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Today's Document

#extradirty

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Mike Driver
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@theguiltykennedy
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Father, hear me when I call Your name, I need You to answer me now. Father, here I am, weak in Your sight, can you rescue me now? I’m crying out, can’t figure it out on my own…
“Father’s Song” from the movie “August Rush”
A child looks up at the stars and wonders.
A great father puts a child on his shoulders
and helps them to grab a star.
Am I intimidating?
It’s hard to explain, kid. We weren’t together-together, if that makes sense? But we saw each other… a lot and, God, I loved — love — him. And… he can’t stand the sight of me.
How come?
Am I intimidating?
Sure, sure. We don’t have to talk about it anymore if it’s awkward for you, kid. It’s alright. I’m sure you’re plenty big.
Ah, well, I never loved anyone outside of my family. Never gave a shit about anyone, really, until this one person… and, well, you know. They’re down here too and I don’t know. I have no idea where this is going. Forget it.
Okay, topic over. Now.
No, no, hey, clearly you need to talk about it dude. Were you with that person? I mean, were yous like.. a thing? What happened?
Am I intimidating?
I’m not going to go there, kid. I think you meant what you said.
Ah, well, have you ever loved someone outside of your family?
Oh my God, no. I really, really didn't. I always end up in these situations, dammit.
I had a girlfriend. And I kind of liked her. I don't think it was Notebook sorta love or anything but I kind of liked her. Where are you going with this?
Anyone care to entertain me on this drab Tuesday afternoon?
Because he’d rather complain to me about every detail of his life. Which is okay, I like being there for him. Just not when he’s so drunk I have to carry him…
Why not? That sounds like a wonderful idea and I’d really like to help you out.
At least he's got you to carry him? I'm sure he'd return the favor if you decided to get drunk and stuff.
Really? I mean, I could use a little help, the things gotten a bit big and these nails are all sorts of rusty and they keep bending and breaking on me and it's so frustrating and I can't even build a proper mast... You don't really have to help or anything.
Am I intimidating?
You’re adorable. Like a little puppy or something. They didn’t make ‘em that small where I came from. Ah, long story, kid.
Why are you insulting me? I'm big where it matters. Oh my God, that came out all sorts of wrong.
Just mean if you want to talk about it, you can. I'm chill with whatever, dude. 'S long as you don't squish me.
Is Rory around?
I’m really not being sarcastic… but I’m glad you got it fixed. What’s your name? I feel like I’ve seen you before.
Um, well I haven't seen you and we've got all sorts of people down here and it would suck big time for me if you were like.. a predator or something.
Perfect Calmness, Troubled Sea || Jackson+Flynn
On the first day of his Senior Year Jackson and his dad had found the perfect flag for the raft they were building. The one they never got around to finishing.
On his first day in Purgatory Jackson found the very same flag shoved into the pocket of the jeans he'd worn when he offed himself. It was like fate. A shining sign that pointed him in a preset direction, the little piece of the life gone past he could cling onto, something he needed to finish - for himself, for his dad, for all that had gone wrong.
Perhaps by chance or due to persistent destiny he found Rory - quite possibly the only companion who'd make sure he didn't turn into a self-hating mess of nothingness and guilt. Jackson hadn't held any hope for redemption up until he met Rory. The other boy made him feel the desire - the internal need - to fix what he had wronged. Maybe then, and only then, would he deserve the loyalty, compassion and sincerity Rory had shown him. He had been a terrible son after all. He had shown his dad no loyalty, he killed him - indirectly so but he did.
And thus his incessant strive for redemption began.
He hadn't told Rory everything at first. Completely petrified by the possible prospect of his best friend - his only friend - realizing what an utterly horrible person he was and leaving him.
The flag had been the first spark. It had a special place in his ruin of a room. He had bent an old, rusty clothes hanger and snuck one of the ends into a small hole in his dirty wall, hanging the flag on it. It was the first thing he could see as he looked up from his uncomfortable bed in the mornings, the last thing his eyes registered as he tried to fall asleep while the springs from the mattress dug into his back.
The first time he saw the lake was on his way to work. He had made a detour, trying to find some sort of a shortcut to avoid being late and as he ran down a path he'd never seen - the trees cleared and on his right, there it was. It had stopped him dead in his tracks. The dark, cloudy sky was almost a perfect replica of the grey surface of the lake but Jackson could not imagine stumbling upon a better place.
