Just A Little Toxic
@the-normal-musketeer
Serene was cold and the tall dark haired girl knew it. However, some days she was just downright nasty to other people. Today was one of those days, and Serene honestly didn’t know why she was so mean and didn’t plan on trying pin down a reason.
Despite this the dark haired girl found herself laying the grass of some park enjoying the brief warm Bristol summer. Her years here had taught her that she should savor the moments when the sky was clear and the sun was shining. Serene wore a simple red tank top that came down her her belly bottom and a pair of black shorts that barely covered her pale legs. She wore a pair of black sunglasses and laid back in the grass not a care in the world across her pretty face.
Serene laid there until she felt someone stand up in front of her blocking out the sun she was laying in. She pulled down her sunglasses to look up at who was standing in front her.
“Look if you’re not illing for a taste mind getting out of the sun,” She said her Brooklyn accent bleeding through full of disinterest . Serene kept her eyes on the boy above her trying to read if he was looking to buy drugs from her of if he was just going to be a creep about her being scantily dressed.
JJ had heard back from the committee and everything was in the clear. He would be getting his PhD any day now. His smile was a good one. He’d wished Effy had been around but she’d taken off for parts unknown. He could only figure it had to do with her mate. He still didn’t care for him but to each their own. He’d handed off the exams to his TA and she was sorting it all out. For the first time in months, he was free to enjoy the afternoon. He decided on a trip to the game shop to put an order in for the latest console. A gift to himself. He messaged Cook but he was probably at work or shagging someone. Since they’d moved in together, they barely saw each other but it was a good living arrangement. Surprisingly he was a bit neater than JJ remembered. It worked out. He left the game shop and picked up an ice cream cone. He was really treating himself. “Dr. Jones…” He laughed to himself and made his way to the park. He tapped into his phone and set off to find elusive imaginary creatures.
Simply because he was a professor didn’t mean he was immune to the latest craze of his youth counterparts. He was lost in his own mind when he stopped and pointed his phone all around. He was sure there was one around here. Then he heard a voice. “Sorry..” He looked in the direction of where it came from and there was a girl laying out in the sun. He blinked and stared. Then he realized what she’d said. He jumped a step back. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to step in your sunlight.. See I was looking for a Rainier and I was sure he was around here somewhere but it seems like maybe I took a wrong turn.. possibly by the bench.. but I was eating my ice cream and maybe I got turned around and what exactly is illing for a taste? Is that American? It sounds American though I can’t say I’m fully versed in their slang.. and I’m babbling..”
Serene sat up and looked at the man in front of her. He couldnt be much more then a few months older however they clearly came from very different worlds. Serene shook out her jet black hair letting the waves fall softly down to below her ribs. She then pulled her sunglasses up onto her forehead her silver eyes looking directly at the man.
“I take your not looking to score then” She teased the words wrapping around her tongue as she spoke. “Yeah it is American. So am I” She didn’t hide her accent at all as she spoke mostly to prove her point but also because she felt like being nasty.
He looked around once more, convinced that he’d gotten turned around and wasn’t going to find what he was looking for. She mentioned if he was looking to score and he stared at her. “Well if I don’t find the Rainier, then no I won’t really be getting a score…oh goodness.. you meant something else entirely.” He looked at her. She was striking. Her form of dress left little to the imagination and he blushed. He put his phone away. “I’m sorry..” He lowered his voice as he scanned the area and stooped down. “Are you a.. lady of the evening?.. not that you need to do it in the evening.. a lot of people are fond of doing it in the daytime.. I’m not opposed to it.. but I wasn’t looking to… no..”
JJ stood up straight. “I’m being very forward.. I don’t mean to be.. I was.. Well walking.. and then I stumbled upon you.. not really stumbled more like disrupted your afternoon.. or perhaps your work schedule.. not judging.. it’s a time honored profession.. being American.. makes you international..” He chuckled. “Does that mean you charge more?”
Serene laughed out loud throwing her head back as she did so. She had been called a lot of things before but she had never been so blatantly called a hooker before. Serene supposed that she did look the part but she didn’t really take offence to it.
“No sweet pea. But if you’re offering. ” She teased with a wide smile across her face. “I’m a dealer of party favors so to say” Serene partially hoped that the boy would continue to be confused because she found this all quite fun.
