Sympathy for the Coward

"Or am I just a fool." Peter Pettigrew. 20. Death Eater, Spy

[the-peter-pettigrew]

beaterjones‌:

Gwen looked over the titles. 

        They didn’t know Peter well, but they knew him through passing. It seemed to be a small circle that people kept nowadays. So often people knew next to everyone, and if they didn’t they might have heard of them. Gwenog looked up excited by the prospect of gaining a few new titles for her collection. She over to him. “You sure you don’t want to take them with you?” Gwenog asked. It was a pain when moving but it was easier than trying to rebuild a collection. 

         She was happy to be given the opportunity, and began to flip through one of the books. There was a few history books she could already see adding to her collection, but she didn’t want to be that rash. Feeling as if any moment he might take back the offer that he had extended. It was generous, or at least appeared to be.

       “Absurd levels are the only way to live when it comes to books.” Gwenog remarked, closing the book that had been in their hand. “I mean I have a whole shelf that spans my living room, I’ve gotten to read most of them at least though.” Gwen looked up after a moment, setting the book back down. “You know Emm and I might be starting a book club if you’re ever interested. There will be sweets courtesy of myself.”

Peter shook his head slightly. “No their too heavy to keep carrying around. I also read - well more than half of them at least. Don’t really plan on re-reading anytime soon. My old job used to give me a discount on books, so they were dirt cheap to me but that’s not a great reason to keep all of them. I’ve kept some too.” 

He sat on his coffee table, one of the only clear areas without books around him at the moment. He figured he could have sold the books, but there was something about giving someone a book that felt different. Besides, he hadn’t spent much on any of them really. 

He chuckled. “My mum would beg to differ. I think this is so big because she made me only keep a few books at a time to make sure I read them. I got most of them from the library too. I figure I’ll read some from there from now on.” He nodded at them. “That would be nice actually. Don’t think I’ve ever been apart of a book club. What kind of books were you thinking? ” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

zephyrbcll‌:

“Oh, you are an excellent friend,” Zephyr said in gratitude, hugging Peter tightly and resisting the urge to ruffle Peter’s hair before moving on. Shifting his focus to the books, he examined the book pile set aside for Remus, trying to see if any of the titles looked familiar even if he couldn’t keep up with all the books he’d picked up from thrift shops and which Remus has kept and which had been given away.

It sounded like Peter still had a while to work through getting rid of his belongings and find somewhere new to move. “If you find a fixer upper, I don’t mind helping out,” Zephyr said, an offer that was likely apparent by that point, but one he wanted to make anyway, especially considering the way Peter seemed to pull back at times. Or no, that likely wasn’t the right way to put it, but the point was he wanted Peter to know the option was there.

Moving on to browse through the other stacks of books, Zephyr paused for a moment when Peter dropped Marlene’s name. “I guess there’s no way to identify werewolves when they’re transformed, so can’t say I’m surprised.”

Truthfully, considering the Travers murder that took place immediately after, Zephyr had always assumed Fenrir’s pack made the trip specifically to transform near Marlene and go after her, baited there by Austen’s brother. Then again, if that was true, Remus likely would have heard about it by now, wouldn’t he?

“And how about you? How are you handling it?” While seeing the ghost of a dead friend didn’t seem as physically harmful as being around the inferi, Zephyr didn’t doubt for a moment that it could be an emotional struggle.

Peter shrugged slightly not wanting to fight Zephyr on the idea, even if he wanted too. “Don’t want to just unload books on him, so hopefully he does actually like some of these.” 

He nodded slightly at Zephyr’s offer as well, although he knew that it wouldn’t really be necessary. “I’ll keep that in mind, but I’ll probably end up in another apartment. I don’t really need much space.” 

He tapped at some of the stacks thinking about what Remus might like, and leaning down to pull some of the books swiftly. Even though he hadn’t worked at the bookstore in over a year, he seemed to still be able to pull books like he was in the back. It was almost comforting if he was going to be honest. 

