Last fall, Matt and I had several serious discussions about my plans for life in the coming years, now that the boys are getting older. (You guys, Milo starts kindergarten next fall!!) We’ve been managing more or less pretty well on one salary since I got pregnant (with a few well-timed, much appreciated gifts and loans from Matt’s parents for big expenses like preschool tuition), but another income would make a big difference. And more importantly, I have finally come to terms with admitting that I need to be doing something that’s intellectually rewarding and stimulating, and parenthood only doesn’t do it for me. It turns out I’m a much nicer mother/partner when I’m not bored out of my mind with the quotidian inanities of being a stay at home parent. Which, don’t get me wrong, can be delightful and fun and is absolutely full of moments that are breathtaking in their sweetness, but after five years I’m ready to take on something different.
After a lot of thought, I decided to go back to school to become the thing that, as a child and teenager, I’d always assumed I would be when I grew up: a high school social studies teacher (because, obviously, god forbid I ever join a profession that doesn’t require long hours for low pay). As befitting one of the four oldest people on Tumblr (HI KENNY!!), I’ve been out of school forever. I decided to take two undergraduate classes this past semester, one of which was a writing intensive, interdisciplinary course in the Latino studies department, mostly as a way to get a feel for managing school/parenting needs, but also to jump start my brain into thinking academically again. And hoo boy, it was a lot of work. It’s been ages since I posted anything, mostly because the past several months were a whirlwind of writing and reading and tending to small children, all while trying to remember to eat and get more than four hours of sleep each night.
All my hard work paid off though. I received an A in that class and an A+ in Spanish. More importantly, it gave me a sense of purpose, got my mind thinking critically again, and—probably the most important aspect—gave me confidence that I could manage graduate school and parenting at the same time. Thanks to my past unmedicated ADD/anxiety/depression and all the good things that go along with women and ADD etc, I have, historically, been incredibly bad at time management and focusing, so my success this past semester was a real confidence-booster. And when I opened the acceptance letter to the graduate program two weeks ago, I may have teared up a wee bit while walking down the street.
So I stand before you, a woman about to embark on a few fun and challenge-filled years of graduate school. And in 2.5 or 3 years or so, I will stand before you, sobbing about how I can’t get a job because there are no openings for social studies teachers and why couldn’t I have been good at math or enjoyed science more because then I’d be hired in a heartbeat. But....even then, I think I’ll still feel pretty good about it because, at the very least, I will have had 2.5 years of 2 or 3 nights a week when I didn’t have to put my kids to bed (thank you, evening classes!). If you think that sounds heartless, I invite you to put Zach to bed one night; I believe that you will turn to me and whisper “No, it’s cool, I totally get it now.”
turnnoffyourmind
jacobvanloon
dededos
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theartofmadeline