Types of People in a JW Congregation
The professionally-trained(?) opera singer; always extroverted, with a booming laugh, and is either a super nice person, or the most passive-aggressively hateful son of a bitch you’ve met in your life. If they’re a guy, he’s an elder; if they’re a lady, she’s an elder’s wife
”Promising” young brother (fourteen-year-old mic handler) who has such a suave voice, it sounds like he’s recording an audiobook any time he opens his mouth; probably can’t carry a conversation to save his life
Group of plump old ladies who always sit in the back and wear fancy suits with matching hats; they have arms like a hydraulic press and will crush you when they hug you
That one brother you swear is a closeted gay man because he wears loud suits, bow ties, and has all the stereotypical mannerisms; but then he gets up on the platform and says the most homophobic shit ever; usually really nice, not necessarily because he actually is, but you feel that way because you feel sorry for him
Five-year-old who gives disturbingly articulate comments and is probably hyperlexic (reads their parents’ words off a card and gets all the credit for it); householders think she’s adorable and she places literature without trying it it’s a me
Old crotchety elder (or group thereof) who likes to fuck with the mind of one specific guy for a prolonged period of time, to the point of giving said guy severe health problems; has driven at least five people out of the congregation and/or out of this mortal coil
Young People who present “The Truth” in such a new, hip, and cool way, it’s physically painful to listen to
Mother who nudges their kid to answer and whispers what she wants them to say in his ear, word-by-word; said kid always sounds like he was just awoken out of a dead sleep
The elder’s wife who smiles too much; probably bursting at the seams to gossip about you
Super Witness Wife and her unbaptized mate who you could have sworn was already a ministerial servant; they’re both really fun, actually
Middle-aged pioneer with seventeen studies who’s dying from stress; usually ends up having some kind of mental breakdown or health concern
The POMI who shows up once in a blue moon; visibly dissociated from reality
Keepers of the Bonfire Party (probably old and/or wealthy, with a forest for a backyard)
That One Sister with a questionable hairstyle who everyone lets slide because she’s a pioneer; has dyke energy
Quiet single person who never comments and always leaves immediately following the prayer; either everyone wants to talk to them, or no one seems to like them and ignores them, depending on how old, attractive, and visibly neurodivergent they are
Person who will talk both your ears clean OFF about Jehovah and how he “helped” them; seems happy but is severely depressed and you‘re very concerned about them
Group of kids who all talk about watching Naruto and Marvel movies in the company of each other; they seem PIMO, but they’re so unafraid about their spiritistic tastes that you can’t tell
Witness family who thinks all modern-day media is demonic, and only watches, reads, and listens to old stuff; the whole family seems like they’re suicidal; there’s definitely more abuse going on than meets the eye
The ten-year-old unbaptized publisher who admits to staying up all night on their tablet because they can never get to sleep before 1:00 AM, but gets nervous when you ask what they were doing on said tablet; probably browses gore websites and reads about methods of torture to feel something and/or reading My Book of Bible Stories got them into it
dailybridgerton
origamiaround
prguitarman
gummygunk
areudirty
stormborns