“Oh goodness no.. I’m not offering.. I’m not a lady of the.. or gentleman of the evening.. or afternoon.. I mean I have done it.. both in the evening and the afternoon. Time really isn’t an issue. But I’ve never charged for it. Or paid for it.. Wait that’s not entirely true. When I was in college, my mate and I ended up at this clandestine house of ill repute and I paid for being kissed.” He took a seat on the ground next to her. No need to remain standing as it felt rude to be talking down at her. “Party favors?” He mulled that over. The light went off in his head.
“You mean drugs.. nope not into that either. I have smoked with a friend. She was determined to teach me the ways of the world… so as not to get taken advantage of.. but it isn’t a habitual practice to partake of narcotics. I did accidentally ingest MDMA once but only because it was disguised in a lollipop. Who would put that in a lollipop? So I no longer take candy from strange girls.. not that you’re offering candy.. or are a strange girl.”
Serene laughed again before standing up from the grass. She shook out her lengthy curves as she did so clearly trying to show off. “There you go sweet thing. You looked like you might be looking to score something so I figured I’d as” truthfully serene just wanted to watch the boy squirm. She knew it was bad but quite frankly she wanted to be entertained more then anything else.
Now that serene was standing it was clear how tall she really was. She stood right about the height of the boy in front of her and clearly was the kind of girl who was as tall if not taller then most guys. “I’m serene by the way. Dealer of party favors and occasional student at the university of Bristol. ” Serene extended her long graceful had out to the boy knowing that she had made so sort of an impression on him. Also Serene didn’t really go to the university she just hung around to sell to the stupid students looking to be cool.
She stood up as he’d sat down so he stood up. She was tall. He blushed when she called him sweet thing but figured it was her vernacular rather than actual endearment. “I looked like I might be looking to score?” He looked at his wardrobe and wonder if he was wearing a particular color or some sort of garment that denoted the need to buy illicit substances. But he was dressed normally. She introduced herself and he extended his hand. “I’m Jonah Jeremiah Jones.. soon to be Dr. Jones but not in a medical aspect. More mathematics and computer science.” She mentioned she was a student at University of Bristol. “Oh.. you’re a student.. I teach there..” His smile froze as he realized he was technically faculty and she wasn’t.
“Umm.. perhaps we can avoid talking about the word dealer.. I’m not certain what the code of conduct is but I shudder to think that it might prohibit you from participating in such activities which is really rather hypocritical given that most of the.. party favors I’ve come across have originated in some form of academic setting either through events or acquaintances.. and perhaps no mention of the lady of the night business either. That is definitely not an appropriate topic of conversation between a professor and a student.. not that you’re my student.. but a student nonetheless.. what are you studying?”
Serene giggled again and looked at the boy in front of her. “I don’t go there now but I used to study English. ” Serene honestly went to one semester of classes before she quit. She just liked to say that she was a full time student because people would question her less.
“You’re cute. I wouldn’t mind if you were my professor” She teased before giving her long black hair a simple flip. Serene was the kind of girl people worried about getting involved with mostly because she knew just too well how to wrap people around her fingers.
“Oh.” He was surprised at her course of study. While he was generalizing in his thoughts, he identified literary scholars with more clothing than she was wearing. But then again she was out having fun. When she called him cute, he smiled. He had been called that often since he took up a faculty position at university. That plus a change in his wardrobe to make him less stuffy and old fashioned. Though he still vowed to never ever wear skinny jeans. He thought of how horrid a contraption they were. “Well.. thank you.. for the compliment. You’re quite striking yourself but you needn’t base your judgement of my professorial attributes merely on my looks. If you return to university, I do teach some introductory courses in maths and in computers. My upper level coursework might be above your needs for a literary degree.”
He put his hands in his pockets. “I’m curious.. did you move to Bristol to attend university here? Wouldn’t it have been rather less expensive to attend in America if you were planning on attending irregularly? Simply curious.. I don’t mean to pry. Just wanting to get a better grasp of the appeal of Bristol. I personally am fascinated with American culture as a whole and would love to have attended university there.. but I did very well in Cambridge.”
