Tiago Oliveira @thechild111 - Tumblr Blog

Hello Mr. James Riley sir. I fell in love with Half Upon a Time the moment I first read it 7 years ago. And I still love it so much! Thank you thank you thank you for writing those goblins' stories!

But I can't seem to find the epilogue of Phillip's Coronation anywhere :( I remember it being here a few years ago... Would you be able to post it here again? I will save it this time so I don't have to ask you again...

Thank you 🥹

Here you go! I probably won't leave it up, so if you want to keep it, maybe copy it from this post?

Phillip’s Coronation

Phillip shifted from foot to foot as his mother slowly, solemnly walked towards him, his father’s crown held aloft in her hands.

“They’ll be here,” Penelope whispered, nudging him playfully with her shoulder. “Don’t worry.”

He forced the hint of a smile for her, then turned back to his mother, only feet away now. If Jack and May did intend to see him declared king, then they had just moments left to arrive.

The queen took another step, an enormous purple train stretching all the way back to the towering throne room doors. Her eyes did not stray from her destination, for that was not proper. A queen did not show emotion, whether her son was becoming king or if she stepped on a tack. Both received the same frozen face, the same deadened look.

“You know what’s going to happen,” Penelope whispered. “They’ll appear in some huge dramatic moment. That’s how this always works. Just watch.”

“Perhaps they have been waylaid on the road,” Phillip whispered.

His mother, close enough to hear him now, ever so slightly frowned. Phillip’s eyes widened. To make so bold a gesture meant she must be ready to scream!

“I doubt they’re taking the road,” Penelope said, even as Phillip tried to shush her without moving or speaking. “In fact, I bet they appear out of nowhere. Rigghhhhhht … now.”

Nothing happened.

“Now,” Penelope whispered again.

Still nothing, other than the queen’s eyes wrinkling ever so slightly. Phillip began to sweat, having never seen her so enraged.

“Now?” Penelope said.

“MY SON!” the queen intoned, stepping up to Phillip, her eyes now locked on his, her glare one of evil and death. Phillip forced himself to look her in the eyes, knowing to avoid her glance would only make things worse. “YOU HAVE DONE OUR LAND PROUD WITH YOUR GREAT DEEDS, AND NOW I DECLARE THAT YOU SHALL FOREVER MORE RULE THIS KINGDOM, WITH PRINCESS PENELOPE AT YOUR SIDE.”

At least she couldn’t scream at him until they were alone. Phillip inwardly wondered how long he could avoid his mother if he used all his power as king. Perhaps ten, maybe fifteen minutes?

Penelope stepped forward and kissed the queen on her cheek, grinning sleepily. The queen’s nostrils flared, and Phillip decided it would be safer to just flee.

“MY QUEEN, MY RULER, MY BELOVED MOTHER,” he shouted, following the speech his mother had prepared for him. “I GLADLY ACCEPT THIS CROWN AND WILL FROM THIS DAY FORTH RULE THE KINGDOM OF TAILORVILLE WITH ALL MY HEART AND HEAD, WITH MERCY AND JUSTICE, WITH LOVE AND HONOR, AS LONG AS I LIVE.”

“DOES ANYONE HAVE REASON THAT THIS CROWN NOT SIT ATOP THE PRINCE’S HEAD?” his mother said, turning towards the assembled crowd.

“Oh, here we go,” Penelope whispered with a nod. “This is where they show up!”

Even the queen seemed to suspect she was right, as her pause went on for longer than Phillip would have thought to be proper. Someone in the back of the throne room coughed, and Phillip almost jumped out of his skin.

But no one said anything, and no one appeared out of nowhere, or even out of somewhere.

“Really?” Penelope said, much more loudly and indignantly. “But that was such a perfect moment.”

The queen turned back to Phillip with a regal, but relieved look. She almost seemed so thankful that nothing untoward had happened that she might possibly forgive Phillip and Penelope their trespasses. She held the crown up high. “THEN I—“

A brilliant burst of blue fire exploded in the middle of the throne room. The queen’s long, purple train burst into flames as people screamed and pointed. Everything threatened to descend into chaos.

Penelope let out a huge breath. “Finally.”

And then, from the circle of blue flame, a pig the size of a small child came running out on its hind legs, screaming at the top of its lungs, “Don’t eat me! Please, by all that’s holy, don’t let them EAT me!”

That … was unexpected.

The entire crowd went silent as the pig glanced around, seemingly just as surprised by its new surroundings as everyone was to see a pig emerge from a blue circle of fire. Then it sprinted up the carpet and hid behind Phillip’s cape, shaking in fear as it clutched Phillip’s pants with its hooves.

