Remember when we walked into Pichardo’s class? Frank was my only friend in the school from Middle.
Remember when there was 4 of us sitting in Bio before the class got split up?
Remember when I had to go home early to go to the doctor’s? You asked me something before i left.
Remember when you were trying to get over Santi in French class? I wish I could’ve learned more french to talk at you.
Remember when “Judas” was one of your favorite songs?
Remember when you were obsessed with Emperor penguins?
Remember when Santi popped up on you unannounced at your house that one morning. you told me about it in class. one of the first times i saw you sad and frustrated.
Remember when Velez slapped your ass and used to call you flat? god he was such a fucking prick.
Remember when Lyn got with Momo and you became his confidante for a bit?
Remember when you got with Fluffy and then Setuain? I was there both days. I pushed Fluffy and then I pushed Alex. I liked you so much at that point, i didn’t have the self love I have now to ask you out myself. I felt they were better for you because who could like a kid like me? when they have so much more to offer? Alex’s brains and Matias’s charisma.
Remember when we all used to share food in and out of lunch? a surprise we didn’t get a mono. (but heather did)
Remember when we talked all break and you forgot about Alex? i didn’t mean to cause that. But i really liked you at that point. you were driving me insane.
Remember when I promised you I would always be your best friend? or when you promised me the same?
Remember when you used to tell me you love me or “lolololololooove me”?
Remember when you used to make whack whale jokes?
Remember when we used to say hi to each other? A kiss on your cheek to express the unspoken words i couldn’t find it in myself to tell you. or a huh to embrace you with that warm feeling I got everytime you would pass by me.
Remember when you misspelled your last name and failed that one notebook in Baglos?
Remember Baby Menendez? or when that was your contact name on my phone?
Remember when you, Kristhal and Lyn were inseparable? or when you and Lyn separated?
Remember when we all went to the bookfair. you had a blue striped sweatshirt or cardigan or whatever the fuck it’s called. i thought you were the prettiest girl at that fair.
Remember when we rode on the bus back? I couldn’t stop talking to Alex about how you made me feel.
Remember when we had the testing with Ms. Crawford?
Remember when you thought I was crying?
Remember when she called you a shone?
Remember those notes in my iPod?
Remember when I finally got the courage to ask you out? the results weren’t the best. but necessary for my character development.
Remember when we stopped talking?
Remember when you started your sophomore year with your red hair? we still weren’t talking but I had to catch my breath when i glanced over at you
Remember when there was a rapgroup in our school and they beefed with Mario? and you were in the middle of it? peak high school drama ngl
Remember when Lyn dropped you for good? got good with your for 2 weeks and dropped you again?
Remember when we were friends with Camilo? you remember that Angel… right? he pushed me to talk to you. everytime he saw me with you, he would tell me to get out of my comfort zone and tell you how i felt about you. in my head i used to say “if you only knew what happened the last time I tried showing my guts to you”
Remember when I had all those songs I used to say reminded me of you? or the ones you would dedicate to me? “Corazon sin Cara”
Remember when I used to gush over your red hair?
Remember when i first met Jessica?
Remember when Rob came to see you guys? I was soooooo jealous.
Remember when we started talking again? worst time too. you were just starting to hook up with Stroy.
Remember when we had Malewski’s class? Remember that particular class where I knew I was in love with you?
Remember when you used to catch me looking at you?
Remember when we used to show how much we loved each other?
Remember those fights we used to have as friends? they used to get really ugly.
Remember how innocent we were?
Remember when i fb messaged you saying that bullshit ass line about looking up at the stars? barf.
Remember when I was at Benihana’s with my family and you were at work?
Remember when I used to double text?
Remember when I used to show you how much of a SIMP i was for you?
Remember when I gave up on you?
Remember when i got with Cynthia?
Remember when you talked shit on me? and her?
Remember when we broke up?
Remember the weekend you came back from a church retreat?
Remember that nasty fight? I told you a lot of mean things. and you responded in the same manner. I don’t blame you.
Remember the following days after the fight? it was like the eye of the hurricane. the wall of the hurricane (the fight) hit us both hard and other side of the hurricane was the end of our friendship and the start of something new.
Remember when we couldn’t decide if we should make it August 1 or August 20 (start of the new school year)?
Remember when I came to see you in a dress shirt and tie? I really wanted to impress you.
Remember that red/orange dress you had on with that gold belt? you looked stunning.
Remember our first kiss? or the one we had outside of the school on the first day back to publicize it to the world?
Remember when we used to say sweet little nothings to each other?