Serene shrugged at looked at JJ he was the kind of guy she loved to toy with and she knew that she most definitely would at one point in time like to screw with him. She looked down at her outfit realizing that it was probably distracting him and that’s perhaps why he kept looking at her so strangely.
“I moved here when I was 16 with my aunt. She got a job here and she didn’t like my friends back home so this was the change. I finished college here” She spoke kindly to JJ she knew that if she made herself seem more appoarchable that it would be much easier to walk the boy into the palm of her hand. “I just sort of stuck around. Bristol grew on me I guess ” Honesly she never moved back home because the business and drugs here were to good to pass up.
“Hmm… so you’re what they call an ex-pat.” He imagined being uprooted at 16, taken to a new country. His mum and dad probably would have if they’d have been able to. They weren’t exactly fond of JJ’s college years. Although his mum had managed to understand that he needed to grow into himself. It wasn’t all that easy for her to accept at first, given Cook’s influence as well as the rest of the lot of them. “You hung out with a rebellious lot even in America? Drag racing and causing anarchy?” He was teasing but realized he didn’t know her well enough to take such liberties. “Not that that’s the only impression I have of American youth.. I was merely speaking figuratively not literally.”
He kicked at the ground and wished he’d grabbed more than ice cream for lunch. “Bristol has always been home save for my time at university. I do plan on traveling eventually.. Although I should probably eat soon. Well that wasn’t logical at all in my dialogue.. my brain.. it works in different patterns so to speak.. I was thinking I should have eaten more than ice cream for lunch and the thought progressed vocally. Perhaps you haven’t had lunch yet either? There’s a place for pizza nearby.”
Serene shrugged her friends back home were a mess but they were also the best at taking care of her. She mostly thought about Tony, he had been her everything he had started as her drug dealer but by the time he had become the only thing that serene lived for. “I mostly just partied and stayed out to late. And I used to get into a lot of trouble before I moved out here ”
“I’d love to get something to eat. ” She said sweetly before reaching down to pick up her leather satchel. Serene smiled to JJ before stretching her arm out indicating for him to lead the way.
She liked to party. He thought she and Cook might get along. Then he shook his head. She agreed to accompany him to lunch and he beamed. He would have carried her bag but she picked it up herself. Then he thought about that. She probably had her stash in it and it was best he not be carrying it in case of problems. The last thing he needed was to get picked up for a drug offense at this point in his burgeoning career. They set off through the park and he almost pulled his phone out to search for the Rainier but decided that would be rather rude. Instead he tried making small talk.
“So you moved here with your aunt… I’m afraid to ask about your parents. And I’m guessing no siblings. I don’t have any.” He walked at a medium pace which was his custom. Someone once told him to walk with purpose when he was a child and he hadn’t ever stopped. “Siblings that is.. I have a mate that’s close to one.. but no biological ones.. I was more than enough for my parents.”
Serene walked with the boy her actions simple and friendly as they did so. She thought about her parents for the first time in a very long time. She loved them undoubtedly but she didn’t really think about them much anymore.
“My parents passed away when I was nine. I’ve lived with my aunt since. Well now I live alone but before that I lived with her” It took serene a long time to be able to talk about her parents without hurting like she used to. Today it only hurt a little for her to say anything about them and that made her happy. She knew they wouldn’t have liked it if they made her sad.
“Oh dear.” He had an inkling given she’d moved to another country with someone other than her parents. Her mention of the aunt’s dislike of her friends was another indication. Anyone who looked or listened to JJ would think him a little slow but he was rather observant. That was something he could thank his own friends for. Their own lives had allowed more than one tragic event to mar their histories. Watching his friends either evolve or devolve was an education in people that he almost wished he didn’t have if it spared anyone heartache. “I’m terribly sorry fo your loss.” They walked along and finally got to the edge of the park. The pizza shop was in sight.
“I do believe lunch is on me today. I did interrupt your sunning yourself. It’s the least I can do.. I also may have intimated you might be well.. a sexually liberated entrepreneurial woman.. so drinks are also on me.” He was half teasing. He knew what he’d meant and she knew it also. He simply felt bad that it was the wrong conclusion when she mentioned score.
Serene shrugged before looking over at JJ. “It’s ancient history. They passed away when I was so young that I think I missed the worst of it” Serene still hurt because of it sometimes but usually she was fine and she even liked to talk about the people he parents were sometimes.
