My Alien Fantasies

[thealienfantasy]

Introduction.

Hi! I've recently decided to make a Tumblr account in order to upload my take on the Humans are weird stories. I've been lurking in the tags for a few years now and i've finally decided i wanna start writing a few pieces of my own. I'm mainly into humans and aliens interacting with each other like they're in a fairytale and some of the stories you're gonna read here are inspired by various video games i've played. That being said, english isn't my first language. so please forgive any grammatical errors you might see.

That's it for the intro. I'm looking forward to writing here.

[bringmethepeculiar]

Humans being such a social species that, to aliens, it sometimes comes across as a hivemind.

Humans are attention seeking by nature. Attention is sought after because there is historically safety in numbers, so humans are naturally inclined to mimic the behaviours of others in order to subconsciously identify ‘hey, look! I do as you do just like the rest of your group so you can trust that I am not dangerous. Can I be a part of this group??’ and the other human sees this and says ‘Ah yes, another one who does as we do so they must be safe, come sit with us’.

Aliens see humans copying each other’s behaviour so fluidly that it almost comes off as creepy. It’s even creepier when humans mimic THEIR actions, too. Like, no, do not rope me into your mind melding species cult, please and thank you.

Even to the modern day, this intensely social instinct is still alive and well, as humans will unconsciously mimic positive actions of others even when they don’t understand the context. For example, clapping.

An alien and a human are sitting having a conversation when suddenly hoots and hollers and the clapping of hands erupt from across the room. Immediately, much to the alien’s surprise, the human starts clapping too as they look around trying to see what is happening.

The reaction was so immediate that the alien is taken aback by it before remembering that humans were known to be strangely in tune with each other compared to other species so they just wait it out.

Once it dies down, the alien asks

“So, what was that about?”

“No idea.”

“But you…joined in. You didn’t know what you were celebrating??”

“Well, no, but I don’t explicitly have to know what’s going on to guess that it’s something good and join in. It would feel a bit rude if I didn’t clap.”

And the alien just sits there like ‘It’s NOT a hivemind???’ strangely, that’s somehow worse than if it was.

[bringmethepeculiar]

Humans being such a social species that, to aliens, it sometimes comes across as a hivemind.

Humans are attention seeking by nature. Attention is sought after because there is historically safety in numbers, so humans are naturally inclined to mimic the behaviours of others in order to subconsciously identify ‘hey, look! I do as you do just like the rest of your group so you can trust that I am not dangerous. Can I be a part of this group??’ and the other human sees this and says ‘Ah yes, another one who does as we do so they must be safe, come sit with us’.

Aliens see humans copying each other’s behaviour so fluidly that it almost comes off as creepy. It’s even creepier when humans mimic THEIR actions, too. Like, no, do not rope me into your mind melding species cult, please and thank you.

Even to the modern day, this intensely social instinct is still alive and well, as humans will unconsciously mimic positive actions of others even when they don’t understand the context. For example, clapping.

An alien and a human are sitting having a conversation when suddenly hoots and hollers and the clapping of hands erupt from across the room. Immediately, much to the alien’s surprise, the human starts clapping too as they look around trying to see what is happening.

The reaction was so immediate that the alien is taken aback by it before remembering that humans were known to be strangely in tune with each other compared to other species so they just wait it out.

Once it dies down, the alien asks

“So, what was that about?”

“No idea.”

“But you…joined in. You didn’t know what you were celebrating??”

“Well, no, but I don’t explicitly have to know what’s going on to guess that it’s something good and join in. It would feel a bit rude if I didn’t clap.”

And the alien just sits there like ‘It’s NOT a hivemind???’ strangely, that’s somehow worse than if it was.

[thealienfantasy]

Alien Excerpts 1: Graveyard Shift

The dimly lit Human Cafe tucked away in the lower decks of the mothership was quieter than To'ho remembered. Their sensory stalks wavered slightly as they made their way past empty tables.

Craig sat at the counter, nursing what humans called a "cup of joe," while the bartender cleaned glassware.

"Fancy seeing you down here again." Craig said, nodding to the alien. This one had taken the sight of the Cafe a lot better than the previous bunch.

To'ho's eyes scanned the menu hovering above the counter, deliberately avoiding the section labeled 'Beverages.' Most of them were poison to their species. One of their optical organs caught movement - or rather, the lack thereof - from a human slumped over a distant table.

"Is that one... functioning properly?" To'ho clicked. The bartender glanced over.

"Oh yeah, he's been here for an hour. His coffee must've gotten cold by now." The bartender noticed.

"Leave him alone. He's been pulling a lot of graveyard shifts lately." Craig added.

"Damn. That's rough. With how hours fluctuate in space, graveyard shifts feel like they take an eternity. More so than usual." The Bartender winced.

To'ho's antennae twitched nervously.

"He... spends his time working with...deceased humans?" To'ho questioned. They were vaguely familiar with what a graveyard was. Humans had a rather interesting way of dealing with their deceased kin.

Craig and the bartender exchanged looks before erupting into laughter.

"No, no..." Craig wiped his eyes. "It's just what we call working late night hours. When most people are asleep."

To'ho rippled in what passed for a shrug among their species. Humans and their confusing terms...

"So it has nothing to do with your kind dying?" They double checked.

"Not usually..." Craig said, taking another sip. To'ho huffed and continued looking at the menu.

After a few seconds he lowered the menu.

"What do you mean 'not usually', human!?"

[kriprik]

does anyone ever think about how art styles barely resemble humans? like anime, for example, with their huge bug eyes and tiny noses that barely resemble humans at all. anything that has an art style that cartoonifies humans barely resembles a person at all.

so, imagine that aliens consume our media and see these weird twisted humans being televised everywhere. we buy products with these strange humans on the cover. we write posts thirsting over these strange humans as we do with human actors. we pretend they’re as human as we are, despite them barely even resembling us. our eyes are large but not as large as these cartoon humans, our teeth gangly, and our noses and ears large to sniff out prey.

what would the aliens think? we have a secret division of humans that look exactly like that? we humans are not only distinct in our culture, races, ethnicities, height, weight, build, basically everything, but there are other sub species that resemble these creatures we love so dearly through the television? would the aliens start calling this sub-division of humans cartoons because when they asked the humans, they laughed and said it was just a cartoon?

building off some other posts saying aliens might not have fiction and that humans are the best liars in the galaxy: cartoons. art styles. the act of creating an entire universe in our heads, just as a god would. would aliens have imaginations, but not the creativity spanning creating an entire alternative universe?

[guildofscribes]

Okay, so the thoughts that humans are little or weak, very helpless on the galactic scale in movies and that earth is easy pickings by aliens who don’t view us as a viable life-form or something… I get it.

