembled at the mere memory.
His fingers unfurled from around my neck, and they tangled in my hair before he used that to his advantage. He gripped my hair at the roots before jerking my head back and turning me around to face him. I hissed out in pain and glared up into those mad electric blue eyes, “you have a fire in you. You’re just like me. You might not like to admit it, but you’ll follow in my footsteps soon enough. I may not know the very beginning of your story, but I know the end.”
His words left a bad taste in my mouth. There would never come a day when I’d end up like him, and the mere mention of it drove me to an anger so intense that I couldn’t stop my knee jerk reaction. I pulled my fist back and swung it at his face, but he was quick enough to dodge it. My movements were still slowed and weakened, but he wasn’t fast enough to anticipate what I did next. I narrowed my eyes up at him as he was about to say something else, but before he could get a single word out, I spit up into his face. My reaction to his previous words surprised him, but he took it better than I thought. He wiped away physical evidence of my disrespect and disgust as quickly as it showed up, but I took his silence to speak, “I’ll never be like you. If I lived a thousand years, I’d never be so pathetic as to find my purpose in stealing the lives of others and spreading destruction and chaos.”
He grinned down at me, gripping the back of my neck so hard that his fingernails began to dig into my skin. A sharp hiss escaped my lips before his fingers loosened and found their way into my hair. He gripped it by the roots and pulled me closer to him before yanking my head back until I was forced to stare up into those haunting eyes. I pressed my hand to his chest, desperate to get away but too weak to do anything substantial to a man so much stronger than I was. He took my moment of weakness in stride, finding it somehow entertaining, which frightened me even more. He was a predator that toyed with its prey beforehand, and that was a madness I’d never truly understand.
Before I could comprehend what was happening, my lips were warmed by his own as he crushed his mouth to mine. I yelped and tried to push him away from me, but he kept my body anchored to his own. I reached up and clawed his face, desperate to get him away from me, but he just smiled into the kiss. Damnit! What a masochist! The only other thing I could think of was dangerous. All of my struggling could be seen as simply me playing hard to get, but if I bit him, it would be a clear answer to whatever unspoken question he was asking with the kiss.
I didn’t care. The consequences were meaningless to me as long as it meant he would get his mouth away from mine. The taste of him, while it was sweet and felt dangerous—it left my heart racing for some bizarre reason—was poison. It was intoxicating and a bit alluring, but I knew it would kill me with time. I was disgusted that he even thought it appropriate to perform such an intimate act with me. Villains didn’t deserve such kindness, such innocent pleasures. No, he deserved nothing of the sort. I’d be happy to watch him rot for what he did.
Reaching my hand back, I bit his lip hard enough to taste the metallic flavor of his blood on my tongue before I slapped him. Blue sparks of electricity danced between my fingers and left a mark on his cheek. I shook my hand off, surprised that the quirk was manifesting again. Not now! It’s not the time! He jumped away from me, his right hand flying up to his mouth as he touched his lip to survey the damage. When he pulled his fingers from his lips, he gazed down at the blood with the slightest hint of a smirk. Those wild eyes found me again, “you’re a feisty one. I like it,” he mused, sucking the blood-covered fingers into his mouth.
My stomach churned as I watched him, but my bewilderment didn’t last long as he lunged at me once more in my state of shock. He grasped my neck and dangled me off the side of the building, and when he spoke, his voice was loud and filled with madness, “I hate that our time together will be cut so short! And right after I started having fun with you, pet!” he shouted before loosening his grip only slightly. Panic began to spread through me. I wouldn’t survive that fall, not from the top of a building. And who would catch me? Not Hawks—no, he was away helping the other civilians out of immediate danger. Better me than them, I suppose. No! No, I don’t want to die like this! If I have to die tonight, it’ll be glorious. I’ll die a hero, not a victim.
With renewed determination, I clung to his hand and wrist, certain that if I held on tightly enough, he wouldn’t let me go because I’d pull him down with me. He found some sick pleasure once more in watching me struggle, and he decided that his pleasure would only be increased in the event of me being in pain. I felt his electricity beginning to burn my neck, and the sensitivity of the skin mixed with the intensity of his quirk made my body spasm and my screams fill the air. Then, it started to lessen as I felt the change within my body happening again. Instead of burning me, it felt like I was merely running my finger along the screen of an old television.
What the hell is happening?! Is this that quirk?!
Through my desperate pleas for him to stop his madness, I heard a small voice from the street below. It was small and filled with fear but also hope, “you have to win, Stardust! You have to! You’re the hero! The heroes always win!”
