The Famous

The poems created are to be famous or forgotten.

[thefamous30]

I Didn’t Know, Till I Knew

I didn’t know I was manipulated

All my life one manipulation after the other, it never stopped

I just didn’t know

That my 21 years of life were manipulated into what other people wanted me to be

Was a shell that was molded into whoever was desired

A different person each time

Meeting me as a quiet and timid person, to a loud and rude b****

Giving the world emotional whiplash

Being thrown back and forth

I didn’t know from a child, I was manipulated into being the perfect child for my parents

Never rebelling, never causing fights, always listening

Following orders given to me

I didn’t know I was manipulated by friends left and right

I was convinced it was me, too boring and plain to be noticed

I didn’t know I was manipulated as a teenager

Boyfriends and friends getting whatever they wanted out of me

Losing myself constantly

But how can you lose something if you never had it

I was manipulated as an adult by my friends

Treated as if I was a child to be mothered

I liked it but I didn’t know it was manipulation

Something was off I knew that at least, I just didn’t know

I’ve been trying to find the person I was meant to be for 21 years, never knowing where to start

Starting today I can put a name to it

Manipulation, I was manipulated

I will now become the person I want to be starting now. Thank you

[thefamous30]

I have your attention…

Look at me. I know you want to

Watching how how my hips move when I walk

You get curious from my blank and tired eyes

Gazing at everything with displeasure

When I speak it’s with harsh uncivilized words

Full of anger and a tinge of humor

Everything is a joke to me

Confusing you with mind games you didn’t know were there

All to trap…

You think I’m into you…

I’m not.

I don’t care about you.

Only your attention.

I’m hungry for it.

But I don’t ask for it.

I never do.

I don’t have to.

I’ve got you.

Without having to lift a finger.

You’re attention is on me…

Good.

[thefamous30]

What makes me uncomfortable

Work: do you need any help today? Actually yes, can you cut pipe for me? Sure! Messes up on measurements. Messes up on threading. Needs to redo the whole project.

I can tell the customer is getting more and more angry. No one is in the department or around to help. I don’t know what to do. Are you sure you know how to do this? Yes I know to use the machine. Customer leaves.

Brings someone. Are you able to cut pipe for me? Associate looks at me, don’t you know how to use the machine? Yeah I’m cutting pipe for them. Yeah but she kept messing up. Ma’am she would be the only one who knows how to use the machine.

Customer looks at me, ok then nevermind i’ll go somewhere else. That’s ok I’m sorry for everything. Customer leaves, you start crying. The other associate looks at you as if it’s annoying that you’re crying. Customers and associates walk by staring at you losing respect for you, the associate looks annoyed, I’m going to go get a manager. Comes back, what’s going on.

She had an issue with a customer and wasted product. Go put the pipe in the back, you walk down the aisle as people stare at you confused as to why you are crying. You go back to work, no one talks to you. You’re left alone, people are talking about you, how you cried because of a customer, stupid of reason to cry about. They start pitying you saying I must be having a hard time and they feel bad for me. They don’t talk to me but look at me with pitying looks as they talk about me.

[thefamous30]

Free Falling

I don’t know how long it’s been but I’ve been falling for awhile now

The air ripping through my clothes, my hair, my lungs and heart

For years.

But still I keep grasping for something that has yet to come.

Screaming to be caught or to hit the concrete.

Anything I beg, if I could just stop, to feel stillness in everything, dead or alive I want peace.

The sky and air are driving me insane.

One day I’ll forget what it felt like to be standing on the ground with my two feet, before I started falling.