Sure. Humans fight each other all the time, aliens would probably think we’re the worst, right?

But what if we’re not?

What if the aliens come, and the first thing they say is, “Hello! We are so glad we found you! We are so pleased to meet you!” Similar to how humans greet puppies that we really want to meet and not scare, except it’s aliens that have been following radio messages across light years to find us.

We’ve spent so long wondering about what’s out there, and we see ourselves almost as a blight on our own planet, when we’re probably just fine. We’re trying. Maybe, just maybe, we’re okay. Maybe an outsider would look at us and think, “Look at them! They’re trying to be good! They name rocks and waters and cleaning robots! I love them for it!”

We tend to think that we must be the worst, the most backward, the blandest, least interesting or intelligent creatures in the galaxy.

I wonder how aliens would actually look at us.

We play whale noises into the black. We send greetings. We send probes with videos and audio tracks out explaining who we are and what we do on earth, just in case there’s someone else out there wondering if they’re alone in the universe. We tame predators to be companions because we are compassionate and we want to be friends with anything that will have us.

Maybe we’re not so bad.

I don’t know. This thought has been cycling through my brain a lot lately. Humans are weird and crazy, but we’re not the worst. Maybe we’re even likable.

[injuries-in-dust]

Humans are space orcs writing prompt.

No one can handle their drink like humans!

The biggest land animals on earth, elephants, can handle something being at a maximum of 7% alcohol by volume (abv)

Most species on earth can usually intake 1-3 abv.

With small species like rats only being able to intake alcohol in the milligrams range, at best 80mgs.

Meanwhile humans will sometimes knock back something that is 40 abv. We can drink a whole bottle of it and while we feel lousy the next day, we dont die from it.

If the majority is the precident, then a shot of vodka will be pretty much a death sentence for most alien species.

But there go the humans, just knocking it back and calling that a fun night.

[plutonium-spectacle]

I love this concept- all humans are Irish/German to aliens. Here's what I thought of (the math isn't exact, it's mostly guesstimates):

---

Trilyn prided himself (as did many of his species, the Krakoor) on his alcoholic tolerance. It was mostly due to his size- at over 600 pounds in weight (he was using human measurements as it would be easier for you human readers to understand), standing over twice the average alien height, it took much more alcohol to get him to pass out than others.

He could drink about 12 ounces before he had to stop. It was incredible. Whenever a new species would be introduced to the intergalactic society, it was always a joke to egg them on to start a drinking contest with a Krakoor. Most refused, but one or two may have the hubris to try every now and again.

Then, the humans were introduced. They were small, fleshy things, about a quarter of his size- no exoskeleton, and barely any meat or muscle on them, typically. He had also heard they had the hubris of no other species, while also being violent, paranoid-ridden creatures from a deathworld. Most of what he heard described them in contradictions.

Aggressive yet kind.

Open yet closed off.

Paranoid yet stupidly trusting.

Fleshy yet predators.

Creatures of both war and peace.

Unmistakably intelligent yet ditzy and stupid.

Humble yet full of hubris.

And he desperately wanted to meet one. The stories- the stories were a range from horrific to comical to unbelievable. He'd never heard of anything like it. And today was his lucky day.

He was sitting in a bar, surrounded by creatures around his size, sipping on the strongest drink they offered- about a 5% alcohol to 95% drink ratio. It was rather packed, though there was always some empty seats, as not many could stand (nor liked to) any alcohol in traceable amounts. Then, looking like a meagre bug surrounded by the others, a human (a human!) waltzed in, completely unbothered by the size difference with himself and those around him.

The human took a seat next to Trilyn casually (though casually was more in his demeanor- he had to comically climb up the chair to sit on it's too-big cushion with the bar counter up to his underarms), before ordering a drink from the bewildered bartender, having to get a shot glass as a normal cup due to his small size.

Trilyn spoke up, grinning down at the little fleshy creature, "you're a little small to be drinkin' don'tcha think, buddy?"

The human chuckled, as the bartender set down his shot glass, "I drink all the time back on Earth, my home planet. I've got a pretty high tolerance despite being a bit small."

The bartender nervously slid the shot to the human, guaging the man for any immediate puking. The human took a sip, frowning a little in response.

To Trilyn and the bartender's surprise, the man wasn't upset about too much alcohol.

"Could you put a bit more alcohol in this? Add any fee you need to my tab."

The bartender looked even more nervous, adding a small splash to the drink of concentrated alcohol (nearly 40%, if his memory was serving him right), making the man frown further.

"Uhm. Sorry. Bit more?"

The bartender then added another splash, eyeing the man nervously. The man frowned, turning to whisper to Trilyn.

"...Is it like, a custom to not pour much alcohol? I want at least like, 20% tonight."

Trilyn froze. That would kill him. Was- was this man genuinely suicidal? Was it all some sort of joke?

"2-20%?"

That was over quadruple what Trilyn could stand. The man nodded, before turning to the bartender again.

"Could I get something with about 20% alcohol in it, give or take?"

The bartender's eyes widened in shock, clearly not believing what she had just heard. She then immediately shook her head.

"Look, you'll die if you have that much, and I don't want a life on my hands if I can help it."

The man seemed confused by this- incredibly confused.

"Die? I'm not gonna get like, 10 drinks or whatever, just a few to loosen up. Is alien alcohol super strong or something? Got any Jack Daniels back there?"

The bartender seemed to notice something- they both knew human alcohol was just as potent as galactic alcohol- so why would the human order a 20% if he didn't plan on dying? The bartender got out the smallest glass available, before pouring some alcohol in with some drink mixer to dilute it, before handing to the man.

"That's about 15% if my math is right," she said warily, as the man happily gulped it down.

Trilyn was panicking now: he was about to witness a death. Why would the man do this? He didn't seem suicidal? Was there a way he could prevent the alcohol from reaching his blood and this was some sick prank?

But nothing happened. A minute passed, and nothing happened. Then a few minutes.

"You... how?" Trilyn asked, confused out of his mind.

"How what?"

"You... you should be dead. The most I can have is 5% typically."

The man was just as confused as Trilyn now.

"The most you can have is 5%? Look at you, you should be able to drink it at 100% with your size. I think my limit is about 7 drinks of somewhere around 30% before I black out, but I've got a high tolerance."

Trilyn was dreaming. This was a joke. A prank. No way could this little flesh ball out-drink him. Not even the unnaturally big of his species could go past a drink of 8% or 9%.

The rest of the night was spent with the human- who's name was Jamie- with the human nursing a good 40% drink as Trilyn nursed his 5%.

Trilyn learned a lot that night; humans didn't have hubris. Hubris implies that it's overdone, undeserving confidence. No no, it was very deserving confidence.