He shook his head slightly. “No I don’t she did know. She didn’t even try to describe them, but to be fair I guess if I only had a few moments to pass on messages that’s not one I’d be going on about you know?” Then again he didn’t know what he would do. 

She’d seemed rushed to explain some things, and to say goodbye. Peter didn’t like that feeling, or seeing her eyes as she did it. It was clear Marls never got the room to think about what she wanted to say, or what she would say. It made it honest, but it was something that was nagging at him. 

At the question he couldn’t seem to look at Zephyr and instead shrugged. “Sad I guess. I was - well. When Marlene died I wasn’t around was I? Never really got to say goodbye to her or Mary.” He’d almost been dead at the time, and he had found out later that they were gone. 

“It was nice that I got to at least see her I guess. She was closer to Remus then me, so I think it would have been nicer for her to be able to see him but she didn’t say anything about it.” More than that Marlene seemed worried about him, she’d give him a look and he didn’t know how to respond to it. 

“I’m fine really.”

[the-peter-pettigrew]

patilriya‌:

What was is that made a hero? That wasn’t a question that Riya could answer because she didn’t know. Had she been a hero or just a fool for thinking that she could change things? The death eaters would likely call her a fool if not worse because she was a muggleborn that dared think she had the right to magic, that thought she could fight them. But the order? Well, who knew, maybe they were making her into a martyr, a muggleborn mother that died for the cause.

“Courage, dear heart.” She murmured, something she’d heard from a book, something that had been murmured to her time and time again through the years by her parents, delivered with a kiss to her forehead. She’d never been able to say it to her own children, but at least she could say it to Peter.

“I don’t know what makes a hero, but I know this. Everyone gets scared. You have to be scared before you can be brave.”

There was a particular form of cruelty in knowing that for all the soothing words she could say, she couldn’t hold him, and Riya Patil was certain she was far better at holding someone through their upsets than talking them through it, but no matter how Peter felt about her death, she needed to try.

“Peter, people are dying no matter which side you’re on. I’m proof of that. So if you’re dying from keeping secrets and if you’ll die if you don’t tell them, then all that’s left to do is decide which one you’d rather die for.” Head tipping to the side, Riya gave him a sad look before shaking her head. “No one said this would be easy, Peter. There’s a lot of things in this life you can’t control, but what you die for is one of them.”

Peter understood what she was saying, and part of him knew it a long time ago that he would die a good man or die a coward. Still, he didn’t know if the guilt would make him a good man or not. He didn’t think so. His hands reflexively took the dog tags that sat on his chest, not really knowing what to say for a moment. 

It wasn’t solace, but there was a bit of inevitably in the action. He was talking to a ghost, someone who didn’t fear death anymore. Someone who he could tell and move on. He didn’t have to be brave - not really. No one would have to know he was a coward, but he already couldn’t look himself in the mirror. 

He couldn’t stop the smoke from filling up rooms he was in. The ignition to a fire he didn’t start, but was consuming his life. He’d read a philosopher once that said that hell was other people, but Peter had done a hell of a job by himself. Sooty hands touching clean surfaces he’d never be able to clean.

Still, maybe Riya was right. Maybe he couldn’t stop the stains he left or the things he’d done.  Still it didn’t make it better. He was still holding charred bits of things he couldn’t put back together. Even if he lived until he was eighty there was nothing to put his life back together. No peace he could find. There wasn’t an solace in this but there was hope he didn’t have to live with all these regrets.

“It’s right awful isn’t it?” Peter said softly almost drained. He wasn’t even rightly sad over his life anymore. “To put a person in a situation where trying to live its it’s own form of selfishness. ‘suppose that’s inevitable in a war.” 

“I’m still not a brave man. I don’t think I’ve really ever been, but I think I’m cowardly enough that I don’t want to live with myself knowing that I could have stopped something. I’ve got no courage left so that’ll have to do I guess.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

Peter Pettigrew; I made a promise to the moon 

I’ve starved my days I’ve drowned my nights I’ve run campaigns against the light I’ve been the liar I’ve let the fire die down  I’ve shrunk back from the fight I’ve got this feelin' This suspicion This conviction Something’s shiftin And I’m liftin up my feet to take the step I’m ready now! To let myself change colors with the leaves Let the wind come shake me down! Deliver me closer to the ground I made a promise to the moon.