“You’re gonna regret that J. I may be American but I can drink with the best of them. ” Serene didn’t really have a sense of when she should or shouldn’t be partying during the day. She worked all the time so there wasn’t really a reason why she wouldn’t just ride out the days in style.
The idea of her parents’ demise being ancient history didn’t exactly sit well with him as he imagined that regardless of her age, it had impacted her. But he wouldn’t push. JJ had learned that people talked about what bothered them when it was time. Some needed a push but he didn’t know Serene at all. Making new friends was always good and perhaps someday they would get more personal. He laughed. There was something a little bit fun about the girl. She reminded him of someone but this was different.
“I’ve no doubt that regardless of your country of origin you can drink me under the table.. but that’s not saying too much. I’ve not that much of a tolerance though it is better given my recent spate of roommates in the past year… well spate is probably the wrong word as there have been only two if you don’t count the dog at one time… although I have had a number of people crashing on the couch at various times.. but they didn’t contribute to my tolerance.” They reached the pizza shop and he opened the door for her. Even if this had been a chance meeting and prolonged exchange, it didn’t stop him from exhibiting his best manners.
Serene walked into the resurant carefully picking out a table as she did so. She kindly ordered a beer from the waitress before slipping the woman a casual wink as she walked away.
“Tell me about you JJ” She teased letting his name wrap itself around her mouth in a wonderfully seductive way. Serene may not have been a hooker but she did know how to bring a guy in. She carefully started to sip her beer when the waitress brought it back winking at her again.
They took a seat and the waitress was over with menus right away. Serene ordered a beer and he asked for the same. He would need to eat though and started looking over the menu. Pizza in general was great food. They also had other items that he could easily devour. He heard his name and he looked up. “About me.. umm..” He thought about that. “Well.. I mentioned I was faculty at Bristol University.. maths and computer science.. Graduated from Cambridge with an accelerated degree and worked for a bit at the Turing Institute under contract.. finished my doctorate and finally heard back from the committee this morning.. hence my previous comment about becoming Dr. Jones soon.” He smiled and wondered what else he could tell her that made him sound less boring.
“I live in my parents’ old house but they live in Italy now. I share it with a good mate.. Cook.. That’s his name not what he does. I don’t have pets. I still like comic books but haven’t spent a lot of money on them as I’ve been saving some and recently put down a deposit on the new PS4.. I’m sorry.. I’m not very exciting I’m afraid.” He looked at the menu. “What do you like on your pizza?”
“That’s a lot of school. I barely even finished college” serene joked as she sipped her beer quietly. It was true she was smart enough for school but she could hardly bring herself to even go most days and the days she did go she was usually jacked up on a mix of pills and narcotics. Serene wouldn’t call herself addicted she more just liked the way being high made her feel.
“Anything accept fish. I’m easy” She said implying both possible meanings of the word. Yes she was easy sexually but also serene was pretty easy to take care of and watch after.
“Yes.. I find myself rather comfortable in academics setting. It’s a lot easier to lose myself in numbers and computer code. At least that was the case, I’ve been working on being much more well rounded. My aptitude for the maths and sciences is in the top percentile of most of the population. It lends itself to a bit of a lonely existence when working for your first degree but fascinating work at the same instance.” He knew he couldn’t let himself get too involved in the conversation about his schooling lest they get stuck in an endless limbo of algorithms and theoretical data. “College can be very boring.. especially around here.. wait.. you finished college here… did you attend Roundview? That’s my old school.” He smiled.
He laughed when she said no fish. “No anchovies.. got it.. not sure why anyone would put small creatures on their pizza. It’s like your food watching you as you eat. Very disconcerting.” He missed her double meaning as he wasn’t really prone to girls outright flirting with him. JJ was also hungry so his mind was on the menu. “I think we should get it loaded.. vegetables and meats.. possibly extra cheese. I really am famished.”
“I sort went there. More or less I would show up for tests and some class periods if I wasn’t too messed up. ” She joked as she continued to drink her beer. Serene didn’t remember much from college other then partying and selling.
“Sounds good. Can we get extra cheese?” She asked before finishing the rest of her beer. Serene hadn’t decided whether or not she should get drunk with JJ on this warm summer afternoon.
