The 12th Doctor

"In the middle. Let’s do this Alice In Wonderland style."

The Doctor seems sad. This is confusing - weird, even. The Doctor shouldn’t be sad. Not this kind of sad, he should be - big gestures, big words, big ego. Not this.

#thecumbermaster #para; thecumbermaster #wow that got long I am sorry #rape cw

"You would." Okay. So to him the middle is this regeneration.Or, to be more specific, the things that happened with Astrid and those Masters.

"So. Starting out and saying that I had a Master--you just sort of...appeared." Not true, but he's not touching the Master's timeline unless he has to. "Soeverything was happy, I had a Master and one of my former companions who became a start and no jokes. Then."

You can do this, you can do this just say it. You came to terms with it months ago.

"I was-- I was raped by another version of you. Needless to say, being sexually assaulted by your best friend and a man that looks identical to the man you're in love with, can cause a breakdown."

He's just going to pause, and let that hang there. And try not to run away now.

"I would like," he shoots back, head tipped so the Doctor can only see the side of his face that has bothered to smile, "to see you do better."

That actually sounds like a fun idea. A treehouse-off, a bland and normal competition, something easy. Easier. Something better than him turning back and asking:

"So what’s wrong with you, anyway?" except for oh you bastard shit that’s exactly what he just did, that’s exactly the thing he just asked.

He'll just stick his tongue out, grinning. That smile drops the second the Master speaks again. Did you see that? Did you see the Doctor curl in on himself as much as he could, He also can't look at the Master now.

"A lot. Where do you want me to begin?" That sound? That's the sound of resignation, of the Doctor giving up.

"Nope, house rules. This is going to be a happy treehouse for the dogs I keep collecting, and that is that."

He holds the hammer out, and chokes down (again) how wrong this Doctor feels.

"I wanted to see if I could."

"Well apparently you suck at treehouses."

He's trying, he's trying very hard. And this is the most lucid he's been in six months. It's like watching the Master forget everything all over again.

"Why are you collecting dogs? Why can't you be a normal Time Lord why do you have to be this way."

Don't answer that.

#uses this as a goodnight post #I see the stuff in my tag I'll do the do tomorrow #ooc

He half-turns, wiping a stray curl out of his eyes with a bandaged hand, and shrugs.

"I didn’t ask. He gave me a notebook and a lot of advice, and I set everything on fire last week. I have a short attention span, apparently. You gonna stand there and mope, or do you want to help me build this?"

A sigh. A very large sigh because that is so him and it's enough. Because he's still the Master and they'll get through this, and all that optimistic shit that the Doctor's known for.

"Can't I mope and help? And also why in Rassilon's name are you doing this anyway?"

He means the treehouse.

And I can feel a change, I can feel - can you feel it? He doesn’t move an inch but he steps offstage, the energy traded out for a solid weight, a realness that wasn’t missing until it was. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

"Pretty early. You smell like perfume. Lilly Constantina told you?"

#thecumbermaster #para; thecumbermaster #rolls to bed

We can feel it, and it's enough to make him lean back, and shut his eyes. So much for that little part of him hoping to deny it. A sigh then he speaks.

"She did, and if it'd been anyone else I'd have laughed. Did future you give a reason?"

He’s back by the treehouse, hammer in hand, when the doorbell goes. He still doesn’t have his notes (still doesn’t regret accidentally losing them), so he can’t plan and weigh and panic over what he needs to do to look right.

He pets one of the dogs between their ears, apologizes to Flora as he hangs up on their phone conversation, and pushes a button to open the doors. The Doctor can come find him.

Okay, he can do this. He can walk through and find the Master and not have a breakdown.

Ha, Ha. Ha.

He does make it to the Master before breaking down though. At first he just stands there. And tries to think of what to say.

"...What point in your timeline are you?" Whoops, he got so close to his voice not cracking.

The Kris and Natty cause each other more pain thread

After finishing his talk with Lilly, the Doctor had to go see the Master. (Well, no he didn't. He could have ran, in fact, every fiber of his being told him to leave it alone.)

But instead, he showed up in the Master's TARDIS and knocked on the door. He was actually knocking.

Apparently we're playing the 'I'm not having a breakdown, I am in complete control of my feelings' game.

#thecumbermaster #DAMN IT #Ic or ooc who knows #12 isn't really moving #I broke him

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"I don’t know if he’s dead."

She takes the wooden spoon out of the pot and does not think about the words she’s saying.

"But he’s been gone since a little after my birthday. April, I’m pretty sure. I thought he was coming back to celebrate it but—"

The handle cracks before she quickly puts it down on the counter.

"He never did. You’ll find a younger version of him around somewhere, which he set up rather nicely to carry on what he was doing. He might pretend to know you, I’m not sure."

She pauses to walk over and squeeze the Doctor’s shoulder gently. “But it’s not the him who is familiar with you. He’s gone.”

Lilly grabs another spoon from the drawer and walks back over to the stove, letting him process the information.

"I’m sorry."

He hears the words, he really does. But he doesn't know how to respond. So for a moment he just breathes. And breathes.

"Why?" If anyone would know, it'd be Lilly, or that's what he tells himself.

He seems to be taking it--

Well?

"Am not.”

She stops stirring, reminds herself to breathe, continues stirring.

"Oh? I haven’t seen him for a while."

"Are tooo!"

He's squinting now. Welp. He looks like a confused puppy. This is going to hurt.

"He's not dead again, is he?"

"I say again, you are an idiot. You need to eat more, don’t make me hire someone just to feed you."

She stirs something that smells like dinner in a pot, smiling tiredly over at him. “I haven’t seen you in a while, I had wondered why you hadn’t been around. Anything serious happen to drag you away for so long?”

"You are mean." There's another sheepish grin. "Uh, I decided to take a trip, got lost, got trapped in the inner workings of the TARDIS--which ate my coat by the way, and then went to the wrong time period. But if it make you feel better, I came here before seeing the Master."

Whoops.

"Maybe all three, who knows."

She drags him back up the stairs into a small kitchen on the top floor, music playing in the background as she shuts the door behind him. Something dance-y knowing her.

"I hope you like meatballs because right now I think that’s all I know how to make besides pasta and sauce. How have you been?"

"I am offended!" There's a grin and some fake huffing. And he's totally fine being dragged.

"That's more than I can make. I have been living on tea and I'm not exaggerating much." He's a failure. Though he has been eating toast when he remembers.

"You are such an idiot sometimes."

And she pulls him into the house for a tight hug, forcing a smile when she pulls away. “Hungry? I was making something to eat before you showed up, I’m sure I could share.”

"I'm too cute to be an idiot. I'm just directionally challenged."

There's a sage nod, then a squeak because hugs! "Actually I keep forgetting that I need to eat so I should probably do that." That's the real reason he had companions. He'd starve to death without a person.