Humans weren't humble yet full of hubris. They were humble yet confident.

---

I loved writing this. I think I might respond to a few more prompts in the future with Jamie and Trilyn.

[hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii1]

They say, we found another source of life in the universe. “Humans” they call themselves. And we’ve been observing from a  distance for a while now, planning our next move. They really are peculiar creatures, who seem to act purely off emotion. They go to war with themselves, kill, demean and do other unthinkable things to their peers. Some of the elders are constantly chastising them for being “horrible” and “good for nothing”.  They say they are “ruthless killing machines, devoid of any emotion”.

And maybe that’s true, but there’s more to the story than that.

Humans are unconditionally affectionate of their loved ones, even if they have weird ways of showing it.  Most  of them have determination of steel, obstinate about what they believe. They have weird little rituals like blowing out fire and slicing into baked goods when an individual has completed one lap around the sun.  

They domesticate any animal they can, because really, they’re just desperate to befriend any thing willing to tolerate them. It must be lonely being a human, thinking you’re the only one’s in the grand cosmos.

Humans, who send whale signals out into space, who send out probes, and missions and satellites in hopes that there is someone out there to befriend them. Because, if a species is actively looking for new friends, even if with such a slim chance of success, they can’t be all that bad.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Space Borders

The concept of a species claiming ownership of their homeworld is not an uncommon occurrence in the expansive universe, but what is somewhat more odd is that same species claiming sole dominion of the surrounding space of their system and regulating traffic in an out of it and even in some cases denying outright any form of access.

It was a long standing unspoken rule between galactic communities that space would be a neutral ground and that all could travel freely across the stars. This was done in the hope that such openness would promote more degrees of cooperation between species and create a sense of galactic unity that would transcend such divides as biological, traditional, and ideological.

This had been the tradition of the civilized universe for countless generations and though there had still been divisions between species and tensions kept just below the surface for different species they had remained quiet and respected the unspoken rule of the star ways.

That was of course before the introduction of humanity.

When the first Windala explorer ship stumbled upon the human home system they were met with a small fleet of armed ships that blocked entry into the system. Outnumbered and outgunned the Windala ship fled back to the galactic core to report the discovery of a new system filled with space fairing people.

Rulers debated the aggressive nature these beings had taken at the sight of a single ship and thought them to be barbarians, but after careful consideration of the situation it became the general consensus that these “humans”, as intercepted communications had revealed that was what they called themselves,  that this could have been their first contact with another space fairing species and felt threatened.

A formal delegation was assembled along with the galaxies most advanced translating units and a small contingent of escort ships for protection and the second attempt at first contact was made.

Once again after arriving in the human system the delegation was met as before by a fleet of human ships. This time the number of human ships had doubled and some larger vessels were counted among their number that dwarfed the delegation ship and appeared to be heavily armed.

The delegate fleet made no moves and remained standstill as a wide array of messages were sent out across the the signal spectrum in an attempt to communicate with the humans. After several short cycles the frequency the humans used was detected and communication began. Over the course of the following days and months a dialogue was established and humanity learned of the wider galaxy at large now at their finger tips.

During these crucial moments traffic into and out of the human system was blocked until the delegation had finished their work to ensure no misconceptions were made that the humans were being attacked. After the talks finished however the ban was lifted and the wider galaxy was given free access to the sol system.

Or so they thought.

Shortly after the gates were opened numerous species were reporting that they were being stopped at the edges of human space. Human ships were intercepting them at jump points and requesting their “papers”. These papers appeared to be some form of documentation stating their travel to the human system had been approved by the human government.

Naturally many of these merchants did not have such documentation as they often acted independently from their governments and were turned away. There were those though that felt either insulted or did not fully understand the human concept of documentation and attempted to bypass the human intercept forces.

These merchants were quickly boarded by surrounding ships and taken into custody as breaking human law. While this was a serious concern for many galactic governments what was more dire was when some armed merchant men refused to be boarded and opened fire on the human vessels. This action brought swift and overwhelming retribution from humans as a fleet of their warships would then be dispatched with all haste to either apprehend or destroy the merchant man that had attacked them.

It quickly devolved into a diplomatic nightmare as numerous governments wished to now go to war with humanity forcing a second diplomatic mission to be sent to earth. Despite repeated explanations about galactic unity humanity refused to let any outsider into their system without permission from humanities government.  

Insulted by their brazen defiance the delegation left humanity and said if they wished for such isolation they could have it and created an exclusion zone around the sol system thinking that by cutting them off from the galactic community they would suffer.

This had the opposite effect however as many species had seen the value of trade with humans could be and had behind closed doors gone through the long confusing halls of human politics to gain access to their system. These species ships were then given full access to the sol system along with free trade and matching rights of all within the human domain and these trading species rivals quickly watched as they had come to gain massive wealth by securing trade with humans on human terms.

Despite the galactic exclusion zone ruling of the sol system more and more species began to trade with humanity. Even more worsening than the exclusion zones apparent failure was that now other species were demanding to have their own territorial rights enforced. Humanities defiance had inspired them to bring forth old grudges, territorial disputes, trade practice disagreements, and cultural conflicts to the forefront and they had begun enforcing their own border policies that extended into space.

Within roughly ten human years after their discovery the ideology of territory in space became the new established norm and the once free trade universe devolved into a star map of lines, borders, and no go zones across the entire universe.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Flamethrowers

