He sat with drooping ears and half-closed eyes on Sherlockâs palm, not seeing the familiar flat go by. He drew in that warmth and comfort, so ingrained into his senses by now, the strange soothingness that came from hands. But it didnât register to him like it shouldâve, like he didnât know how to let it get past skin deep. He slid off onto the pillow, wrapping his tail around himself as he slumped.Â
"A caseâŠ" He mumbled. Right, of course⊠that was what he knew. He knew logic, he knew reason, and he knew life and death - what he didnât know was these sudden feelings coming along with these things. He took a breath and organized the information in his mind, attempting to calm and collect himself, separate from the raging emotions that rattled him to the core and wouldnât let him be. What were the facts of the situation?
"About a month or so agoâŠ" He began slowly, settling into a soft, logical tone. "I received a letter explaining the severely ill health of someone I know. This came as a shock to me, as I had received no indication of this prior, especially considering she was so young⊠due to the circumstances of our lives and locations, we hadnât been able to see each other for some time. At that point, she was too ill and there was too little time to arrange a visit, merely a small bit of correspondence. I hardly knew what to say, of course⊠I was entirely bewildered by the nature of the situation." Just a fact, thatâs all it was. A simple fact. Of course he was confused and uncertain, it was only natural.Â
"A few days ago, I received a letter stating her- âŠtelling me that Olivia⊠is dead."
He paused, swallowing hard, but re-collecting himself into calm reason. âI found myself bizarrely affected by this news. On the outside, what I can see, is that my thoughts have drifted into a state of surreality, and my behavior matches as such. I am exhibiting signs of depression, guilt, and immense grief. I am thinking irrational thoughts, such as placing fault where there is none, and conjuring idle hopes of reality shifting itself. What I donât know is how to justify these behaviors in a way that corresponds to my usual personality. My occupation requires exposure to great amounts of death and emotional states, none of which have had a great affect on me.â
His eyes had closed as he explained, finding a strange comfort in detaching, in laying out his scattered emotions one by one in simple, logical form. It felt more like himself - but it also didnât feel quite right. It was too hollow, too narrow a way of thinking about something that had blotted out reason itself and transformed a man of logic into a man in mourning.
"These are the facts, Holmes." He mumbled in a rough voice. "These are the raw, observable, linguistically-correct facts. I know this, and yet it feels like⊠likeâŠ" He took a breath.
"Like they donât convey the reality of the situation at all⊠words like regret and devastation have never sounded so unpoetic and entirely reasonable to me until now.â