you're not supposed to be here

this is a place for me to post all the things I can't post on my main blog. they/them, 20. you're really not supposed to be here.

[thegraveyardhag]

I think a lot about killing myself - not like a point on a map, but rather like a glowing exit sign at a show that has never been quite bad enough to make me want to leave.

neil hilborn, “the future”

[thegraveyardhag]

kind of just want the like seven people who actually care about me to stop so that I no longer feel obligated to exist in the universe

[thegraveyardhag]

if I died that would be. so much easier. I’d be free of all this. everyone else would be better off. happier, too, in the long run. well, almost everyone. it would be a cruel thing to do to t. they don’t need another dead friend. and to n, and to ash. but like, everyone else would be fine after not that long. I’d be the dead friend, and it would be weird, and they would be sad and confused, but it would be because I was dead, not because they missed me really. they could get by without me. there’s only a few people whose lives I actually matter in. I was always more annoying than anything, anyways. they’d be glad to be rid of me. I wouldn’t have to be so afraid all the time. I wouldn’t have to live with that whisper of they hate you they hate you at the back of my head. I’d finally be out of my head.