He understood what she meant by too messed up. How many days did his friends skip out on because of those very reasons? When she concurred on the toppings, he nodded. “If the lady wants extra cheese, then extra cheese it is.” He waved the waitress over and placed the order then asked for another beer for Serene. He was still working on his first. It was mid-day and he hadn’t had much in the way of nutritious sustenance. He fancied three beers tops on a good day. Today two might do the trick. He took out his phone and verified that he had a taxi company’s number in case he needed a ride to get home. “So you no longer live with your aunt? If I recall correctly, you mentioned living on your own now?”
JJ took a drink from his beer and was happy it was cold. He didn’t much prefer warmer beer. Cook could drink anything it seemed. He hoped he’d remembered to put down a towel on the couch should he be entertaining on it again. “Doesn’t it get lonely to live alone?”
Serene carefully took a sip of the next beer trying to pace herself just enough that she wouldnt be wasted when they left. “I don’t mind living with myself I’m hardly home anyway. I’m bad about getting home so I got my own place so I was less trouble” That was the purest truth, serene got her own place so she wouldn’t get harassed every time she didn’t come home or when she brought the hook up of the day home.
“I like living alone. Means I can come and go as I please without causing trouble or waking people up” she spoke honestly to the boy before taking another long sip of the beer in front of her.
He could appreciate the idea of autonomy. Being self-sufficient was something he’d learned to do through time but he still craved human interaction. Possibly because of all the time spent in his head, either by choice or his condition. “Bad about getting home?” She continued explaining and he had an aha moment. He took a pull from his beer. “Light sleeper your aunt then? I can likely sleep through a tornado not that we get those here.. but I imagine if we did I could sleep through it.” He looked at her. Really paying attention to what was unsaid but in plain sight. She was definitely friendly to an extent but there was an air of unspoken unapproachability that was likely a defense mechanism given her loss at an early age. JJ shook his head and told himself he would stop reading psychology journals when he was bored.
“So you live alone.. don’t attend school presently.. what do you do?” He paused and dropped his voice. “Aside from the party favor business.. does that qualify as a business?”
“My aunt would stay up worrying when I was out” She said as she continued to sip her drink. She really didnt like stressing the woman out and that was the main reason she moved. “I do odd jobs here and there. But no I don’t really do much else” By odd jobs serene mostly just meant selling to rich kids who paid to much for too little product. Although she had been known to work small waitressing jobs if the business hadn’t been good recently.
Serene admitted caring about her aunt which was nice to hear. JJ often worried about people with unhappy homes. He had been blessed with good parents. Overprotective but good. The pizza came and it smelled so good he almost moaned. “Definitely went too long without eating.” The waitress served them and left the spatula so they could serve themselves after. He took a bite and then did moan. “I swear this is close to the perfect food. I do like a good burger and a shake though.” They devoured the first couple of slices and he ordered a second beer for himself and water for the two of them. He wasn’t sure if she was ready for a third. “What kind of odd jobs? Like house work? Or are you handy with tools? Maybe gardening? I’ve a garden I want to get back in form. The neighbor’s cat dug it all up.”
The house didn’t need a lot of cleaning but he thought it would be a nice gesture to offer her a way to earn some money that wasn’t illegal. He could afford having her come to the house at least once a week.
Serene finished the rest of her beer before grabbing herself a slice of pizza. She took a bite of it and happily leaned back in her seat the girl didn’t eat very often mostly because she forgot too. Serene could also feel 4th effect of those too beers she just had and enjoyed the nice warm feeling that spread through her chest.
“I’m decent with tools. I mostly just pick up waitressing shifts when my friends can’t make it in” if she was being honest she picked up shifts when her friends were too messed up to do it themselves.
“I can’t say that I’ve ever waitressed… waitered? Hmm.. Never been a server. I think I’d probably spill a lot of things. Though I’m not overly clumsy but the added stress of getting the orders out in a timely manner might exacerbate any propensity towards un-coordination I may possess.” He grabbed a second slice and was intrigued about her being decent with tools. “So a carpenter then? Or more of a mechanic? Pity you don’t do gardening. I could assuredly use the help in the garden.” He finished his beer and wiped at his mouth.
