Warlock of the North

A depressed mundane with anxiety

[thecoldwarlock]

It's my birthday today. I got depressed, had a mental breakdown, cried whole day, started smoking again and had a really long panic attack. I've never felt this lonely in my life. So I thought "Maybe It's time, maybe 19's enough?" But I don't have the courage to do something like that.

[thecoldwarlock]

I have lied to so many people about what I feel and think, I can no longer tell what I actually feel. I try so hard to act like how I feel, but he just surfaces like a second personality. It's driving me crazy...

[thecoldwarlock]

Is it normal that my day just got fucked up because I won't be seeing someone I was supposed to see today? I was sort of waiting for this day for a few days and it was the only thing that kept me going. It was not a big deal, just wanted to meet him and be next to him. That would've been enough. And because of the possibility of him leaving the city, I was trying to make the best out of our times together. Now that I won't be seeing him, I'm just sad and I realized these last few days were too. Now I don't know what to do to be alive.

[thecoldwarlock]

So I got hit by a huge wave of emotions with no reason today. Thought maybe writing it down will help me figure out what the hell is wrong with me. But I realized there's not much to write about. Guess I'll just keep on crying