The electricity stopped, and I frantically began searching for the source of that voice. My eyes landed on him almost as fast as Electroburst’s did. He was small, too skinny for me to feel as though he’d been taken good care of. A mess of wild indigo hair sprouted from his head, but I couldn’t make out the rest of his features from my distance. Electroburst tightened his grip for a moment out of renewed excitement, “how sweet is this? Your first fan! Let’s see how tragic we can make this. Teach him a lesson that heroes don’t always win. Maybe you can learn something, too, little hero—that you can’t save everyone, no matter how hard you try,” he laughed as he picked up the metal shard that was once lodged in my shoulder and propelled it down at the child in the street, using electricity to make it move faster and in a straight line.
“No!” I screamed, my body moving involuntarily as I kicked back against him before finding leverage against his legs with my feet. I tore myself away from him and immediately began falling. Not a single thought of death crossed my mind before I began to fall from the top of the building. The only thought on my mind was helping that little indigo-haired boy.
As I fell, the world began to move slowly. I watched in terror as the metal shard rocketed toward the child, and I wondered if there was anything I could do. Logically, I wouldn’t be able to do much. I was falling to my death. My wings were gone, and Hawks was too far away to even know what was happening. Don’t let me die before I can help this boy. If you’re here to collect one of us, let it be me. Don’t take me until he’s safe. This is all I ask of the universe. Hear me just this once.
As if she could hear my desperation, the universe showed me mercy. The most excruciating pain erupted from my back as new wings began to sprout and unfold from the tender, unhealed wounds on my back. Good! The pain will drive me! Faster!
I was faster than before as the wings propelled me toward the boy. He was frozen in shock, and I arrived not a second too early or too late. I couldn’t even move him. I had arrived right on time for the shard of metal to lodge itself in the middle of my back, missing my spine by what felt like a hair. It pierced right through to the front of my abdomen, poking through my suit and toward the frightened child who looked as if he was still bracing for impact. In a desperate attempt to keep it from shooting straight through me, I pressed my hands to my abdomen, feeling the metal stab straight through my palms, though it finally slowed to a complete stop before it made it completely through me. It knocked the wind right out of me, and as I tried to pull in a breath, it felt like the air was escaping me still.
The universe was ready to collect on the debt I owed. I asked for him to be spared, to allow me time to get to him, so she’s simply asking me to pay the tab.
Gazing down into those indigo eyes, my world felt like it stopped completely. Nothing felt like that before. The moment my gaze locked with his, everything stopped. I felt infinite. His gaze—filled with what looked like a lifetime of fear and pain—was also soft and sweet. It was filled with gratitude, but I desired none of it. Something ignited in his eyes, something magical, and I was thrust into memories of a future that hadn’t played out yet. There were glimpses, flashes of my future in his eyes. Moments we spent together and moments we spent apart, it was like he allowed me a view of the future.
One flash stuck out more than the others, and it was…Shota and I, surrounded by children. Among them, he was there, curled up into my side and clinging to me. He was older, though. I couldn’t quite make out the view of the others, but I saw him clearly. The way Shota held onto me made it clear that my deepest, most intimate dreams had come true. For the briefest second, I wondered if perhaps it was simply wishful thinking. It was unlike anything I’d ever seen before or anything I imagined I’d see again.
The world suddenly made sense to both of us as our very souls felt like they bled together. I was always meant to find him, and he was always meant to find me. Nothing else mattered as much as him, and nothing else ever would. I couldn’t imagine how my heart could overflow so quickly with adoration for someone I’d never met until that moment. At that very moment, the world—every aspect of my life—made complete sense. Every unanswered question that plagued me was suddenly irrelevant. How? He’d spoken only a handful of words to me from afar, but I was suddenly wrapped around his finger. I would’ve brought the world to its knees for him, and I would’ve done it without being asked, without reason beyond sheer service to him. It was the most surreal, intense feeling I’d ever experienced in all my life, and it was for a complete stranger. Something felt strangely familiar about him, like my soul knew his from another lifetime or like I was destined to find him. How cruel the universe was to introduce me to such a soul before ripping us apart. At least I’ll know him for the final moments of this life. How sweet this life has been to me. How cruel, but oh, how beautiful.