A common thing found across the universe as more and more species began advancing into the technological age of space travel was that in many isolated systems invasive insect like species had taken full control.  Some of these worlds had no natural predators to keep the insects in control while others showed signs that there had been at one time or another but due to some natural disaster or internal conflict they lost the ability to contain the insects and were eventually overrun. With no natural prey they continued to grow and sometimes grow to the size of a car or be as compact as a softball depending on the species.  Normally they would not be a problem as despite having full dominance over their respective worlds these insects still lacked the means to develop space travel via organic ships or mechanical. However, these worlds also drew the attention of the reckless and foolhardy with promises of wealth, glory, and fame. Game hunters, archaeologists, illegal mining operations, pirates and other criminals, and even the occasional tourist all launched private and unauthorized excursions to these planets. Most of them ended in some form of either comical or gruesome death as the insects are highly territorial and left no survivors, but there was the rare chance the intruders were able to extricate themselves from the hazardous planets with unknown passengers hitching a ride.  It is still being researched how many of these escaping flights were infested with varying forms of the insects, current estimates have it at around 95% were infected. The outcome fell into one of three categories after these ships reentered space. First, the crew enter into deep freeze for the long voyage and the insects spread like wildfire across the ship and kill them in their sleep. Second, the crew is aware of the insects and attempts to eliminate them but fail leaving them free roam aboard the ship. Third, the crew successfully repel the insects and head for friendly space.  For the ships that were overrun the worst possible outcome would often play out. Once the crew was wiped out the insects would begin rapidly multiplying while the ships nav-computer triggered after several days of inactivity from the crew and take the ship to the nearest spaceport. This tragedy was the spark of the insect wars as at least two dozen infested vessels made their way back to different planets across settled space. Quarantine for ships was not a common practice at the time as there had been no reports of an outbreak of disease. Upon landing or docking the insects would swarm out and overrun spaceport security details. Massive jaws ripped through metal doors like they were paper while smaller ones would slip through air vents and spread like a plague across the planet.  Within two months a full blown blockade was established around the infested systems trapping all those inside with the invasive insects as they began taking control of one world at a time.   Outside the blockade governments were in turmoil trying to devise a plan of action but infighting left it that the only thing they could agree on was maintaining the blockade and destroying any ship that would attempt to flee for fear of it being infested.  This was the ruling of the galactic governments. Well, all but one of them…… ———————————————————————————————————– “We’re going to die here aren’t we?” Kolvan looked at Hobre. He was holding himself and rocking back and forth, his weapon laying beside him as his eyes darted around rapidly in an attempt to keep every angle in view.  Kolvan, walking around the edges of the rooftop inspecting the streets below for any sign of movement, didn’t even bother to turn to Hobre.  “Death would not be a probability had you not left Jobu to his you coward.”  Hobre stood up suddenly. “How many times must I tell you?!? there was nothing I could do!!!”  Kolvan quickly rushed over to Hobre and grabbed him by his throat. “Be.Quiet.” His grip tightened slightly to reinforce his seriousness and he could hear Hobre begin to slowly gasp for his breath. For a moment he was imagining himself dropping his weapon and using both hands to strangle the life of this backstabber, to throw his lifeless body from the roof down to the streets below and repay the friends they had lost with his own death. The faces of those that had been lost flashed before Kolvan until finally Jobu’s face was looking at him from behind Hobre.  He let go of Hobre who then collapsed to the rooftop gasping for air and returned to walking the edge. Jobu would not have wanted his friends turning on each other at his passing, and right now that was the only thing keeping Kolvan from murdering Hobre.  When the infestation reached their city, Jobu, Hobre, Kolvan, and their families had attempted to reach the local transit hub and take the last streamer line to the out of the city. They had all nearly reached the station when the insects swarmed over the building and flipped the streamer on its side before ripping it open with their jaws to feast on the trapped passengers.  They’d fled back into the city and while Kolvan was leading the group into their current structure, a six story apartment complex, he had turned around to see that Jobu was gone. When he questioned Hobre he said that the insects had got him, but he didn’t believe it. He had always had a thing for Jobu’s wife and Kolvan wouldn’t put it past him to murder their friend if it gave him a chance at her.  That had been nearly a month ago. They’d barricaded the entrance as best they could but they all knew it would only slow down the insects if they were found. They had searched every apartment and had rationed what food they could but supplies were beginning to run out.  Before either of them could go at it again they heard a low rumbling sound. Kolvan crouched down and slinked over to the edge with Hobre following behind him coughing less and less.  The two looked down at a strange metal vehicle lumbering through the streets with black clad figures walking in front of it. The vehicle looked heavily armored, about two car lengths i size and with tires large enough to to take up half a road lane. On top was a weirdly shaped bulge with two metal tube sticking out of it. It swiveled back and forth as if waiting for something. Kolvan changed his gaze to the black clad figures surrounding the clunking vehicle. There were three in the front and three in the back, two to each side of the vehicle and with the remaining two positioned at the front and rear of the vehicle. He couldn’t make out much detail from the distance but they appeared humanoid in shape but they each carried a strange metal cylinder on their backs that looked like it was attached to some sort of stick that each figure carried.  The figures marched alongside their vehicle at an even pace and like their metallic guardian appeared to be looking to each side of the street. One of the figures looked up in Kolvan’s direction and he saw the glint of red eyes. Before he could do anything Hobre grabbed him and pulled him back over the edge.  Kolvan was about to berate Hobre when the rumbling stopped. Neither of them dared move as they listened. Kolvan could barely make out what sounded like voices and the rustling of footsteps. He was about to peer over the edge when a voice called out to him.   “Hello up there!”  Hobre and Kolvan froze at the loud voice. “You, on the rooftop.  We’re not here to harm you. Could you please come out?” The voice sounded amplified and could easily reach them from down below. Kolvan was about to stand up and answer them but Hobre grabbed him.  “They’ll attract the insects! Keep qu-” “TO THOSE UP ON THE ROOF, WE ARE HERE TO HELP YOU.” The booming voice made Kolvan’s hair stand up on end and he scrambled up to see over the side once more. The voice appeared to be further amplified by the vehicle that had come to a stop right in front of their building.  “REMAIN WHERE YOU ARE. A RESCUE VEHICLE IS EN-ROUTE TO PICK YOU UP.”  Kolvan was about to respond back when a new rumbling began building up. It started as a soft rattle in the distance but quickly began building up until the entire building was shaking.  At the far end of the street a tide of insects swarmed around the corners and made a b-line straight for black clad figures on the street.   Rather than run for their lives Kolvan saw three of the black clad figures step forward and form a line. They did something with their sticks and at the end of them a small flicker of a flame appeared.  The horde of insects were getting ever closer and the black clad figures planted their feet into the ground and raised their sticks towards the on rushing horde.  The bugs were almost upon them when a faint hissing sound filled the air, like a faucet was just turned on and from the tips of their strange sticks a gout of fire shot out and met the tide of chitin. It was so bright that Kolvan had to cover his eyes from the sudden flash and a rush of hot air leapt from the street below sending him backwards several steps.  When he had blinked his eyes clear he could see the glow of flames dancing off the walls of the surrounding buildings along with an ever growing column of smoke. There was a foul stench in the air as well, though he didn’t need to be a scientist to guess what that was.  Peering once more over the edge he saw something that both brought him joy and a strange sense of horror. The three black clad figures were slowly stepping forward, one step at a time, while releasing a continuing splash of flames from their strange sticks. He could see nearby vehicles decorations begin to melt from the intense heat but the figures seemed no more bothered by it than as if it was just a humid day.  The insects had rushed right into the wall of fire and many instantly died from being roasted alive inside their own exoskeletons. They had adapted to tropical climates that allowed them to push out heat from their bodies but had not evolved to handle such high temperature coming back into their bodies.  The front ranks were toasted the moment the flames touched their bodies. Eye stalks exploding, muscles crisping to a thick dried brown where the chitin didn’t cover the joints, organs turning to ash from the now super heated exoskeleton. They toppled over and tripped the second rank stopping their momentum as the flames hit them next.  By slowly advancing the fire throwers made sure to keep a safe distance in case the swarm simply piled over their dead as a living shield to get closer. Firmly planting their feet they pressed forward as the screeches of the insects grew louder.  Just as Kolvan started to get hopeful he noticed the flames beginning to shrink in range. The insects noticed the change as well and redoubled their efforts to get closer and rip apart the fire throwers when two far larger gouts of flame shot out from the armored vehicle to pick up the slack. As the fire throwers flames finally appeared to run out they turned on the spot and slowly marched back to the vehicle that was beginning to roll forward again, a steady stream of fire swiping the street left to right and back again.  The fire throwers approached the sides of the vehicle where some form of seat popped open from the side. They each took a seat and a silver tube emerged from the vehicle and attached to the top of their cylinders. He watched them sit there with their legs swinging beneath them as the vehicle pressed onward, the flames shooting out so much hotter than the individual fire throwers that Kolvan could feel his skin begin to crack and bleed slightly even from so high up.  He wished to continue watching when a loud roar came from over head and a flying vehicle slowly descended. A hatch opened up and there was a strange pink alien waving them aboard. Without needing more prompting pushed past Kolvan and rushed on board the vehicle while Kolvan turned around and went below to get the remaining families.  When they finally took off again he could see from the window that the fire throwers below were far from alone. Nearly every street, alleyway, courtyard, and pathway had a group of fire throwers marching forward burning the insects back one step at a time. The flames were beginning to spread and envelop the city as well and for a moment Kolvan wondered about how many memories would be lost in the flames.  But if it meant erasing the horror of the insects, then he would have gladly put the city to the torch himself. 

