The Fireside

A warm fireside to read a story by.

[thefirepit]

Riddles and Answers

"What has four legs and flies?" That was the riddle asked by the sphinx lying in the entrance to the supermarket, her large, leonine body, comely face, and broad, feathered wings welcoming would-be customers and blocking their way forward. Her tail tapped lazily against the concrete as another tried to gain entry. "Is it unicorns?" Asked a portly man, wishing for some burritos for dinner. "Unicorns cannot fly," Said the sphinx, her head lying in a pool of her long, flowing hair. "And they do not tend to attract flies, so your answer is wrong on two levels. Next." With a dismissive gesture of her paw, the sphinx sent the man away, his grumbling and groaning fading into the gathered crowd of people. Humans and monsters clamored, griped and complained, curses and ill wishes aimed toward the offending riddler floating up from the masses. An especially angry woman in yoga pants stormed to the fore, waving a finger irately as she ranted, "You listen here, you ugly fur ball! I've been waiting for almost an hour, and I'm sick of waiting! You move right now, or I'm calling the cops!" The sphinx stretched herself out, her back popping pleasantly as her claws flexed. "I'm well within my legal rights, so I fail to see what the police would do." "You're blocking the entrance to a public business!" "With the recent rash of rampant, excessive purchases," The sphinx said. "The proprietor has hired my services to control the flow of shoppers as they restock their inventory. That and as a sphinx, I am within my cultural rights to act as a guardian for any persons, places, or things with the added benefit of indulging in my species' favorite pastime: riddles. I am still waiting for your answer, by the way." The woman, red in the face, screamed, "I'm not answering anything! I want to do my shopping!" The sphinx lifted her head, turning her sharp, feline eyes on the woman. "Would you like to try getting past me?" While her tone was conversational, the woman instantly deflated, her face paling as she belatedly realized her situation, facing down a large, sapient apex predator. "Wh-what?" The woman squeaked mousily. "Oh, be still." The feline monster chuckled, waving the woman off with a paw. "I am not allowed to harm anyone, and I have no desire to besides. I just thought it would be funny to see you try and get around me." The woman quickly forgot her fear as indignation reddened her face. "Why-- You--" She stammered incoherently. The sphinx, smiling cattily, laid her head back down and ignored the annoying woman. "Next." With a strangled, enraged cry, the woman stomped away, rudely pushing past gathered crowd members as she went. Before long, another had stepped forward, this time a pale young man with a dark hoodie and worn sneakers. His dirty blonde hair his face under his hood. "Hey." He said as a way of greeting. "Hello. Do you have an answer for me?" The boy asked, "What was the question?" Raising a brow, the sphinx repeated her riddle, earning a smile and laugh from the boy. "Oh, that's easy!" He said proudly. "A defenestrated coffee table." "Wrong. Ne--" It took a moment for what he said to hit home, but the instant she registered what he'd said, she quickly rolled up onto her belly, staring at him wide-eyed. "I beg your pardon?" "A defenestrated coffee table. Y'know, like, a table someone threw out a window." "I know what to defenestrate something is." She said, a touch more defensively than she meant to. "I just-- what?!" The boy scratched at his head. "I mean, I guess it's more like four legs and falls, but isn't flying just controlled falling anyway?" The sphinx stared at the young man, slack-jawed. The crowd had fallen silent, staring at the spectacle. Some people near the front had started to relay the given answer to those further back, spurring similar exclamations. The boy, apparently ignorant of the ludicrousness of his answer, shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not wrong, right?" Silence reigned for a time in the lot just outside the supermarket. Then the sphinx, who up until that point had been the picture of dignity and control, burst out into peals of raucous laughter. A full belly laugh that left her wheezing for breath and brought tears to her eyes, her teeth flashing in the light as she grinned uncontrollably. Many in the crowd leaped back, startled at the sudden outburst, some even turning tail and fleeing on the spot. The sphinx for her part wasn't paying much attention, trying to regain control of herself from her uproar. "A-A-A WHAT?!" She screamed, howling, breathless. "A DEFENESTRATED-- WHY IS IT A COFFEE-- WHAT?!" She could manage nothing else, so caught off guard by the response.  In all her years, she'd never heard such an off-the-wall solution to a riddle. "You, uh," The young man asked, concern creeping in. "You okay?" "Just--" She tried, collapsing back into giggles. She tried again. "Just-Just go. Enter if it pleases you. Never have I heard such-- oh, gods." Slinking to the side, she allowed the boy entry, who, for his part, was more than happy to take leave of the laughing monster. With him inside the store, and the sphinx recovering from her bout of manic merriment, the crowd was left wondering. One brave soul in the gathered mass piped up, "So, does that mean we can go in now?" The sphinx, recovered and smiling maliciously, resettled herself in the entrance. With a smugness befitting such a creature, she said, "One per customer." The groans and cries of anguish spread through the congregation, nearly setting the sphinx off roaring again. Pleased with herself, she began to concoct another riddle.