Remember when we made promises of the future? not knowing what life is about and making these promises? by the old gods and the new, we were both so naive. I meant every word of em and i hope you did too at the time.
Remember when you were taking x?
Remember when I made you stop? you never stopped resenting me for that. even years later.
Remember when I started smoking? I guess we all have demons we like to make ourselves be numb too.
Remember when I gave you the take care cd?
Remember when we traded iPods? I got to know your music taste a little more and you got to know mine.
Remember when we used to volunteer? I hated volunteering. But I used to do it with you. and that was worth losing sleep over.
Remember when Carlos was in the picture the first time?
Remember when I came and saw you at the hospital? I had NEVER been on a bus by myself and I took the complete OPPOSITE route to where you were at. don’t judge me 🙄 i told you that day I didn’t get in trouble. BUT i got grounded for awhile and never told you. you were worth getting in trouble for.
Remember when we went to the woods everyday after school?
Remember when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other?
Remember when I finally met Pita? she still talks about it to this day. and i told her how scared shitless I was because you and everyone was telling me she is the hardest one to win over. she laughed about it.
Remember when we made Ms. Vincent quit and Ms. Joseph picked us up REALLY fucking upset at us? we deserve it tbh. what kinda nerdy kids bullies a teacher. fucking savage.
Remember when 50% of our conversation were inside jokes?
Remember when you were would used Tango to video call every night?
Remember when you put me on to the Walking Dead and Prison Break? lets go further and say remember when you put me onto netflix?
Remember when we used to fall asleep on the phone? one time it got to 8 hours on the phone. I went to school with NO battery a few times.
Remember when I used to pick you up for every hug? remember the kiss you used to give me when I did that?
Remember when I skipped class to come see you and I got grounded for lying about being sick and coming to see you? I still got a new phone that day so who really ended up winning?
Remember when I used to have to text you from my iPod because i would get my phone taken away for being a prick of a child.
Remember when we used to sneak a few glanced at each other in spanish class? Jurrist always had to separate us during movie times. q chismosos son esos maestros diosmio
Remember when I used to wait for Pita or James to pick you up everyday after school?
Remember when you became with friends with Daron?
Remember when we smoked together? i’m sorry I took it so far. I always had a reason to smoke when i should’ve been finding reasons NOT to smoke. but hindsight is 20/20
Remember when you couldn’t go through IB? I was never disappointed in you. I always loved you regardless and supported you. IB was hard and its meant to break people. i’m surprised i got out in one piece myself.
Remember when we would see each other all summer going into Senior year?
Remember when you stayed at Pitas?
Remember when we would go to Lincoln Road or Aventura? any place with you was the highlight of the date as long as it was you.
Remember when I used to get down on one knee and tie your shoe?
Remember when I used to piss you off? sometimes I wasn’t the most mature guy. But you were really pretty when you got mad at me.
Remember when I introduced you to Robert and Anthony (fuck him btw)
Remember when you were Jc’s girl and I was Steph’s boy? i think that was the start of the falling out.. we stayed with that label when we are so much more. you were never JUST my girl. you should’ve always been Stephanie ft. Jc’s girl.
Remember when we went to visit Penn State? that was my first flight. and you held my hand the whole way. I was scared and shitting bricks. it makes me think of that Inception quote. “you’re waiting for a train. a train that will take you far away. you know where you hope this train will take you, but you can’t know for sure. yet it doesn’t matter.. because you’ll always be together”
Remember when we thought we were gonna grow old?
Remember when we found a house last second?
Remember when we went with your dad in that uncomfortable ass truck (to this day, this is one of your most annoying days that i’ve ever had with you).
Remember when we first got to the house in Pennsylvania?
Remember when you only lasted a month in school?
Remember when you started working?
Remember when we started growing apart?
Remember when I betrayed you? I was playing Gears of War. you were doing Laundry. and you heard me talking to someone on the mic. looking back, i wish I could’ve slapped myself silly for being such a headass and letting myself get consumed with resentment and not talk things out with you and letting things happen the way they happened. but again. hindsight is 20/20. we must do better moving forward. its what i’ve been telling my cousins these days. your past actions do not define you. don’t let them define you by doing better. moving forward, move the right way to show you aren’t your past actions. that event was a shadow I couldn’t ever get myself out from under.
Remember when we broke up?
Remember when we got back together? I knew what i was doing saying the things I did before the final breakup. I knew by telling you you were only the second choice then because homegirl did some shady shit, i knew you’d react accordingly. After all.. who wouldn’t right? having someone tell you that you were not the first choice again. that’s rough. younger me musta felt it was getting back for the lunchroom curb. But that was younger me. he was brash, arrogant, and frankly not a cool dude. a bit of an asshole too.
