The Friend With Benefits

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Also

Lmao what’s up y’all, it’s been several years and now I have a partner who I love very much and who loves me back. Benefits hasn’t spoken to me in a long time, which makes me sad but ultimately is probably for the best. As far as I know, she and the best friend are still together.

Anyway,I’m trying to get better at talking about sex because I’m super awkward with it and now that we’re in isolation for who knows how many months and my partner is currently in a different state, I gotta learn how to text lmaooooo.

So like don’t expect much but don’t be surprised if you see me popping up here later with thoughts on sex.

Byeeeeee

P.S. I’m not a girl anymore either. Surprise! Everyone on the blog is trans!

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Updated Want/Will/Won’t List

(* means I am unsure about the placement of this item in reality)

Really Want

Have partner be rougher with me

Watch partner masturbate

Have partner be more vocal during sex

Be restrained (lightly)

Use strap-on with partner

Want

Give/receive sensual massage

Give/receive oral sex*

Masturbate for partner

Watch/read porn together

Blindfold partner

Have partner restrained (lightly)

Be submissive for partner

Be dominant for partner

Have sex somewhere in the house other than the bedroom

Watch other people have sex*

Include another couple in sex*

Threesome*

Watch partner have sex with another person*

Have sex with another person while partner watches*

Temperature play (ice)

Sexting

Tease/be teased

Hypnotize partner

Will

Take pictures of/have pictures taken by partner

Be more vocal during sex

Give/receive manual sex

Have sex while on period

Partner coming in/on me

Wear lingerie for partner

Wear slutty clothing for partner

Be rougher in sex towards partner

Use dildos/vibrators in sex

Be blindfolded

Use cloth gag

Be restrained (heavily)

Kneel for partner

Temperature play (hot wax)

If Partner Really Wants

Strip for partner

Talk dirty for partner

Roleplay

69 partner

Wear/Have partner wear collar

Go to strip club with partner

Spreader bar

Swallow semen

Give/Receive hickeys

Won’t

Take pictures/video of us having sex

Initiate sex while one partner is asleep

Any variation on shaving

Any variation on watersports/fecal play

Fist/be fisted

Facesitting

Weapon play

Be struck by/strike partner with cane/paddle/whip

Roleplay nonconsent

Any type of torture

Giving/receiving anal fisting

Giving/receiving oral-to-anal

Have sex in a public place

Participate in large orgy

Cages

Rubber/latex clothing

[thefriendwithbenefits]

So this is over.

I don’t even know what qualifies as ‘this’

Possibly the friendship (though I pray not)

Definitely the relationship

But I don’t regret any of it, not a single part of whatever the hell we were

So, this blog is going to gather dust, at least for the foreseeable future.

Thanks for coming along for the ride <3

-Friend

[thefriendwithbenefits]

So I know it’s been a long time since I posted

But things happened last night

So last night Benefits and I had our best friend over for some pizza and alcohol. Good clean family fun, right?

Anyway, I’d just had two auditions and was waiting for the callback lists, so I figured “Why not get hammered?” And so I did.

Now, when I get drunk, I don’t get horny per se, I just really want to kiss people. So while our friend and I were in the kitchen getting something, I mentioned that and they kissed me. Fast forward about half an hour and we’re all chilling out on Benefits’ bed. I mention how I am not sure what happened and what was a dream (I had forgotten putting away the rest of the pizza, and vaguely remembered doing more to help than I apparently did, and all of it felt like a dream) including the kiss from our friend.

So then they kiss me again, and then kiss Benefits, and then me again and somehow we were all making out. We went to bed, completely naked and covered in hickeys, at 4:30 last night. 

Like it honestly feels surreal to me still, that Benefits and I had a threesome with our best friend. That I had a threesome at all. What.

And it’s not like it’s a bad thing either, it was a really really good night (although several of my hickies are pretty painful, our friend likes rougher sex than I at least am used to.) It is just so weird to me as it’s something I had only considered offhand and never seriously. I thought it would be more awkward than it was.