[thefirepit]

Dead of Night

The man laid a candy bar down on the counter. Rodney looked down at it, face impassive. He'd sold hundreds of the little sweets, but always it was with the understanding that the customer would be eating it. He raised his eyes to examine the customer more closely. The man had an unhealthy, greenish-grey pallor to him. His clothes were neat and tidy - obsessively so, it seemed - but the fashion was painfully out of date. He looked like something that had stepped out of the '80s or '90s and hadn't bothered to get with the times. The stench of chemicals wafted off the man, stinging Rodney's nostrils. His eyes were baggy and lidded heavily, his mouth downturned in a sullen frown. His hair looked neatly combed, though Rodney could see that it was dry and brittle. The man wasn't meeting Rodney's eyes, staring down at his purchase with some unspecified emotion. Rodney spoke first, breaking the silence of the gas station interior. "Hey, man." The man startled out of his thoughts, eyes springing up from the countertop, cloudy and tired. "Oh! Hey." "Will that be all?" Rodney asked automatically. It was a part of the job. "Uh," The man looked flustered, reaching up to scratch at his head. Dandruff flaked into the air. "Yeah. Yes, thank you." The man's breath was heavy with that same chemical stink, his faded teeth glinting dully in the fluorescent lighting. His lips were dried out, and he seemed to be struggling with something. Rodney raised an eyebrow before picking up the candy. The scanner beeped as he ran the barcode under the sensor. "$1.15," Rodney said. The man fumbled around in his pants pocket, jangling loose change. He pulled out a wadded bill and a few coins. Mostly pennies to Rodney's dismay. The man laid his payment on the counter, looking ashamed. "Is that enough?" he asked, voice dry and croaking. Roney counted it out, sliding a few pennies back toward the man. "Six cents your change." The man picked up his purchase, dirty fingernails tapping against the countertop. He stared down at the little sweet, unmoving, face inscrutable. Rodney couldn't stop himself. "Y'know," He said. "I didn't think guys like you ate things like that." The man looked at Rodney like he was seeing him for the first time. His face conveyed an emotion that Rodney wasn't entirely familiar with, but he sensed that it wasn't a good feeling. "We, uh." The man started, fidgeting with the candy, wrapper crinkling in his hands. "We don't." Rodney said nothing to that, only watching as the man shuffled to the door and stepped out into the night.

[thefirepit]

Rope

At times, Astora wondered what she'd do without a rope. It was such a simple, unassuming piece of equipment that most people passed over it in favor of flashier gear. Rope - or at least most rope - is not possessed of any fantastic qualities. The average hemp rope doesn't glow in the dark or tie itself when commanded. It's not unbreakable or capable of binding demons. But it was useful in so many other ways that Astora wondered how anyone ever got by without it, especially in her profession. She could use it to climb walls or mark her progress through a maze, use it as a building material, it made for good traps, and it was especially good at tying things up. It was this latter quality that she was particularly thankful for in the present. Her latest job had just finished, and she had made use of copious amounts of rope. She could feel the little monster struggling in her pack, trying to break loose from the bindings holding it. It was for nothing - she'd tied the knots herself, and she'd never met anyone or anything that could undo them. It had been a simple mission in retrospect. Some families in the quieter part of town had reported a few pets with strange injuries, so they'd contracted her to investigate. She'd gone into the job expecting to maybe some particularly unpleasant folks or some oversized rodents, but she'd been in for a surprise. The mimic had disguised itself as a small jewelry box and secreted itself away on the property of one unlucky family. Astora had never seen such a miniscule mimic; it was either underfed, young, or a breed she wasn't familiar with. She'd had a rough time finding it, but catching it had been simple enough - a little drugged meat had seen it safely asleep, and some rope had it nice and secure. After accepting the family's gratitude and stuffing the little monster into her pack, she'd made her way back to the office for processing. She wondered if she could salvage her rope or if she'd have to buy more. Funds were always a concern, and she wouldn't make the expense unless she had to. Maybe she could get one of the interns to help out. No, probably not, especially since the last one lost a finger. Her reputation was tarnished now.

[thefirepit]

Alright.

I’ve neglected this account for far too long, and I need to do something with it. If my aim is to make something out of my writing, then I need to put in the effort. This little slice of the internet is going to be seeing much more activity in the times to come, so watch this space.

[thefirepit]

DOOM CYOA

On 4chan, I’ve been writing a sort of fan-fiction/Choose You Own Adventure style story with the aid of some anonymous contributors and the wonderful Protom AKA Doom-Mates (http://doommateswriter.tumblr.com/). A kind 4chan poster calling themselves HelloAnonMyOldFriend (https://pastebin.com/u/HelloAnonMyOldFriend) was kind enough to compile the work we’ve done so far, and I felt compelled to post it here.

Part 1: Belinda https://pastebin.com/Dg3RSrx5

Please be aware that this story contains explicit content. The next stage of the story is still in development. If you’re interested in seeing more, then please let me know. Please comment and criticize. It’s the only way I’ll improve.

[thefirepit]

The Change

My 13th birthday is coming up soon. I'm not looking forward to it. I know what's coming. The same thing that happened to my mom and my dad and my sister and everybody else in the world when they reached their 13th birthdays. The Change. The moment in your life when you go from being a child to an adult. It's something everybody has to go through. It's a part of growing up. My parents tell me that I should feel happy and excited; that I should be looking forward to my "big day." I know they're arranging a big party for me and they've probably already invited their friends and families to come and celebrate. I don't have any friends. I wouldn't invite any even if I did. Not to be mean or because I'm stingy with birthday cake, but because it's going to be hard enough getting through it with just my family there. My sister says I should just relax. I confide in her more than my parents, and she's good at giving advice. "It'll happen, then it'll be over," She says, drifting lazily in her pool. "And you'll still be you, and we'll still be your family, and we'll still love you." "I know," I say, kicking my feet in the water. It feels all thick and oily. Multicolored streaks dance on the surface in the dim light. "But I can't help it." She smiles at me, and one of her arms snakes across the pool to caress my cheek. She feels as cold and smooth as always, her rubbery skin covered in an oily sheen. "I know, bud. But, hey! Look at me!" She lifts herself up and spreads her arms theatrically. Water cascades off her long, dark, and powerful body. "I turned out pretty awesome, right?" I shrug. "I guess." She ruffles my hair, and I pull away. Her oils are hard to wash out.

[thefirepit]

Introduction

The Fireside is the place where I come to post my writing. The things I post will be both original fiction and fan-fiction. In the future, I am planning to begin doing commissioned writing. 

Please enjoy!