Remember when you told me you’d get over what I did? but you never did? its okay, i don’t blame you. that stain is VERY hard to wash.
Remember when we would spend summers with Rafa? and I would work in painting? i’m gonna level with you. the early mornings made me hate that job. and i would’ve stayed just for you. but truth is, i didn’t care for it. and it showed on my work. my lack of care. unfinished work. it just showed. another decline in the relationship.
Remember when Choco came into our lives? i won’t forget. after all, you did get with him and then gaslighted me into thinking I was making stuff up and grabbing at straws. taste of my own medicine huh? you pulled it off better than I did. props. that one hurt ngl. and it made for a helluva character development. the worst part is, you’re never going to admit it to me. I never got closure for it. and I guess i don’t deserve it at this point. But to counter my own point, i’m at the point where i’ve moved on. I know the truth and that’s all that matters. I can live with that.
Remember when you worked at Macy’s? Remember when I used to walk to the bus stop every night to receive you? highlight of my nights every fucking night tbh. Walking up the mountain with you… is something I can never forget about. I still have dreams of just us walking in the night catching pokemon and just talking like two kids talking.
Remember when you got me dming other girls and saving pics? I had a problem. a bad one. I was just a piece of shit tbh. because how could I hurt the one person I claim to love? Those are things I look back in shame. How could I, as a man, have done that to the supposed love of my life with whom i had wanted to marry? I know that soured it for you more.
Remember when we ran from PA and came back to Miami?
Remember when I got kicked out and had no place to live?
Remember when you took me in?
Remember when I supported you through your Mother’s crazy escapades every night?
Remember when we had a month and a half to look for an apartment or we’d be out on the streets?
Remember when it started raining the day we had to move?
Remember when we FINALLY moved into our apartment? the start of the lease was our anniversary.
Remember when I was your chauffeur? I was the only driver and frankly I liked driving you around.
Remember when we adopted Luna?
Remember when we adopted JD? i was such a bad parent.
Remember when I got into the accident? I blamed you for it. Why did i do that? I hate myself for doing that. I was a spiteful and hateful little cunt. Gods was i a fucking prick By what right did i have to blame you for anything? what a fucking dumbass.
Remember when I worked at Winn Dixie?
Remember when I drove all day and night from Maryland with a new car?
Remember when I got moved to Autozone?
Remember when you told me you couldn’t stand Regina?
Remember when your mom moved in with us. I should’ve left her on the streets where she belongs. (jk she had pita to stay over at, but still)
Remember when I became a burnout?
Remember when we had no privacy?
Remember when we had no time for us?
Remember when my wrongdoings kept rearing its ugly head? maybe that was one of the factors for moving to Maryland.
Remember when we sold the van for extra cash to get us to Maryland?
Remember when we went to Washington DC?
Remember when I warned you about your cousin Pablo?
Remember when you accused me of being a misogynist? I was never a fucking misogynst. I would never deny you of anything kind of freedom. you were just you and didn’t let yourself do these things. this was another way of you gaslighting me. Now i know why you were throwing around that word in the end. ‘cause you were doing it to me.
Remember when you started working in the company?
Remember when you forgot I was your boyfriend? or your best friend?
Remember when I went to down to Miami under the guise of signing the lease for renewal / taking a break to “reestablish our priorities” but it was just an excuse for you to fuck Choco in a hotel unbeknownst to me?
Remember when I came back and I caught on to you two without even knowing the full truth?
Remember when you gaslighted me?
Remember when I threatened to leave? Cuba was the only one who knew what was happening. and he (with a blowup mattress) told me I can stay with him till i get on my feet. he didn’t have to do that. he didn’t know me. but he offered himself anyways. I took him up on his offer and told him nevermind. because you had already let me go.
Remember when I kept trying to get back with you
Remember when I still stayed even after we broke up? i was fucking miserable.
Remember when I went nuclear?
Remember when I left from one day to the next? I was gonna give 2 weeks. but in my time of need, Pita told me “fuck rafa and fuck their company. they want to treat you like that? you don’t deserve that. they do not deserve 2 weeks. go fill the gas tank. drop it off. and come back to Miami because I have a room waiting for you” godbless her.
Remember when I was leaving that night. I asked you if there was anything you had to say. I was hoping you’d tell me not to go. It hurt when you didn’t . maybe if you had i would’ve stayed. but looking back… me staying wouldn’t have helped.