[the-peter-pettigrew]

LAST WORDS FOR ZEPHYR, FUCKING GIMME.

Zephyr,Blimey if you’re getting this I actually did it. I know it doesn’t make much sense now but I should explain.I was being blackmailed, into being apart of the Death Eaters. They framed me for the murder of Riya, and when I disappeared it was them trying to prove to me that they would kill me in no uncertain terms. I was afraid, but that’s not an excuse. I was in pain but that wasn’t an excuse. I just wanted to live, but in a war that’s selfish.I didn’t tell anyone in the order I was recruited or a spy, but I hope that none of the information I gave them was particarly useful. That haunts me.I’m not telling you because I want forgiveness. I don’t forgive myself, and I never will. I was never as brave as the rest of them, and I guess they knew that. I’m still not brave, no matter what’s said about what I’m about to do. They found out about them. They were going to kill them, and I couldn’t let them. I know I should have said something, but I figured they’d plan another way to get to James and them. They were going to kill all of them, and something broke in me.  If you’re getting this, it means what I’m about to do worked. I’m not much of a fighter, but it doesn’t take a genius in blowing up a building. I’ll do it when I’m in the middle of the meeting room, so I should be able to get most of them. 

I doubt I’ll kill Him, but I’m going to try. The reason I’m telling you all of this, is because I know that you won’t forgive what I did. They all would. They would say that what I did was brave, but I know you won’t. Don’t let them forgive me, for what I did.I’m just glad I wasn’t such a fucking coward finally. And for what it’s worth, I do wish I had been braver. But wishing something isn’t the same thing as doing it. Peter P.S. I have no right to ask. But I’ve attached my dad’s dog tags. I know you have every right to throw them into the Thames, but if you could send them to my mum it would mean something to her. There won’t be anything left to bury anyway. 

@zephyrbcll

[the-peter-pettigrew]

remuslxpns‌:

With the change in residence, Remus didn’t feel all that lost. He had been at Zephyr’s probably more than his own flat and it made sense that this is where he would stay now. The only thing he did feel a loss for was the many things that were destroyed from the accident. But there was no use in reflecting on that more since none of it could be saved.

He was fortunate to his friends and acquaintances who were helping him recollect as much as he could. Already he had Juniper who had helped him with the essentials and her brother Jasper had also heard and was interested in giving him a good box of books. Zephyr was more than accommodating and Remus was beginning to think most of his stuff could be salvaged through a renewal of things. 

“Oh, no worries. We weren’t clear on the timing, but it is good to see you. And my stuff, but mostly you of course,” Remus admitted with a quick grin, already sorting through the box of things that he remembered he had left behind a few times. His hands still and flinched from what he was touching. 

He had heard about ghosts on Halloween, knowing more than that had happened allegedly, but even while knowing he didn’t think about any of the ghosts in his life. Remus collected himself, turning to face Peter fully though his eyes were on the box. “W-what did she say? You actually talked to her?”

Peter gave him a small smile at his grin, knowing that his friend was stepping on eggshells around him. It was the same with most people, but Peter was slowly accepting that was something he created. When you acted weak, you got people carefully talking to you whether you like it or not. 

Still when he asked the question he sighed a little. He wasn’t a reliable person to be a messenger, but he owed it to Marlene who looked so sad.  “I don’t understand some of it, but she told me you would.” 

He sighed slightly rubbing at his neck. “She said that it’s not your fault, but she wouldn’t tell me what she meant by that. Marls was adamant that she made sure to tell you that. She also said that it wasn’t because they were wolves that they killed her, but because they were death eaters. That they didn’t represent anything. She - blimey I don’t understand this bit so forgive me but she said that it was okay. She seemed worried that you took it badly, how she died. She just kept saying to let the pain go. That her and Mary were okay, and that they didn’t want to see you anytime soon. I’m sorry I don’t know how much sense that all made.” 

