Self-love is something Iâm constantly emphasizing. Iâm constantly emphasizing it because itâs something thatâs so important!
When we fail to love ourselves we become prone to compromising in our love lives, lowering our standards, or accepting treatment from others that is far less than what we deserve. We are unable to keep healthy boundaries and become people-pleasers; unable to stand up for ourselves out of fear of upsetting or losing that person. Our sense of worth becomes dependent upon other peopleâs ability to see it, and we seek validation from external factors (i.e. otherâs approval) rather than feeling it ourselves.
People who fail to love themselves suffer from a low self-esteem, low self-worth, a lack of self-respect, and poor/ impaired decision making.
When we do practice self-love however, everything changes for the better. We become empowered to be fully expressed, because whether other people like or approve of us is not important. We are able to appreciate ourselves despite our flaws and weaknesses. While we donât deny that weaknesses exist, we are able to recognize them and love ourselves in spite of our imperfections. In addition, we are able to make wise dating decisions; because we love and respect ourselves, we set the standards for the kind of treatment we expect from others.
People who love themselves are confident, have a healthy self-esteem, self-value, and self-worth.
We teach others how to treat us based on the behavior we are willing to accept.
Thereâs a quote that says âwe accept the love we think we deserve,â and I couldnât believe this to be more true. You deserve love, and happiness, and someone who treats you with respect; so itâs essential for you to start treatingyourself that way. We teach others how to treat us based on the behavior we are willing to accept. Itâs so important to treat yourself with love and respect, so that you can attract others who will show you love and respect. If you donât love yourself, youâll always be chasing after people who donât love you either. As soon as you start seeing your own worth, it becomes a lot harder to stay around those who donât. If you want another human to give you the love you deserve, start showing yourself that love.
Love yourself first, so you know what you deserve.
A few ways to cultivate some more self-love?
1. Â Â Â Practice Positive Self-Talk. Â Speak kindly to oneself and avoid harsh self-judgement and unnecessary self-criticism. Speak to yourself the way you would a beloved friend or child. Be nice to yourself!
2. Â Â Â Practice Self Care. Take care of yourself. Eat like you love yourself. Make sure to get adequate amounts of restful sleep and rejuvenating exercise. Â Treating yourself right is an essential aspect of cultivating more self-love.
3. Â Â Â Have Healthy Boundaries. Â Itâs essential to have healthy boundaries in place to ensure one is treated the way one deserves to be treated. Having healthy boundaries is an act of self-love.
4. Â Â Â Surround yourself with people who love, respect, and appreciate you. Immediately cut ties from anyone who treats you with disrespect, is un-supportive, or demeaning. Removing toxic people from your life is not mean; itâs healthy and essential to your self-love and self-respect.
Treat yourself kindly, show yourself love, be respectful of yourself, have healthy boundaries. Do this, and youâre guaranteed to attract more people into your life who do the same.
If youâve every struggled with feelings of loneliness (which, if you are human, you have), this article will share with you a few ways to healthily manage and handle it.
Learning to be happily alone and not lonely is something I see as incredibly important and useful. Itâs important because when you are comfortable with being alone, you are able to enjoy your own presence; and as a result, become far less prone to making poor decisions based on impaired judgement and a desire to ease your loneliness. That being said, Iâd like to share with you 6 Ways You Can Healthily Handle any Loneliness you may face within your lifetime:
1. Pamper Yourself.
You can learn to love your alone time if you use it as an opportunity to pamper yourself. If youâre feeling lonely at the end of the day, take a warm bubble bath and relax as you listen to some music and take the time to unwind. Other ways you can pamper yourself? Go get your nails done, get a facial, massage, or haircut. Or watch a movie while you indulge in your favorite sweet treat or guilty pleasure (my personal favorites are chocolate rose truffles, or vegan pie and ice cream. Yum!) Feeling lonely is all a matter of perspective. You can be alone but not lonely; and pampering yourself makes it feel like just that.
2. Practice a signature strength.
Research shows that people who have an activity that they can be fully engage in, feel like they are good at, or do for hours on end with the time just seemingly passing by, are likely to be happier and have a higher self-esteemâwhich ultimately works to eliminate any feelings of loneliness. Think of some activities that you enjoy doing, are good at, and can be completely engaged in to the point where hours can pass yet it only feels like a matter of minutesâand then do those things. It might even be helpful to you to have a go-to list of things you enjoy, that way whenever you start feeling that hankering feeling of loneliness, you have something to turn to. A few self-esteem boosting, engaging activities you can do? Try surfing, cooking, learning a new language, picking up a new hobby, dancing, rock climbing, or playing an instrument. Any of these will help keep you completely engaged, focused on the task at hand, and completely caught up with just âbeing.â
3. Make someone elseâs life better.
When we are feeling lonely, our thoughts are completely caught up on ourselves. When we take our focus off of ourselves, and onto someone else, our loneliness vanishes (or at least becomes much less noticeable). Itâs like the maxim goes: âThe best way to solve a problem is by helping someone else solve theirs.â Or, in the words of Will Smith: âYour life will become better by making other peopleâs lives better.â
4. Reach out to someone. Ask yourself, âWho has been wanting to spend time with me lately?â or âWhat friendship have I currently been neglecting?â When you do this, youâll find that there really is no lack of people with whom you can spend time with. If someone has been wanting to spend time with you, reach out to them. Thereâs been many times when I reach out to a friend only to find that theyâve been feeling lonely too. Our relationships with others can be wonderfully mutually beneficial when we take the time to reach out.