I was kind of unhappy with part of the night, and it’s because I felt superfluous the longer we did things. Benefits and our friend would be making out for a very long time, and in such a way that I couldn’t get to either of them. Which is fair I guess. I know Benefits has been really sexually attracted to them for a while, and so I don’t begrudge her making out with them so much, but like I was very clearly unnecessary.

I think our friend is more attracted to Benefits by a large margin, which is something I’ve been thinking for a while now actually, though I don’t know how right I am, if I’m at all right.

Anyway, it’s time to go back to the bed where they both still are.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

I'm being stupid and selfish and scared, benefits has a crush on this super sweet girl and I know it's absolutely ridiculous but I can't help feeling uneasy am I jealous am I terrible and jealous? I've never been in a position to be jealous before so I don't know. I'm just so bad at being a person she really should just get rid of me I can't be good for her I don't want to impede her life at all especially not by accident this sucks. The girl she's planning on asking out though is wonderful, and I think Benefits would be happy in a relationship with her and I want her to be happy but god dammit I'm scared and I hate this

[thefriendwithbenefits]

So, I have a vibrator now

We were going to Good Vibrations on Saturday to find a strap-on, and decided to just get one online but I wanted a vibrator so I got one while we were there.

And I didn't want to get a crappy one that I would have to replace, so I got a good quality $120 one.

And it's nice.

But I am legitimately worried that I made the wrong choice in getting one.

I've been feeling some amount of regret b/c like it's nice but it's not so much nicer than not having one, and what does an asexual person need with a vibrator anyway? I'm hoping it's just an "at the moment" kind of response, because I've not been particularly horny or anything since Friday, just more curious than anything.

Hopefully it will especially be nice to have in the next few weeks when I'm back at home without her.

I think getting a strap-on first might have been the better option though.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

I am afraid that I'm going to lose her, which is silly, but it still scares me.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

I've been reading OhJoySexToy.com recently, and have found many suggestions I want to try out, whether they are toys, porn, or just other ways of having sex.

It's also making me annoyingly horny because as I read things I tend to visualize them, so...

Also, I'm curious about butts

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Other things

I had a large update recently, so why not more things about what I've discovered?

Recently discovered things I like:

Clothes on. It gives boundaries to cross, which I like.

Or sheet/blanket, same reason I think.

Music

Different temperatures, like cold fingers or something similar

Being able to feel her erection against me

Recently remembered things I like:

Her showing that she wants me (in actions and also words)

Dominating

Slowly turning her on

Slowly turning her on while we're doing something unrelated

Hands on me, preferably traveling around or pulling me in

I kinda want to ask her to make a list of thing she likes, so I can make sure to not forget something or so I have things to choose from to turn her on.

Maybe I will.

Other other things:

This is a silly other thing, but I keep remembering the one night a long time ago, like right when we started this, when she stopped me so she could look at me and I don't know why I keep remembering this, I suppose I'm just wondering if I'm boring to her now or not as pretty or something. I don't know. It was really nice to hear it.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this update? I might start posting more graphic stuff soon, maybe reblogging things or writing things, I don't know.

<3 Friend

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Realizations

So I've been thinking a lot recently about what I enjoy and what I'm trying to make myself enjoy because I'm "supposed to" and I've figured something out.

I do not like oral sex, giving or receiving. 

I mean, there are occasions where I like it, but by and large it's not something I enjoy. And I love getting her off, but the only time I think I actually like giving it is in the shower, I think it's a cleanliness thing, which I think is also why I don't particularly enjoy getting it. Not that it doesn't feel nice, but the anxiety that I'm not clean enough or that she doesn't particularly want to be doing it kind of trumps the sensation.

Which makes me feel kinda bad, since I know getting it is one of her favorite things, but I just...I really would generally rather not? And I've just figured this out like today, which seems silly, but yeah.