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Expect the unexpected

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps) Alien talk show host: So you doubt my powers?

Human: I do.

Alien Host: You know that the theme of this show is bringing on people such as yourself and proving that I can in fact predict the future.

Human: I have watched your show and I’ve seen how you use your scam to convince people that you can predict the future.

Audience: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Alien Host: If it has been proven right so many times how can you still claim it is a scam?

Human: Because you have never had a human on your show until now to disprove it.

Alien Host: Bold words but we’ll give you a shot.

Alien Host: What have you got in store for me to disprove my abilities?

Human: *reaches into pocket and pulls something out*

Human: I’m going to flip this coin and you will tell me which side it lands on.

Alien Host: That’s it?

Alien Host: That’s your grand plan to disprove my skills?

Human: Half of it.

Human: You find out the other half after I flip the coin.

Alien Host: Ominous; I always liked that about you humans.

Alien Host: Very well, flip that coin and I predict it will be heads!

Human: *Flips coin*

Alien Host: *Watches coin spin upwards*

Human: *Pulls out gun from jacket and pulls the trigger*

*Gunshot goes across the table and hits the alien host in the arm*

*Audience begins screaming as human sets the gun down on the table*

Human: You can all relax, that was the second part of my plan.

Alien Host: WHY DID YOU SHOOT ME!?!?!!?

Human: *Calmly* Why did you not see the bullet coming?

Alien Host: You said you were using the coin toss!!

Human: I said it was the first part and that you’d find out the other half during the flip.

Human: If you can see into the future why did you not dodge the bullet or attempt to stop me from pulling a gun and shooting you?

Alien Host: Who could predict such madness!?!?!?

Human: Exactly.

Human: You can “predict” the future as you call it because you are a master of probability, not a fortune teller.

Human: That’s why you were so confident you could accurately predict how the coin would land and claim you saw it in the future.

Human: But no one could predict a random act of violence without any forewarning signs given.

Alien Host: You did all of this just to prove me wrong!?!

Human: I mean, isn’t that the point of the show?

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Do a human a “Solid”

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

On Xenthari it was both culturally acceptable and almost mandatory to participate in duels. They could be fought for honor, profit, social status, or for the sheer thrill of it should one be of that disposition. Participants could even choose champions to fight for them instead making the position of professional duelist a very lucrative occupation.

Lulu did not particularly enjoy the idea of dueling. She never was good with a sword and would more often end up losing, and she lacked enough funds to make hiring someone in her stead near impossible. At school she had few friends and the ones she did have would never volunteer to be her champions when she was eventually challenged to duels.

It wasn’t because she was actively searching for them. She rather liked her quiet life and avoided such confrontations that would lead to a duel being issued. Yet she was a social outcast and picking on her had been deemed a past time for some of the more aggressive students at her school. They would easily disarm her and then take great relish in attacking her.

Duels for those underage were different from official duels. One could not deal a lethal blow in underage duels. Rules stated that while surrender was a great dishonor, a duelist could surrender and forfeit the duel after being dealt one blow. Because Lulu hated fighting she would let her opponents get a blow in and then surrender. With that though came dishonor to her name and her standing as an outcast only further grew.

Lulu had resigned herself to this fate until one day a transfer student came to school.

Her name was Trisha Yulie, but she preferred to be called “Triss”. Her family had sent her to Xenthari after several “incidents” happened at her school back on her homeworld. They thought that being in such a drastically different environment and society would make her appreciate the things she used to have. Little did her parents know that the combative nature of Xenthari would only increase these tendencies; one of which introduced Triss to her new friend, Lulu.

The two had never interacted with each other until one day in the cafeteria Lulu saw Triss near one of the food dispensers. She was rummaging through her pockets and looking upset; Lulu figured the human did not have enough currency to purchase an item.

“Here.” Lulu said as she walked next to Triss.

She leaned forward and put a token into the machine and then smacked the side of it three times in certain places. The machine sputtered and beeped for a moment before a food package emerged from the dispenser. Lulu took it and handed it to Triss.

Looking down at the food Triss smiled as she gratefully took it. “Thanks,” Triss said as she followed Lulu back to a table, “was getting so hungry I started wondering if there were any horses around here.”

Lulu looked at Triss and something must have shown on her face as Triss realized she would have no idea what a horse was. She was just about to explain when a group of students came up behind Llulu and shoved her.

“Get up.” The leader of them laughed. “It’s time for your correction.”

Lulu didn’t need to see who had shoved her as she recognized the voice even before she stood up and turned around.

Ulia, the most popular student and heir to a wealthy transit corporation run by her family, gave a sadistic grin as her gang of lackeys laughed. She loved to pick on Lulu and normally she would have just allowed the duel to happen, but Triss had other ideas.

“Oi, fuck face!” Triss spoke up as Ulia shifted he gaze to Triss. “Me and my new friend here were having a conversation and you weren’t invited, so piss off!”

