The Jungle V.I.P.

Hey, I'm Louie. Louie Lamount. Remember that name, you'll be hearing it everywhere not too long from now.

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

You know what I want?

A proper, girly sleepover. I’ve never had one. Never.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Me neither.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Am not!

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

[thekingoftheswingers]

No!!!!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

I’m not cute!!!

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

Oh, but you are.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Am not!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

I’m not weird, I’m Louie! Goodness. I thought you’d remember my name by this point.

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

But you’re so cute when you cry.

[thekingoftheswingers]

I'm not cute!!!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Not if you find them! Plus, a lot of times these days they’re actually just plastic eggs, with candy inside.

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

…That’s weird. You’re weird. Foreigners are weird.

[thekingoftheswingers]

I'm not weird, I'm Louie! Goodness. I thought you'd remember my name by this point.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

You’ve never had an Easter egg hunt? Even my drummer has been to an Easter egg hunt, and he’s Jewish!

It’s on Easter. You paint all the eggs pretty colors and then the Easter bunny comes and hides them all over and you have to find them. Elvis would be good at it.

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

Why would you hide eggs? They’ll go rotten.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Not if you find them! Plus, a lot of times these days they're actually just plastic eggs, with candy inside.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Like an Easter Egg hunt?

He’s not small or yappy! He’s tubby. And ferocious!

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

What’s an Easter egg hunt.

[thekingoftheswingers]

You've never had an Easter egg hunt? Even my drummer has been to an Easter egg hunt, and he's Jewish!

It's on Easter. You paint all the eggs pretty colors and then the Easter bunny comes and hides them all over and you have to find them. Elvis would be good at it.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

You say that like it’s a bad thing!!!

Let me tell you, Miss Former Heiress to the throne of Orlando, Sir Elvis Scissorhands is the most wonderful dog on the whole planet. Plus, he picked me, not I picked him.

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

Dogs, darling, are for the hunt.

PROPER dogs are, at least. I’ve never been one for small, yappy things.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Like an Easter Egg hunt?

He's not small or yappy! He's tubby. And ferocious!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[paintmyroses-deactivated2013041]

You WOULD pick a dog, wouldn’t you?

[thekingoftheswingers]

You say that like it's a bad thing!!!

Let me tell you, Miss Former Heiress to the throne of Orlando, Sir Elvis Scissorhands is the most wonderful dog on the whole planet. Plus, he picked me, not I picked him.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[thekingoftheswingers]

He’s a he. He’s a chihuahua. It is really hard to spell! And it’s a long word, but Elvis talks a lot so it works! Dogs don’t laugh, they wag their tails around! Also, Elvis isn’t very small for a chihuahua, he’s kinda fat, but that’s okay, because there’s more to love!

My name is Louie! What’s your name?

[heytheremistergrumpygills-blog]

Okay, I see! He’s a he, not a who OR a ha but definitely a chi (but not a she).

Wait—who’s Elvis?

[thekingoftheswingers]

.... Yes? I think that's right.

Elvis is my dog! His name is Elvis Scissorhands, because his name was already Elvis when I got him, and he tore up my backpack like Edward Scissorhands!

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[heytheremistergrumpygills-blog]

It’s SO CUTE!

Is it a he? Is it a she? It looks like a chihuahua, is it a chihuahua? Chihuahua is really hard to spell, and it’s a really long word for such a little dog, don’t you think? But it’s kind of a fun word because it almost looks like chihaha like it’s laughing! I think it would be strange if dogs laughed but they do smile a lot so maybe it wouldn’t be such a stretch!

[thekingoftheswingers]

He's a he. He's a chihuahua. It is really hard to spell! And it's a long word, but Elvis talks a lot so it works! Dogs don't laugh, they wag their tails around! Also, Elvis isn't very small for a chihuahua, he's kinda fat, but that's okay, because there's more to love!

My name is Louie! What's your name?

[thekingoftheswingers]

Look who I got!

[call-me-wonderboy-deactivated20]

So…about this Superbowl though...

[thekingoftheswingers]

Gooo Ravens!!!! They're scoring all the home runs!

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

FUCK!

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

I’m sure there is, but it really doesn’t fucking matter, does it? We’re broken up now, it doesn’t matter whether I fucked her or not.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Um… well, not exactly in the terms of you and Ro, but in the sense of you being a dad or not it kinda matters, right?

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

No, it doesn’t, I never fucked her so I’m not caring for a kid whether she’s pregnant or not.

[thekingoftheswingers]

That makes sense, I guess.

Well, have fun with the whole not being a dad thing.

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

FUCK!

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

I believe it.

If she is, it’s not my fucking kid. You’d have to ask the whore herself.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Isn’t there a test for that? To see who the father is? Paternity test. That’s the word. They do it on Maury sometimes.

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

I’m sure there is, but it really doesn’t fucking matter, does it? We’re broken up now, it doesn’t matter whether I fucked her or not.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Um... well, not exactly in the terms of you and Ro, but in the sense of you being a dad or not it kinda matters, right?

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

FUCK!

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

Pity, I could toss that thing really far, your hair would be great for using it as a sling.

Because some bitch told her I cheated on Aurora and knocked her up, when I fucking didn’t.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Believe it or not, that’s not the first time I’ve been told that.

Is the girl actually pregnant?

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

I believe it.

If she is, it’s not my fucking kid. You’d have to ask the whore herself.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Isn't there a test for that? To see who the father is? Paternity test. That's the word. They do it on Maury sometimes.

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

FUCK!

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

I’m fucking talented like that. Want me to demonstrate with your head?

Aurora fucking broke up with me, that’s what’s fucking wrong, and it was total bullshit!

[thekingoftheswingers]

No thank you, sir.

I know her! Why did she break up with you?

[olympus-would-be-that-way]

Pity, I could toss that thing really far, your hair would be great for using it as a sling.

Because some bitch told her I cheated on Aurora and knocked her up, when I fucking didn’t.

[thekingoftheswingers]

Believe it or not, that's not the first time I've been told that.

Is the girl actually pregnant?