It makes me wonder what else I only think I should be enjoying instead of actually enjoying. I don't think there is much that falls into that category, but I do think I'll be figuring out more later.

One other thing that I have figured out is that I don't always want to take it so far, but I'm not like opposed to taking it further and so we usually do. Sometimes I'd like to make out and just have it be making out, y'know? It's not that I want to say no to it, just that I have a preference sometimes that is usually bypassed because I remember the one time a while ago I told her I didn't want to do too much that night and she kinda accidentally froze me out, and I'm hesitant to bring it up again.

This turned into a much longer post than it was initially going to be, sorry about that.

In other news, we've been playing music while we hook up recently and I really enjoy that, it's just a nice thing to be happening in the background.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Curious about using internal condoms, anybody have experience with them and opinions?

[thefriendwithbenefits]

I have been so needlessly hot recently. Like a good 20% of my day is me thinking about past or possible future hookups, and another 5% is me telling my brain to shut up because I can't be thinking about sex in the middle of work or at a study group or whatever I'm doing.

I'm not normally this turned on all the time, it's weird. And I still am not sexually attracted to anyone, my libido is just being a jerk.

But like 3 nights in a row last week we ended up fooling around, and it was awesome, details under the cut.

So the best of these nights happened in my room.

We'd been doing normal stuff, usual stuff, which is nice, but it gets kind of boring after a while, so we decided to change location.

While her room had a double bed, mine is only a twin, but my room has Christmas lights, so it gave everything a completely different feel. I liked the confined space as well, I don't know why. So changing the location was fantastic, for one.

But then I decided to up my dominance.

I've never been good with talking in a way that's "sexy" but I  decided to try it anyway. It was just little things, like reminding her I was in charge or telling her how attractive her being turned on was, and I have never seen her more turned on, and that is saying something.

I actually really enjoyed being more dominant that way, verbally instead of physically, because it turned me on more as well. I've come to find out that I get turned on much more by sounds and thoughts than I do by touch. Especially when the sounds are coming from her.

But it wasn't only talking that made it great.

My bed is a loft bed, and it's a pain to climb down and get things, like tissues. By the time she was completely unclothed, she was too turned on to bother with us getting any, and told me the idea of her cumming on herself was something she wanted to do. It was very appealing. Very very appealing.

I ended up telling her she wasn't allowed to finish until she absolutely could not take it anymore. I trailed my hands down her body, teasing her until she was whimpering and arching her back, turning towards me, basically begging, and when she finally came it was a huge turn on for me. I liked being able to watch, to see how much pleasure she was feeling.

Yeah, it was a good night.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Last night

After getting drunk with two of our friends, we finally decided to go up to her room and just chill out. One of our friends had said earlier how when she and her boyfriend didn't want to be sexual but still wanted to be intimate, they'd give each other massages.

So that's what we decided to do.

It was very nice. It's always very nice having someone who cares about you touch you. Even better when they're not wearing clothes.

The night started off relatively non-sexual, though there were no clothes involved, with cuddling and massages and the like, and it was really nice.

However, I was in a very sexual mood, and once I told her that things switched almost immediately.

I don't think we've ever made out naked before, but I really enjoyed it. Since we already didn't have any clothes on, it was a relatively short jump to sex, which is kind of saying something as it was only the second time we'd done that.

I don't really know what to say about it other than I wish it had been longer. It's just such a different experience from what I ever feel otherwise and it's a really really pleasant experience. I was like ten seconds from orgasm when she finished, it would've been nice to finish as well.

Now that I'm not scared of sex, I find I've been wanting it more often when we do things, but I'm not sure how to convey it? I'm also still afraid that I'm too small for it, because even though I've been ridiculously turned on both times she could still barely get in without it hurting me.

I don't know. Dumb things to worry about I suppose.