There was something familiar about him that was more than just my soul feeling like I’d known him since the beginning of time itself. I recognized him from somewhere. He looked familiar, like a hero I knew from my childhood. It couldn’t be, though. No, I refused to believe that such a beautiful little heart—one that mine seemed to recognize upon first glance—had been broken so tragically at such a young age. I couldn’t fathom it. The thought that he could have been the one who suffered was enough to drive me to tears in the moment. Hell, the mere look in his eyes—the complete and utter faith and trust he put in me as a complete stranger—was soul-crushing. Who had treated him so poorly that he looked at me like I was the only thing he was certain of when he knew nothing more than my face? Perhaps he felt the same familiarity with me that I felt with him. There was no explanation for it, but I figured I’d wasted enough of my life, even at my young age, trying to find reasoning where there simply wasn’t any. It wasn’t the time or place to deconstruct the sudden feelings I had for him, so I tried to suppress them to focus on not dying until he was taken care of.
His eyes found the wound in my abdomen, and he silently examined the lengths I was willing to go to in order to keep him safe. There wouldn’t be a limit, though, not when it came to him, and I knew that already. I’d known him for mere moments, but the limit simply didn’t exist. His eyes widened in fear as he took in the sight of my blood, but I didn’t give him much time to process it. In one swift motion, I wrapped my arms around him and rushed him into an alleyway to shield us from any further attacks Electroburst could target us with. I gave him a quick once over, kneeling down to the ground to make him feel safe. He looked to be fine. He had no recent wounds, but it looked as if he hadn’t eaten in days, and there were bruises on him that were old and new. Whoever did this to him, I hope I find them alive, though they won’t remain that way for very long after I get my hands on them. Quickly repressing the rage I felt, I smiled up at him through the pain, “what’s your name, little one?” I asked, hoping that the simplicity of the question in such a complex, frightening moment would bring him peace.
“H-Hitoshi,” he stammered, his small body trembling like a leaf, though he seemed calm in my presence. It was almost like a sense of relief, but I wasn’t certain, and perhaps I was reading the situation wrong entirely.
Brushing a piece of hair from his face, I stroked his cheek with the tips of my fingers, careful not to get any blood on him, “Hitoshi is a beautiful name for such a beautiful little boy.”
He stepped closer to me to close some of the very limited distance between us, “and you’re...you’re Stardust,” he whispered, reaching out to ghost his fingers across my cheek like he was just checking to make sure I was real. His touch was so gentle that it brought me to tears. Even after a decade of gentleness and love from my found family, it still amazed me whenever I received compassion. My expectation was violence and anger, but the way Hitoshi’s hand felt against my cheek brought the universe itself into view, and I was warmed by the small fire in his heart and the passion that came alive within me for the child. It was his existence that brought purpose to my life. No amount of hero work would ever suffice.
I nodded my head, “I am, and I’m gonna keep you safe, okay?” I asked, patient as he nodded in response. Refusing to rush him and seeing the dissipating fear in his eyes, I asked another question to keep his mind occupied with the moment we shared, “are you hurt?”
“I don’t think so, but you are,” he replied, gesturing to the metal shard that was slowly being surrounded by fresh blood. My focus wasn’t on healing my own wounds, and it was solely on him, so the stars hadn’t come down to greet me just yet. Once they did, all that would be left would be the ghost pain.
I shrugged it off, still in a world of pain, but none of it mattered to me when he was unharmed. I waved off the concern, and offered a warm smile in return, “I’ve had worse, so this isn’t too bad. Plus, it didn’t get to you, so that’s what matters most to me,” I explained before my heart shattered into the smallest pieces. His bottom lip quivered as tears filled his eyes. He buried his face into the crook of his elbow, not wanting me to witness his emotions. My heart broke for him as he shook and sniffled. I just wanted to hold him and tell him that everything would be okay. I reached out and cupped his cheek before my fingers unfurled and lost themselves in his hair. My touch pulled his attention, and he removed his face from his elbow and gazed into my eyes. Though my eyes held the stars, his held the universe. Infinity was spread out before me, and everything that would ever matter for the rest of time was balled up into one tiny human being. How was it possible? How could someone so new, so small, have such an intense hold on me? Is this what my mother felt when she welcomed my brother and I to the world? This, I realized, was the closest I’d ever felt to whole since losing him. I continued, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he continued to cry, “I know you’re scared right now, but I need you to be brave, too, okay? I need you to be brave because I need you to be safe. That’s the most important thing to me.”
“O-okay,” he sniffled, trying to compose himself to the best of his ability.
“Do you know how to get out of the city and up into the hills?”
His face twisted with a look of devastation, not fear. He wasn’t afraid of getting lost or hurt. I could see in his eyes that he was afraid of disappointing me, but he couldn’t see that I was equally as afraid of disappointing him. He started to cry again, wearing his heart on his sleeve, “I’m sorry!”