He waited for a second and said, “She really wanted me to tell you that she doesn’t blame creatures for what happened, and that she loved you and wants you to live a good life. I didn’t get much more. I tried asking her if she knew who did it, but she said it didn’t matter now. I think she was focused on getting back to the other side- so yeah. I tried finding her again, but she disappeared.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

zephyrbcll‌:

The fact he didn’t immediately push his way in immediately after Peter started to open the door should count as progress, but he wasn’t sure if it would count to anyone put himself. Since that time Peter had seemed to almost have a panic attack, Zephyr had tried to make sure he was a little less startling and aggressive in Peter’s presence. If he succeeded was an entirely different matter.

“I’d say spring cleaning, but it’s not exactly spring.” Zephyr commented, waving away Peter’s apologies. It wasn’t like Zephyr particularly cared what state Peter’s flat was in, he wasn’t Peter’s mom who was going to fuss at him to clean up his room or something like that. “If you’re getting rid of them, mind if I take them? I’m still trying to replace Remus’ collection and that way you can visit them if you miss one of them.”

While Zephyr didn’t know which books Remus used to have, he could remember the stacks upon stabs of books on the floor and so Zephyr kept visiting thrift stores to pick up as many books as he could in an attempt to restore some of Remus’ lost books.

Holding out an arm so he could give Peter a hug if Peter wanted one, he figured that made sense considering his friends weren’t across the hall anymore. One of them was with Juniper and Remus was with him, so it make sense in a way for Peter to move on as well. “Hello, Peter, let me know if you need help moving.” He said in amusement. “Hopefully you were looked up safe, but since Remus was off on a manhunt on Halloween and I ended up chasing off dementors, figured I’d check and make sure you were still in one piece.”

Peter was glad Zephyr didn’t run into his room anymore, even if he wished he hadn’t had a problem the first time. It wasn’t as if he was scared of the man, but sometimes he was scared of everyone now if he was going to be honest. 

He shrugged not really thinking about the spring at this point. “Fall cleaning then. I don’t mind at all. I was going to offer some of them to him actually,” Peter said tapping at one of the book piles. “I mean, you’re welcome to look at any of them, but I pulled those. I know some of them he had, but I don’t know if he actually liked them.” 

Peter let Zephyr hug him for a moment figuring it was the polite thing to do, and partially because he did actually like hugs despite everything. Although he moved away after a moment looking at some of the other piles of books thinking if there were any others that Remus might like. 

“I probably won’t for awhile. My lease isn’t up until the summer.” Peter said scratching at his hair absentmindedly trying to think of books. He’d still had them stacked like they were organized in a store or even library.

 “Oh I was - well I saw some ghosts, but they can’t really hurt you. I saw Marlene and - well she had a lot to tell people. I’ve been running around telling them.” He said trying to catch himself from saying Riya’s name. He didn’t know how to feel about all of that still. He leaned over a few piles pulling out a book or two. 

“I - she said she didn’t know who did it and I didn’t pressed. People have been asking so I figured I should just lead with that.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

patilriya‌:

“Oh.” While Riya wasn’t exactly a stranger to heartbreak, it felt like an entirely new sensation as the words spilled out of Peter, his situation something that somehow Riya felt that she’d caused. “Oh, Peter. You sweet boy.”

Oddly, Riya felt as though dying and being separated from her kids had helped her settle into motherhood now that she was no longer responsible for taking care of two kids and bored all day. Perhaps it was because she knew that she wasn’t going to be there for any of the boring moments or the exciting moments, but as Peter kept rambling, seeming desperate to explain before she could cut him off, the only word Riya could use to describe how she felt was maternal.

It was strange. When she was alive, she would have looked at someone Peter’s age and simply wanted to party with them, but now she saw someone that seemed like they were lacking support and perhaps that was a sort of clarity that came with being dead, maybe she was numb to her own doom. “Too late,” Riya informed him lightly, still trying to process his words. “I’ve already forgiven you. I can’t take it back now.”

