the diary of daisy blue

tw// depression; suicide.

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2022.01.27

once upon a time

a girl was born

her family said she was pure

they heard a prophecy

about her destiny

and to protect her

they locked her up

they gave her something to believe

and each night she prayed before go to sleep

the girl felt so alone

in a crowded house full of love

always had the need to please

played the part they wanted to see

but she was dying inside

keeping secrets from her family

was the way to survive

stolen kisses

reading books

listening to music

little things that change her forever

one day she met someone

someone who shook her ground

someone who was locked up too

he wanted freedom, she wanted too

he went away, she stayed

cause she was afraid

the feeling of freedom was terrifying

she realized

“they locked me up to protect me

but that way

they made me scared

they made me anxious

they broke me

they never gave me a chance

to learn

to feel

to live

they locked me up inside my own mind

and now, how can i get out?”

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2022.01.27

yes, mom

maybe I left because of you

because you had you eyes closed

for 2 fucking years

you had to see my scars so you would believe

that I was dying inside

that I was in need

dad never really loved me

he doesn't know the real me

he thinks I'm his princess

I'm my own queen

he can't respect me when I want my space

he called me cold cause I didn't want to be suffocated

no one in this family listen to me

and you still ask me why I had to leave

since I was born I have felt like a burden

cause I wasn't exactly what you wanted,

and I'll never be

I want to be myself

I want to be free

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2022.11.04

do you think is so simple

to just smile and let it be?

do you think its easy

to swallow the pain and just live?

its even harder to breathe

because all you put me through

lingers in my skin

you think I should be happy by now

but you never taught me how

you think I'm doing fine

but I still wanna die,

so I'm telling you why

you broke me first

told me I could never be the one

that I'm not good enough

too cold to be loved

but it's you I don't trust

you broke me down

I could never make you proud

that's why I'm giving up

and I'm not sorry

if it will break your heart

cause you broke me first

you killed me first

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.10.22

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety

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I’ve been wanting to die this whole week somebody please explain to me how can I be okay? I think I have everything that I need why would I not be okay?

I’m trying to understand why I’m feeling this way cause it doesn’t make any sense

am I broken? and there’s nothing that can cure me?

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.10.19

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I wonder if you still think of me did you know I was in love with you? it doesn’t matter anymore you would never love as much as he does this is true love but I just wish you would think of me in your sleep and regret everything so I could be the one that got away so I could be the one to say goodbye

I came back to the pills I’m full of them and now I feel numb instead of being okay I can’t feel anything foods tastes like rubber hope is just a word my mind is going under but I’m not loosing control it’s just a strange feeling I want to sleep a couple days straight just to see if I can survive do I look okay? do I look like I gonna make it alive?

sometimes I close my eyes and wonder if I’m still alive what if I disappear inside my mind what if someone else wakes up in my body would you miss me?

tell that I’m irreplaceable

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.10.13

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I guess I still feel the same I still don’t know what’s the point of living do we have a big purpose? or should we just live day by day? I can’t buy the things I want and the things I wanna buy  are not the things I need I just wish I could go to sleep and wake up feeling happy but I think is impossible I don’t think I was supposed to be born I almost die when I was a baby maybe it was a sign I know I sound very selfish and maybe this song will make my momma cry but I can’t help but feel this way like there’s nothing in this world for me nothing can satisfy my need nothing can fill this hole inside of me should I worship our green god? should I relive my dream? but I’m not good enough

maybe I just need to stop

existing.

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.10.09

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I think I would be so much better alone without you I was born to be my own shadow but you came through with light in your eyes you burnt my demons inside I don’t know if I should say thank you cause I was born to be miserable and cruel you weren’t in my plans but now I can’t change  the way I feel I wish I could build my own home without you you saw me going insane and never walked away I guess you’re crazy as I am I gave my broken heart to you and you glued together with your love and I still don’t undertand why you love me you’re crazy

cause I was supposed to be better off alone without you now I don’t wanna live on my own without you

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

the “I wanna die” saga

2020.08.10

2020.08.18

2020.08.27

2020.09.15

2020.10.07

2020.10.13

2020.10.19

2020.10.20

2020.10.21

2020.10.22

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.09.15

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I think you’ve killed my dream when you stopped believing in me you saw me killing it and didn’t do anything you’re just as guilty as I am

I feel so disappointed at myself cause I don’t know what I’m doing with my life what’s the point of it all

I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks >  I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks > I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks > I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks > I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks > I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks > I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks > I’m feeling sad > more pills > I’m okay for 2 weeks >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.09.11

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I think I’m broken again going back and forth  between my thoughts of tomorrow,  feeling guilty about yesterday I think I’m broken again

these pills only leave me feeling numb

what’s the point of working? receiving money and spending in random things WHAT’S THE POINT?