“Hey, hey, hey, don’t be sorry,” I insisted, desperately trying to ground him. I took a long breath, which he mirrored without instruction. His eyes brightened as they found mine, and he felt a sense of certainty that no one else had when they looked at me. I brushed away every stray tear that appeared and felt rejuvenated the moment he leaned into my touch. He was a dream, the most beautiful ray of light in my darkest night and the glimmer of joy within the endless despair. He became everything in a heartbeat, and when that little everything looked at me like I was anything at all, the world fell into place. When I spoke again, my voice was even softer than it had been before, “you’re still young. I’m glad you told me, so I didn’t send you off on your own. Let’s get you someplace safe,” I replied, opening my arms up to wordlessly invite him to step closer, “wrap your arms around my neck and hold on tight. I promise I won’t let you fall. You’re going to be safe no matter what, Hitoshi, I swear to you.”
His eyes widened as they found the wound once more where blood had stained my hero costume and warmed my skin, leaving a metallic smell in the electric air around us. His bottom lip quivered as he began to shrink in on himself, seemingly becoming even smaller than before, “I don’t want to hurt you!” he begged, clearly more worried about my potential pain than his own life and safety.
I shook my head with a supportive smile, “you could never hurt me. Come on, sweetheart,” I insisted, wrapping my arms around him and lifting him up. My body was far from numb to the pain, but I swallowed back every single natural reaction I had to it because to let them out would be to put a burden on the heart of the little boy in my arms. As long as he’s with me, I’ll see to it that I shoulder every burden that comes his way to take the weight from him. I smiled down at him once more, losing myself in those violet eyes, “now, close your eyes, my little starlight, and tell me about something that makes you happy.”
As soon as his endless eyes were closed, the stardust wings on my back spread out and began to carry the two of us out of the city. I avoided falling debris and took in the sights before me as I knew my work would be long and strenuous should I live long enough to help the rescue attempts. The moment Hitoshi began speaking, though, I knew there was no question. I had no choice. I had to survive for him, “you make me happy,” he squeaked, his grip on me tightening, “I’ve watched the sports fest from last year so many times. Your quirk is amazing! Your speech to the kids out there who wanted to be heroes, it felt like you were speaking right to me. I can’t wait until you’re a pro. I’ll be your number one fan, and maybe someday I can be a hero just like you,” he spoke, his voice trembling as he spoke of something so deeply personal. His reaction to me was similar to the one I had to All Might once the dust settled, and it dawned on me that my number one hero was the one who rescued me. Still, it was hard to wrap my head around that someone could look at me the way I looked at All Might when I was still relatively new to the hero scene. I was still in training, so the fact that anyone took notice was surreal, especially when that someone was a person my soul latched onto.
He continued to speak about my quirk and the nature of it. He was mesmerized. With each word he spoke regarding my quirk and my future as a hero, my resolve to push myself as hard as I could to become the best hero in the world became stronger and stronger. It was as if the faith All Might placed in me as a child fell to the wayside. His words of conviction when he spoke of how certain he was that I would take over as the world’s number one hero were suddenly overshadowed by the words of a little boy. If Hitoshi believed in me, I needed to become someone worthy of that faith. I had no choice but to lead him on the right path.
His attitude toward me was stunning and surreal. Everything about him felt like a dream from the look in his eyes to the way he took up every bright and dark corner of my heart. I was made for him, hand-crafted to find him and become something in his life, but what that was I was still unclear on. Perhaps a mentor like All Might had been for me when I was younger. Perhaps it would be something different because the way my heart and soul recognized him couldn’t have been anything less than a familial sort of bond.
Once we reached the outer edge of the city into the hills that would keep him safe, I stopped and brought us to the ground, landing gently to keep from startling him. Once I lowered him onto the ground, I pulled away just enough to catch his eyes. There were more tears that he was desperately trying to hold back along with the words he didn’t have the courage to say quite yet. There was a story in those eyes that I wanted to unpack in that very moment. I didn’t want to leave him, and it took every ounce of discipline I had to unwrap my arms from around his—clearly malnourished—body. The moment I leaned away from him even a hair, his eyes widened, “I haven’t finished telling you about the thing that makes me happy!” he panicked, his voice growing loud and trembling the way his body did. He didn’t have to tell me that he was afraid for me to hear the fear in his voice.
My bottom lip quivered slightly as I gazed into his eyes. It was the first time I was truly desperate to return, to live. There were reckless moments in my life, and I often acted without caution because death didn’t scare me, especially since I’d be joining all those who had gone before me. The moment my eyes first met his, though, it was like I had an unshakable hold on life. Nothing was going to take me away from him. My arms ached to hold him, and my heart yearned to invite him in. I didn’t want to leave those hills for a single moment because I would subsequently be leaving him. For a fleeting moment, I wondered what the harm would be if I simply stopped being the hero, if I found myself walking a different path toward the happiness and purpose I’d always dreamed of. I’d be giving up on the dreams of my brother and younger self, the dreams I still felt the deepest attachment to until the moment Hitoshi held onto me. He was suddenly my greatest aspiration—being whatever it was he needed me to be from moment to moment.