“How cute.” Ulia chuckled. “You let your dog speak for you now, eh Lulu?”

“Did she just fucking call me a dog?” Triss asked a still silent Lulu. “Have you looked in a mirror? Your face is so ugly it gets flagged for indecent exposure online.”

For the first time Lulu could ever remember she was Ulia’s face twitch in anger.

“I see that I need to teach our new exchange student here some manners.”

Triss sighed loudly. “I was going to give you a chance to apologize, but now I’m just going to kick your ass.”

The surrounding students pulled tables away to form a circle. Ulia drew her sword and activated its power field. The blade lit to life as it was enveloped by a green glow casting shadows across the room.

Ulia grinned as she drew the blade close to her face “Draw your blade so we can end this farce.”

To her surprise Triss shook her head and shrugged off her school jacket revealing a well-toned body of raw muscle. “Don’t need a fancy stick to beat you when I got these.” She shook out her hands and brought them up as clenched fists.

“Your funeral.” Ulia laughed as she took up a ready stance. One of her lackeys stepped between Triss and Ulia and acted as ref. “The duel will begin when I step back out of the ring. First one to verbally surrender or be rendered incapable of continuing the duel will be designated the loser and thus ending the duel. No lethal blows are allowed.”

With that the lackey stepped backwards beginning the duel.

Ulia lunged forward ready to run Triss through with the tip of her sword. Triss stood motionless for the last second until the blade was inches from her.

Pivoting to the side at the last moment Triss avoided the blade as Ulia’s forward momentum kept her going. She was about to spin her blade around when Triss drove a hard right punch directly into her jaw.

The blow was heavy enough to stagger Ulia as she tried to recover but Triss gave her no time. She was within Ulia’s guard in a flash and delivered another blow to the opposite side of Ulia’s jaw.

“Waaagh?” Ulia stammered as she stumbled back into the crowd of onlookers. Her eyes went wide as she gurgled more noises with increasing frustration but no intelligible words came out.

“By now you’ve probably realized your jaw has been completely dislocated from your skull.” Triss spoke as she circled Ulia. “I didn’t want you giving up too early; gotta lot of steam I need to blow off.”

Ulia shoved the people around her away and tried to shout something only for it to be slurred beyond recognition. She brought the sword down hard in a long sweep towards Triss but she backed away to avoid it.

Unleashing a flurry of blows each one capable of cutting through flesh, but Triss continued dodging them left and right like a prize boxer. She opened up another devastating blow to Ulia’s midriff causing her to vomit a large amount of fluid.

The crowd watched with horrified silence. Never had they seen a duel with fists before. It was something utterly foreign to them and had been taught to be barbaric. Yet here was a human who with only her fists was decimating a sword wielder.

Triss circled Ulia who had collapsed to the ground. “You want to give up princess?” she mocked. “Just say the word and…oh wait! You can’t much say anything right now can you?”

Ulia swept her blade for Triss’s ankles. With a swift motion Triss lifted her right foot and brought it down as hard as she could on Ulia’s hand holding the sword, crushing the wrist with a loud wet crunch. The blade fell from Ulia’s hand as she cradled her now broken wrist with her remaining hand.

Triss picked up the blade and inspected it. “What you think Lulu?” Triss called over to Lulu who was standing in the gathered crowd. “She started messing with you; want me to rough her up some more?”

Every eye in the crowd suddenly turned to look at Lulu. Lulu’s mouth opened to speak but nothing came out as Triss continued.

“I wonder, how much credibility do you think you’d lose if you were cut by your own blade?”

She held the blade out against Ulia’s cheek as her eyes went wide. “Bet you’re little groupies here might bail on you.” Triss leaned down and whispered to Ulia. “Or maybe you’re more worried about what your family would say?”

Tears of pure teal formed in the corners of her eyes as Ulia tried to speak only for Triss to shush her by putting a finger over her mouth.

“If you don’t want that to happen, I think you should leave me and my friend alone from now on; else the next time we have this little dispute you won’t end so peacefully.”

With that Ulia nodded and collapsed to the ground.

“Looks like she can’t continue,” Triss announced proudly, dropping the sword in, “I think that means I’m the winner.”

The crowd parted as Triss walked back to Lulu and put an arm over her shoulder. “I think we were having lunch before all that happened, want to get back to it?”

“Ssssure.” Lulu stammered as she let Triss lead her back to their table. As the pair sat down she finally worked up the courage to say “Thank you.”

“For what?” Triss remarked as she tried to pull open the food package Lulu gave her earlier.

“For standing up for me.” Lulu replied. She leaned over and pressed a button on the package and it flash cooked the meal and opened itself.

Triss nodded her thanks and began digging in. “You did me a solid so I do you one; tit for tat.”

“So because I got you lunch you fought a duel for me? Lulu asked, astounded when Lulu nodded.

“A solid is a solid, doesn’t matter if it is equal or not; that’s what friends do for each other.”

[incorrectclassicbookquotes]

So here's another reason why humans are adorable. We give nicknames to cryptids. I was looking at the Wikipedia page for a list of cryptids and next to the given name is cute sounding nicknames for some of them.

[captain-ultimat-doggo]

Humans entering space and realizing we are so small. We are mice compared to these giant races with their advanced machinery and technologies and experiences beyond us- except that we're humans. And our engineers dive into the new tech and once we learn the principles we also soon realize how Inefficient everything is. Their "microchips" are the size of cars, their storage drives are basically buildings, and they somehow store less data than ours. So, human companies take advantage, and tech starts rolling out. Massive and there's a lot of wasted space so that it can be managed with larger hands/pincers/claws/tentacles, but also so much more efficient than anything the galaxy has seen before.

Human technicians start hopping ships and upkeeping the general maintenance, the stuff that most aliens put off or don't notice because they never access the crevices of their ships. As human companies become more popular and lead the tech world in everything from warp cores to game stations ("it's so compact! How are the graphics so good?" Says a 60' tall grimbleback, holding a new VR headset that has all of its components included because it's so BIG by our tech standards), soon many things have accessibility ports for humans to be able to use as well. This means that these shiprats hoping ship to ship cause such a huge improvement in everything running smoothly, and there's a huge downtick in pests on ships because those "pests" are not only big enough and aggressive enough to bite a pitbull or a person in half, they're invasive to so many planets and humans hate nothing more than dog killing planet overrunning monsters.

All the while, from the Aliens perspective, humans are an elusive race that don't fraternize much with them. You almost never see a human as most places aren't exactly safe for the little things to run around in. They do export so much stuff though, and the custodial staff at the Central Galactic Outpost insists that there's more humans around than any other race if you just know where to look.