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.08.20

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I WANT TO SCREAM OUT LOUD WHY WOULD YOU KILL MY DREAMS AND LEAVE ME WITH DOUBTS just when I was thriving

what’s the point of smilling while I’m talking  then a second later, you tell me I’m wrong that I need to learn you just don’t care about me you just wanna be right

what if I inject caffeine in my veins will I look more alive?

WHY WON’T YOU SAY TO MY FACE WHAT’S GOING ON?

tw don’t read below

I warned you

please love, don’t read below

have you ever fell in love with razor?

I wanna go to sleep forever

I wanna die

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.08.19

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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she is sweet as candy her touch is marvelous I want to sleep in her arms and just stay numb forever

she got me loosing my mind thinking about her every day and night her black dress always haunt my dreams still I wanna go to sleep

she is the end of the rainbow the treasure I wanna find they say I should let go that I’m too young to die but she’s screaming my name asking for me to be by her side and each day is getting hard to resist what’s the point of running away is she’s deep in my mind

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.08.18

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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I’m sorry mom  I wanna die sorry cause I’ve been hiding behind my smile

I’m sorry dad  I won’t be around sorry I’ve been feeling down

I don’t know how to keep going on I don’t have a purpose I’m sorry cause I’m a quitter I’m not strong enough to live

I’m sorry love I’ve wasted your time you gave me everything and I only lied I’m sorry love I never told you why I was so upset  didn’t wanna make you sad cause I wanna die

I really want to scream out loud that I don’t have the strength to keep going on I just hope you’ll understand I hope you won’t judge me I’m really sorry, everybody I’m sorry I want to die

-when should I kill myself? and how?

I wrote this album to say goodbye I’m sorry my voice is not that nice is only for you to hear me out you’ll probably forget about me in less than a year so don’t worry you’ll be okay

do I like you? or are you just so pretty that is driving me insane do I like you? I never have kissed someone like you, babe I just wanna know how you taste I wanna run my fingers through your hair while I kiss your red lips wet cherry gloss I just wanna a taste I just can’t stop thinking about you babe

even the ones I trust don’t believe me when I say I’m fucked up they want me to be okay so badly  they only love me when I’m happy

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.08.17

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety 

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my body is shaking I’ve been reading too much about a disease and now I’m thinking what if I’m not getting the right treament cause it’s hard for me to explain exactly what I’m feeling

am I hopeless? am I too sad? it’s the world’s fault? or is it my own?

nobody belives me when I say I’m not okay they think I’m overreacting

I can’t see what’s the point of staying alive we’ve messed up we’ve built a fucked up society that only believes in a green monster what should I do? just keep going with no purpose? cause there’s no hope anymore

wake up read a book work in the afternoon go home make love go to sleep and in the next day it will all be the same

THESE PILLS ARE POISON

ARE THESE PILLS KILLING ME

OR

AM I KILLING MYSELF

slowly

softly

I won’t tell no one cause nobody would believe me nobody cares they will think I’m crazy

I really wanna kill myself

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.08.10

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety

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I wonder if you can hear me crying in my dreams I wonder if you can see me trying to hold back my tears the worst part of hiding is that you’ll never know cause even I don’t know what all of this means

what if I write an album about my true self how I’m dying inside and nothing helps nobody know what’s going on cause I keep lying, cause I know nobody really cares

how can I say I’m broken in the nicest way without breaking your heart I’m faking my smile everyday my hapiness is a lie

why we make our life a horrible fight to have the most green backyard

we can’t keep lost somewhere, we need to change our future

I just wanna be happy

I’m holding a gun and you always pull the trigger I hate the way you touch me so brutal so mean I always think you’ll break me with your bare hands I feel so small when I’m by your side

I feel so defeated everytime I take this pill it’s been over a year and I’m still not improving I’m still broken

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME

I don’t recognize myself when I look at the mirror I don’t know what going on I’m loosing my mind while I’m searching for my eyes I don’t know what’s going on

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

there’s a ocean of tears inside my eyes  I’m trying to hold them back with the widest smile but I don’t think I can hold much longer

[thediaryofdaisyblue]

2020.08.08

tw// suicide; depression; anxiety

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so close to the edge like I’m gonna do something bad to myself or someone else

so close of breaking down I run away whenever I hear the sound of your tears or is it me? is not that I don’t care I just don’t know what to say I can’t deal with it right now I don’t have the strength to be your clown  and make you smile when you’re feeling down I’m sorry I’m not enough I’m sorry I’m not a good daughter a good girlfriend a good friend

so used to sleep with you everyday I miss you when we are only one day apart I miss being in your arms and the way you hold me at night don’t you know I miss you so much I wish I didn’t need you this much but I can’t help it you’re all I think about I wonder what you’re doing now are thinking of me? are you missing me?

I know I shouldn’t but I’m taking you home with me cause I missed your touch I missed every drop of your love I must have you with me all the time I never know when I’m gonna need you sometimes I close my eyes and think about your touch in my skin, oh I miss you I know I shouldn’t need you but I do, I’m sorry love I need this other touch