@the-replicants-daughter - Tumblr Blog

One more person sends me a disgusting anon and I’m terminating this blog. Don’t ever say anything about my illness and never make sexual advances on me. You absolute fucking tool. Fuck the fuck off. You aren’t welcome here.

i said it before but i’ll say it again suicide is a result of internalised hate someone else has made you feel about yourself no one is born hating themselves you’re all angels

cornbreadlesbian

the-replicants-daughter

What did I love about you?

I’m sitting here, paralysed by loss Trying to recall the good times Can I even trust my memory To tell me the truth about you anymore?

I remember vacations, and Early mornings; holding you in bed Because you liked to be the little spoon And I loved to be the big one

I remember when you had sleep Paralysis and I knew somehow Just when to wake you up

These are the things I take Anti depressants for So that I will be so wired In the moment, that I forget All - of my history

But this is my life - this is my life And I don’t want to forget I want to know how you could let me go I want to know how someone else Can now be in your arms And receiving those feelings I thought were just for me

There is new love blossoming In my house hold - and I am A cabinet covered in spiders webs Each drawer containing a different Memory

Memory is our blessing and our curse No one will ever convince me otherwise All of this Buddhist stuff About being in the moment … It’s an easy way out

I remember but I try to forget Your lips and your kiss That first time - how the whole world Literally shook around me Soul mate, soul mate My soul was blooming

And now; soul hate, soul hate I don’t know who to aim the hate at You or me? Did fate just hate us? I’m pretty sure fate did not favour us

Spring comes in and I feel it It’s in my chest and my gut It stings most in my gut; Like being kicked with a big black boot It hurts most in my heart Weighed down by big lead sinkers

Darling I just wanted to tell you That I still think you’re beautiful The most beautiful of anything That ever was or will be

I know I’m anguishing myself I relive the horror - every time I miss a dose - I just wanna be close To you

And this grief is all I have left of you

the-replicants-daughter

I know I’m anguishing myself

I relive the horror - every time

I miss a dose - I just wanna be close

To you

(I forgot this. It doesn’t apply anymore. I admire myself for getting it out though.)

ps1

Blood-red skipper

theconcealedweapon

Parents who spank never seem to be able to answer any questions about their beliefs.

"Spanking works and doesn't traumatize them if it's done correctly."

Even if that's true, how do you guarantee that every parent who spanks is doing it correctly? Or are the children who were spanked "incorrectly" just collateral damage to you?

"There's a difference between spanking and abuse."

Even if that's true, where is the line drawn, and how does a child know when that line is being crossed?

"If I don't spank my kids, they'll end up in jail."

Do you have any statistics on what percentage of the general population were spanked and what percentage of people in jail were spanked?

studyblr

your life can look so different, so much better, in just a few months. keep going.

simeleons

deleting your vent post 3 minutes after compulsively writing it

subscribe to my email list, you’ll get premium suffering $4.99 a year bc I should really be paying you to read my crap 20min video of me crying over shit i couldn’t have changed 3 x 200page journals detailing my crippling loneliness as a child and well into adulthood polaroids of moments i never had and think about often scans of film negatives circa 2009 - 2016 bonus monthly giveaway: razorblades - used (will be posted in sterile packaging) a recommended reading list of spiritual books which, even though i read and comprehended every word, were not able to solve all my problems. bc only practice will change what is inherent in you the worst nudes i can find bc ugly girls need love too a portion of flammable liquid will be sent to you, a ‘burn after reading thing applies’ there is no end date. get what you will for however long you need.

Clearly I was physically/ mentally/ emotionally/ socially abandoned and neglected because as an utterly dependent child who asked for nothing I was too hard to look after. It had nothing to do with a pervasive pattern of dysfunctional caregiver relationships handed down for generations. It's also a really uncommon occurrence, as you can tell by the state of the world.

quotespile

“The very thing that attracts you to someone can end up putting you off.”

— Anne Tyler, Ladder of Years

the-replicants-daughter

I made all the wrong mistakes, you see I made the mistakes That weren’t me What I wanted most I put far away, and what I did most often, was Any old kind of escape And so everything is Not personal, and now Now that I think about it I wish I had made the Mistakes truest to me I wish I had not denied Myself those things Everything is very pale I know the path I walk Is not my own, and I Wonder, I wonder - Could I still get back On the path that has my Name on it - would it have Me, will I go insane? Walking through jumbled Chords, sorting through ‘No’s, facing faces That point away from home The first time I can Remember being conscious Of my self was when I Was self conscious, and Embarrassed, feeling I Shouldn’t be me, and Naively stepping a little To the left of myself As though she was a girl I wanted to be less Associated with