Before Phillip could respond or remove his pants from the pig’s grasp, though, another figure emerged. A blonde girl dressed in a green hooded cloak with a curved sword at her waist glanced around, a wide grin playing over her face. Phillip sighed in relief. If May was here, then at least the situation was under control. Relatively.

The girl pulled her hood down, revealing golden curls and a face Phillip had never seen before. “Anyone see a pig?” she asked. She seemed to notice the queen standing there for the first time, and bowed deeply. “I apologize, Your Majesty!” she declared. “That was rude. Has Your Majesty seen a pig?”

“Well you’re not May,” Penelope pointed out.

“Who?” the girl said, blinking. Abruptly, she glanced behind her, flinched, then ran behind a nearby column, pulling her hood back up over her head just as three enormous bears exploded out of the fire, all dressed in clothing that barely contained their tremendous girth.

The crowd gave up being shocked at this point, as people turned in mass and ran towards the door, most shrieking at the top of their lungs.

“Where is the girl with the golden locks?!” the biggest bear shouted.

“Don’t eat her, Father!” the second biggest one roared.

“Eat her up, Pa!” the smallest one said.

“Don’t call him that, Gregory!” the middle bear said, slapping the smallest one with her paw. “We’re not animals!”

“Sorry Ma!” the little one said, rubbing his still gigantic head in pain.

Phillip’s mother, who still hadn’t lowered the crown, seemed to be shaking harder and harder, even as the fire in her train burned closer. Phillip stepped past her and stamped her train out, the pig still hiding in his cape, the curly blonde-haired girl still ducking behind a column, and three bears about to have a family dispute right in the middle of his throne room. This all had to end, and immediately. This was no way to determine the ruler in a monarchy!

Just as Phillip was about to declare all of this ridiculous and therefore put a stop to it, three bodies fell through the blue fire circle, all covered completely in what looked like porridge. The circle flamed out like it’d never existed, and the three porridge-covered newcomers pushed themselves to their feet.

“Phillip!” shouted one of them, in what sounded like May’s voice. “We’re here! Sorry we’re late!”

“I’m not!” shouted a second one, wiping off enough porridge from her face to reveal it was Jillian. “Also, who thought it was a good idea to let the bears escape through our escape route, anyway?”

“Did you see them giving me the choice?” said the third porridge-infested person, this one sounding remarkably like Jack. This third one turned to Phillip with an apologetic sort of wave, sending porridge flying at the queen, who looked to be on the verge of collapse. “Uh, sorry, Phillip. You wouldn’t believe the day we’ve had. You didn’t happen to see a pig and a blonde girl run by, did you?”

“THIEF!” the smallest bear, Gregory, roared, pointing at May. “We are gonna eat her up!”

“No we’re not!” Ma yelled. “Stop that! I told you it wasn’t that one, it was a different golden-haired girl!”

“Wait, honey?” the blonde girl said, stepping out from behind the column. “Really? It’s not gold?”

“YOU!” May yelled, giving the girl a dark look. “Phillip! Make some porridge! Goldilocks here is going for a swim in it!”

The blonde girl, Goldilocks, just grinned, then saluted May with her sword. “Bring it on, Blue Hair.”

May’s eyes widened, and she grabbed at Jack’s back. “SWORD. GIMME A SWORD.”

Goldilocks sighed. “If all that pig ate was honey, then I stole it for nothing. So this was all a waste.” Her eyes slowly moved towards the crown that the queen still held. “Still … that looks like real gold, if I’m not mistaken.”

The queen looked from Goldilocks to the crown and back.

Then she shoved the crown on Phillip’s head, and took off running.

* * *

“I thought you handled that well,” Jack told Phillip as they walked back towards Phillip’s chambers. “Like a real king. Very wise. Not too hard, not too soft. Not too hot, not too cold. Just right, is what I’m saying.”

“I never know what you are saying,” Phillip told him. “Now even less than usual.”

“Sorry about your mother,” Jack said, making a face. “I didn’t know half the words she used just now, but they sounded painful.”

“She was quite … disappointed, yes.”

“But that’s okay, because you’re king now,” Jack said, slapping Phillip on the shoulder. “Who cares what anyone thinks?” Phillip gave him a dark look, and Jack couldn’t help but grin. “So what now?” he continued. “You, me, May and Penelope talk over dinner? Because honestly, we haven’t eaten since like two witches ago.”

Phillip shook his head. “We cannot.”