5. Know that itâs OKAY to feel lonely.
When loneliness occurs, itâs not uncommon for feelings of low self-worth to set in. In a society that so prides itself on strength and independence, we may get thoughts like: âI shouldnât be feeling this way. Loneliness is a sign of weakness, and I should be stronger and more independent.â When we think this way, we only add more negativity to the loneliness we already feel! In addition to feeling lonely, we cause ourselves to then struggle with a low self-esteem for feeling that way. Learn not to be so hard on yourself. Understand that loneliness is a completely natural and normal human emotion. Youâre allowed to feel lonely! We are humans need other human interaction, so donât feel badly if you feel that need is not being met. Chances are, there is going to be more than one point in your life when you feel that way, so might as well learn to embrace it. Which brings me to my next point:
6. Recognize your loneliness as only temporary.
Realizing this helps put your lonely feelings into perspective. Youâre not always going to feel lonely. Recognize this season as a passing phase: As a part of the ebb and flow of life. Sometimes we go though âfruitful seasonsâ of abundance, where it feels as though we are surrounded by people on every side of us; and sometimes we go through âdroughtsâ or dry spells, where it appears as though we are the only lonesome soul in sight. Just know that it is all temporary. Knowing it is temporary will help you not only get through it, but also help you recognize that the most should be made out of your alone time. Use this time to do something youâve always wanted to do, or accomplish a goal you never had time to accomplish before. In doing so, youâll begin to see your loneliness not as a hindrance, but as invaluable alone time in which you can use constructively, or however you please! What a gift!
One of the biggest mistake Iâve seen women make when theyâve been dumped is acting overly-emotional in front of their ex.
See this girl? She knows sheâs a catch. Learn from her by learning to say âyour loss baby! ... Next!â
Now I know we arenât robots. Weâre only human, and more than that: Weâre women. Itâs woven into us to be emotional! I get that (After all, I am a woman myself). But something weâve also got to recognize as women is that our emotional overload can not only be overwhelming to a man, but a powerful deterrent that sends him running for the hills. And if heâs just broken up with you, pouring out your emotions (contrary to what some women may believe) is only going to push him even further away. Telling him how much you love him/ care about him/ canât envision your life without him is not only going to make you come across as desperate and needy, itâs going to affirm in his mind that he made the right decision in leaving you in the first place.
So what is the solution to healthily handling our emotions and successfully maintain our composure and handle a break up like a boss?
It comes down to mindset. Your mentality needs to be in a place of âitâs his loss.â Not because youâre conceited, but because even though you may feel hurt by the pain of rejection, and the pain of losing someone you love-- you also know that deep down that you are a high-value woman and a damn good catch that any man would be lucky, no, over-the-moon BLESSED to have you as a part of his life.
A man doesnât love you, see your worth, or see a purpose in continuing to invest his time with you? There are plenty of fish in the sea and he just saved you from wasting your time. He just did you a favor by eliminating himself from being one lucky potential suitor. The only words that should be coming out of your mouth are: âNEXT!â
So while all of this advice may sound great in theory, I acknowledge that when youâre actually going through a break up, this kind of mindset may be a lot easier to talk about than to execute. Whenever a woman is dumped, itâs likely that sheâs going to feel a flood of emotions come over her.
âDid I do something wrong?â
âAm I not good enough?â
âWhy doesnât he love me?â are all examples of questions likely to bombard the female mind after experiencing a rejection. Recognize these doubtful thoughts and emotions as a normal part of the break up, and learn to healthily handle and manage them. Â
The most important thing you can do is to have a positive way to channel and release the negative emotions you may be experiencing. You can:
1. Â Â Â Confide in a trusted friend for a listening ear and shoulder to cry on. DO NOT reach out to your ex for consolation.
2. Â Â Â Write it out. Put all of your conflicting and doubtful thoughts and feelings out in a private journal. This will help clear the mind, and help you see certain patterns and beliefs that may be holding you back.
3. Â Â Â Exercise daily. When stressful situations occur, the body becomes flooded with stress-hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol. To healthily rid the body of these chemicals, itâs imperative to get the blood flowing with exercise, and get all those feel-good endorphins pumping!
4.    Donât become bitter, become even better. Channel your sadness and feelings of rejection into energy and fuel to become even better than you were before. Take up a new hobby, read more books, learn a new language, take a class, work on getting those abs youâve always wanted⊠Bottom line: Invest in yourself! Doing so will increase your self-esteem, sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-respect.
5. Â Â Â Seek Therapy. If your situation had to deal with infidelity, a case of abuse, extreme betrayal, or any other circumstance you find extremely difficult to overcome, it might be in your best interest to seek professional help. While there may be a negative stigma about this, thereâs nothing wrong with seeking advice and an extra perspective. It can help move you out of the past and onto the bright future that lies ahead by helping you cope with and process what happened with more ease and efficacy.
6.    Have fun. Life is far too short to live in the past, or to waste away âcrying over spilled milk.â Realize that in the spectrum of eternity, whatever difficulty you may be facing is an infinitesimally small bleep in time. It will come to pass, and the sooner you realize sadness is a waste of your time, the faster it will pass. Spend your time with loved ones, do what you love to do, do what brings you joy, happiness, life, and purpose. Invest in your joy and have fun!
As always, I hope you found this post helpful along your journey. I have so much love for you and I wish you the best of luck in life and in love.