“I used to have a young woman who came to clean the house a while back but that’s because I was on crutches. I was out running and a car hit me. Never text and drive.”
Serene took another bite of her food suddenly unsure of what she should do with the boy in front of her. “I tend to be more of a handy man type ” She said quietly before eating another bite of the pizza. She knew that she probably wouldnt eat to much but she did enjoy that the other had treated her food and drinks.
“I can’t grow anything to save my life ” It as true serene had bought herself a cactus once and it died almost instantly. She knew she would probably kill a person if she had to take care of them.
“Handy man.. hmm.. I might have a project or two. Quite honestly Cook’s been doing the minor repairs we’ve needed around the place.” She mentioned not being good with plants and he nodded. “Yeah Cook can’t grow anything either. Although he’s made references to turning mum’s old shed into a pot growing mini farm but I’ve so far scuttled the idea. The last thing I need is for trouble to come find us.” He looked at her eyes. “I have to say the color of your eyes is fascinating. I bet you get a lot of compliments.” He ate some more pizza and knew he would have to box the rest. All of the meat and vegetables and extra cheese made it all the more filling.
“Have you plans for your afternoon? A rendezvous with clients? Is there like a code word that you use? I’ve always been curious. In college it was easier I imagine but once you’re out in the real world it seems like there are a lot more perils.”
“Whose Cook. He sounds like a party and a half ” She teased when he mentioned the boy he lived with. She liked it when people didn’t judge to much. “And if you do decide to grow let me know I could make you a quick profit ” Serene said dead serious, she always needed new sources and wouldnt mind having one that she knew wouldn’t expect anything from her. Serene closed her eyes carefully after JJ’ s comment about them. Most guys didn’t care what her eyes looked like they mostly cared what she looked like naked or what she could sell. “Thank you. Most people care about what my eyes look like”
“I am going to a club tonight to sell the rest of my product but nothing other then that. I tend to sleep most of the days. ”
“Cook is an enigma.” He laughed heartily. “He’s my best mate.. almost a brother.. though my mum doesn’t always like him.. he’s a bit of a scoundrel. But his heart is in the right place.” He almost choked on his water when she mentioned a quick profit. “Blimey no.. no pot growing profits quick or otherwise.. I’m hoping for a permanent position as faculty and selling pot would likely be detrimental to that end.” For a moment he imagined Cook and Serene setting up a distribution center at his house. He shuddered. “Well they are beautiful..” He smiled.
“A club… I haven’t been to one in.. come to think of it I haven’t been to one since uni.. and even then it really wasn’t much of a club or an outing.. we were science fellows and kept to ourselves. Though I do know how to be light on my feet.”
“Sounds like I ought to meet this man” she smiled softly before finding herself blushing lightly. Serene didn’t know if it was the booze or the complement but she felt warm flush coming on. This however faded when she giggled at the man’s last comment. “Are you now? That’s something I’d love to see. But I’m working tonight no fun in it at all”
It was true serene would likely spend the night avoiding being caught by security and harrazed by drunk and high college kids. But it was good money and she needed to pay her rent so she couldn’t bring herself to complain about it.
“Well if we become friends then it’s even odds you’ll likely meet him.. though I refuse to apologize for anything he says or does. You are being warned that he can and usually.. well.. you’ve been warned.” He was teasing. In truth, the present Cook had grown from the past Cook. He still poked his head in every once in a while but it was less damaging to personal property. She giggled at his dancing comment. “I am indeed.. hmm.. working does not equal fun no.. well technically you are providing the fun I suppose.. perhaps we can go dancing another time. There’s a number of clubs in the area. Although you probably are well aware of that fact.”
He thought about it. “Do you play video games? I mentioned having put a deposit on the new console coming out but I have an older one at the house and I’ve a bunch of games.”
“There’s no fun in being good all the time ” She said before winking subtly at the boy across from her. She took one more bite of her pizza before putting it down knowing that she wouldnt finish any more of it. “I’d love to go dancing. I only work at clubs during holiday because that’s when my customers are most itching” She tried her best to speak without forcing her American slang as she did so but it never worked out right. And it was true she did sell significantly more when all the college students were on break and they were often the people who would over pay for what she sold.