Jack frowned. “Okay, I get it. I’m sorry about bringing Jill. Yes, she’s evil, but I couldn’t just leave her behind to get eaten by the witches.” He winced. “Believe me, I tried. Over and over. But she just kept escaping them. I don’t know how she does it.”

“No, I meant that dinner will be later,” Phillip corrected. “First, there is the royal ball to celebrate my coronation.”

“OH,” Jack said, turning to walk away. “That’s fine. Well, maybe we can talk after you get back from that, and—“

“Oh no, my friend,” Phillip said, dropping a hand onto Jack’s shoulders. “You are a prince now, and May is a queen. Even Jillian is … something. You must all attend, or it would anger my mother.” He winced. “I may not live through the night as it is.”

“All of that was the pig’s fault!” Jack shouted. “And I told her I was sorry about the baby bear. You know he tried to steal my pants? Called them big boy pants, Phillip. Yeah, let that sink in a moment. Maybe your mother should just be thankful she didn’t have to go through that, and—“

“You have not kissed May yet, have you,” Phillip interrupted.

Jack’s entire body froze, and he stopped dead, even as his face began to slowly burn a bright red. “Big boy pants?” he said in a tiny voice.

“She is your princess,” Phillip said, shaking his head. “Merriweather shared all with me, after I shared your true identity with her.” He smiled slightly. “She felt … put off that she did not recognize you earlier. She and my mother would have quite a lot to talk about.”

Jack licked his lips, not sure why everything had gone so dry. “But, I didn’t—“

“I thought so,” Phillip said. “These things are meant to be sealed with a kiss, Jack. That is how the stories all work. You have not kissed May yet, and until you do, you leave things unfinished.”

Somewhere inside, Phillip’s insistence began to grate on Jack, and that irritation pushed through the embarrassment enough for Jack to think clearly again. “I think things ended just fine with that,” he said, glaring at the prince. Or the king. Whatever.

Phillip stared at him for a moment, then nodded. “Ah. Jill. She interrupted you.”

Jack’s eyes widened. “You can’t know that’s what happened. No way.”

“Do not worry, my friend. I will ensure that you and the princess have your chance to kiss tonight at the ball.” He grinned. “Why do you think I wanted you to come to my coronation so badly? I know how you feel about royalty. True, you and your bears almost managed to derail things, but I think we will make do somehow.” He gestured behind him at a pair of double doors. “And for such a momentous occasion, you shall have to be dressed appropriately.”

“Wait, how am I dressed now?” Jack asked. Phillip opened the door, and Jack began to back away. “No, I’m not putting on floofy clothes, this is stupid—!“

Behind the door waited a crowd of anxious attendants, which Phillip pushed Jack right into. “Nonsense!” the prince-turned-king said. “Let my first kingly order be to have you cleaned, do away with the porridge smell, and give Princess May the loving kiss she has always deserved!”

“I like the porridge smell!” Jack shouted, his eyes wide in terror. “NOOOOOOOOOOO!”

But it was too late. The doors slammed shut, cutting off his screams, and silence filled the corridor. Silence of doom.

* * *

Jack watched Phillip’s coronation ball from the shadows of the corridor, his entire body cold with dread. There were so many people. SO MANY. And not only did he have to walk out into the middle of all those people, wearing something distinctly uncomfortable and buttonful and with far tighter pants than anyone should ever wear, but Phillip was going to have him dance. With May. In front of everyone. Everyone looking. With their eyes.

And that, Phillip had said, practically swooning with romantic fever, was when Jack had to kiss May.

WHY? Why was it such a big deal? They’d already kissed, hadn’t they? He’d woken her up when they’d first met, after all! Wasn’t that enough of a public display for people? Wasn’t a kiss supposed to be sort of private, something romantic and sweet and everything that didn’t involve an entire room full of people?

“Is something wrong, Your Highness?” a guard asked Jack from the doorway.

Jack glanced around for who the guard was talking to, then realized it was him, and sighed down to his toes. “No, it’s fine. I just have to go kiss my true love.”

“Ah,” the guard said, giving him a confused look. “You have my … sympathy?”

“Thanks,” Jack said, nodding in agreement, then stepped into the room.

All around him, people danced and ate and drank, all dressed in clothing just as fine as Jack’s, which meant that one shirt was probably worth more than Jack’s grandfather’s cottage. Jack slipped through the crowds, looking for a familiar face, or anything that wasn’t worth a bag full of gold, when he almost ran into the last person he wanted to see.

“You’re torturing me, aren’t you,” Jill hissed, pointing at the beautiful, puffy, ribbon-covered red dress she wore. “Because of the pig, right? You blame me for the pig, and now you’re trying to make me throw myself out a window?”

