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@thecrandkitchen-blog
help me doctor
how do i piano
Whiskeytime with the Doctor-Dane
Midway through a thoroughly bourbon'd viewing of the 2009 BBC Hamlet, I was inspired by certain individuals to acquire a pizza. I found myself well out of walking distance from any open pizza shop, so I headed down to the stove and skillet. I figured that some classy bread, olive oil with crushed red pepper flakes, thinly sliced cheese (monterrey jack, in this case) and salami would do nicely in a pinch.
I was right. It tasted good.
After discovering that I was still hungry for more after the consumption of these two slices, I proceeded to almost start a fire by testing this technique with rye bread and then forgetting about it.
Anne Bread
Yeah Anne Bread. Anne as in my old boss. Bread as in the baked staple of so many college dropouts. My kitchen may be covered in flour but bread has been made and I won't starve for at least 4 more days.
After a long time and a lot of loafing, we finally have a cut of Psychic Lunch Fuckers for y'all to feast your ears on. It's been a bi-costal collaboration of epic proportions - written at a lumberyard, recorded in a basement, edited stealthily in crowded coffee shops, aged carefully in a dropbox folder - but now it's ready, and we hope you enjoy it.
THAT'S RIGHT, JUST CRUSTS
I may have run out of regular old bread slices in the course of the grilled cheese binge that's taken over the last few days of my life. Whatever, man. Whatever.
An Update
Okay, folks. The crand kitchen has been a little quiet on here lately. That's mostly because we've been being loud elsewhere - Psychic Lunch Fuckers is almost ready to go. We just have to de-shittify the drum track (by which i mean redo it and try not to fuck up as much) and we'll be ready to post that bastard.
Pair this dish with whatever you have laying around
Hey! I made some chili today. Tom Waits helped out indirectly. It was a fun, fun time.
The meat in this tasty stew was a chunk of ground venison that was donated by a friend of the Crand a while back. Local. Organic. Very, very free range. After heating up a good amount of tasty vegetable things in a little oil (garlic, celery, celery seed, cumin, more garlic, cleaned jalapenos, onion and a bit of fresh tomato), the meat was pitched into the pot and agitated until it turned from meat colored to cooked meat colored.
Beans (of the kidney, black and pinto varieties), crushed tomato, more cumin and some chipotle sauce were added. It then simmered for an afternoon and a half. More spicy things were added, and it was served.
Yep. It was chili, and it was tasty. Chili mission accomplished. Now, go make yourself some chili. Listen to Tom Waits. Enjoy yourself.
Sudden Revelations
Okay. It looks like the Iron Bartender contest got a little derailed there. In the meantime, though, I have a bit of an update for you. Prompted by certain things on the great Book of Faces, I've decided that tomorrow has a good chance of being a day for making chili. Word on the street is that there's some frozen ground venison in the freezer, so that's probably going to be the base for it. Also, I've just stumbled across an hors d'ouevre idea that turned out absolutely fantastic! They're stuffed pasta shells... except I'm using melted havarti dill cheese instead of the ricotta, and the pasta shells have been replaced nicely with Fritos scoops. The whole thing is topped with a bit of McClure's garlic dill pickle relish - an expensive, but wholly incredible condiment. I don't have pictures right now, but I should be able to get some once I obtain more relish.
Also, The Crand is now working on recording a new song, Psychic Lunch Fuckers.
Soon, friends. Soon.
Iron Bartender 1: Booze-acado
Prep your avocados and sample your best booze, folks - It's time to start rounding up submissions for this week's contest! If you've got something to share, just send us a quick email (with descriptions, pictures, .gifs or whatever the hell you can think of) at [email protected].
Let's get excited.
Update:
HOW DO I AVOCADO
DAMMIT
Avocado was a difficult one to start off with...
Burrito Time
It is said that a broken clock is right twice a day. However, a clock that does not tell the time but instead just reads "BURRITO TIME" on its liquid crystal display would be right much more frequently.
--
Today's dinner burrito was a mostly improvised creation inspired by the fact that there has been a few strips of bacon just sitting in my fridge for the past few days. They had to go. So, I decided to collect a group of base ingredients and then throw something together from that point onwards.