“And I never really played video games. My boyfriend from back home used to but I mostly did other things"By other things Serene meant that she would just go get herself in trouble rather then sit around to play games.
He laughed when she winked at him. “I’ve a friend who has told me that many many times. I’m destined to be good. Sometimes I can let loose… but..” He shrugged. He knew who he was even if he had dabbled on the wild side. “Itching.. I know that one.. I’ve watched a couple of episodes of The Wire.. but then it got too violent and a tad bit realistic. I did not know that the holiday was an economic boon for.. party favors.. although logically I suppose it stands to reason.” He was disappointed that she didn’t play video games. He needed a wider variety of friends who did. He had people he spoke to online, whom he played with but he liked having a game night in real life.
“What other things did you do if I may ask?” He would like to think he was making a new friend and was searching for some common ground or activity they could enjoy together.
“It’s all the college kids. They can hardly stay together during the holiday” She said as she took another sip of her beer settling on only finishing that rather then the pizza. “I make good money all year but this time of year I make the best money. ”
“I mostly just worked and partied and ditched. My boyfriend Tony used to help keep me out of trouble. Well sort of mostly we just got in trouble together. ” Serene had a pretty heavy record back home full of drug charges and theft mostly.
“Hmm.. I suppose some people do need a little extra when getting through the holidays. Some people don’t really care for them.” JJ didn’t ask what it meant to make good money at party favors. It wasn’t polite to talk about exact numbers. But he wondered why she would do odd jobs if she was making money in her regular chosen profession. She spoke about her troubled youth and he thought she would have gotten along fine with a couple of people he knew. “Do you still keep in touch? With your friends and boyfriend.. ex-boyfriend? I know it’s far and all but given all of the social media available I’d imagine it would be easier to keep in touch.”
He hadn’t had to worry much about that. He’d never really left home save for university and then he’d ended up losing track of his mates.
“I don’t talk to any of them. Tony got married when I was 19” Serene hardly thought about her family or her life before an moved to Bristol. Mostly because it was so long ago and she had changed so much. “But I hold no grudges. Life was so messy back then I don’t expect much else. Hell I’m 24 I don’t need to be around my friends from when I was 16” Serene lied a little then she had really expected that Tony would wait for her to come back. He had always talked about go their love was infinate and never ending. But he had moved on so quickly that serene felt like she didn’t matter to him even in the slightest.
“Oh.” He forgot that people married young. He could himself imagine being married but he hadn’t quite met the girl that swept him off his feet. He thought he had but it hadn’t stuck. She mentioned not holding grudges and it sounded like she was still hung up on her ex-boyfriend. It would be the only reason to hold a grudge right? When she said that she didn’t need to hang around the friends she had when she was younger, he frowned. JJ was still friends with people he knew then. Cook and he went back further than that and he couldn’t imagine life without him in some form. Until recently he’d had Effy too. “I think at least for me personally having a connection to whom I was then shows me how much I’ve grown.. but then again.. I’ve never really left my hometown so my views may perhaps be slightly antiquated.”
Serene hadn’t thought about Tony is so long that she started to wonder what he was up to these days. Him and that woman has probably had a kid or maybe even two or three. Tony had always talked about having kids and what it would be like when they were married but that never would have happened and Serene knew that. “I’m connected to it I just doubt I’ll ever want to talk to those people from back then. They were all so horrible myself included”
“I can understand that I suppose…” He was pensive. JJ really didn’t know much about her other than what they had spoken about. He knew people tended to have secrets even if his weren’t all that thrilling. But it seemed that there was a loneliness to her. Perhaps he was projecting. The idea that someone would so bluntly classify themselves as horrible stood out to him. It was rather direct and sincere. Anyone would take it as a warning to possibly walk away. But his curiosity got the better of him as always. “What made you so horrible?”
“I was a junkie and I used people all the time. My boyfriend my friends my family. Everyone I knew was just another person I could get something out of. Nothing was real” Serene described it the best that she could. She did care what it took to get what she wanted even if it hurt her. That’s part of what made her and Tony so good was he would use her just as much as she would use him.