Remember when I told you not to worry where i’m going? One of the boys used one of your company trucks, took off the GpS and drove me and Michael to the airport. I slept at the airport and waited for my flight the following morning. slept is the wrong word. “i endured the night” is more like it.
Remember when you and your mom found out where i ended up the following morning?
Remember when I came back and slept on your bed? Frankly it was fucked up of you too. I put my credit on the line to get yall the two mattresses which you never helped me payback. instead you were using that same mattress for whoever you wanted in your bed. while sleeping on your exbf’s credit. must be nice.
Remember when you would hear about me through Jane? the evil part of me whispered lies about her to you in a way to turn her against you. luckily she was smart enough to catch on. my other biggest mistake. letting myself hit rock bottom and doing some scummy shit like that.
Remember when you came down and we ate nitrogen ice cream? that day was perfect. it was a glimpse of us. it was like nothing happened. it was just you and me again. and in that moment it was perfect. But i knew once it ended, we were still gonna be done. it was bittersweet and i still hold on to that memory.
Remember when I left Pita’s? I couldn’t go back with my mom. i didn’t have ANYWHERE to go. so i stayed in my car. I slept in my car and used my friends bathroom to shower everyday. she was heavensent in that little time period.
Remember when I moved back to Pita’s?
Remember when your mom cried wolf and painted me as a rapist/violator? I reached my low point when you, jessica and everyone had me believe what Jessica was saying was true. but yet… you knew me. and you know the kinda person your mom is and yet you still believed her…
Remember when you got the call the same night and you chewed me up and spit me back out the next morning. how could I argue? after all i blacked out after two drinks. two cocktails. by 10pm i was blacked out. we had gotten there maybe a little more than half hour before that. explain how that happens?
Remember when you thought I was lying about your mom and how she was treating me at work?
Remember when you disowned me basically. and wanted nothing to do with me for “taking advantage of your mom?”
Remember when your mom was 2 months behind on rent and since it was my name on the lease, I was going to get evicted for not even fucking living there?
Remember when I asked you nicely to help me get your mom out of the apartment because of the eviction and you called me crazy and that its never gonna happen? and then remember when I fixed myself and said “this wasn’t me asking for permission. its a courtesy call. its going to happen in 2 weeks.”
Remember when you accused me of being heartless for kicking your mom and brother out of the apartment? completely disregarding that you woulda let me stay on the streets in the comfort of my car than help me take back MY apartment (cause lets be honest, that apartment was a joint effort to keep and maintain. and you lost that privilege when you stayed up there with Enrique). you can have your cake but you can’t eat it you greedy shit.
Remember when your mom went batshit crazy (q raro) and instead of 2 weeks she was out in 1 week because she had been secretly bringing Carlos to the apartment after saying she has had no contact with him.
Remember when that came to light and it cleared my name? I had told Pita before about what happened that night. and I was sure to make Jessica the sympathetic character in the story. and she said that she doesn’t believe that story Jessica cooked up. Her own mother knows the kind of serpent her daughter is. that’s saying a lot. that gave me the conviction to do what i did near the end.
Remember when you wanted to talk to me after the whole thing with Jessica came out? You wanted to apologize for not believing me. unluckily for you, you finished showing me exactly the kind of person you are. and so i sent you to go eat shit and that you were gonna end up like your mom. at that point I no longer wished to get with you anymore. everything before your grandma believing me about the so called “violation” was me trying to get back with you and i would HAVE never jeopardized that. but that was long gone at that point.
Remember when I would’ve done anything to stay with you? and Now i’d do anything to prevent myself from being hurt again. yet here i find myself going down memory lane speaking into the infinite void in the internet for anyone to hear me.
Remember when I thought we were gonna be together forever? Those were the hopes and dreams of a boy. completely unrealistic expectations for a relationship that never progressed and was unable to allow two individuals to coincide and grow with each other than without.
The man i am now will always remember this. From this day to my last. I am not my past actions, and neither are you. When i move forward I try and do things the right way. to show myself and everyone else that I am better than the atrocities i’ve committed in my past. if you aren’t doing the same then the most I can say is, good luck, charlie.
Remembering when I had all these good and bad times with you is very bittersweet. but I look back and smile. they were beautiful memories. and younger me would’ve loved to make more memories with you. but i’m afraid it’s not something that is in the cards. for either of us. for me its to protect myself from getting hurt like that. and I know for you, its because you don’t even want to look at me. to you i’ve cause you a lot of damage. your reality is your reality as is mine. I won’t apologize for standing up for myself. take it how you want it. it no longer matters to me. I know the truth. and I will never light myself on fire just to keep someone else warm.
“Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love”
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