And sure it's somewhat known that some of the little daredevils hop ships and help out in exchange for room and board, usually without permission, but that can't be that common, can it?

Maybe your ship is running better this cycle ever since you stopped at the last station, that just means that tuneup was better than you thought. And maybe for some reason that program you were working on last night is finished when you wake up, but you're so tired maybe you finished it before you passed out. Somehow that faulty light in the galley has fixed itself as well, which is odd, but maybe the Engineer finally got to it. You'd know if there was someone else on your ship.

Right?

... You leave a little bowl of berries out as a thank you, just in case. You're not sure what humans like but you've heard they have a sweet tooth.

[thealienfantasy]

Alien Fantasy-File 14: The Grip of the ocean.

“I take it you guys are the reinforcements? Captain Jessica Lombardi asked. “Yup, that’s us ma’am.” The leading researcher said as the rest of his team joined the captain’s own.

"Damn, Ya’ll weren’t kidding during the call. There’s almost nothing but ocean here.” One of them said as they starred at the big ocean in front of them. It didn’t look that different from the beaches back home to be fair. The only difference was the dark sky with more than one visible celestial body and all the fog that covered what little ground they had found.

"Everyone gear up. Oxygen levels in the atmosphere are within human-tolerable ranges, but let's maintain suit protocol for now." One of Lombardi’s crew mates, Matty, said. The team marched out of the ship, The fog swirled around their boots as they gathered around and made preparations. All around them, dark waters stretched endlessly into the light fog.

“Captain. Are we…Are we really supposed to go in that water?” One of the crew mates from the new squad, James, had asked.

“We’ve collected initial water samples at the shoreline. And my crew has been able to swim in it no problem. There doesn’t seem to be any wildlife to report around this area.” Lombardi stated.

Unbeknownst to them, Below the surface in the darkness of the deep, massive forms stirred. Their elongated bodies shifted in the shadows of underwater caverns. Long, plant-like stalks extended from their bodies, swaying in the current, sensing the vibrations above. Humming noises emanated from their spots as they communicated.

“…They’re back….”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"preparing to dive in three, two, one..."

They slipped beneath the surface. The new crew members were surprised. The water was clearer than expected, with visibility extending about thirty meters before fading into darkness. Their lights illuminated strange, coral-like formations growing from the rocky seafloor.

"Hey Jessica, you seeing this?" Cooper's voice came through the comm. "Those stalks have gotten a bit bigger than they were a few days ago."

Weird stalks resembling thick plant stems, protruded from various rock formations. They swayed gently, despite the minimal current.

"Getting samples." James replied, swimming up to one of the stalks. In the darkness below, several eyes watched with growing curiosity.

“Be careful, Rookie!” Cooper shouted as he reached out to the one slowly sinking into the dark.

"These specimens are unlike anything in our database- wait, what the-"

The stalk suddenly wrapped around his leg with surprising strength. Before he could react, he was yanked downward into the darkness.

"James!" One of the others screamed. Cooper watched the entire exchange and hastily activated his comms.

"Emergency! Diver down! Something's got him!" Cooper shouted. Suddenly, he was pulled down to by a nearby stalk. Cooper struggled against the grip, reaching for his weapon. The stalk pulled him deeper, Even with the increasing darkness, he could faintly see a crack downward where the stalk seemed to be coming from.

He dug the bayonet of his weapon into the stalk and fired, severing the appendage. He kicked hard, swimming upward as fast as his legs could manage.

A very shrill noise came from the darkness, along with rumbling. Cooper kept swimming. Dodging all the appendages that tried to grab him.

=============================================

Cooper burst through the water's surface, gasping and thrashing. His teammates rushed to pull him onto the rocky shore, his diving suit having taken damage in the escape attempt. A few other crew mates hastily followed suit.

"What the hell happened down there?" Matty demanded, helping Cooper remove his helmet. Cooper coughed, his hands shaking as he checked his gear.

"Those things... they're not plants. They grabbed us. Pulled us down toward some caves. I only got away because I had my weapon."

Matty's face went pale as he looked around.

"Wait. Where are James and Rivera?"

Cooper's eyes widened with horror. The rest of the crew looked around and they all began to panic. One of them said they tried to save him. Cooper scrambled to his feet, scanning the dark waters. Nothing but fog and gentle waves met his gaze. Matt tapped a button on his suit.

"COMPUTER! Run emergency scan for James and Rivera's suit signals!" Matty called out to the ship's AI.

"Scanning... Suits detected. Depth approximately 127 meters. Both suits still damaged, but active."

"Life signs?" Cooper asked, dreading the answer.

"Life support systems in both suits are operational but showing critical levels. Current estimate suggests complete depletion within 3 minutes." Matty grabbed his tablet, watching the depth readings.

 "They're moving. Something's dragging them deeper into those caves. What do we do?!" Cooper panicked. 

"I...." Matty stammered.

“Jessica! WE’VE GOT A PROBLEM!” Cooper shouted.

One by one, the life support warnings turned from yellow to red. Then, finally, black.

==========================================================================================================================

 "It does not respond to our questions...."

"The device on its back is loose, and it makes no movements." Another one said. "Greetings, i am [#&&@@*@()!]. What's your name, creature?" 

"Mine is not moving anymore."  The giant bodies continued to poke and prod at the bodies.

"Perhaps they require different conditions to communicate?" Another pair of eyes hummed as they poked the body hanging limply in the other’s grasp.

"The coverings they wear are most peculiar." another observed, gently rotating James's body.

"See how they encase themselves completely?" They added.

The creatures shimmied around their captives in the vast underwater cavern. Their elongated bodies swayed with the deep currents, while hundreds of stalks waved around them like a forest of living threads.

"The previous ones we observed seemed much more... active." a third one noted. The first creature delicately probed the tears in Rivera's damaged diving suit. Water had long since flooded both suits, the eyes inside were open, but unresponsive. Much like the rest of the body.

"We have seen them return to the surface repeatedly. Do they fear our realm?" hummed another in what might have been disappointment.

Their stalks continued to explore the equipment strapped to the bodies. One creature managed to activate a still-functioning light on James's suit, causing a burst of awe among the titanic group as they watched the light cut through the darkness.

"Such fascinating tools they carry." one observed.

"They create their own light..." They muttered.

"We shall wait the other’s return." the largest one predicted.

"Should we pushes these ones back up there?" asked one of the younger ones, its stalks wavering uncertainly.

"No. Our appendages are not long enough to reach beyond the sky. They are specimens now. We will learn from them. Understand their construction. Perhaps it will help us communicate better with the next ones." Decided the largest one.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"This is bullshit!" Kenzo slammed his fist against the ship's outer hull.