She could and she would have if she felt wronged, but she didn’t. “Peter, you saved my kids. You picked them.” As far as Riya was concerned, that meant that Peter had already saved someone because it wasn’t like her children were capable of defending themselves. She hoped Pankaj knew, hoped that maybe someone helped Peter realize that in those final moments of her life, Peter had been a better parent than she had because she’d brought her kids with her into danger while Peter had kept them safe.

Riya didn’t regret saving Peter, but she could have left the baby stroller before going to investigate, could have disguised it to help protect her kids, but she’d always thought she was invincible. Oh, hindsight.

“Tell them. You’re only a spy if the Order doesn’t know, but if they do, you’re a mole. You can be a good guy, Peter, it just takes some honesty.”

“You shouldn’t,” Peter said simply not looking at her for a moment. “I don’t know how much heroism I’ve got in me. I don’t know how much I can do before it all settles in Riya. I’m not a good hero. I’m not built for it. ” 

It was a fear he couldn’t help but focus on. He’d chosen to protect the twins that time, but he was terrified that wasn’t always going to be the case. He’d already handed off names. It seemed like he was tip toeing closer to a line he couldn’t get back from. 

“I’m scared,” Peter said simply. “Traitors don’t last long Riya, and they don’t go quick. He’s - the thinks he can do Riya. It’s not natural. My mom used to tell me that my dad talked about how unnatural war is, and I didn’t believe him until - I don’t understand. I don’t understand how someone can know what they can do and not be scared. I don’t have it in me to not be scared.” 

He’d broke down when they’d taken him the first time, and the idea he could end up back there was enough to drive him insane if he thought about it for to long. “I just - I don’t want to go through that again. It’s killing me and if I tell people I’m going to wind up dead. I’m not a brave man.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

“I reckon I’m going to move soon, so I wanted to see if you wanted any books,” Peter said conversationally. It was a topic he was actually up to discussing, books being one of those things that in the abstract pretty harmless to him. There were a lot of them however that were just stacked everywhere.  At one point he’d had a system but he wasn’t sure he’d keep it up. He’d managed to take them out of the closets and second bedroom and into his living room to show and sort. 

“I’ve already asked Remus what he wanted, so I figured I’d ask you,” Peter said shrugging slightly. “I’ve got a bit of everything really. I just can’t be arsed to move all of them and I’ve read most of the ones I want to give away.”

He still has a few stacks of books he hadn’t gotten around to yet, and he figured he’d keep onto those along with a few favorites. “I got most of them when I still had a discount, so keep that in mind. I know I let it get to absurd levels.”  

[the-peter-pettigrew]

nottsofiya‌:

“Happy to share,” She replied between drags. The first few were always the best. The taste impregnated itself to Sofiya’s tongue quickly, and after a few seconds, she felt considerably more grounded. Fucking bad habit. She’d drop it once this box ran out. Probably.

“I guess I am! I stopped for a while, I guess, but every once in a while I get obsessed with one specific card, and “real” collectors are a pain to negotiate with.” She couldn’t believe people were actually smug about spending money on actual cards. If you didn’t have to fight the frog you could barely call the card yours. In her opinion, at least. 

“Gringott! It used to be pretty common but then they just stopped making it, I had one in school but I traded it for a Helga Hufflepuff because I was young and stupid and impressionable.” House Pride had hit her pretty hard in the second year, and she took years to realize she’d been robbed. 

“I can understand that.” Peter said nodding slightly at the thought. “People do tend to ruin perfectly good times by being arses about it.” He put his hand over the box and made sure the frog couldn’t jump to terribly far from his hand before looking at the card. He figured as much, but at least he thought of doing a nice thing? 

Biting into the frog he gave her a shrug and sigh. Maybe one day he’d be a bit more useful to the common person. 