In sum: Massages are good, lack of clothes is good, sex is good, not getting to finish is very not good, vaginas are annoying.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Our third housemate is out for the week, so we decided to shower last night together.

I see why people enjoy it so much. Definitely.

I usually have an issue with hooking up in the shower because I tend to get less sensitive and so it's not fantastically fun for me. But last night was very much not the case.

There's something about the way that bodies move against others when they have water on them that is just fantastic.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

Anxiety makes hooking up hard.

I am very afraid that I will not be able to get off, so that is why I generally freeze up when you ask me if I want to finish myself. I really really do not like to because of the anxiety it brings on.

Similarly, I get very nervous about the mess when getting you off, or get nervous about accidentally hurting you or something, or that something else bad will happen.

The problem is is that it doesn't matter if you tell me all these things are silly and everything is fine and none of it will happen, because then I just get more anxious that I can't put it out of my mind.

It does not help that it is incredibly difficult to put this in words, either.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

So I'm sitting in the Women's Center with her right now

And all I can really think about is that I very much want to take her up to the upstairs study and make out with her

This is a problem

Tumlbr is not solving it

Making out with her in a semi-public place is something I reeeeally want to do at some point.

[thefriendwithbenefits]

A follow-up

So a few nights ago we ended up chatting about the previous post. If you recall, it was about whether or not we were in a relationship sans romance and whether we were going to tell our friends.

To begin, I'll start with the easy one. We will tell our friends who would get this. If they wouldn't understand the nature of our relationship to one another after we've explained it to them and would make it into something it's not, then we will not tell them. If they would, we will.

Now for the more difficult question.

So, her definition of a relationship is different than mine is, and mine can exist without romantic attraction while hers cannot. To her, then, since we are not romantically attracted to one another we are not in a relationship. Meanwhile, I see no difference between the way I currently interact with her and the way I would if I had romantic feelings for her (except it would be more gooey, I guess) and because the behavior is the same as in my view of a relationship, we would be in one (but are not because she does not have the same definition, which is totally fine.)

This got us talking about love and relationships.

I'm still quite fuzzy on how she would interact with me differently if we were romantically involved, but apparently she would. But I wouldn't. This is the beginning of my fear, when we talk about this.

You see, she has been in love before. She has been in romantic relationships before. I have not. I even find it hard to distinguish between friend-crushes and real crushes. I mean, it all boils down to the fact that her definition of relationship involves romance while mine doesn't have to, but it got me scared.

Because then I realized I don't know what it would feel like to be in love with someone. And I got terrified, because what if I am. I've never felt towards someone what I do towards her, but then again I've never been as close or as comfortable with someone as I am with her. I don't think I'm in love with her, but I don't know what love is like, so I have nothing with which to compare it.

And I'm now scared to keep doing what I have been. I love her, I do, I really do, but I am afraid to overstep my bounds into something she would consider romantic because I don't know where that line is. I am scared to keep kissing her randomly even though it hasn't been a problem for months now. I'm scared to cuddle with her facing me because I love her smile and seeing her happy but holy shit isn't that something reserved for romantic partners? I hate being scared like this.

I hate that I'm finding it really difficult to enjoy being with her because I don't know if I mysteriously accidentally crossed the line without knowing it. I don't think I have, but then again am I allowed to want to keep being with her when we grow up because I would likely be miserable without her? I could be happy just living with her (around our friends, of course) for the rest of my life, is that allowed? I don't know what I can feel so I'm trying to avoid all of it.

But really one of the things I've noticed is that I'm scared she values romantic love over platonic love and that I'm not worth as much to her because of that. I'm scared she means more to me than I do to her, and I don't really know how to convey that without freaking out.

I don't know how to convey any of that without freaking out, actually.

What am I allowed to want?

What am I allowed to feel?

What if I go to far by accident?

What if I already have?

I'd appreciate some feedback, if any of you lovely folks have some ideas.

Best,

Friends