"Two people dead in less than five minutes! How the fuck weren't there protocols for this?" He shouted. The research team huddled near their equipment, faces drawn and pale. In the corner, One of them sobbed quietly, her shoulders shaking as she stared at James's empty suit locker. They'd only been a team for eight months, but James had been the one she immediately found comfort in.

"The stalks showed no signs of biological activity." A member of Lombardi's crew argued back, pulling up holographic readouts from previous scans.

"Look at the data yourself - no neural patterns, no significant energy signatures, nothing that would indicate sentient life!"

"Oh, that's real fucking comforting! Tell that to Rivera's kids back home! 'Sorry your dad's dead, but our scanners said everything was fine!'" Kenzo spun around, his face contorted with rage.

Cooper sat on a supply crate, still shivering despite the thermal blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

"They were coordinated." he muttered, but only Matty heard him. "Those things... they knew exactly what they were doing."

"What about the emergency beacons?" Another researcher, stepped forward. "Standard protocol says-"

"The beacons are dead. Whatever's down there, it's got them too deep. Signal can't penetrate." Matty cut in, his voice hollow.

The argument got louder and louder. The sobs grew louder, a strings of Romanian curses could be heard. Kenzo and the member of Lombardi’s crew were practically at each other's throats, while other crew members either tried to separate them or joined in the shouting match.

"We need to go back down there!" someone yelled.

"With what? More people to feed to those things?"

"They were our friends, we can't just-"

"ENOUGH!!!"

Captain Lombardi's voice cut through the shouting. The fighting ceased immediately.

"Listen up, because I'm only saying this once. We've lost two people. Two good people. And right now, everyone's scared, angry, and looking for someone to blame." She paused, making eye contact with each person in turn.

"But throwing accusations or rushing back in half-cocked isn't going to bring them back. It's going to get more people killed."

"So what's the plan, Jessie?" Cooper asked, his voice barely above a whisper. Lombardi pulled out her datapad, scrolling through emergency protocols.

"First, we document everything. Every scan, every recording, every piece of data we've collected. HQ needs to know exactly what we're dealing with."

"And then?" Kenzo pressed.

"And then we wait for orders. No unauthorized dives. No heroics. No exceptions." Her tone left no room for argument.

Kenzo wasn't finished though. He stepped forward, his voice cracking.

"What about the bodies? Are we really just gonna leave them down there?!"

Lombardi's shoulders sagged slightly. She rubbed her temples, exhaustion evident in every movement.

"We'll figure something out." she groaned. "But right now, our priority is making sure no one else joins them."

"Get the emergency beacon ready." Lombardi ordered, turning to Matty. "Priority One distress signal. And someone get me a secure link to Command. They need to know what they're really sending people into out here."

The crew dispersed slowly, copper looked to his left. The one member remained by the lockers, her hand pressed against James's name plate. Cooper joined her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"He was talking about proposing to his girlfriend when we got back. Had the ring hidden in his quarters and everything." she whispered.

....................................................................................................................

Several days had passed….

….

Several Cycles had passed.

….

In their dark domain, several stalks had laid at the ready. Eager to fetch. But they didn’t show up.

They stopped showing up…

Almost…

A few cycles ago they did see a faint shadow near the surface. But it disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

"They have not returned." One of the massive creatures hummed, its stalks swaying listlessly in the deep currents of their cavern home.

"Perhaps we were too... eager in our approach?" Another suggested, multiple eyes blinking as it circled the preserved specimens they had collected. The bodies of James and Rivera remained suspended in the water, their suits now covered in a thin film of organic matter.

The largest of them, the one they referred to as Elder, moved their stalks closer to examine the specimens again. Gently probing the deteriorating equipment.

"We have observed their kind for many cycles now. Always at the surface, always protected by these artificial shells. Yet we still understand so little." The Elder's voice waved through the water.

"The devices they carried continue to emit strange signals." a younger one noted, manipulating Rivera's tablet with surprising dexterity.

"Though weaker now than before..." it said, tapping the tabled as it turned on and then back off. Not knowing what the “empty battery” symbol was.

"I miss their lights. The way they would pierce our darkness from above. Dancing like stellar bodies in our realm." another added.

"Should we…let the ocean carry them? As a gesture of...understanding?"" A younger creature asked. The Elder's eyes pulsed, casting eerie shadows through the cavern.

"No. They are part of our collection now. Our window into understanding their kind. When they return - and they will return - we must learn to communicate more... delicately."

"If they return." another corrected, its stalks drooping slightly.

"They seem like such curious creatures." the Elder responded. "Their curiosity rivals our own. It will draw them back to our waters. And when they come..." The Elder's massive form shifted in the darkness, hundreds of stalks waving with anticipation.

"We will be waiting…”

[littlepinkbeast]

you know how most of the things humans use as spices are poisonous or repellent to most other mammals? and you know how anything vaguely d&d inspired has dwarves being way more poison resistant than even humans?

dwarf cuisine shouldn’t be bland, it should be unimaginably spicy and potentially harmful or fatal to humans. like green potato and rhubarb leaf salad with a festive garnish of yew berries and deadly nightshade berries, that kind of thing.

[the-rear-admiral-reborn]

Concept: humans think it’s bland cuz rather than memorizing what kills humans it’s safer to just pass on the spices.

[loreofcardigan]

#‘should we add salt? everyone eats salt right?’#‘no that’s a rock there’s no way humans eat rocks

[blatant-phishing-attempt-bot-de]

Humans casting “protection from poison” before eating dwarven food like those lactose pills you can take to drink milkshakes 

[brainrotwriter]

I don't know if anyone said this before, but, I think the one thing that would put the fear of an alien god into an alien would be just how territorial humans are.

Humans generally have small territories tightly packed against others, sometimes even on top of each other. They are social creatures, after all, and seem to enjoy inviting each other to their territories that might even contain other species!

So, you would think they would welcome other visitors, right?

Wrong. Humans are wildly territorial to the point even something as harmless as a fruit fly is murdered on sight. Then, surely they must allow other predators that repel such creatures, right? Wrong again, even 'useful' ones likes spiders are shown no mercy.

Alien: I apologize but I'm struggling to grasp this concept. You said you killed that arachnid as there was a possibility it could come in contact with your sleeping quarters. Doesn't your feline companion frequent there? I'm sure it couldn't do more damage than an apex predator?

Human: Uhh, okay let me rephrase that; it isn't about coming in contact with my stuff. It's about me allowing it. Mr. Pickle Jar is allowed to be here and touch my things, that spider isn't. So, it needs to die.

Alien, writing DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING UNLESS SAID OTHERWISE in big bold letters in the notepad: Ah, I see. Thanks for sharing.