“Well I can’t say that I’ve helped you much unless you wanted another Hufflepuff. You can have her though, I don’t think I have any of my old cards anymore,” Peter said flipping the box around to show her the head of house. “I reckon you probably have him in your stash at least.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

The cutest marauder

“Very sorry you haven’t met my friends then. They are very swell. I’ll mourn your loss.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

remuslxpns‌:

When his flat had been destroyed, one of his first thoughts had been about the safety of Peter. Surely if it had happened to the flat then Peter would have heard something or seen something or something of the sort. But it had been proven that Peter hadn’t seen anything and him hearing something seemed inevitable. The whole complex had heard it, but Peter might have been the only tenant who’s memory wasn’t erased. Remus was proud in having Peter come by the house and show him where he was living now. It was also a good time for Katie to meet Peter, wondering if they had or not through Zephyr’s time with Peter. When he heard that Peter had a few things, it was a good time to see Peter one on one instead of with friends or in a cafe. 

The sound of the door being knocked on drew his attention from his work, standing straight out of the chair and walking to the door. When he opened it, he was smiling at Peter and gesturing him inside. It had been a while since it had been just them and Remus didn’t have the luxury of Peter in his daily life as before. “I was wondering when you would come around. I know I said anytime today, but I would be lying if I said I haven’t been checking the time. Thank you for coming. When you said you had a few things of mine I was surprised. I didn’t think there was anything left of mine in that building.”

@the-peter-pettigrew​

Peter had meant to come earlier, but he kept getting himself stuck in his apartment. He needed to fix things up, and he needed to put this or that away. He was putting off leaving, but he was also just trying to keep himself calm. In either way, he did feel bad when he was a bit later than he intended to be. 

A sheepish smile crossed his face as he pulled the box to Remus. “Sorry. I didn’t meant to make you think I wasn’t coming. Zephyr also said you missed some books so I was trying to find some interesting ones for you. The rest is just sweaters and things you left over. I’ve got a record or two of Sirius’s so I’ll go get that back to him.” 

He felt calmer now that he was here. Putting the box on a counter he looked around feeling out of place but not badly. 

“I uh - on Halloween I saw - Blimey this is weird but I just wanted to get it out of the way. I saw Marlene and she had some things she wanted me to tell you and I didn’t really know how to gently bring that up.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

mirekhausted‌:

Half our people are unemployed housewives and they pick me? Mirek thought as he sighed. He was behaving like a pissy pre-teen. But really, what could they expect from him? Half of his personality relied on his constant whining, and he’d been at the hospital all week. Even worse, he was here to babysit Peter. Peter was great. He had no problem with Peter. But Mirek was an unnatural choice. Yes, he was a semi-strong guy with a Russian accent, but he’d never gone crazy during a mission and crucio’d half the people there or something. It felt like an unnatural choice, and he couldn’t help but be suspicious. Were they surveying a space, or being watched themselves?

“How long have we got to go?” He asked, despite the fact that he knew it couldn’t be less than four hours. He stretched and heard a light pop. He should be in bed right now. 

@the-peter-pettigrew​

Peter just wanted the night to be over. He didn’t hate Mirek, but it wasn’t as if he trusted him either. He thought that they would leave him alone to spy or whatever they wanted him to do, he didn’t think they’d eventually want him to go do things. He didn’t like the acceleration and what Riya told him still floated in his head. 

He really just wanted to go to sleep. Still when he was asked a question he paused. “Uh - It’s about midnight now,” Peter said softly, not wanting to be to loud or encourage talking. “I don’t know how long we’re supposed to do this. I’m also not sure what were supposed to be looking for.”

It felt like they just wanted to make Peter miserable, which it was working. 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

siriuslyxpadfoot‌:

Sirius paused and assessed his emotions. “No, not really. I was with Juniper.” He shrugged and left it at that for now, unable to keep the grin off his face. It didn’t waver, even when peter refused to guess. That was to be expected probably. Peter never seemed to like to find himself on uneven ground, even over something as simple as a guessing game.

