[theactualfeelings]

Cannot believe I got to kiss someone finally yesterday and I didn’t properly go for it because I played hard to get

I’m not hard to get

It was pretty great

Although I’ve never understood the need for tongue lol

Ah to be looked at and wanted

Earlier in the night I got the question who was the last person you kissed and I couldn’t even remember

It’s years ago

So at least now I can say oh this married guy Liam

Ah what a night

[theactualfeelings]

Ohh my goodness do I have news

Not really news but the most romantically (probably not right word - boy) exciting thing that’s happened.

Kissed a married man tonight. Didn’t know.

Just a really good looking man I wasn’t on wave length with but who was just too good looking and interested in me.

He touched my butt a few times. Asked me to kiss him and I was druuunk so I did.

Only regret is that I didn’t kiss him longer.

I think I have this thing of playing hard to get because I don’t want them to think they’ll be getting more than a kiss you know? But now I really regret it because I’d like to have properly made out with him. Meh. Didn’t even get his last name lol.

But it was fun to have a small outing on the town.

But obvs at the end when he didn’t get all from me he went to some other girls.

When I ran up to him after I found out he was married I just whispered him in the ear If he was and he said ‘it’s long story’.

I just looked him in the eyes whilst I walked away.

But because this was just the night I should have just said ‘well tell me about it then’

But he’d moved on to the girls so who was I you know

[quotefeeling]

“Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Be open to your feelings and experience them while they are here. Then be open to the feelings that will come next. Your feelings are a part of your experience. Yet no mere feeling, however intense it may seem, is your permanent reality.”

— Ralph Marston

[theactualfeelings]

I am struggling SO MUCH with good looking men. Like I’m going crazy!!!! Like watching a series with someone good looking and I just like... so many feelings.

It’s been like 4 years without physical touch from a man and can YOU TELL omg lol

[theactualfeelings]

He’s actually talking about his day with m

In too deep

[theactualfeelings]

Gaaaahhh!!!! I hate him (I don’t) but I hate the effect he has on me. He just wrote ‘okay ^^’ to me after I said something on chess and I nearly start crying. Wtf. The effect is SO MASSIVE it’s so disgusting!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!! And why can’t we just talk normally together when we’re in person!!!!! I hate this SO MUCH!!!!!!!

[theactualfeelings]

Also met A again today.

It’s been three weeks with being pretty uncaring about him. Like putting it to a good stop. He doesn’t get me I feel. We have a weird chemistry that means we don’t talk very easily. Either it can change with a kiss or it can’t. That’s the options. And I don’t see myself kissing him out of the blue lol.

I’ve been fine with putting it to a rest. It’s been natural.

However seeing him today, all I wanted was to put my arm around him and lean on him. I’ve got such a bad attraction for him it’s horrible. He’s the only person ever this has happened with. Why the fuck would this happen when our other chemistry is not present at all. Doesn’t make sense evolutionary speaking.

So weird. So stupid.

[theactualfeelings]

Lol people all around me are getting into relationships, engaged, married and getting babies. It’s reach a peak I think.

And I’ve got mixed feelings. I both think jeez well that’s life ended lol and also ah would be nice to love someone and have them love me back.

[theactualfeelings]

So this is where we are

I like him a fair amount. I do see him as a person now and not a god which is good. But I’m also thinking it’s not good because I’m really not pining over him anymore. At this point I’m not gonna tell him I like him because I still can’t shake off the feeling of needing to know him better before I do that. Yes I like him but I’m not getting butterflies anymore ya know. Awkward AF around him still tho lol (at times not always).

And most importantly: I don’t actually think he gets me. Like I think he thinks I’m funny and all that. But there’s times he doesn’t get my humour or misunderstands what I’m saying. And that’s just not great is it.

[theactualfeelings]

So I’m relying on that our chatter will feel more comfortable if I was to tell him I liked him.

Cause at the moment I feel so awkward at times, like I don’t always know how to respond and what I can talk about.

I never feel awkward talking to anyone. So it’s just super strange.

I BELIEVE it’s a mixture of him not being the most open book and me being nervous around him.

But who know, maybe we just have a weird chemistry?

It’s annoying not knowing.

I know I know. Just jump into it and try. If it fails and you feel like it’s not gonna work YOU KNOW and YOURE ALLOWED TO SAY SO.

Chill.

Okay. Love is fun. It’s a chance. Of course it is. It’s meant to be.

[perfectfeelings]

“You always know how to put a smile on my face.”

—

[thepersonalquotes]

[theactualfeelings]

Woooooooow

Just did the recording and chatted with A.

I say just. We met up over 4 hours ago and chatted till just a half hour ago.

It was magical. He really is becoming comfortable with me and shared so much stuff. He confirmed he really is a shy person and have been criticised for not speaking much. I got so much background and family information.

For the first time I feel like he shared more than me and it felt wrong of me to share. He was very vulnerable. And I really think he wouldn’t have been this open with other people.

We even talked of romantic relationships. He’s been in a few quite serious ones hahah

I even told him about M sending me that message lol

I can feel that next time I see him something more may happen. It might be my birthday even. He might actually like me guys. Or am I completely wrong? He is shy yes but he does seem like he’s trying to get to know me in his way.

Are we really just two straight single people enjoying each other’s company for hours on end? Really?

[theactualfeelings]

He’s just cute isn’t he

Really awkward and weird and maybe too introverted for me but I swear he’s got deeply under my skin and I just FEEL that I can get under his too

I just FEEL that we can make it work if I keep just hanging with me

Not trying too hard but like just see what happens

Like I won’t depend on it, is what I’ve learned this week, so like if someone else showed up I would say yes to a date because life is too short

Sadly I just think A will be with me for a while

[starei]

forget about your troubles. come nap with me

[devrimsigarasi-deactivated20210]

three days (Šarūnas Bartas, 1991)

[starei]

just wanna be able to sleep next to you when we both feel tired