When Hyde was calming down the other day (but only just) I told him to tell me when he’d come back to me. This was partly exasperation on my part but at the same time genuine. It really is like that - complete Jekyll and Hyde.
So this afternoon is significant when I hear “I have come back to you.”
😃 22/3/22 - HYDE BEGINS TO CALM DOWN AND FINDS BIPOLAR HOPE HELPFUL
Hyde continued in a state this morning. I had seen a Bipolar Hope email on my phone re guilt inhibiting relationships and it seemed relevant. Hyde was calming down enough for me to read him the highlights and rather amazingly he said that it is helpful.
👿 21/3/22 - HYDE WANTS A DIVORCE RATHER THAN TALK ABOUT MONEY AND PHONE
This morning I wanted to talk about the monthly budget. We continue living close to the edge and I am worried. I am still unclear as to how much and how long the last remaining loan is continuing for and would like to pay if off in order to clear the decks. I am confused about the phone contract when P doesn’t have a phone. Ok it was a contract but how long for and if it was for a new phone why was it binned rather than change the number? (Does he still have it?)
There had been stress at the end of last week but we had agreed to talk yesterday. This didn’t happen and so I suggested it this morning.
Hyde has refused to talk all day. He tells me that he is sorting a new phone out. He is angry at my ‘paranoia’ and says that there is no point. He tells me that I have previously persuaded him out of divorce and that I am not taking it seriously. (Yesterday we were happy and had a good day).
This is all getting a bit intense with Hyde and I need a new system of recording events. It needs to be quick and easy and able to see at a glance.
The Jekyll and Hyde labelling works. I was about to say it’s a pity I don’t see more of Jekyll but if Jekyll is the other side of Hyde, that makes him manic happy rather than depressed angry. Maybe I don’t want to see much of that.
I think Hyde is depressed angry in the main but when he is manic high he can flip very easily to rage.
I need smiley icons for my journal post titles …
🙂 ok
🙁 bad/sad
🥲 upset (me)
😡 angry
👿 DV (I can’t bring myself to write that)
I like the smiley photos on the SMILEYS page and they can come at the end of each journal post.
Previously I tried to write up the posts in terms of event and trigger and then to tag accordingly. This is what gets complicated and needs some thought. Maybe I need to think about it in terms of 3 main areas …
Emotions - Hyde wants a divorce
Event - I tried to talk about money
Trigger - financial stress
I can say now already that most of the events will be my wanting to talk and all of the triggers will be high stress points.
But still needs lots of space. I can usually deal with this stage now (it will go on for another 48 hours at least) and accept that he needs to calm down.
The problem always is how to resolve the issues which caused the problem in the first place. Any further attempts to discuss anything are likely to send him back into a spin and when I feel relaxed I forget.
Our information about bipolar disorder (sometimes called bipolar affective disorder or manic depression) in adults.
👍25/2/22 - DEFINITIONS
This information is from the Royal College of Psychiatry website. I think it is their diagnosis tools that the educational psychologist who saw Jekyll and Hyde summer 2020, said that she used.
She told me that Jekyll and Hyde wasn’t bipolar because his episodes weren’t long enough. She also said that he wasn’t bipolar because he had maintained a successful job and that his communication skills were too good.
I said that there was a third bipolar state involving rapid cycling but she said that it did not exist. However it is included in this information …
*****
‘The following types exist:
Bipolar I
You have had at least one high or manic episode, which has lasted for longer than one week - usually far longer. You may only have manic episodes, although most people with Bipolar I also have periods of deep depression. Untreated, a manic episode will generally last 3 to 6 months. Depressive episodes last rather longer - 6 to 12 months without treatment.
Bipolar II
You have more than one episode of severe depression, but only mild manic episodes – this is called ‘hypomania’.
Rapid cycling
You have four mood or more episodes in a 12-month period. This affects around 1 in 10 people with bipolar disorder and can happen with both types I and II.
