Frozen Affection
I love to show affection through physical contact. Usually through a hug, holding hands, or even just the slightest bit of contact. This is the way I have learned to show how I love you whether you are a friend, a family member, or a significant other. Everyone in my life knows this and appreciates the love I have for them. Sometimes we joke around saying that I am touchy-feely which does not bother me at all.
Unfortunately, I was born with a problem. A problem which leaves my hands and feet severely cold. This happens apparently because I have bad circulation in these areas. Normally, well for me, my hands are just cold. Sometimes they will warm up and become the normal temperature they are supposed to be, but this is usually when I exercise, when I am sick, or sometimes when I am just super happy. Other times I can feel as though I just took my hands out of a bucket of ice. Actually that is an understatement, they feel as if I i took them out of liquid nitrogen, almost as if they just were released from cryogenesis. The bottom half of my nails will be a dark purple from the frozen-ness. For some reason when I get nervous my hands get clammy and they get even colder which does not even make sense to me. How are my hands sweating, but they are more frozen than usual.
Lets get to the point finally. As I said before, I love to hug, hold hands, etc, but I have this problem with my hands. A few of my friends know that I cannot help it and just suck it up when they feel that sudden cold sensation, which I love these people for. On the other hand, there are people who literally scream, pull away in an aggressive manner, and then act like I am a monster and do not want me to touch them. I know some people have boundaries and simply do not like to be touched, this is literally my roommate, but she doesn't even do this. When my family acts like this, and when I receive this behavior time and time again, it starts to make me upset. Here I am just trying to show you my affection and love and then you jerk away and completely reject/deny it. Sometimes I do understand, but other times it really hurts and I feel like I will never be able to love someone on another level because people are literally scared of my hands. Mind you, my hands are beautiful, I could go model lol. The people who are supposed to be closest to me are jumping away and idk how else to put it, but it really Really, REALLY, hurts.
If you are going through a similar experience, please like reblog, comment, send me a message, etc. Hope to hear from someone and know that I am not alone.
-The Gay Engineer