In that moment, it was a hero.
I turned my gaze over to the city that was still crumbling, and I narrowed my eyes at the destruction that was caused by two men. My heart bled for all those I had not yet rescued. I had to remember that the young boy before me looked up to me for a reason, and I needed to remain strong and sure for his sake. I straightened my shoulders before clenching my fist. I held it out to him and opened my palm to reveal a small ball of light that resembled a star. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of it, mesmerized by the brilliance and completely distracted from the loss of life in the background, “it’s for you,” I murmured, and his eyes peeled away from the star and back up to me, though the amazement never wavered.
When he didn’t reach out for it, I reached out and grasped his hand in my free one before opening his hand to face his palm toward the sky. I gently transferred the star from my hand to his own, watching as it continued to levitate above his palm, “don’t leave me,” he begged, his eyes filling with tears as he cupped his hands to cradle the star just in case it fell into his palms. He treated it like it was fragile, like the gift I had given him could break. As I opened my mouth to speak, he continued, “what if you get hurt out there? What if something even worse happens to you?”
“You’re still so young, but…have you ever experienced a moment that feels different from the rest, like-like you already know that will be a moment you hold near and dear in your heart forever, even while it’s happening? It’s like you know you’re making a lifelong memory?” I asked as I watched his eyes dance with curiosity. He wanted to hear my stories, the memories I carried with me everywhere I went, but the time for that was not now; however, if I had any say in it, that time wouldn’t be so far away. It would be time where I would hold him and regale him with colorful stories of my past.
He held onto every single word and nodded his head, “this is one of those moments. Meeting you was one of those moments. Every second, every heartbeat, every breath I’ve spent in your presence feels like I’m making a lifelong memory, and I can’t think of leaving the little boy who made that possible. For right now, though, Hitoshi, I have to do what’s right. I’m so sorry that I can’t stay here with you, but you’re going to be okay. Don’t move from here. I need to make sure you’re safe, and if you run, you could get lost. Now…can I have a smile?” I asked, smiling for him to lighten the air around us. He followed my lead and mirrored a smile that lifted my soul, “look at how brave you are! I sense a hero in the making! Maybe someday you and I can do this together.”
His eyes widened with the smile on his lips, “really?!”
I nodded my head and ran a hand through his hair, lingering a bit as my fingers stroked across his baby soft cheeks, “I wouldn’t have it any other way, but for now, let me be a hero for you, okay?” They were the same words I said to my brother once—words that comforted him.
Just as I turned on my heel to leave, afraid of what one more tear-filled gaze would do to me, I felt a small hand wrap around my wrist. Tears threatened to stream down my cheeks as the internal conflict I felt began coming to a head. How could I leave him? How could I walk away from him when all I wanted was to hold him until the sun came up? His voice was small when he spoke, “promise you’ll come back.”
Just when I thought my resolve to survive couldn’t grow any stronger, he spoke those words to me, and I was determined that no matter what challenges I faced in the moments, days, or years to come, I would survive it all. I turned around and pulled his body close to mine, holding him against me as he threw his arms around my waist, burying his face into my abdomen. I knelt down once more, and held up my pinky to him, “this, Hitoshi, is the most sacred of all promises. It’s an unbreakable vow, but you may know it as the pinky promise. I don’t break these, okay?” I asked, and he nodded his head, the faintest hint of a smile playing on his lips as he reached out and linked his pinky with my own. I swallowed back the lump in my throat, wishing I could throw away my responsibilities and live in that moment forever, “I promise to come back because I know I’ll be coming back to you,” I vowed, pressing my forehead to his. Our noses brushed together as I felt the peace that surrounded us for one final moment, “be safe, my little starlight.”
Those were my final words to him before he let me go. He allowed me to leave, knowing that he would have to watch on from a distance as I did the work he admired me so deeply for. He would just have to stay and hope that I returned as I promised. That was one of the hardest things he could do because I’d done it as a child when Hizashi would leave me to do his hero work. It was always a devastating blow to be left behind and not know if they would return. The first time I felt that after being taken in by the Yamada family was when Oboro never returned. Hizashi and Sho were never the same after that, so I needed to make sure they never felt that way again because of me, and I especially had to make sure Hitoshi wouldn’t be changed because of me.