He had to tear himself away and rush to work but he came back straight after his shift was over. It had been raining when he laid his eyes on the water for the second time, his mind flooded with all the good memories he associated with such places. The rain hadn't been an unusual occurence and it wasn't nearly enough to dampen Jackson's spirit and nostalgia. He had stripped down to his boxers and spent a good few hours swimming. The water hadn't been clean, he hadn't expected it to be but that hadn't mattered. He desperately needed that.
He began taking money out of his weekly paycheck, putting it aside and saving up for rope, nails, tools - anything he might need to build the raft he never got to finish with his dad. The work was going slow, he didn't get paid much. He had more than enough wood collected from all over the place but he didn't have the tools, he kept losing nails or bending them. It was frustrating and he had sat on the floor many times, sweat sticking his hair to his forehead, as he contemplated giving up the project altogether. However one glance at the damn flag was enough to remind him why he was doing this. Peace of mind, feeble attempt at redemption, piece of sanity.
Jackson liked working outside and did it as often as possible, dragging all the tools he'd collected and the numerous pieces of wood across the town to the lake. It was another one of those days.
The weather was bad and the dark clouds threatened him with heavy showers. Latest revelations about his father being closer than he had anticipated had shaken him up considerably. He was working shirtless, on one side of the lake, the tattoo of his dad's hand print catching his eyes every few seconds. He wanted to see his dad so damn bad. There was no one else in the entire existence he'd needed to see so desperately but he was scared.
Scared that when his dad looks at him he'll have a disappointed look in his eyes. The one that will say 'you did this, you left me alone'. Jackson could handle hating himself but there was no way he could ever withstand his dad hating him. His heart would break.
All his tools were laying around in the grass. The raft was merely half done and he was battling with the ropes. He was shirtless, the discarded piece of fabric laying a few feet away as he wiped the sweat away from his forehead and untied the knot that he'd fucked up. If only his dad was there. He'd know how to fix this up. He always knew how to fix things.
Clearly Jackson did not inherit that trait from him.
Is anyone else having a really great week?
Because everyone confuses school with porn - easy mistake. And it’s different when you actually might be into this girl and you don’t want her to think you’re a class A dipshit for going to your roommate and telling him all the raunchy details, right? I don’t want to fuck things up before they even start … I don’t know. I just want to be emotionally invested in someone who isn’t you, dude — wait. Shit. That sounded … bad. What I mean is, you’re the greatest person I’ve ever met but — Willow — You know, boners. And I like her. She just — and you don’t. You know what I mean right? Good talk. — Um? She’s a chick, dude, what the fuck? — OH! OH WAIT. Shit, I forgot about that jackoff — no, Jax, Cooper as in Willow. It’s her last name, man. Dude, the Cooper you’re talking about is the sketchball who is going to fix ou— wait. What did you say? Hah. Hah. Hah! Give it up, you’d be fucking thrilled if I really did blow the dude-Cooper and told you about it. Sorry to disappoint, but there was only one dick involved in this blow-fest.
Do they deliver that with the pizza? Because I’m not cooking, fuck that. And for your information, you’re totally the Lady in that case. Aw, fuck, what WAS his name? Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck — I know I know it, fuuuuuuuck —- Brian? No … RYAN. What a douchey name. Do that. He deserves it for riding on a scooter. Fuck that, I do not! I love watching Men in Black II and Space Jam every fucking day of my life, Jackson. Who wouldn’t like watching a shitty sequel of a shitty movie or a crappy Cartoon/Basketball crossover? Purgatory really knows how to supply the entertainment. If they don’t have porn here, let’s start up the business ourselves. We’ll make so much fucking money. Wow snuggle muffin, stop that, you know flattery will get you everything! No, dillhole, I want roses.
Don't make fun of me, right? I was this weird mix between a jock and a nerd. Like, that's not even a good position to be in in high school. I'm fairly certain I'm not the only one that's ever confused the two so don't look at me with those judgy little eyes. Duuuuude, I'm fucking with you. I don't need you to tell me how you put it in, kay? Oh don't you worry, you're not hurting my delicate feefees with your bad phrasing. I'm a bro, she's got boobs and you like her. I know the difference between needing a friend and something else, I'm not that dense, you know. You're so freaking awkward when it comes to this. D'you never like a girl before and talk to your friend about it? Come oooon, we need to update me on these things.
