The Orange Juice Project

An undefiled proof of freedom

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To my mother

Thank you for holding on.

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"...and when your mother's house crumbles to cinders, and that gut-wrenching dread consumes you, you'll feel it deep, knowing those are my tears shooting sulfur and fire into Sodom and Gomorrah, because who raised you?"

Yours truly:

The Shadows Whisper, Vengeance.

Oh sir, relax, don't tremble; it's just a poem 🤣 or perhaps a warning carved in the dark 😈?

Oh look, it's Sunday—a day for the pious & YOU, the one who wears a mask of piety, hiding your true nature behind hollow prayers. YOU seek divine protection? Remember, heaven has no rage like love turned to hatred, nor hell a fury as deep as a woman scorned.

Too dark? I write stuff sometimes; I'll share my blog one day. Good morning ❤️ and how much is the new Bernini Mimosa 6 pack, throats are open😁

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God sees me

I would be lying on God and my ancestors if I said that God forgot me. I would be lying out my damn teeth..

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I think I am embarrassed about where my interest and passion for feminism stems from.

Was it supposed to come from a positive experience as a woman...because I DO feel embarrassed that it doesn't.

I know the older more informed feminists will explain this to me.

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Out of everything, nothing triggers me like being dismissed.

I don't know how many times I have been disrespected with insults and subtle shade, but I know everytime I exploded was when I was purposely dismissed and gaslight.

Feeling of being subtly told my entire existence does not matter doesn't sit well with me.... It just never has

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I think one of my biggest flaw when it comes to love is that I want to be able to wrap my head around the concept of love... Somewhere between my overthinking and the belief that it needs to be disburden... Is the fact that love is simple.

🌺🌸

Working on a television show like Our Perfect Wedding and getting to hear people's love stories in detail, I realised their stories are simple. Their union is simple. It's simple

They went with whatever love had to offer, it didn't have to be perfect. It's not a Disney animation

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I wonder if other feminists feel the same way I do.

🌸

When dating, do you downplay how much of a feminist you are, because you know in the heterosexual dating pool, being a feminist is a red flag for men.

🌸

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Okay , so my finances are a bit of a mess and I DO NOT KNOW WHER TO START 

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So I am in trouble... I feel stuff

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Nerve Damage

Ultimately, what scares me is that they broke me to the core and it can’t be repaired. I will never be the same again- and it is not fair, because they get to move on to the next wonderful woman, who will honour them by making them fathers and husbands.  

As for me.. I get to try to learn to love myself again.. As for me... I get to try to hide how damaged, because who really wants to deal with another scorned black woman. 

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I wonder if feminists have had moments in their lives where they wish they were passionate about other societal issues with than what women go through, like how tiring is it, trying to show everyone else what's wrong and really people think and misunderstand that feminists just like complaining...

Same goes to gender or LGBTQIA+ activists or people living with disabilities...

I just wonder... If activists wished for a moment...that they too didn't care...and just go on with their lives...

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Being a fat girl is so wild. You have an emotional rollercoaster relationship with your body. The one day you are a plus size queen, not giving a f- about how fat you are, you are wearing bright or tight outfits, your fupa is showing, your thighs are showing...

And then the next day... you are in Pittsburg, I mean.. You are emotionally distorted because... You are fat.

😒

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Train wreck

I don’t know if I need a therapist or a session with my ancestors. I can’t put my finger on it, but something is off. 

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God put a rainbow in the sky

God put a rainbow in the sky A rainbow in the sky A rainbow in the sky God put a rainbow in the sky A rainbow in the sky A rainbow in the sky It looked like the sun wasn't gon' shine no more Oh, God put a rainbow in the sky When God shut Noah in the grand ol' ark God put a rainbow in the sky Oh, yes, the sun grew dim and the days was dark God put a rainbow in the sky

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Today, the sound of my hardworking gangster grandmother's voice broke my heart.

I have heard her complain before, about how difficult life can be, but she was willing to put up a fight. She did so for 66 years of her life.

Between my mom, my grandmother, great great-grandmother & the women way before that,and I. I am the lucky one.

When I am overwhelmed with thoughts of giving up...

I remember that

I get to say I am the spoiled one, without any embarrassment associated with being spoiled and undomesticated.

The one who went to a private school, and speaks English fluently.

The one who got to study, the one who got to study away from from home, peacefully without poverty or black tax worrying me.

The one who got to pursue one's dream career.

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I blocked him. That’s what matters.

(for the 100th time) is in silence.

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To Myself

Maybe to surrender is the answer.