AGH! my object permanance! @thedineoutplant - Tumblr Blog

i love that my blog has zero expectations. truly! a master of the world wide web am i!

#i’m being silly #but no really i thoroughly enjoy the concept of how small my blog is #it’s wonderful #bes.txt #nonsims

alicentsgf

some people just have no true appreciation for terrible women. oh she killed and ate people? well maybe she was hungry. "I cant defend her anymore-" well then fucking stand aside so i can talk to my client

greelin

“but he did [this horrific thing]” i am neither his keeper nor happy with every single decision he makes. Also he is not real

yall mind if a white girl get a lil melancholic

#bes.txt

melanqole

details

submitting grad school applications….idk kinda nervous…do yall think they’ll like me

#bes.txt #my imposter syndrome is at its PEAK rn

me, writing anything for my novel + not realizing i can change it later and do any necessary editing in order to make it fit in with the ideas in my head: NO NO NO IT'S NOT CANON!! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!!

#bes.txt #writing

s4dpngs

song-for-an-unborn-sun

tankhall

In 2018, I wrote down a passing thought in my cheap little leather-bound journal I was writing a collection of songs in that would go on to become Preacher’s Daughter. “If I finish this album the way it needs to be finished, it will change my life, and it will leave a hole in my heart for years that I won’t know how to fill.” I’ve always had a knack for eerily accurate self-premonition. Preacher’s Daughter certainly left a hole, and it certainly changed my life, but only on the outside. All the songs I wrote for it were about characters, a girl in a “faraway” place living her “faraway” life, albeit still parallel to mine, but wholly detached from me. Willoughby was doomed to be closer to home. I wrote Nettles and Waco the same week, the first week I spent in the Alabama house where I would finish Preacher’s Daughter after so many years of trying. The difference was I wrote them about me. There were no characters at first; it was just me. In fact, I wrote them in an attempt to hide from Ethel Cain for a moment. She eventually devoured those little ditties too, of course, as she always does. In hindsight, I’m glad I had to share them with her. I couldn’t have carried the full weight of them myself, I know that now. My premonitions were out in full force; over the course of the next few years, I’d script out my own life in the same morbid fashion I always have. Maybe it was a lesson in not training my eye downward as I’ve spent the majority of my life doing.

I had 3 weeks for the holidays between mixing and submitting Perverts and jumping back into the maw of taming an unfinished Willoughby Tucker. I spent the first three months of 2025 on probation, unable to go much of anywhere, awake only when the sun was down. I’d never mixed a record of that magnitude, which was daunting with deadlines immovable. I remember 9am on my 27th birthday rolling around after being awake for hours whittling away at mixes, announcing the album and entire tour before going back to mix an album that still wasn’t done. I’ve never cried so much finishing a record, and that was before it was even out. Combining your Saturn return, your first shot at true love, and the longest tour of your life is something I would never recommend to anyone. It was the death of both ego and everything around it. I couldn’t be more grateful. Never in my life have I been so turned inside out, so uprooted and unraveled. Looking back, I needed it more than anything.

Thank you to everyone who listened. Ethel Cain and Willoughby Tucker will always be my children, my burnt offerings, what I leave in the storm. Sometimes I wish it didn’t have to be this way, but I also fear it’s the only way. Ethel Cain, Willoughby Tucker, I really will always love you. I feel as though in this moment here, saying goodbye, you and I are closer than ever. I hope you can forgive me.

my mom is listening to the secret history by donna tartt on audio book and i have mixed feelings

#like on the one hand i’m glad she’s engaging with my interests #HOWEVER #i don’t know if she’ll understand the commentary it’s making #luv her tho #bes.txt