Oh, right, right. Willow Cooper. Shush it, right? You said Cooper, I thought you were speaking about the dude. I don't know where you're getting the 'thrilled' from though. Really, the gay porn only even popped up because of some virus. You know, so don't go getting ideas and shit. 'Cause you always do that. I say a word and then you twist it into a hundred words and it escalates very quickly. You blow anyone you wish, Roo, I'll be casually cheering you on on the sidelines and stuff.
I don't think they do, they suck man. Can't even deliver some goddamn spaghetti. Seriously? It's like you don't even care about my feelings. Go cook me that shit. Prove your love. HA, Ryan it was. Well, you know, scooter or no scooter it's a better mode of transport than my non-existent car. Sucks balls to be dead at nineteen. Oh I'm sure. Who doesn't love watching the same movie all over again until you can recite all the lines in the middle of the night, ah? The porn industry seems a gold mine. You can act 'cause you're into all that shit and you have all these crazy fucking kinks. I'll just standby and press record on the camera. Where the fuck am I going to get you roses?
Is anyone else having a really great week?
How the fuck is picking a girl up at a bar then taking it to the bedroom ‘so high school it hurts’, Jackie? Where the fuck did you go to school? I figured you’d fill in the blanks on your own without me having to go into graphic detail over what happened once we got to her super comfortable mattress, but if you want to jerk off to the thought of Cooper and I blowing each other later I’ll describe that shit, Jesus.
I thought you’d never ask! All right, you know. Feed each other pizza by candle light after we fuck with that douchey delivery boy a little and have a laugh - that’s classic. Then if our VHS player actually fucking works we can cozy up on the sofa and not watch the movie since we’ll be too busy spending that time wishing away our boners and hoping the other doesn’t notice in the mean time. Plus I already wrote you about half a dozen songs that I plan on belting out once I’ve got at least six beers in me. But def sneak out of work and do the whole pebble-throwing deal, I want to watch you shimmy up the fire escape and land in my open fucking arms. But make sure you bring me flowers. Don’t forget them.
Maybe I'm confusing real school with what happens in porn. You know, the normal porn I watch. With different scenerios. I mean, my school wasn't hip at all. Oh, oh, oh, stick to the status quo. Well you know... your ability to be crude and open suddenly falters when it comes to your dick actually getting wet. Somehow you have no problem moaning about the neverending series of boners you seem to get but when you get laid, oh, God forbid I share my stories with Jackson. Whatev, whatev, dude. I'll just hope you didn't get too kinky. Are you talking about the guy Cooper? The soccer team guy? Whatever gets your rocks off, you know. Won't judge however I've only ever encountered gay porn on a computer screen and would probably start blushing like a crazed teenage girl on her period if you started describing that so let's NOT.
Aw, we won't get to eat Spaghetti like the Lady and the Tramp? So fucking disappointed with you seriously. THE DELIVERY BOY. What was his name again?! We should give him that weird rubber duck we found as a tip. When he comes, don't even say anything just hand him the money, I'll hand him the rubber duck and just stare at him until he walks off. I'm starting to think you just break that thing on purpose so you have the opportunity to sit on your ass and complain about sexual frustration and the lack of variety in my porn selection. Do they even have porn here? DUDE. We need to go on a scavenger hunt. We need to find porn?! Ahh, sure the last song you created was just a tad better than Barney's themesong, I'm sure you're improving babe. I'll dougie my way up the damn fire escape. I'll bring you some lovely weeds, how 'bout that?
Is anyone else having a really great week?
We met up at the bar, I bought her a few drinks, we went back to her place and started making out on her couch … and before I knew it she was showing me her super comfortable mattress. I’m not going to start describing how awesome her tits are or anything, so fuck off, Jackie.
So you better have made sure you have the night of Zia’s party off from work, because I’m already stocking up on beers for our super bromantic evening.
That's so high school it hurts. Super comfortable mattress, mm. You know whatever excuse works for you two. Does she happen to have other extra comfortable conceivable surfaces she's planning to show you? Don't need to know, Roo, you seem pretty happy with them.
For you I'd sneak the hell out. Throw pebbles at the window and shit like that, you know? Ah, pray tell, what have we got planned? Or are we letting the wave of bromance carry it where it will?