“I got a mug,” he said dramatically. “Juniper gave me a mug for my birthday. It was a very special mug with a very special message.” He meant to give it a long dramatic pause, but he knew he hadn’t paused long enough. He was too excited. “’World’s Best Dad.’ Juniper’s pregnant!”

Sirius couldn’t quite keep in his own enthusiasm and wiggled in his seat. Oh my god. Saying it out loud to someone other than Juniper was crazy. It made it seem a little more real. “I’m going to be a dad.”

Peter laughed, “Well I’m glad you managed to get yourself away long enough to remember to come.” There was no animosity in his voice, because if he was honest he would have been fine if Sirius forgot about him. However his eyebrow did go up. Sirius was beaming happy. 

The mug story didn’t make much sense until the punchline, and it caused Peter to grin. 

“Pregnant? Merlin’s left knee Sirius that’s a good news! Congratulations to you both.” He was happy for his friend, even if he was shocked by it. He liked Juniper well enough, and although it was early it wasn’t like he was in the business of giving advice. Still there was a - dread under it all. Halloween had brought up things again, like the twins that could have easily died. It didn’t seem like a time for being a parent. 

Still he grinned and said, “Did you just find out then?” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

zephyrbcll‌:

Call him ridiculous, but Zephyr had spent the days after the chaos of Halloween in check in on some of his favorite people to see if they’d been caught by the dementors like he had, or if they’d been home safe the entire time.

Clearly being home safe was the preferred option, but considering he didn’t expect anyone was planning on a night out being interrupted by attacking statues or by fucking inferi, judging by Nate’s description. Talking abut it on the radio was proving to be a riot as well and if nothing else, Zephyr could say his job never had the chance to get dull or repetitive in its storytelling.

Considering how much time had passed since Halloween, Zephyr had the time to check in on everyone he wanted to, but there was one person left. He’d wanted to give Peter the chance to calm down after everything that happened, but now he needed to be sure Peter was still functioning. 

“Peter?” He called as he rapped his knuckles against the door in a rhythm, a habit he’d picked up months ago to help Peter identify that it was him. “Time to socialize some. You in there?” @the-peter-pettigrew​

Peter was in the middle of his floor trying to sort through his books. He didn’t know exactly what he was going to do with them, but they weren’t helping him anymore. He didn’t want to read anymore about brave heroes going against the odds if it wasn’t true. 

He didn’t want lies to fill his head about good things happening to good people anymore. War was hell. It was a hell that was filling his lungs with smoke and he decided he wasn’t going to read about it anymore. 

He hadn’t realized how many stories he had about war, and they were all piled up neatly in the middle of his usually clean apartment. He was wondering if he should just burn them, but his thoughts were stopped when he heard Zephyr at the door. 

Part of him didn’t want to answer the door, but most of him knew that it would be a worrying sign if he didn’t answer. He also had the habit of just knocking back, but he figured that wouldn’t be super comforting after everything. His friends had been through enough lately and he cautiously turned the lock and said “Yeah. Ah - sorry about the mess. I’m just getting rid of some books.” 

He opened the door the rest of the way, so the other could come in. “Keep thinking I might move from here finally. Don’t really want to bring all of these with me. Also hello, I should have started with that. What’s happening?” He said rubbing the back of his neck not really sure if he would. The rent was pretty cheap here after all and it wasn’t like any other place was going to be safe. 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

patilriya‌:

“Peter Pettigrew, don’t you dare." 

There wasn’t any anger in her voice, there wasn’t any hate and or resentment and it was perhaps one of the most quietly stated things she’d ever said to Peter. How she wished she could touch him. "You were worth it to me. I didn’t try to help you because I thought you’d save me. Honey, I never held back from doing something just because I didn’t have back up. I lived my life and I went out fighting, I’m not going to complain about that.”

After all, it wasn’t like anyone ever made her join the order, it wasn’t like they expected a mother of two to go out there and fight, but Riya had wanted to. She craved the adventure of it and hadn’t been satisfied to sit at home and knit. Riya wasn’t even sure how to knit and motherhood hadn’t been part of her life long enough for her to settle into the role, instead all she wanted was the taste of freedom of being able to do things again without being weighed down by her stomach.