Cyclothymia
The mood swings are less severe than those in full bipolar disorder but can be longer. This can, in time, develop into full bipolar disorder.’
Read about rapid cycling, a type of bipolar disorder
👍25/2/22 - RAPID CYCLING
‘what is rapid cycling bipolar?
Rapid cycling means that someone will experience many episodes of illness each year.
How many episodes? Well the cut off is essentially arbitrary, but it is taken to be four or more episodes of mania and depression in any one year period. Some people have very rapid switches and in these cases the terms ultra-rapid (days) and ultra-ultra rapid or ultradian (within a day) cycling have also been used.
The diagnosis of rapid cycling is not used by everybody and is not included in all classification systems. For example, although it is included in the American diagnostic system (DSM-IV ) it is not currently part of the international classification system, ICD10.’
*****
Hmm … ‘not currently part of the the internal classification system’. Well that explains the dreadful un diagnosis experience a couple of summers ago.
That was just appalling.
This article definitely suggests that rapid cycling doesn’t always respond well to medication.
With persistently active bipolar disorder, I never become fully accustomed to my mood swings. That said, I still manage my symptoms and live my best life.
👍25/2/22 - CHRONICALLY ACTIVE BIPOLAR DISORDER
‘First, here are a few reasons bipolar symptoms can manifest this way:
1. We have a type of bipolar that is super intense and can be very hard to manage. It usually includes rapid cycling, and our mood swings come on very quickly and intensely.
2. We don’t often respond well to medications, or they have too many side effects for us to tolerate.
3. Our brains are very reactive to substances that others can use with greater ease, such as steroids or sleep meds.
4. We have secondary, tertiary, and—I definitely had to look up these terms—quaternary, quinary, senary, septenary, octonary, nonary, and denary challenges that complicate our bipolar! For me, it’s a psychotic disorder, an anxiety disorder, attention deficit disorder (ADD), and a head injury.
5. We live in—or, for specific reasons—have to stay in an environment that is not conducive to mood stability or healthy for bipolar disorder.’
*****
This is helpful. I think that Jekyll and Hyde experiences rapid cycling. (However I have read the rapid cycling is more common in women than in men and Jekyll and Hyde is not remotely female).
He isn’t on medication and experiences extreme rage a lot. I have read that medication can make the rage worse, which might make sense in terms of rapid cycling.
Jekyll and Hyde could well have other conditions. At some stage I heard that there was a possibility of brain trauma.
😡 25/2/22 - HYDE WANTS A DIVORCE RATHER THAT TALK TO ME ABOUT MONEY
I have just been looking at this old blog and think it’s quite good actually. I should revive it.
Well, yes, not good … yesterday I asked if we could talk about financial stuff (yet another crisis this month) but no. As ever my outrage at this abandonment doesn’t help.
If I am honest I knew he wasn’t in a good place anyway (sleeping in).
After a stressful few days Jekyll is beginning to come back to me. It will take another 24 hours yet but this is a start. The state he is in now I can relax a bit and am happy to leave him be.
😡 12/11/20 - HYDE WANTS A DIVORCE BECAUSE I TOLD HIM NOT TO HUFF AT ME
Hyde is in such a bad state. Today was up and down (so possibly not that bad, maybe ... ) but this evening it is all just too much and I am in retreat. We had managed to watch tv together and calm down but then Hyde’s general bad mood got the better of me and I dared to accuse him of huffing (!?) Anything like this enrages Jekyll at the best of times so with Hyde there is no chance.
I suspect now that Hyde’s physical health is probably the main event. He is uncomfortable with shingles aches and pains and his leg hurts from having his skin cancer removed.
Hyde is now even more stressed with physical health (skin cancer appointment today) but at the same time he won’t ever let me look after him. Plus the ongoing relationship problems continue.
I am trying to look after him and myself. There has been so much ‘I hate you, I hate you’ recently that I hurt and my ongoing concerns about money etc are not being addressed.
Yes I am sure he is worried but he takes it all out on me. It is abuse.
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