“I wouldn’t put it past me,” Jack said, his palms sweating from nervousness. “Have you seen May?”

Jill narrowed her eyes. “Why? Don’t do anything that’s going to make me throw up tonight, okay? I’m your sister. That’s cruel.”

Suddenly, Jack felt better about the whole thing. “No promises. Where is she?”

Jill nodded towards the throne, behind him, so Jack turned around, the tight pants making it difficult to move. Next to the throne, Phillip and Penelope were speaking to someone. Someone in a light blue dress.

Someone who was easily the most beautiful living thing Jack had ever seen.

“Buh--?” he asked Jill, his eyes widening, his brain giving up on working in any way. “I… so … wow.”

Jill made some kind of dry heaving noise, so Jack floated away towards the throne, his eyes locked on the girl dressed in light blue, his heart doing stupid things in his chest.

“Ah, Jack,” Phillip said, and turned towards him. Penelope did the same, and then the girl, the angel, the most beautiful person he’d ever seen let her gaze fall on him, and there was a blue streak in her hair, and a smile on her face, and it was May, it was MAY and he couldn’t look away, nothing worked, not his feet or his hands or his fingernails or his eyebrows, everything just gave up and stared.

“Hee?” he giggled.

May grinned wider, then took his hand in hers. “Oh my,” she said, glancing over Jack’s royal outfit. “Glad Gregory isn’t around to steal those pants.”

“Nope,” Jack said, probably nodding, but who could tell.

“Oooo, I like this,” Penelope said, holding Phillip’s hand. “He’s brain dead. Let’s make him do things for fun.”

Phillip laughed, then stepped forward into the throne room, holding Penelope’s hand up high. Somewhere, trumpets did something and someone yelled out Phillip’s name, along with other words, but they could have been anything. Jack’s ears weren’t working great either.

“You owed me one of these, you know,” May whispered in his ear. “We were actually supposed to meet at a ball.”

“But … we met in Giant’s Hand,” Jack told her, happy to have a fact to focus on. Yes. They had. That wasn’t a stupid thing to say, it was the truth! Other than the time travel and seeing her at her school, but that didn’t count.

May took his hand, and let him after Phillip and Penelope. “My step-mother wouldn’t have let me go to your ball,” May said as they stopped somewhere, Jack couldn’t really tell. She took his hands and put one on her shoulder, and the other at her waist, then put her hands on him, and the room began to spin somehow. Part of Jack wondered if Phillip’s throne room could do that because he was the king, but another part, a smarter part, whispered that his feet were moving, and that was more likely the cause.

“I’d have gone anyway, though,” May told him as the room spun, her eyes sparkling in the candlelight. “You wouldn’t have wanted to dance that night, but I’d have found you, not knowing who you were, and pulled you out onto the floor. I’ve always loved to dance.”

“Me too,” Jack told her, thinking that sounded vaguely intelligent.

She laughed, and his best friend, the girl who he’d laughed with and made fun of and silently wished things could have been more than his friend, the girl whose grandmother wasn’t Snow White, the girl who he once kissed awake from not a magic spell but close enough, that girl was there in front of him, inside the princess before him. Her laugh cut right to his core, waking him up just enough to realize what was happening.

They were dancing, in front of everyone! Just them, and Phillip and Penelope! All around them were people watching, their eyes locked on the two couples, and –

“Then I would have run away at the end of the night, when I found out who you were,” May said, and everything disappeared again. “Leaving behind a glass slipper. I guess, anyway. Seems stupid to me now. Why not just stay and tell you that I liked you?”

He turned back to her, and the crowds were gone, the throne room was gone, everything had just disappeared, probably from magic. “I gave you a glass slipper, too,” Jack’s broken mind said.

“We wouldn’t have kissed until later,” May told him quietly. “When you came and found me, with that slipper. That’s how the story goes, at least. But you made me come and find you this time, Jack. So I guess I can return the favor.”

And with that, May leaned forward, pulled Jack’s head to hers, and kissed him with all the love in the world.

Then, everything ended, just like that.

* * *

Well, the ball continued, of course. Ball’s don’t just end when people smooch. All kinds of fun things happened, too, right after that. It was pretty amazing. There were dwarves and goats and probably more pigs or something. But stories end with kisses, right? So this one ends here. Which means you don’t get to hear Jill’s scream of disgust, or Penelope and Phillip fighting trolls, or any of that. But that’s okay. Because all of that? That’s another story.

But for Jack and May, this is pretty much…

THE END

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Tiago Oliveira