Maloukee

The free-spirited Gypsy who always follow where the wind blows.Fat.Witty.Funny.A Wannabe in Photography.Helpless chef. Bookworm. Self-acclaimed Detective.English Teacher

[thefatgypsy]

Tanong ko lang?

At 25, do we still look for love or do we look for settlement opportunity? Are we capable of falling in love? or are we capable of making it happen?

[thefatgypsy]

I live for good food, fun travels and good photographs.

[escafeism]

hindi pa handa ang sundalong ito na makita ka sa piling ng iba.

(via escafeism)

[thefatgypsy]

This was the first photo I took when I forced myself to find new things to be busy with. I still can feel the weight of my fingers when I snapped this photo and turn this into a vision that has become a painful memory. No matter how many times I have told myself that I am done with you. No matter how many self- help videos I have already watched. I can't really seem to move away. I have prayed a thousand times over for healing, acceptance and peace of mind. I wish I could say I loved you because in truth I still love you.

[thefatgypsy]

Getting started with life😅

[thefatgypsy]

Getting started with life😅

[thefatgypsy]

Getting started with life😅

[thefatgypsy]

Getting started with life😅

[thefatgypsy]

Overcoming Depression #1

My wanting to die has nothing to do with you or the break up. My need to quit life is about my inability to see real happiness. The kind of happiness that you work for, aspire for and wake up for. I lost the appetite of living and surviving. All of a sudden I just want to evaporate, to disappear and to just go away like a smoke that for a moment mattered and then disappeared. I know It really is selfish and that it is too narrow but when you have enough, you're done. I hope that someone might read this and help me. I am beyond lonely. I am already dead. I don't want to be happy anymore. I don't want to be sad. I just don't want to feel anymore. Period.

[thefatgypsy]

Timeline to Forever #12

I wish that this will be the last entry about you. The last entry, the last cry, the last sigh, the last awakening, the last scream, the last nightmare and the last time that I will ever revisit the memories that have etched an ugly burn in my chest. I am too far from okey, too far from being independently fine and I’ m too far from being me. I hope that I can overcome this as soon as possible. I hope that I can just throw my heart out because it was foolish enough to still beat for you, the You, who have wounded it greatly, the You who have caused it to stop pumping and the you who have made it want to just die. I am caught in between forgetting and hoping and you😔You are just perfectly fine in your lowly life and I think it’s very unfair. If given a once in a lifetime opportunity to tell you how you broke me, I would like to tell it to you in full adjectives, in vivid descriptions, in cause and effect relationship and in a way where you can feel my hurt as if it was being transferred to you but I wouldn’t because what will it do? You would just celebrate the fact that I didn't move on, that I’m dying, that I couldn’t take a step, that I can’t get back and that I still fucking love you. What did I ever do to you? What did I ever do to humanity? What did I ever do to life? I just loved genuinely and wholeheartedly.

[escafeism]

I hope one day, it’ll all hit you. I hope when you’re in the middle of doing your things, my face will just register in your mind and you’ll just admit that you miss every trace of a girl you took for granted. When you’re having a hard time to convince yourself, you’ll remember me for I’m the only one who never get tired on you, but things happened and eventually people get tired, I happen to woke up and realized that I don’t deserve you anymore. You’ll remember how our friends begged you to come back to me because they saw every tears, every fake smiles and how I kept on trying and believing that things between us will still work out, you’ll finally realize all the love and care this girl invested just for you. I hope it’ll make you sick, how you regret everything, how you look at the dead air apologizing for all your selfish decisions. You have nothing to do but to wonder if someone is doing the job you refused to do. You have nothing to do but to go back to the day when you are the only man who matters to me. I’m hoping that you’d be crying yourself to sleep just like what I used to do and you’ll get mad at yourself as you see me walking at the hallways not having any glimpse of sadness and pain. And I hope it tears you up as you see my eyes shine so bright and the reason is not you anymore.

-you’ll forever regret letting me go, J.A (via escafeism)

I hope one day you'll realize that.

[thefatgypsy]

Words inked in tissues

[thefatgypsy]

Words

I think I was lost in the thoughts I kept and in the promises you gave. I think I was lost in between I love you and when you said "I'm sorry I couldn't keep you" I think I'm lost in between please come back and please don't hold me back. I think I will be forever lost in between I'll hold on and you have moved on.

[thefatgypsy]

I want you to know

I want you to know that there are parts of me that want to murder you, to rip that insensitive heart of yours from your cold chest, to nail the word "Plain Cheat" in your Limbic System, to tattoo the lies you've given all over your skin, to half shave your head to show how coward you are, to place a loud speaker near your ear drums and play your promises my voice chuckling, to place you in a room painted in white, to run my car in your body all over again, but I want you to know that my love will protect you from me😞So, don't worry.

[thefatgypsy]

You have found her. I am still stuck with finding myself😞

[thefatgypsy]

Timeline to Forever #11

I'm sorry for killing you for the past few weeks. Nobody cared whether you breathe fresh air or poison anyway. I'm sorry for letting you think that you are not me and I am not you. Forgive me for all the disrespect that you have to undergo because the other self shut down and became dysfunctional. Forgive me for asking too much, for pressuring you things that scareyou the most and for hurting you every now and then. You were always brave and I wasn't. You were always cold and I'm not. You are brutally honest and and I became self-absorbing. You are insensitive and I'm sensitive. You worked out all your flaws and I became so scarred, so affected, so weak, so fragile, so lost... Forgive me, Forgive me for being so weak. Forgive me for making you cry almost everynight. Forgive me for letting you feel that you are alone and stupid. Forgive me for losing the appetite to live. Forgive me for letting you fight though all you wanted was to lay down and sleep. Forgive me for letting you fall. Forgive me for not standing up. Forgive me for losing the thirst for art. Forgive me for the 2am sighs. Forgive me for the lies. Forgive me for making you look like a complete idiot. Forgive me because you didn't see it coming. Forgive me because I was in love. Forgive me.😔 I'm going to delete you 2 days from now. Your existence is a shadow of my cowardice and weakness. I need to look for you not in my shadows but in my soul. Sakto na. I have to find you but first I have to lose you. With all the pieces that I have, I love you! Please live. Cielo

[escafeism]

You would have been the most beautiful poetry had you been someone else’s lover, cause I am wordlessly hopeless. But somewhere in my silence you read my love for you and I never needed to say a word

(via escafeism)