Oh wait. Beans. I need beans. To the fridge!
Shit. Where are the beans? They're in a container somewhere.
Not beans. Goulash.
Fake butter.
YES. BEANS. Okay. Now that we've got that, it's time to scramble some eggs. Fluffiness. Taste. Body. Eggs.
While this is going on, the beans are getting microwaved. Might as well chop up a few sprigs of cilantro...
and put it right in the beans. If I don't use it all in the burrito, I can use it with chips later. Fuck yeah. I guess I'll do the same thing with some onion.
Oh. Wait. Did I forget about the bacon? I did. Tonight's burrito involves bacon.
It's getting shoved in the oven until it gets crunchy. Meanwhile, let's attend to the other tasty things involved:
The Sauce
It's good stuff. It might not show up in every grocery store out there, but head to a Latino part of town and you should be able to pick some up.
-AND-
The Cheese
It might not be first choice for use in a burrito, but whatever. It's the only cheese left. We'll see what happens. Ah, yes - the bacon's done.
Time to steam tortillas. I like to throw the cheese in there with them, just for fun. Toss the beans on, add bacon...
then roll it and THROW IT ON THE GRIDDLE FOR SOME CRUNCH
Turn it over a few times, and there you have it. Smoky bacon, complimented by the saltiness of the cheese and the spice of the sauce, perked up by occasional interjections from the diced onion. Beans, cilantro, egg. A fantastic food.
Iron Bartender
Yes it's random, yes it's weird, but we're kind of weird random people. This is our first Iron Bartender Event! George and I plus anyone who feels like contributing will be making a drink out of a random ingredient and posting the results. Here are las reglas:
1. You have to use the ingredient in the drink. It can be used as a garnish but it will not count if only used as a side dish.
2. Drink must contain some alcohol.
3. You have to post the result with ingredient/photo in one week.
Let's get on with it.
This weeks ingredient will be: Avocado!
Dinner last night. After another round of deciding what to eat, went with the traditional route of throwing whatever I had lying around into a frying pan. Turned out really well.
2 chicken thighs (leg still attached)
Half an onion
4 cloves of garlic
salt and pepper
3 Tbsp canola oil
Terrible lighting and the camera on my phone makes this look somewhat unappetizing.
So what's a Crand, anyways?
A crand is what occurs when you take some folks from a collegiate crew team, put them in a band together, and then let them find out that all those band names that might occur to someone over the course of a normal day (Bears on Your Lawn, The Blandrophonotones, Chrissy's Crisis of Manhood, Chiliviscerator) are sometimes not preferable to a simple and somewhat aurally unappealing merger of words. Crew... Band... Crand! Captured by Vixens is officially our first single, having been written over several months of breakfasts and then recorded on a weird little 4-track in a suburban basement. It's a pretty rough cut. Woo.
Crand could also be a combination of the words "Crap" and "Band"but we'll look past that.
I'm going to go ahead and start the whole content part of this blog with what seems most appropriate: breakfast. This breakfast is not an exciting meal, and the documentation of it is not a particularly brilliant piece of film, but I feel that there is still merit to be found in a deeper examination; this breakfast is a humble one, completed in spite of the perils posed by early morning grogginess and one-handed preparation, each of which exacerbates the other. The cheap camera's poorly-behaved autofocus mechanism evokes the sleepy blur of an early breakfaster's vision. The unplanned ending of the clip (brought about by an overestimation of remaining space on an SD card) brings a curious sense of abruptness that can be transposed to the ending of a half-remembered dream several minutes beforehand - perhaps a dream that was neither wonderful nor frightening, but only strange and slightly frustrating...
Have I captured breakfast? No, I don't think so. Have I filmed myself pouring a bowl of cereal? Perhaps. Did it taste good? Definitely. Does it matter? No. Will I do it again tomorrow? Fuck yes. Breakfast is awesome.
- the crand (michigan chapter)
Crand Food
The Crand has to eat. Occasionally one of us may post a recipe or image of whatever strange or depressingly normal substance we decided to fill our stomachs with.
The Point
This was going to be just another food blog. But honestly, post whatever you want.