Her candor wasn’t wholly unexpected but the words weren’t comforting. He understood substance abuse because of Effy. The damage it could do to the users and those closest to them. It wasn’t something he wished on anyone. It was curious that she still dealt having proclaimed she was an addict. “No that certainly doesn’t sound like a good way to live. Using people.. it isn’t fun. Rather harsh really. How can..” He paused, unsure if he should proceed with his question given it was their first time really meeting and chatting. But there wasn’t any turning back now. “How can you still sell party favors if you’re an addict? Don’t you worry about how it hurts others?”
Serene didn’t really know how to react to the question. She didn’t sell the things that she was addicted to. Instead she sold narcotics and pills. Serene believed that she sold an experience rather then a substance. “I don’t know another way to make money. I was fourteen when I started and now I can’t think of anything else. But i don’t sell the stuff I was hooked on its to difficult to not use” serene had a hard time not using as often as she did but she was proud of what she didn’t so anymore.
It made a bit of sense. Avoiding the one substance she was addicted to was a way around the possibility of using your own source of income as a means to get high. But it still didn’t settle the feeling in his stomach that she was still perpetuating the probable addiction of similar substances to others. People younger and likely more susceptible to use and get hooked. JJ didn’t think Serene was an inherently bad person. It sounded like she made mistakes and didn’t know a way to break out of a harmful cycle. “That sounds like a lot for a 14 year old to handle. I had a friend who was addicted to drugs.. it was difficult watching her get clean.”
Serene never thought about it really, she just was fourteen and dealing drugs and that was just the way it was. She never felt bad about what she did to make her money but something about how JJ talked about it made her feel bad. “It’s just the way that it was. I was just living not trying to end up dead or in jail. It’s hard to get clean though” it was true she had struggled to stop using when she had stopped.
“But you’re clean now.. that’s something.” JJ wanted to get to know her better. It was moments like this that he realized why he loved teaching. Impacting people held a sense of purpose that he loved. He scratched the back of his head. “It was the way it was.. but does it have to be the way it is? You can find something else to earn money. I think you’re selling yourself short Serene.” He couldn’t help but believe the best in people. It would probably lead to disappointment more times than he could count. But it was worth it when he made a difference.
“I didn’t mind what I do. It’s all I know and the monies good. If I hadn’t moved here I would have married Tony and sold drugs with him. I’ve never intended to do anything else with my life” Serene said suddenly very defensive of her lifestyle. She couldn’t remember a before this and certainly didn’t expect much else after. She didn’t want too do anything else with her life she just wanted to live and work.
JJ didn’t know what to think of her admission. Wanting to sell drugs and nothing more was a foreign concept to him. He wasn’t sure it was a good one. Then again, he wasn’t one to judge. Everyone was different. He nodded and knew he should drop the subject. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t meant to strike a chord.. I was simply curious and my mind tends to get away from me at times. Social skills aren’t exactly my strongsuit though I am remarkably better than I was when I was younger. On less medication too. I had to take so many medications for so long that taking.. party favors never quite appealed to me. Perhaps I missed out on that aspect of youth.” He looked at his watch. “I should probably head out. Do you want my number? Maybe we can do lunch again another time? Do you like burgers?”
Serene took a deep breath and waited for the other to respond. She knew that her lifestyle wasnt for everyone but she was very defensive of it. “It’s whatever JJ. Clearly we come from different worlds” serene spoke and the words almost sounded to nasty for her normal tones. But she kind of liked this guy so she figured she would at least let him buy her lunch another time. She carefully wrote her number down on a napkin before sliding it over. “Please leave a voicemail if I don’t pick up”
He could see his questions and comments didn’t have a positive effect. For whatever reason, he felt bad. He wasn’t being judgemental was he? He simply wanted better for everyone. “Yes. We do come from different worlds. Doesn’t mean we can’t learn about the other though can it?” He took the napkin and put the number in his phone. He sent off a quick message so she could have his number. “There.. now you’ll know who it is.. and I will definitely leave a voicemail. Don’t be surprised if I say Dr. Jones.” He giggled. “Sorry.. it amuses me.. it feels like I’m Indiana Jones.. perhaps I should get a fedora.”
Serene shrugged softly. “I suppose so….” She said quietly before taking another drink of her beer finishing it carefully. She carefully stood up after she finished. “I’ll call you later” she said after checking her phone carefully. “ thanks for the lunch JJ I’ll see you around.”
