I can be punkrock in the apocalypse, fuck you

[muterunner5]

Now listen I’m not back but... this is the entire game

[unkns-posts]

[cookinguptales]

‪“I’m sure they’ll be very INTERESTED to talk to you, Abel Runner!”‬

‪lmao sucks for you, I’m a silent protagonist. ‬

[the-punk-runner-five]

Simon: Heard you found some decent whiskey on your last run. Care to bargain?

Five: I will pull your soft insides out of your flesh and replace them with used needles.

Simon: Alright. Feel like a simple 'no' would have gotten the same message across quicker.

[the-punk-runner-five]

Jody, in distress: Can’t you see I’m upset? What kind of a friend are you?

Sara: Look, I’m not the friend you call when you need a shoulder to cry on, I’m the friend you call when you need a death to look like an accident.

[the-punk-runner-five]

We all love the precious bean boi.

[the-punk-runner-five]

I drew my runner five for shits and giggles. 

[abeltownshipslittlebitch]

After Five and Sam set the kitchen on fire.

Five: We need an adult!

Sam: We are adults!

Five: Oh, fuck!

Sam: We need an adultier adult. Get Janine!

[the-punk-runner-five]

I’ve been in Abel for a month.

And so far I’ve been shot out of the sky, made into zombie bait, almost kidnapped a little girl, became the new Paul Revere, got sent on a suicide mission where people shot at me, was stranded outside at night with the hoards, and saved someone only to watch them become a zombie on what was supposed to be a ‘simple training exercise.’

Why am I not surprised I’m the fourth runner five this town has had.

[the-punk-runner-five]

Sam: just GO TO MAXIE IN THE HOSPITAL YOU STUBBO—

Five: whose stab wound is this???? is it OUR stab wound??? gET oFf MY dICK!

[another-runner-5]

A Voice in the Dark

Sam: We’ve put the red beacon on top of the tower

Runner 5:

[twistedthicket1-deactivated2022]

sam yao: this is a v important mission runner 5

me: *gets ready for more information on the apocalypse origins*

sam yao: WE'RE GONNA PILLAGE A TOY STORE BRING ME BACK VIDEOGAMES

Janine: *screaming in the distance* I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS.

[wubbelwubbwubb]

“You’re nearly home, Runner 5!”

[enbeast]

[the-punk-runner-five]

Five: I really wish people would stop calling me a hero!

Maxine: Why?

Five: I am NOT a hero! I'm just the person who started running, and never stopped.

[the-punk-runner-five]

Five: Please. Picking locks is my specialty.

Five: [throws a brick through the window]

[rogue-bard]

Dear Diary, today, Sam Yao wanted me to run after a chopper. I think that man has some delusions as to what real life humans can do and what belongs in a Marvel movie.

Dear Diary, today, Sam Yao told me to jump off a building because apparently he played too much Mirror’s Edge.

Dear Diary, today, Sam Yao manoeuvred us onto a ship full of Zombies. A moving ship. We had to swim back.

Dear Diary, today, Sam Yao made me run after a moving train. I don’t know why I was expecting anything else.

Dear Diary, apparently, aeroplanes are a thing again. Please don’t let Sam find out.