“You saved my kids, you think that’s not worth something to me?” The truth was that Riya had put them in danger without a thought and maybe she’d managed to help save Peter’s life, she didn’t know, but Peter had managed to save two, as far as she was concerned. “You got them home to Pankaj, we’re even." 

Maybe she didn’t deserve to die, but that was true of a lot of people and the death eaters didn’t seem to care. She was a muggleborn in a magical world, she’d embraced the risks and ran with them.

"You didn’t deserve to die, either. It’s okay, Peter. I forgive you.” She’d never blamed him in the first place. 

Peter stopped for a moment, trying not to hyperventilate at the thoughts surrounding him. This couldn’t be real and even if it was, it didn’t matter. She only knew who he had been, not who he’d become. Maybe at one point she could look at him and say that he was worth it but he wasn’t. He was silent with her talking, but there was a point at the end that he couldn’t help but shake his head no. He couldn’t handle this feeling anymore. She didn’t know that he was awful. That he was a coward. 

“ No Riya don’t forgive me. I -I Riya, I didn’t know what to do,” He said feeling the tears coming to his eyes before he could stop. He hadn’t told anyone, but even now he couldn’t help but speak even if it scared him. He didn’t even know if it made sense what he was saying. “They blackmailed me. The twins were there - I didn’t want them to. They were going to kill them. I joined them Riya. They made me a spy, and I didn’t want to but they kept threatening me.” He said his voice fading for a moment not able to look at her. 

“I tried running and they just found me. I -I it was horrible,” He said not able to look at her but the words falling out of his mouth before he could stop it. “They keep pressuring me to give them more information and Riya I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep anyone safe anymore. They keep asking me and it’s horrible what they can do. I thought I was going to die there, and no one was going to come get me. I don’t know what to do anymore. Riya, you can’t forgive me. I don’t deserve it.” 

[the-peter-pettigrew]

kingarthur-weasley‌:

It had been months since the murder had happened and very horrendously that Arthur had put the thought to bed. Arthur doubted that this apparition was his brother but it was uncanny in resemblance that Arthur wanted to believe it so.

Arthur had loved his brother and it had been a dear lose when Arthur had found out about him. He had been such a wonderful uncle to the children, a good brother-in-law to Molly and a perfect brother to Arthur. 

It was not as if Arthur had forgotten him or gone a day without thinking about him. But this was surely part of a scheme by the Ministry or something that Arthur did not know. 

“A-a ritual? What kind of ritual?” Arthur asked to Peter, looking between him and Billius. “It is dark magic to be playing with the…the dead. I’m sorry, Peter did you mean Marlene? Marlene Mckinnon? Great Merlin.”

Arthur knew that there was no good with diving into the whelms of dark magic and any spell that brought back dead came with a cost. His brother was looking at him now as if wishing to speak. “Something like this is done with consequences,” Arthur said to Peter, though his eyes were on Billius. “What did Marlene say?”

Peter could understand why the other was confused, he was still reeling for seeing his friend. He was pretty sure he’d almost fainted, but that was neither here nor there. 

“Don’t know. Reckon Marls didn’t know either. She couldn’t tell me much about - well she didn’t see anything.  She said it had to be some dark magic” He said tugging at his sweater’s sleeves. When he asked the question he nodded again softly. “Yeah - she’s gotten pulled over or that’s what she was able to say. She’s not - well she looks like she did.” 

Peter knew enough of consequences to know that the cost of pulling people over had to be enormous. “Ah, she told me some things she wanted to say, and told me to run. I don’t think she thought I could help actually - to be fair I almost fainted. She seemed to be concerned about a room? She kept saying that she needed to get back. I don’t know if there’s a time limit, or if they’ll get stuck here but she’s worried about it. You should - if you want to talk to him you should do it. I don’t think they’ll be here long.”